Tim was standing in the shadows on the Robert Kane Memorial Bridge, looking down at the water. He couldn't believe a simple writing assignment had brought him to this; yet again, these were thoughts that had been festering and suppressed for a long time. I know they care. So, why does it hurt this much? Why does breathing feel like a thousand knives cutting through my chest? Why does my heart feel like it is being slowly torn from me? I'm so down all of the time, and I know feeling like this hurts them, but I can't help it. I know that if I jumped there would be a lot of people upset about it, and yet some part of me is saying just do it. Something inside of me is just screaming that it's worth it. It feels like ending it all would be the only way to make it all better. I know that's stupid and completely not true, but I still feel that way. Why do I feel that way? I know that jumping would be the ultimate form of running, and yet I yearn to make it all stop. I just want everything to go away. I want silence, darkness, and above all nothingness. I want a bleak empty hole of nothing. I want to feel nothing. To be completely numb would be complete bliss. Everything would be perfect if I just couldn't feel. Tim sat down and brought his knees to his chest. Slowly he lowered his head down to rest on his knees and wrapped his arms around his legs.
It had taken Nightwing sometime to find Tim. He wasn't sure what he was going to say to Tim, but he knew talking was the first step. Gradually Nightwing moved closer to him. "Hey Timmy" He wanted to say more; he needed to say more. Unfortunately, that was all he could think of to say. Nightwing was starting to become annoyed with himself, he felt fully responsible for the way Tim was feeling. He also felt like not knowing what to say was letting the poor kid down even more.
At the sound of his name Tim looked up, his eyes swollen and red, at the man standing before him. . He didn't want to deal with this, but he also knew he had to for his own sake as well as Dick's. When Tim lifted his head, he was surprised and none too happy to see Nightwing instead of Dick standing there. If he wasn't so emotionally raw at that moment he would have been angry, but right now he just felt even more hurt that this had turned into job-related stuff instead of staying family-related. Tim couldn't say anything. He wasn't even sure if he still had a voice left inside of him. He wanted to say something; hell he wanted to yell and scream about Nightwing being there, but all he could do was lay his head back down on his knees and bury himself a little deeper in the shadows. The shadows felt like light right now. The difference between the two was blurred just the same as everything else at that moment.
Nightwing's gaze never left Tim, even though it was evident Tim would have preferred that. He moved closer to Tim and couldn't help but notice how truly broken the kid looked. It pained Nightwing to see him that broken, that messed up, that lost, that hurt; but the worst of it was the look of utter despair in Tim's eyes when he had first looked into the masked eyes of Nightwing. That was when Nightwing realized that some other emotion had flashed in Tim's eyes when he saw that it was Nightwing standing before him. It was then that Nightwing realized that the emotion, which was only there for a small moment, was anger. Nightwing knew Tim wasn't angry with him for being there because, after all, Tim had expected him to come after he left the first time. So, it would only be natural for him to come now. Slowly the thoughts started to string together. Then again, it had been Dick on that rooftop not Nightwing. Of course, Timmy was angry with Nightwing's presence. He had every right to be. Am I going to screw up everything today? Worse yet, I have no idea how to help him. I'm standing here dressed as the very last person that he could possibly want to see right now. Okay, not the very last. I'm not standing here as Batman, but still. The kid has enough problems on his plate without the added stress of job related stupidity.
Wait-- kid--sometimes I forget how young Timmy really is. I joke with him, make fun of him, and sometimes treat him like one, but really I think we all treat him as being much older than we should far too often. Timmy is certainly far more mature than a normal teenager, but at the end of the day he is just that --a teenager. None of us want to undermine his intelligence or anything, and he is very intelligent, but at the same time, are we really that good of a support system? Does Timmy even have a good support system? Bruce is, well, Bruce. Everything takes a backseat to the job, and talking about anything is out of the question, which works for him, but for semi-normal people that can't be good, healthy, or easy to be around. Tim's dad doesn't know who Timmy really is in any circumstance, besides the fact he doesn't know about Tim's night job. Timmy isn't the same kid during daylight hours that he used to be. His dad chalks it up to teenage rebellion, but how can you have a life like Tim's and not be changed by it?
And Alfred…. Alfred is great, the best one of us all if you ask me, but Timmy tries to handle everything on his own before he goes to Alfred. Maybe it's because he feels Alfred has enough to deal with, what with Bruce and everything. I don't know, but you can't help people that won't let you, that's for sure.
Ah, and then there's me. Timmy is like my little brother, and yet I doubt I ever help him. I'm never here to start with. I'm only here now because I happened to be in Gotham for something, and most of the time I just get annoyed when he starts acting like insecure Timmy --but he's not acting, is he? Timmy is insecure, and so is Robin. Sure he can put up a good front for anyone, but when he gets back to the cave, it all comes crashing down. He runs over everything he did wrong, even things he didn't do wrong but thinks he did anyway. The kid doesn't believe in himself, and he doesn't believe anyone else should believe in him either. He feels like he's all alone--and for the most part he is. There isn't a single one of us that can relate to Timmy. Sure we've been through the whole parents dying thing, but Bruce and I never had to outwardly lie to our parents the way Timmy has to. Neither one of us knows what it's like to stare our father straight in the face and lie about where we're going and what we're doing. Timmy has to face that everyday …and then to have his dad think the things that he does, it has to be heart-wrenching to say the least. No wonder poor Timmy is sitting in the shadows on the Robert Kane Memorial Bridge thinking G-d only knows what. Nightwing stepped further into the shadows next to Tim. He knelt down and pulled Tim into a tight embrace.
Tim became rigid in Nightwing's arms. The hug was comforting, but Tim felt as though he didn't deserve to be shown this act of kindness. Tim also felt as if this was the last thing he wanted, as if human contact was the last thing he could handle right now. Suddenly, for what seemed like no reason at all, he burst into tears. Nightwing held him tighter and Tim began to cry harder. Slowly, Nightwing started to gently rock him back and forth. Tim could feel Nightwing's pity and sympathy wash over him. Tim's stomach began to churn, and he couldn't help but feel ill. Abruptly he began to shake violently in Nightwing's arms. Tim wanted nothing more than to be free from his grasp, but Nightwing gripped him tighter still and refused to let him go. After some time, Tim was too tired to struggle anymore. He leaned back into Nightwing's embrace and continued to sob. They remained like that for what seemed like hours until Tim cried himself to sleep in Nightwing's arm and Nightwing carried Tim back to Wayne Manor.