A few hours later, I was beginning to wonder if it was the correct choice to bring Aspen along. I suppose that couldn't have occurred to me when I told him okay. No, no, that would be just way too easy.
In any case, I wasn't exactly sure why I didn't want him there. It wasn't that he wasn't useful. He was very useful. He showed me the prey of this 'desert', as he called it, and told me about the different ways to get water here. It was very helpful. So no, it wasn't that he was useless. It was more that his presence was a big change.
I watched as he leaped up onto a rock for a better visual, looking around and nodding. "We're making good progress." I jumped on the rock to join him, my eyes scanning the harsh terrain. The sun glared down at us from directly above, and I longed to reach the end of the day. "Starclan willing, we'll make it to the next stop by sundown."
He jumped down and I followed a few paces behind, both of us panting from thirst. It annoyed me for one reason or another that Aspen was leading. It didn't really matter, as we hadn't really decided where we were going. With that in mind, it came to me that it wouldn't matter if I was leading either. So, I picked up the pace, pulling in front of him. I could see him turn to look at me. Without missing a beat, he trotted past me. I went to lead again, but as I did, the look on his face changed, and he darted forward.
At first, the hair on the back of my head stood on end, and I bolted after him, thinking he had seen or smelled a predator. But after I second, I realized he wanted to race. In the heat, and the dust and the wind, he wanted to race.
I was tired, but my pride wouldn't let me lose. I threw myself forward, keeping pace with him for a few seconds. Aspen was wicked fast though, and when we finally slowed and stopped, he had been about a treelength in front of me. Panting heavily, I asked, "Where'd you learn to run like that, Aspen?"
Aspen, between pants, responded, "You get pretty fast when you start running from your problems." He gave a purr, "You should try it sometime. I can't say it's healthy, but it helps."
"Good to know." I said. After all, who was I to make a case against running away from my problems? It occurred to me to ask him what problems he had to run from, but for the same reason I wouldn't tell him the why I left my clan, I didn't say anything: It was nobody's business.
Sure enough, by sundown, we were up in a tree. It was strange, considering this desert place was so dry. Aspen said the only reason anything other than weeds grew out here was because the twolegs would give the trees and grass water. Not to mention, I wasn't so happy about spending the night suspended a literal tree length in the air. Still, I couldn't complain. The other option was under a twoleg monster. It was dead at the moment, but he cautioned that it would wake up in the morning.
We both stretched out on the branches - of which there where many - and got as comfortable as the situation allowed. I waited for a while, unable to fall asleep. Glancing to my side, I saw Aspen, seemingly already hunting in his dreams.
I quietly stood, jumping to the ground. I stayed pretty close to the tree, but still moved away; so that the sky was wide open above me. There, I sat down. My eyes drifted to Aspen again, but he hadn't moved, so my sights turned to the silverpelt that glimmered above me. I didn't look for Starclan, or wait for a sign. I just closed my eyes.
The first thing that came to mind was my warrior ceremony. I wasn't sure why, but that's what I thought about.
It had been nearly sundown, a few days after the rogue had attacked Dapplestar. I had tried to fight, but Dapplestar sent me back, and thanks to my speedy retrieval of backup, things hadn't gone dreadfully wrong. I wasn't sure whether it was that or my training that earned me my warrior name. I remembered the pause she had used before she said it aloud 'Stealthbreeze'. I had repeated it quietly, rolling my tongue over the beauty of the name. I remembered how everyone chanted my new name, and how happy I was. How normal it had been.
"It's nice, isn't it?" My eyes opened, and I turned around to see Aspen standing a tail length away. Without invitation, he came and sat down next to me, tilting his head towards the sky and closing his golden eyes. "We can just… close our eyes, and pretend we're back there. Back in that normal life." I hesitated, but then looked to the sky, closing my eyes again. "It's like… just maybe, with our eyes closed, we can pretend that nothing ever went wrong." I could hear him purring, "It's like Starclan willing, we think that we can go back to that."
After a few seconds of silence, I asked, "Why?" My eyes opened, but I didn't look at him. He looked at me though, golden eyes showing themselves once more.
"Why what?" He asked.
"Why do you still believe in Starclan still? They didn't stop whatever happened to your clan, if they even exist at all."
There was a pause, and he gazed up at the stars. His voice came out a little slower as he replied, "Because, Stealthbreeze. Without our hope, there's nothing left for us but despair. Nothing left for us but life without purpose. I can't accept that. I'm sure Starclan had their reasons for what happened. We just don't know what they were. Starclan can only guide or warn us. They can't take an active part in what happens, after all. They warned us about what would happen anyway. It was our fault, not theirs that the clan fell."
It took me a second to realize that he had been talking about me for the first few sentences. I paused, my eyes tracing the stars. We just sat there in silence for a minute, but then something changed as he was looking at me. Fear suddenly struck his eyes, and he shouted, "Look out!" I was so startled that I froze for a few seconds, but then I dashed under the twoleg monster. In the darkness, I saw Aspen's white pelt leap at a feathered shadow with a great yowl. Finally, my warrior instincts kicked in, and I dashed out from under the monster, attacking the huge bird with him. We gave it a few good bites and scratches before it let out a huge screech and pulled up, flying away. We lost sight of it in the darkness, but Aspen chuckled a little, "Don't worry, he isn't coming back."
"You know," I said, "Back in the forest, you hunt the birds, not the other way around." He purred a little.
"Welcome to the desert. Where the birds hunt the cats and the twolegs wonder why they never find their kittypets." He looked me over. "Did the bird get you?"
"No." I replied, checking myself and finding no blood. "Did it get you?"
He looked to his front leg, "Nipped me. Nothing serious though. What a cowardly bird."
I gave a small smile, "I think that's enough excitement for tonight." He nodded, and we both returned to the tree, snuggling up in the branches and closing our eyes. I gave a yawn, and soon enough, I drifted off to sleep.
My limbs felt stiff, but I was purring, sitting a little outside the clearing where everyone was gathering under the leader's den. He had just called a clan meeting. The leader stood there, looking so familiar, while still, not. Dapplestar walked up and sat next to me. She looked older, a lot older than I remembered her. Something was different. Somehow, I could tell that she was Dapplefur again. She had retired from her leader position. Which confirmed the reason I felt so stiff. I was an elderly she-cat, watching as the current leader spoke.
"Stormpaw, please step forward." The grey spotted apprentice stood and stepped forward, his face beaming as the leader continued. "I, Cinderstar, leader of Sorrelclan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. He has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend him to you as a warrior in his turn." There was a pause, but then he turned his sights to the apprentice himself. "Stormpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?"
Stormpaw responded confidently, standing a little taller, "I do."
"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Stormpaw, from this moment you will be known as Stormfang. StarClan honors your honor and bravery, and we welcome you as a full warrior of Sorrelclan."
Cinderstar leaped down from his perch to rest his muzzle on Stormfang's head, and the chanting started. "Stormfang, Stormfang!" The others chanted his name, but I could only whisper it. I was on the verge of breaking down with happiness... and sorrow.
"You must be so proud." Dapplefur said quietly to me.
I was still smiling as I replied, "My son is a real warrior now." However, my smile quickly faded as I finished, "He's all grown up now." Dapplefur let me lean on her a bit, sensing my sorrow.
As the cheering died down, I saw him walking towards me, and I stood. His golden eyes and my green ones locked as I spoke. "I'm so proud of you." It was all I could think to say. My voice was breaking, and as we embraced, his head on my shoulder, my head on his, I heard his voice as he whispered,
"I just wish my dad was here to see me."
"I know... I know..."
Even as the dream ended, a thought stuck with me. This is what it was supposed to be. I was supposed to live in the clan, have kits... Sit in the elder den and watch the clan grow old... This was what it was supposed to be...
When I woke, the sun was just barely rising. Aspen was standing there, golden eyes way closer to my face than I would've liked. "Come on," He whispered, "You've got to get up." I blinked a few times before I pushed myself off the tree branch, giving a stretch. "We've got a lot of ground to cover," He gave me a smile before dropping to the ground.
After a pause, I followed him, trying to shake the image of the dream.