-1Alright. So Harry had to go home, for like, break and stuff. Yeah. So here we are, on whatever the hell that street is called.

"Harry! Get my pickles!!" Dudems screeched, laying his fat ass on the couch. He flicked on the tellie, watching it like the mindless bastard he was. So Harry got his pickles. What he wanted them for, we will never know….Nor do we want to know. If you do, then use your own sick little mind to make it up. Cause I don't want to here it.

Anyway, this fat bitch came in, carrying her dog, which was also a fat bitch.

"Dudems! What have I told you about masturbation and pickles!? They have loads of STD's! Farmers need something to do in the barns together!" Aunt Marge bellowed.

"You stupid ninny! Pickles don't come from farms! They come from cows!"

"Cows are at farms!"

Aunt Petunia chimed in, "Pickles come from cucumbers. Duh."

"No they don't!"

Harry, having heard enough of this foolery, decided to inflate Aunt Marge. He wanted to see how fat someone could get without exploding. Someone has to tell Hagrid his limits. (He claims that it's not his fault, and that he tries to stop, but isn't that what every ooze-cake says? Weight Watchers is your friend). (I apologize to people that really can't loose weight.)…(Not like anyone's actually reading this).

"No! Aunt Lard-ass!" Dudems and Petunia and Butt-cheek shouted, trying to catch the run away fat bitch. They ran around, like chickens with they're heads cut off.

Haha. I always found that strange. If humans get their heads cut off, then do we run around like that too? I've never seen it before. Nor do I want to. And I'm not going to example it for you either. No way man. That just ain't happenin. I like my crazy head where it is, thank you. Even if there's no brain in there, it's still my head. With hair, a mouth and three eyes. Ha ha ha. Gotcha. I bet you'd really believe me if I said that too, wouldn't you? Yeah, you would. Don't deny it. Admit it. Come on. Right now. Give it to me baby! Ah-huh! Ah-huh! I'm pretty fly for a white guy! Don't make me snap in Z-formation, head rotation, butt circulation, hands, hands, wrists, wrists, boy you just got dissed! Uh-huh. I went there. What you gonna do about beotch? Nothing. That's right. You can't touch this. Du-nu-nu-nu, cant touch this…or is it, Duh-na-na-na? hmmm….nu or na? nu or na? nu or na? nu or na? nu or na? vote! Election of 08! Forget Obama and Clinton and those other peeps! Nu and Na!

AnyWhoo, back to the story;

So Harry packs his bags and leaves, walking away. Then he goes old school and decides to hide in the park. And then a friendly puppy comes up to him and he's like, awwww. So he pets it, but it bites him and gives him rabies. In his balls. Ha ha ha. This is a total Cartman moment. And im asuming that if you're reading this, you watch south park. That show is the shiz nitz.

Then the Pedifile Bus pulls up, and pulls Harry in. They treat his ball-rabies while doing other things. They used an AID affected needle, so now Harry had HIV. (This is nothing to joke about. AIDS is very serious business.)

"No! Now people will think I'm a homo cause I have AIDS."

"You're already a homo Harry. Get over it."

So Harry went to a bar, then somehow got to School. Cause all school buses pick up children at bars. You know. Just give me a martini on the rocks with that PB and J. Or PB and H. PB and Heroine. Gasp. And you thought this story couldn't get any weirder.

(Hey guess what? I forgot to tell you. I'm a Play Boy Bunny. I'm dead serious. Uh-huh. You bet. My names Jessica. And my B/F's name is Justin. Justin Nelson. ;) hi baby. No I'm jk. He's this dude I've been prank callin. I'm not really a PB bunny. Ha ha. Put that on your sandwich. Anyway it's cool though cause he's my cuzins bf. For realios.)

"Harry! You must watch out! The serial rapist/pedophile had escaped from Azkaban!" Ron's daddy-kins told him behind a pillar. In front of a moving poster of the dude.

"Gasp!" Harry gasped. Duh. "What's his name?!"

"Serious Dick!"

"Gasp!"

"I know! Gasp!"

"Gasp!"

"Gasp Gasp Gasp!"

"Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp!"

" Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp Gasp!!"

"Alright alright!" Harry shouted.

"Anyway he's a naked dude who runs around with a pair of pink fuzzy socks on his hands. Watch out. And don't be tempted by his serious dick."

"Hence the name," Harry suggested.

"Yes. Now go get on the train."

(Oh snap. I forgot about the flying car. Maybe we'll just put it in this one. But wait, didn't I already say they were at the school/ Well I lied. They're on the train now. Screw the bus, and Screw the car. No one likes pollution.)

So every one was on the train, and Hermione is still alive. She's been through much hardship, so she bought a new face from the trolley. Now she looks like Michael Jackson. Yeah.

"I'll have a strawberry flavored one please," Harry said, pointing at the condom section. What? If the kids are gonna do it, might as well have protection, right?

"No Harry! I want pie!"

"Oh yeah," Harry remembered, "He likes my junk to smell like cherry pie. I forgot. Get me a couple of those. I'll just stock up for the year."

The lady gave him the goods, and suck some marijuana in there too. Nothin like some weed to excite your sex life. Mmmm.

Slam. Gasp. The train stopped. And then, DEMENTORS CAME IN!! BUMBUMBUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!

"GASP!" Harry shouted. They came in and like, raped him so bad his soul came out. Yeah. Let's make that bigger; THEY RAPED HIM SO HARD, HIS SOUL CAME OUT!

Harry's all like moaning from shit and Ron gets all jealous. And then Lupin-my-pimp-nitz comes in and destroys the dementor!! Yay! Here he comes, to save the day!!

"No!' the demontors said. "We are the dementors who say, NI!"

"No! Not the dementors who say NI!" Lupin shouted!

"Yes! The one and only! And as the dementors who say NI, we demand, a SACRIFICE!"

"Oh dementors who say NI, what is it you demand?"

"First, we want! That boy!" (dramatic music). "Then, We want! A SHRUBBARY!!"

Bum Bum BUMMMMMM!!

"Gasp! No! Not a shrubbery!"

"Yes!"

So Lupin let them rape Harry while he got the shrubbery.

"Oh dementors who say NI! We have gotten you're shrubbery! Now you must leave!"

"Ni! No! We are no longer the dementors who say NI! We are now the dementors who say Icky-icky-ping-pong-zoomp-boing!"

Lupin looked at him quizzically. "Oh demontors who say icky-….who until recently said Ni! What is it you demand now?"

"First! We demand! ANOTHER SHRUBBARY!"

"No! Not another shrubbery!"

"The same! Only this time we want a higher one, so we get that slightly leveled affect. And we want a fence, and a path down the middle."

"Alright," Lupin agreed. "That is reasonable. What else is it that you demand?"

"Next! We demand you cut this train car off, using!! A HERING!! (which is a kind of fish)"

"What?! That is preposterous!"

"Do IT!! DO IT NOW!!"

So Lupin disconnected the car with a fish. Somehow. The dementors, having their fill of touchier, left. And every one, as you are doing now, was like; "WTF?!"

So the train finally gets to Hogwarts.

And la la la, I'm gonna skip half the movie. Cause I wasted too much time here. And the rest is boring anyway. So yeah. We're at the end. Harry and Serious Dick met and talked, thanks to MySpace. And then, they did what they needed to do, but then were seriously grossed out when they found out they were like, related kind of. So yeah. Incest.

Anyway, Pettigrew is like, a rat. As you know. And he likes cheese. :3 lol. Wisconsin cheese. Or Sarggento. I like their motto; "Persnickety people, exceptional cheese." I'm serious dude. That's really their motto.

And Serious is like, a dog. And Harry and Ron and Hermione are there too. Was Snape there? I can't remember. Whatever. No one cares. He dies later on so whatever.

So there was five (six?) people in a room, and only one bed. So then Pettigrew gets all big and fat and him and Snape or Lupin or Serious or who ever the hell is there crash into the bed. Lets just say they're all there, just to make it fun. (insert smiley face here).

So Harry and co ran away…and…what happened again?? I really can't remember. Something about werewolves…ah yes. Werewolves. So I guess Lupin was there. OOOOHHH I'm physic!! Yay me!
"RAWR!!" Lupin growled. He slashed Serious, cutting off his dick. His pride and joy. Harry named it too. Yep. Princess Sophia. Or Crawl the Warrior King. (You wouldn't get this unless you've seen How To Loose a Guy in 10 Days. That is a GOOOODDDDDDDDD movie. Yeah. It's fo shizzle. And the Shrubbery thing? Yeah. That's from Monty Pyton's Holy Grail. If you want to see that part, go to UTUBE and type in "The Nights Who Say Ni" It's awwwsssooommee.)

So Serious is all like, "Nooo!!"
And then Lupin cut off his arm.

"Tis' a mere flesh wound!"

"What?" Harry asked. "You're arms cut off!"

Lupin cut off his other arm.

"This isn't over!"

He cut off both his legs.

"I can still win!"

"What are you going to do?! Bleed on me?!" Lupin asked.

"Fine then. We'll call it a draw."

Lupin rolled his eyes. Then left him to die. He untransformed, then felt really bad about cutting serious up. So he went all emo, and had to go to a suicide prevention camp. (Aren't you glad you didn't have to do that Kira? Lol)

So he couldn't be the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher anymore. And they were teacher less again.

Sorry that this one wasn't as good .This movie was kind of boring to me. And it's my least favorite. Sooo the next one will be better, I assure you. Please, tell all your crazy friends to read this! I need more readers! And reviewers!

Next Time; The Goblet of Cum!! (insert evil smiley face here)