Chuck vs. the Future Redux, Chapter 4 – "The Trouble With the NSA"

CAST (in order of appearance):
Chuck Bartowski – Zachary Levi
Jayne Cobb – Adam Baldwin
Kaylee Frye – Jewel Staite

Earth-That-Was could no longer sustain our numbers, we were so many.

We found a new solar system – dozens of planets and hundreds of moons. Each one terraformed, a process taking decades, to support human life. To be new Earths.

The central planets formed the Alliance. Ruled by an interplanetary parliament, the Alliance was a beacon of civilization. The savage outer planets were not so enlightened, and refused Alliance control.

The war was devastating. But the Alliance's victory over the Independents ensured a safer universe. And now, everyone can enjoy the comfort and enlightenment of true civilization.

Foreword to A Brief History of the Alliance, by Andrea Freyrsdóttir, Simon & Schuster, New Vancouver, Londinium, 2514

10:30 AM, Alliance Mean Time
December 28th, 2518

Chuck Bartowski was alone in Serenity's common room, a cup of coffee cooling on the table before him, his mind enraptured by the book in his hand. One of two books that Mal Reynolds had given him from the possessions of a deceased minister who had once travelled with Serenity, the other was the Holy Bible.

Chuck didn't feel like reading the Bible was going to help him understand this world any better – it sure hadn't helped him understand the end of the 20th century any better. And so, he had delved into A Brief History of the Alliance.

The first thing he had noticed about the book was that it was published by a publishing house that had been around since 1924. He wasn't quite sure why, but it comforted him to know that certain elements of early 21st century Earth were still around.

According to the Brief History, the twenty-second century was not kind to Earth. It seemed that in 2114, hard-liners in Israel's government had gone completely around the bend and launched a nuclear attack on Iran. Russia, which had become trigger-happy at the end of the twenty-first century, responded to the attack on their titular ally by launching retaliatory strikes on Israel, France, Germany, England, China, and the United States.

Israel was almost completely wiped off the map. Somehow, Jerusalem survived the attacks unscathed, but Tel Aviv was turned into a sheet of glass. Paris, Munich, London, Beijing, Shanghai, New York, Chicago – all were devastated. And when the wreckage cleared, the six countries that had been attacked came together and brought the full power of their combined military might to bear on Russia.

By the time it was all over, the European part of Russia practically glowed in the dark. The cloud of fallout drifted east and settled over Asia, creating a nuclear winter for almost the entire continent.

The Russian government fell completely by the end of 2115, sending what was left of the country into anarchy and chaos. The various countries that surrounded it – China, Poland, Germany, and all the former Soviet republics – split up what they wanted among themselves. The interior of Russia, however, was left to simply rot.

The nuclear winter over Siberia had a deleterious effect on the global climate. Two centuries of global warming reversed itself in five years, plunging the world into a vicious new Ice Age of lethal storms and violent climate shift. In 2170, Oxford University released a study they had conducted over the last twenty years, stating that it was likely that by the year 2220, Earth would no longer be habitable.

Armed with that study, the President of the United States instructed NASA to begin development of so-called "generation ships" – massive starships, traveling at about half of light speed, that could support human life for indefinite periods of time, until a new solar system could be found to live in.

The Oxford study proved to be almost exactly correct. By 2215, the only parts of the world left habitable were the areas within thirty-five degrees of latitude in either direction from the Equator. Southern American cities like Los Angeles, Phoenix, and Dallas had become gigantic sores on the Earth's surface, while other cities like Houston and New Orleans were gone – long since submerged.

And in 2217, the Great Exodus began. Ten thousand launch sites were set up worldwide, in the United States, Mexico, Brazil, Syria, Saudi Arabia, India, China, Australia – every country left habitable in the world had at least one launch site. Even governments-in-exile – England, Germany, France – had their own launch sites in the Arabian desert.

Each launch site had two starships, each one capable of carrying ten thousand people. Two hundred million people of the Earth's remaining population of just over one and a half billion would be able to leave. Construction would continue on starships after the initial exodus, and it was believed that by 2225, the entire Earth could be evacuated, though humans would have to continue migrating closer and closer to the Equator in order to survive.

However, as the last starships launched from Earth, an enormous, practically globe-spanning storm began to form. Snow was falling on Cape Canaveral as the USS Challenger left the bonds of planet Earth.

Challenger was the last of the twenty thousand starships to leave earth – and ended up being THE last starship to leave. Earth was never heard from again.

After traveling for over two hundred years, the starship convoy reached a solar system that was estimated to be just over one hundred light years from Earth. Miraculously, all twenty thousand starships had traveled nearly six trillion miles without any being destroyed or seriously damaged.

The population of the starship convoy had nearly doubled in the two centuries since the ships left Earth. At the core of the new solar system were four planets that seemed to have Earth-like climates. Two were approximately the size of Earth; the other two about the size of Mars.

These four planets were the first to be colonized – Londinium by the United States, Sihnon by China, Ariel by France and her allies, and Osiris by a coalition led by Australia. Once the population had been deposited on these worlds, the starships set out again with terraforming crews. Armed with equipment developed long before the starships left Earth, they set out to turn some of the uninhabitable smaller planets and moons around the system into livable worlds.

By 2480, over two hundred planets and moons throughout the system were livable. Some were more hospitable to humans than others. Old Earth-That-Was governments reformed to colonize some of these worlds.

However, the Alliance was not pleased by this turn of events. Formed thirty years before by the governments of the United States, China, France, and Australia, it ruled the Core Planets, and wished to rule the outer planets as well. Some governments, though, especially those of Great Britain, Japan, Egypt, and the Republic of Texas, were not very pleased with the prospect of being ruled by the Alliance.

Humanity's first war in nearly four centuries began in 2505, when the Alliance launched a vicious blitzkrieg on planets governed by Great Britain. The other independent governments, however, came to England's aid, and they bonded together, forming a loose Independent Faction.

The war raged for six years. The decisive battle that spelled the death knell for the Independent movement occurred in Serenity Valley, on the planet Shadow, in May of 2511. Shadow had been the capital planet of the Republic of Texas. The battle raged for seven weeks, causing 68% troop casualty among the Independents, and rendering the planet practically unlivable.

By the end of the battle, the armed forces of the Independents were so depleted, the political bonds so strained, that the Faction fell apart. Defeated, the individual governments surrendered to the Alliance.

Chuck Bartowski was appalled. In a way, he was pleased that the United States still sort of existed some five hundred years after his lifetime. On the other hand, it seemed that its current leadership would make the Bush Administration look like preschoolers playing in the sandbox.

As Chuck stared at the book, trying to make sense of the Alliance, Jayne Cobb entered the room and sat down across the table from him with a thud. The "hired thug", as Simon Tam had referred to him, didn't say anything – he just stared at Chuck for several minutes. Finally, Chuck grew uncomfortable, and closed the book, setting it down on the table. "Can I help you?"

Jayne raised an eyebrow. "You called me Casey when you first popped in here."

"Yes, I did," Chuck replied. "You just happen to look like a guy I know –"

"Major John Casey," Jayne interrupted him. At Chuck's look of surprise, Jayne laughed. "Looked through your fancy comm-device thing there when you showed up," he said.

"Fancy comm – my iPhone?" Chuck asked. "How – I mean –"

"Just 'cause I look dumb don't mean I necessarily am," Jayne replied. "Anyway, did a little searchin' on the Cortex, found a Major John Casey, United States Air Force. Got this picture of him, too."

Chuck's jaw dropped. He couldn't believe it. His incredulity, though, turned to laughter as Jayne slid the 8x10 picture across the table.

John Casey, clad in a green Buy More polo shirt, was glaring at the camera. Chuck could almost hear the growl of disgust in his throat. "What's so damn funny?" Jayne asked. "Ain't that his uniform?"

That caused Chuck to laugh harder – which he immediately stopped, wincing as pain lanced through the right hand side of his ribcage. "Uh, sort of," he gasped. "That's his uniform shirt from an electronics store that we worked at. But he didn't REALLY work there."

"Wait a second," Jayne said. "I thought he was in the Air Force. Now you're tellin' me that my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandpappy was some electronic store clerk?"

Chuck's eyes widened. "Not really. Did you just say that Casey's one of your ANCESTORS?!"

"So it would appear," Jayne replied.

"Oh my God," Chuck whispered. "Oh my God, John Casey has kids."

"Yes he does," Jayne said, narrowing his eyes. "That a problem, Spaceman?"

"Of course not," Chuck said quickly, backpedaling. "I just, I, uh, never figured Casey for the family type. He's married to his work, and that takes up most of his time, seeing as how he's an agent for the National Security Agency –"

He was cut off as Jayne rocketed upward, his chair falling over backward. "What the hell'd you just say?!"

Now Chuck was just downright confused. "I said, he worked for the NSA –"

"Gao yang jong du goo yang," Jayne spat. Chuck had no idea what he had said, but it didn't sound friendly. "NSA's biggest ruttin' bunch of sleazeballs and rats the Alliance ever came up with."

"What?!" Chuck replied, his eyes widening. "Casey's not a sleazeball or a rat – he's a good man, he's just trying to protect the country he loves!"

Jayne, however, would have none of it. He turned his back on Chuck and stalked out of the room. "Can't believe I'm related to gorram NSA slime," he muttered as he left the room.

Chuck sighed and shook his head. As he turned back to his book, he saw Kaylee Frye slide into the seat that Jayne had just vacated.

"Hi!" she said brightly. "Whatcha readin'?"

"A Brief History of the Alliance," Chuck replied, mock gravity to his voice. "Fascinating bit of reading. If you're a fan of tyranny and dictatorships."

"Nothin' like it," Kaylee said with a smile. "'Course, I was only twelve when the war started. Lived on an Alliance moon anyway. War didn't affect my family."

Chuck raised an eyebrow. "I see. How'd you end up on this ship, then? It appears to me that your captain and his first mate are both – as the book called them – Browncoats. Former Independents."

Kaylee laughed and blushed a little. "That's kinda a long and, um, personal story," she replied.

Chuck shrugged. "You seemed perfectly willing to tell me yesterday, in the infirmary."

Kaylee's smile got bigger as she looked down at the floor. "That I was," she said. "Okay, Mr. Spaceman. So here's the thing. Serenity landed on the moon I lived on – Deadwood – with some engine troubles. Their mechanic, a real moron named Bender, started hittin' on me at the store, and next thing I knew, I was lyin' on my back underneath the engine –"

Chuck's eyes had gone wide. "See, Mal was right," Kaylee grumped. "I shouldn't've told you."

"No, no, go ahead!" Chuck insisted. "Keep going."

Kaylee looked at the ceiling. "Anyway, make a long story short, Mal walked in on us. I told him exactly what was ailin' his engine, just from havin' been down there and lookin' at it. He fired Bender right there, hired me, and I've been on the ship ever since!"

She looked back at Chuck. "And I think that's enough of that story," she said. "So, what did you tell Jayne to make him go stormin' outta here lookin' like he was gonna cry, or kill somebody?"

Chuck sighed. "When I crashed in the bay, I saw him right before I passed out, and thought he was a guy I knew named John Casey. Jayne went looking for information on him on the Cortex, and found out that he was something like his fourteen-times great-grandfather."

Kaylee's jaw dropped. "No way!" she exclaimed. "There you were, livin' in the twenty-first century, and you had a connection to our ragtag little crew! It's almost like destiny dumped you on our doorstep!"

Chuck laughed dryly. "Believe me when I say, it wasn't destiny," he replied. "It's more like a terrorist group that calls themselves Fulcrum, from what I've gathered."

Kaylee frowned. "Fulcrum? As in, like, the thingamy that makes a joint pivot?"

"Well… sort of," Chuck answered. "It's more that they've been after me for a while, and so I have two government agents who basically baby-sit me. John Casey's one of them – he works for the National Security Agency, and when I told Jayne that –"

Kaylee's eyes went wide with horror. "You told Jayne that his great granddaddy works for the NSA?"

Chuck looked at the ceiling and threw his hands up in despair. "What is it about the NSA that makes people react like it's the plague?"

Kaylee shook her head. "You just don't get it, Chuck. The NSA's evil. They disappear people. They do bad, bad things. You tellin' Jayne that his great granddaddy works for the NSA is like tellin' him that he's some sorta outcast."

"I didn't know that!" Chuck insisted, a note of anger entering his voice. "Casey honestly does work for the NSA! But he's a good guy – he doesn't 'disappear people' – he and his partner, they're just there to make sure I'm safe –"

Chuck's own voice went dead as the image of Sarah appeared in his mind once more. Sarah, gun in hand, charm bracelet dangling, shooting the Fulcrum agent – and he suddenly realized that maybe Kaylee wasn't so far off base here. His mouth clamped shut.

"If you say so," Kaylee replied, seemingly unconvinced.

Chuck waved a hand. "Just forget it," he said, sounding irritated. "Can we talk about something else?"

Kaylee just looked at him for a moment, a nonplussed look on her face. Finally, she nodded. "Okay," she said. "So… I sort of told you how I ended up here. Why don't you tell me why you have to have two government agents protect you?"

Chuck's breath caught in his throat. That was a dangerous idea. A bad idea, one might say. If it were 2008, an idea that could get Kaylee killed.

But it wasn't 2008. It was 2518. Who was going to know – or, for that matter, care – if Kaylee knew the truth about Chuck Bartowski?

"It's a long story," Chuck started. "On September 25th, 2007, a friend of mine sent me an e-mail."

"E-mail?" Kaylee interrupted. "What's that?"

"Well…" Chuck thought for a moment. "It's a method of sending somebody else a message electronically. Where I'm from, we do it over what's called the Internet, which, I guess, the Cortex would be for you."

"Oh!" Kaylee exclaimed. "Okay, yeah. We call that a wave."

"Fair enough," Chuck replied. "Anyway, this friend sent me an e-mail that contained an entire experimental database of intelligence secrets. It was full of images encoded with these secrets that, when coupled with the right software, would allow patterns to be recognized and help create further intelligence."

"Intelligence," Kaylee echoed. "I gather you're talkin' spy-stuff, like?"

"Exactly," Chuck said. "Now, there are a very few people out there whose brains can absorb and process all that information." He paused for a moment. "I happen to be one of them."

Kaylee's eyes widened. "So… then, you can see all that?"

Chuck shrugged. "I have to be exposed to a certain stimulus, like seeing somebody's face or hearing something, but yeah. Under the right conditions, I can see all that."

A look of wonderment painted itself on Kaylee's face. "Wow," she breathed. "That is SO shiny!"

"Shiny?" Chuck echoed her. "Uh… explain?"

"Oh," Kaylee said. "Shiny is good, cool, you know – that sorta thing."

Chuck nodded. "I see," he replied. "Yeah… I guess you could call it cool. I mean, you might think it's cool if you're not the person who terrorists keep trying to kill, and who send you 500 years into the future so you can't be put to use."

Chuck's voice had risen as he spoke, without him even realizing it. Kaylee, however, was very aware of the increasing volume of Chuck's voice, and seemed to shrink back into herself before Chuck's very eyes. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I… I didn't mean –"

"Oh, no!" Chuck hurriedly said. "No, it's okay. I'm sorry – I didn't mean to raise my voice."

Kaylee relaxed a little. "Okay," she said, a small smile reappearing on her face. "Maybe we should talk about something else."

Chuck took a deep breath. "How about… how about Christmas?" he asked. "I seem to have been unconscious for most of it."

Kaylee's smile got bigger. "I like Christmas," she said. "Every year that I've been on Serenity, it's been a tradition for me and Zoe to wake up early and make breakfast for the rest of the crew. It's not much, but they always enjoy it."

"Ah," Chuck said. "So that was you making pancakes on Christmas morning. Was that also you singing Christmas carols."

"Yes, it was," Kaylee replied. "I'm just a sucker for the holidays. There's somethin' about them that I really just love."

"The holidays," Chuck echoed. "What holidays do you celebrate in 2518?"

"Well, there's Christmas, obviously," Kaylee said. "And then there's New Year's Day, comin' up here in five days. We celebrate Thanksgiving on the anniversary of the day in October that the starfleet reached the new system. If you're a Christian, there's Easter, and then there's the holiday that don't get celebrated on this ship.

"That would be…"

Kaylee grimaced. "Unification Day," she spat. "Day that the Alliance finished their terrorizin' of the Independents. July 4th, each and every year."

"The fourth of July?" Chuck asked in disbelief. Kaylee nodded. "That figures."

"Does the fourth of July mean somethin' to you, Chuck?" Kaylee asked.

"Yeah," Chuck replied. "That's the day that the United States celebrates its declaration of independence from England."

Kaylee raised an eyebrow. "The irony is overwhelming," she stated. "Figures the Alliance would take a day of good and make it all about themselves."

Chuck shrugged. "So, are there any others?"

Kaylee shook her head. "Nope," she replied. "That's it."

Chuck cocked his head to the side. "So… no Halloween? No St. Patrick's Day? No Valentine's Day?"

"Church has somethin' that sounds kinda like Halloween," Kaylee replied. "They call it All Hallows' Eve."

"Okay," Chuck said, "that's what it originally was. What about the other two?"

Kaylee shook her head. "That's a drag," Chuck said. "Well… okay. St. Patrick's Day is a day to celebrate Irish heritage and get drunk."

"Hey!" Kaylee interrupted. "I've been told my ancestors were Irish!"

"Then St. Patrick's Day is for you," Chuck replied with a grin. "Valentine's Day… well, it was originally a church holiday to commemorate the life of a saint, but in the twentieth century, some greeting card company decided it would be a great way to make obscene amounts of money. They turned it into this holiday where people tell their spouses or significant others or life partners or whatever how much they love them, blah, blah, blah. There's billions of dollars spent every year on cards and chocolates and roses, but if you're single, you're pretty much out in the cold."

"Wait," Kaylee interrupted. "Roses? You mean the red flowers from Earth-That-Was?"

"Yeah," Chuck replied. "Have you ever seen one?"

"Only in pictures," Kaylee said, a note of wistfulness in her voice. "They tried growin' 'em on some of the new planets, but they wouldn't take hold anywhere, so they've died out now. It's too bad – they're real pretty."

"That might be the most depressing thing I've ever heard," Chuck replied. "I mean, I'm not a particularly romantic guy, but the thought of no roses… that's just sad."

Kaylee was quiet for a moment, and then said, "So… do you have someone you celebrate Valentine's Day with, Chuck?"

Chuck sighed. "Well… I thought so," he said. "I mean, there is this girl. Well, actually, she's one of the federal agents assigned to protect me. Her name's Sarah."

As he said her name, he had a thought. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his iPhone and brought up a picture of Sarah – way back in September, the night that he thought he didn't have to be the Intersect anymore. "This is Sarah," he said, handing the phone to Kaylee.

"Wow," the mechanic said. "She is really pretty."

"Yeah, she is," Chuck said with a smile. "And we're really good friends, and we both like each other, but here's the thing. Since she's one of the agents who's supposed to protect me, she has this whole professionalism thing where she can't compromise herself and so on… but occasionally, she lets her guard down, and I know. I just know."

"Sometimes, that's the best thing," Kaylee replied. "You just know."

"I know," Chuck sighed. "But there's a problem. Right before I ended up here, I watched her shoot and kill somebody. He was trying to kill me – so I appreciate what she did – but then, she lied about it. To my face." He looked at the floor. "I mean, she asks me to trust her, but I don't know how I'm supposed to trust her when she's so willing to lie about things like that."

Chuck didn't say anything for a moment. Then, he looked up. "What about you?" he asked. "If you celebrated Valentine's Day, is there somebody you would celebrate it with?"

Kaylee laughed. "Oh, I wish," she replied. "I thought there was. You know Simon?"

"Dr. Tam?" Chuck asked.

"Yeah," Kaylee said. "Well, a few months back, we were workin' on fixin' some stuff in the engine room, and he had gotten hot, and taken his shirt off, and when I saw that, well, somethin' just came over me, and… well… the engines weren't doin' the only thrustin' in the engine room just then."

"Oh, BOOOO," Chuck groaned. "That was terrible. Sex jokes can't be that cheesy!"

Kaylee looked directly at Chuck, an annoyed look on her face. "Hey, I am a mechanic. You want comedy, you go try to talk to Jayne about somethin' smart and intellectual-like," she replied.

"Sorry," Chuck said, holding up his hands in mock surrender.

Kaylee laughed. "Anyway, Simon and I got real close for a few days, and then, no warnin' at all, it was right back to just friends, and it's been like that for months."

Chuck opened his mouth to reply, but before he could say anything, the intercom came on. "This is the Captain," the disembodied voice of Mal Reynolds sounded. "There's a Reaver ship comin' up on our tail mighty fast. It seems oblivious to our presence, and it would be for the best if things stayed that way. Kaylee, get to the engine room and make us look dead; River and Zoe, to the bridge."

"Oh, xióngmão niào," Kaylee muttered.

Chuck had no idea what she had just said, but it didn't sound pleasant. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Reavers," Kaylee replied simply as she stood. She was out of the room before Chuck could even get to his feet, and by the time he caught up with her, he was out of breath, and his whole ribcage felt like it was on fire.

"Wh- wh- what are Reavers?" he wheezed as he stumbled into the engine room.

"Madmen," Kaylee said quietly. "Space cannibals. Long story short, the Alliance put somethin' in the atmo of a planet called Miranda, and ended up with Reavers. They get hold of you, they'll rape you, eat your flesh, string you up. If you're lucky, they kill you first."

"Dear God," Chuck gasped. "What the hell do we do?!"

"What I do is work my magic on Serenity, make her look like she's not here, then make her run like a mad ox if the Reavers decide to chase us," Kaylee said. "You need to strap your pretty self into that jumpseat there – and hang on."

To be continued…

The introductory section is the introductory monologue from the movie Serenity.

gao yang jong du goo yang – motherless goat of all motherless goats

xióngmão niào – panda piss