Task 3: Ceryneian Hind

"Captain Zaraki, you are to assemble a team to catch the traitor Kerin Yanato, dead or alive, to face questioning for her recent activities," the order said.

"So does that mean we're supposed to bring her back for questioning even if she's dead?" Yachiru asked, puzzled.

"Who writes these things?" Kenpachi said, tossing it on his desk with the other pile of things he was currently ignoring.

"HEY IKKAKU!" he yelled out. Ikkaku wasn't actually in the room, and probably not in the building, so he figured he'd have to be extra loud.

"What the hell?" Ikkaku said, waking from his nap under a tree in the training grounds.

"He must be bored again," Yumichika said, not bothering to sit up. "Go entertain him," he said with a wave.

"Yeah, order me around, let's see how that turns out," Ikkaku said, aiming a kick at Yumichika's head, which was easy dodged.

"You forget that you are drunk and slow, while I am beautiful and smart," Yumichika said.

"Those things don't even go together," Ikkaku said.

"Close enough, now go get beat up," Yumichika said, turning over with his back facing Ikkaku.

It turns out his captain was bored, but their sparring match was interrupted when a cat landed in the middle of the two men.

"Uh," Ikkaku wondered if his captain was expecting him to fight around the cat.

"Kitty!" Yachiru cried, running out.

"We need to talk," the cat said to Kenpachi.

"I want to carry you!" Yachiru said, picking the cat up.

"Just be easy on the stomach," the cat replied.

"I'm glad I caught you before you went out," the cat said once they were inside.

"Before we went out for what?" Kenpachi asked.

The cat sighed and jumped up onto the messy desk and pawed at the piece of paper with the orders he had gotten earlier.

"I'm not really the kind of guy who plays fetch," Kenpachi shrugged, ignoring the order.

"It says dead or alive," Ikkaku said, reading it.

"It also says questioning, meaning that they want her alive and when I kill her, like I will, they'll get pissed off at me even though they said I could," Kenpachi said.

"Perceptive," the cat said.

"Yeah whatever, what do you want?"

"To go with you. Also I want you to not kill her," the cat replied.

"Yeah, pretty much both of those things aren't really things I'm interested in so go eat some fish and…"

Yoruichi sighed and changed into her shinigami form. Completely naked of course.

"Fish sounds great if your treating," she said.

"That wasn't an offer," Kenpachi said coldly, ignoring her lack of clothes.

Ikkaku on the other hand was very much enjoying the view, and couldn't wait to mock Yumichika for the fact that he had decided to sleep instead of coming in.

"What a very pretty picture I've walked in on," Yumichika said from the door.

Damn it, Ikkaku thought to himself.

"Thanks," Yoruichi said over her shoulder.

"She is someone I know, I don't think she's done anything wrong. Don't you dare say 'then she shouldn't have run' because you know how messed up our justice system has been recently," she continued.

"Very sad, I'm sure," Kenpachi said. "I'm probably not even going to do this mission at all though so just leave. Also, you're either gonna want to put on clothes before walking in front of my squad or run very fast, they're not known for their manners."

"They gave it to you because Squad 2 already failed at it. So they gave it to Squad 6, who also failed. If you bring her back you'll have beaten both Soifon and Byakuya."

"You're right that it sounds more interesting now, but are wrong in thinking that I'm going to do it," Kenpachi replied firmly.

"Fine, I have an offer for you," Yoruichi said, walking over to his side of the desk and whispering in his ear.

"Huh," Kenpachi said, thinking. "Yeah, alright."

"What do you think she offered him?" Yumichika said.

"Probably candy!" Yachiru answered.

"Yeah, you're right lieutenant, it was probably candy," Ikkaku agreed with a straight face. "Ok, I think we're set."

"Are you sure we don't need a larger team?" asked Yumichika.

"No, we're going to be moving very quickly, more people and gear will just slow us down. That's why we're not even bringing bedding or food," Yoruichi said.

"We're not…but…" Yumichika was already missing his pillow.

"Haha, learn how to sleep in the dirt like the rest of us," Ikkaku said, grinning.

"No food means no sake either, jerk," Yumichika replied.

Ikkaku blinked. "That can't be right."

"Why are you going with us again, kitty?" Yachiru asked.

"I know Kerin best and will be able to help track her," Yoruichi didn't feel the need to add that Squad 11's lack of direction was the stuff of legend.

"Let's move out!" Kenpachi said.

"Ok, I feel like I've been running for weeks, this really needs to be over," gasped Yumichika, leaning on a tree.

"Why aren't trees made of sake? That would help things right now," Ikkaku said. Damn trees, so many trees. Trees and grass and evil spiders. Though Ikkaku could argue that there was no thing as a spider that wasn't evil.

"I've come up with a plan," Yoruchi said. "The last village we passed mentioned that she had come through, I think we should lay a trap."

"No," Kenpachi said flatly. "I don't do traps."

"It's a trap just to make her stop and talk to us."

"Even more no than last time."

"It's a trap to make her stop so that you can challenge her to fight," Yoruichi amended.

"I know you're just making that up to get me to agree," Kenpachi said wearily. Ikkaku was right, trees should be made of sake.

"No, really. You can challenge her to fight, if she loses she comes with us, if she wins she goes free."

"You think she'll do that?" he asked.

"I hope so, otherwise we're never going to catch her. You're never seen someone so quick in all of your life. I'm not even talking just flash stepping, just flat out running she can beat just about anyone," Yoruichi said.

"You included?"

"Well, I wouldn't say that," Yoruichi did have her pride. She wasn't known as the goddess of flash without reason.

"Give me the locket kid," Ikkaku said gruffly to Yachiru, who was doing a very good job of weeping and looking hysterical.

"No, it's my mommy's!"

"Look, I don't really need to have you alive, so hand it over or something might happen to you," Ikkaku threatened.

Yachiru wailed. "Nooooo!"

"That's it!" Ikkaku raised his weapon.

A woman appeared in front of him, catching his wrist. She was tall, her long hair the color of burnished bronze. Hey brown eyes glared at him angrily.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"What?" she seemed confused.

"I said I'm sorry, this whole thing kind of sucks," Ikkaku went on, grabbing her arm firmly.

"Kerin," Yoruchi said, walking out.

Kerin gave Ikkaku a swift kick to the crotch and began to dash away, running straight into Kenpachi, who wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her in place.

"Mmmmfff," she said into his chest. He sighed, giving her enough room to turn around but not relinquishing his grip on her.

"Captain Yoruichi, what a pleasant surprise," she said. "Or…are you still ex-Captain?"

"Yoruichi is fine between friends," Yoruichi answered with a smile.

"Yes, friends always drag friends back to certain death, maybe that's why I try to limit how many I have," Kerin said.

"Ask her," Kenpachi said.

"Ask me what?"

Yoruichi sighed. "He has a problem with how I tricked you, so he wants you to accept a challenge to fight."

"Agreed," Kerin said easily.

"How do we know she's not going to run away when you let go of her, Kenny?" Yachiru asked.

"I won't," Kerin said.

"She won't," Yoruichi agreed with her. "She had this really bad streak of holding up her word and never lying. She made a really terrible member of the punishment force."

"Well I guess lying comes more easily to some than to others, huh, Yoruichi?" Kerin grinned.

"Bah, I've been called so many things in my life that I doubt a few more will hurt," Yoruichi said. "I'll even be a good friend for you and get you a concession for your fight."

"A concession?" Kenpachi didn't like the sound of that.

"Yes, let her pick who she gets to fight," Yoruichi said.

Kenpachi was really not happy with that idea, since he doubted she would pick him.

"I know what you're thinking, but I want you to consider that she doesn't use a weapon," Yoruichi continued.

"She doesn't…what the hell does she use then?" Kenpachi asked.

"Just my body," Kerin said.

"Plus her nails and teeth are full of poison," Yoruichi pointed out.

"Poison," Kenpachi repeated. This was sounding less and less like a fun fight. Great, he'd been out here running around for no good reason. "Fine, you pick, just don't run when I let you go," he said as he relaxed his arms.

"You really better pick me," Ikkaku said from where he was leaning against a tree, trying his best to ignore the completely throbbing pain he was getting in his nether regions from her very well aimed kick.

"Let me handle it," Yumichika said, standing in front of his friend with his hand at the hilt of his zanpakuto.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Kerin grinned maliciously. "Did I hurt your boyfriend? Did I ruin any plans you might have for later?"

"Hey!" Ikkaku said.

"You certainly know how to be very aggravating," Yumichika said through gritted teeth, "and I have to say it makes you quite unattractive. That, and those buck teeth."

"Fine, you and me little peacock," she said.

"Yumichika, don't let the poison hit you," Ikkaku warned.

"Oh, thanks for the advice, I was planning on letting her poison me as much as she wanted to, but I'll take your words into consideration," Yumichika said sarcastically, then paused. "Sorry, I'm in a bad mood. Sleeping out in the cold dirt, running around all day long, not being able to take a hot bath, or have a good meal…"

"…or sake!" Ikkaku added.

"…all to find this silly repellent creature who doesn't know how to keep a civil tongue," Yumichika finished.

"Try to make it interesting Yumichika," Kenpachi called out.

"Of course Captain," he replied.

He felt a little odd facing off against a woman who wasn't holding a weapon, but most likely a single strike from her poison would take him down, and she had been on the punishment force. They seemed fairly feared and didn't use weapons. He circled her cautiously, drawing his weapon. He had planned on going straight into shikai but his captain obviously wanted a show so he was going to have to hold back a bit.

All of a sudden the woman was behind him and he hadn't even seen her move. He quickly dove out of the way, hitting the ground. Of course she was fast, he should have remembered that. Great, and now he was even more dirty than he was before. He struggled to not brush himself off, not wanting to give her an opening.

Her eyes were glowing with an animalistic ferocity as she sprinted straight towards him.

I'm not going to dodge her this time, it was too embarassing last time, Yumichika told himself. Wait! He dodged at the last moment, avoiding a downward strike that would have scratched him across the face.

I can't believe that she has already read me enough to know that I wouldn't avoid her attack out of pride, Yumichika thought. Except of course, even pride is worthless if you're dead.

He knew that his captain wanted a little more, but Yumichika had thought of how to beat her already. He decided not to wait. Who knew what kind of hideous poisons she had?

He looked down at his dirty clothes and sighed, lightly brushing them off, allowing his guard to drop.

"Yumichika you idiot!" Ikkaku was yelling, too late. She was already way too close. If Yumichika hadn't planned the whole thing that is. He gracefully moved out of her way at the last moment, slipping behind her, grabbing her hair and kicking out her knees, holding his blade to her neck while pulling her into a pose of submission.

Yes, thought Yumichika, her hair could be better, brushed for instance, but the arch of her neck and back right now is quite perfect.

"Well?" he said.

"Well what," she growled back.

"I'm pretty sure this is the part were you admit I'm the best at everything in the whole world and that you're completely useless," Yumichika said.

"I don't really think…"

He pulled back on her hair to make her silent. "Oh, I'm completely serious," he said.

"So, how did it go?" Kenpachi asked when he found Yoruichi, in cat form, on his desk. Yachiru, Ikkaku, and Yumichika filed in after him.

"I'm surprised you care," she said.

"I don't, but otherwise we're gonna have to talk about something else and I'm a little hung over," Kenpachi answered.

"I told you it was the very best," Yoruichi laughed.

"Oh it sure is, I'm going to miss it when it's gone, which probably won't be long considering how I've been going at it," Kenpachi said.

"You bribed him with sake?" Ikkaku said.

"Yes."

"Oh, well that makes sense," Ikkaku said as he thought about it. "Except that the rest of us had to go through the hell too and got nothing."

"Nothing except a good kick in the pants," grinned Yumichika. Ikkaku winced.

"She got away," Yoruichi said, getting back to Kenpachi's question.

"She got away," Kenpachi repeated. "As in, she ran away?"

"Yup."

"Exactly how did that happen?" he asked suspiciously.

"Who knows?" Yoruichi shrugged. "I couldn't catch up to her so away she went."

"I thought you said you could catch her," Kenpachi said.

"Must have been an off day," she said, leaving.

"Great. What a waste of my time. If that cat wants me to go fetch her toys for her next time she better be offering me a lot more sake," Kenpachi sighed.

"What!" Yumichika was livid. "She did this on purpose! She just used us and then let her little pig nosed swamp toed friend give Central 46 the slip!"

"That's it, I'm getting drunk," Ikkaku said.

"Aren't you already drunk?" Yachiru asked innocently.

"Drunker," Ikkaku clarified.

A/N: This one was hard to write, because why in the world would Squad 11 catch anything without killing it first? Also, there's a couple of versions of the myth. I decided to go with the one that has Artemis intervening and helping out (I think Yoruichi makes a good Artemis). Yumichika catches Kerin in the way that Hercules is usually portrayed in art and sculpture as capturing the hind, holding her by the antlers from behind.