**Here comes my girl, Alice! She's awesome to write! Enjoy!**

**Mad props to Mrs. Steph for writing four indulgent books! No copyright intended!**

Consequences

The first wave of warm water over my body brought on an involuntary intake of breath and a shudder that shook me to the core. I let the warmth take over the coldness of my limbs. I had sat on the chilly tile with my back pressed against the door for far too long. My legs and arms ached as I stretched them.

After getting over the shock of my own realization, I had to come to terms with what it meant. What had I become? What kind of person was I that I would hand over my life so easily, and with a blissful smile on my face? Had I really gotten in so deep that I didn't care about my life? Where's the sense in living for someone else and completely giving up on myself? Tears blended in with the water rolling down my hair, into my face.

I felt sick with myself and started to scrub my body roughly with a rag. My skin was red and raw when I stopped. Somehow I felt better this way. I felt exposed and crude. I felt freed from the ridiculous doctrine I had taken up without realizing it.

I grew feverish when I thought of what Edward would think if he knew how absurd I'd let myself become. Of course, I knew he was not to blame for it. He had done nothing but loved me and tried to keep me safe almost every day I'd known him. My own ridiculous lack of self-regard was my doing. And it needed to be my undoing.

I washed my hair in a subdued state and barely remembered getting out of the shower and wrapping myself in a towel. Suddenly I was in my room and staring at my bed. There I had made up my mind to give in completely. There I had almost ruined both our lives. I felt a stinging in my palms and realized that I was pushing my nails into my thin skin. I unclenched my hands and gave them both a shake with a deep breath.

I laughed out loud at myself a few times as I was dressing. I saw things I'd done recently so clearly and felt like I had been a zombie who didn't know she was one. I put on very shabby, comfortable clothes that made me feel normal. Welcome back to the world, Isabella Swan. I thought to myself many times as I combed my hair. By the time I was ready to go down the stairs and face Edward, I felt lighter and liberated. I felt awake.

"Hello, sister-in-law!" Was the loud greeting I received as I gliding down the stairs feeling like a sprite fairy with new wings. I came down awkwardly on the last two steps and felt clumsily human again. My cheeks reddened as I looked up to see both Alice and Rosalie in my kitchen. I was totally aware that only Alice had given the very chipper welcome. Rosalie was perched up on the counter with her arms crossed over her stomach. Our eyes locked and we exchanged warm smiles.

She had managed to give me a few of these smiles the week immediately following the announcement of Edward and my engagement. At first, it disturbed me to no end. I had yelled at Edward and Alice to stop making her do it. They both promised, but I was still getting them from her. It was starting to grow on me, especially when I knew she was doing it on her own.

"Hi." I managed to squeak out after my shock subsided. Alice chuckled the way she always did and skipped over to me the way she always did.

"I told you we shouldn't have just barged in, Alice." Rosalie said looking around the kitchen without moving her head. I realized suddenly that she'd never been in my house and felt very conscious of the dirty dishes in the sink.

"No, its ok. I was just expecting Edward is all." I smiled widely with relief. I was thankful for the delay. I barely registered a quick glance of understanding pass between them before Alice turned to me energetically.

"Come and see the gorgeous material I got for the seat cushions!" She practically bellowed. I noticed for the first time that the kitchen table was completely covered in material swatches, endless samples of laces, and countless papers. There in the middle of it all was the planner Alice lived for. I had a really guilty conscience in the beginning about putting all the pressure of a wedding on her so I went out and got the Mecca of wedding planners for her. She had taken to it like only Alice could. She'd even gone so far as to name it 'Sosta' which was short for 'sostantivo', the German word for planner. Every time I saw it the book looked considerably thicker. Today it resembled a badly treated phone book. Post-its and folded receipts stuck out randomly throughout the thing.

"Seat cushions for what?" I asked as I was dragged to and forced to sit at the table. Alice groaned at me and I smiled guiltily at her. "You already told me this didn't you? No, don't tell me! Uh, for the reception?" I guessed as my eyes squeezed closed with concentration. Rosalie was suddenly next to me when I peeked out from under my eyelids.

"Good guess." She said patting my shoulder and then picking up 'sosta' with halfhearted interest.

"Thanks." I breathed with relief then saw Alice's face and added quickly, "Show me!" with phony enthusiasm so she wouldn't dwell on the fact that I was being as difficult as ever.

"This is called lover's lace. Its really durable and absolutely gorgeous!" She picked up one of the lace samples that seemed very similar to all the rest to me. I fingered the material with fake curiosity and nodded at her. "Or, we have Victorian lace. It is nicer but may end up tearing." She said thoughtfully pulling the sample apart in her hands with very little effort.

"Definitely the lover's lace. Enough Victorian things have caused trouble in my life." I said fiercely. Alice laughed at me like I was ridiculous but seemed convinced I was right. She took the lace from me and tugged at it a few times with a satisfied grin.

"She's completely obsessed, you know. If she could, she wouldn't let you sleep so she'd never have to stop messing with this thing." Rosalie said as she settled herself in the chair opposite me. She was flipping through 'sosta' casually, not seeming to even see what was in front of her when a crammed page ripped out as she attempted to turn it.

"Oops. Sorry." Rosalie said with a shy smile that seemed completely out of her character. I stifled a giggle with a lot of effort as Alice snatched the page and book from her hands. After sharing a grin with Rosalie I found Alice some tape and helped her salvage it. I held the overstocked page in place as she carefully measured out the correct amount of tape. I noticed that the top of the page I was holding was the only part that could be seen through the mass of paper and it had 'Honeymoon' written in fancy script. My curiosity peeked; I let one of the twenty-something folded papers fall open.

Confirmation of reservation for 5 days 6 nights Garden Bungalow at the Bora Bora Eden Beach Hotel… was all I got to read before Alice's hand slapped over the page, blocking my view.

"Bella! Edward is going to kill me! Oh god, especially after what happened. Damn it!" Alice ranted as I looked at my feet with shame but secretly reeled. Bora Bora! How incredibly romantic! I really hadn't cared much where we went as long as we were together, but this knowledge made me almost giddy.

Rosalie threw a material swatch at Alice and gave her a look of warning. I looked from Alice to Rosalie with my eyebrows creeping up my forehead steadily. I felt like I had missed something. Alice looked on the verge of tears and being sick and Rosalie was shaking her head slowly with her eyes diverted. I grew more and more confused and tried to recall what Alice had said. What had she just let slip? Something about Edward killing her, especially after what had… happened. What could have happened that had anything to do with me accidently finding out where we were going for our honeymoon?

"What's going on?" I asked with more force than I thought I had in me. I was obviously not in the loop about something. Rosalie shrugged with little conviction, as Alice's face grew paler than I'd ever seen it. Suddenly, Jane's face swam into view in my head and I knew. I knew there was no need for this reservation anymore.

"Bella, I'm so sorry! I'm such a mess lately! I can't even form a thought these days!" Alice pleaded as she read the realization on my face.

"Time to go, Alice." Rosalie said suddenly making me jump. She was right beside me again trying to stack all the samples together. Alice and I both looked at her with confusion then to the entrance of the kitchen where Rosalie's eyes were focused.

Edward was leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes were the wonderful shade of topaz again, but his mouth was in a thin line that made me feel bad for Alice instantly. He held up a hand toward her and I realized she was trying to apologize to him in her thoughts. His hand flicked slightly as if he was dismissing a servant or irksome fly. I turned to Alice who looked like she wanted to simply disappear then turned to glare at Edward.

"Hey!" I shouted making all the vampires in the room look at me with genuine shock on their faces. "Don't be mad at her because you didn't tell me what's going on! Besides I'm the one that looked at the paper. I ruined it, not her." I defended Alice angrily, surprised at my own strength. They all raised their eyebrows at me in unison. I liked this new attitude; it brought me confidence.

"Nice, Bella! See ya!" Rosalie said over her shoulder as she lead the way out of the house with Alice trailing closely behind. Their arms were full of the mess that had just covered the table.

Edward watched them leave for longer than necessary and I knew he was avoiding looking at me. This only made me angrier. I crossed my arms like him and leaned back on the now bare table. He finally turned his head my way and seemed to regret it immediately. I could feel the heat in my face and the anger shooting from my narrowed eyes.

"I'm so sorry. So sorry that you had to find out that way." He said dropping his head so that his chin was on his chest. He ran his hands over his face and then through his hair before he looked back up at me. He was obviously hoping that I would soften my glare. He was highly disappointed.

"Maybe you should sit down and tell me what exactly Jane said." I suggested with as much acid in my voice as I'd ever heard before. He flinched like I'd struck him and then moved slowly to sit in the seat that Rosalie had just vacated. I fell into my chair with a sigh and waited for him to start.

"She said we needed to leave right then and there and change you. Just go get you and go wherever we needed to so that we could do it. Carlisle protested and Aro listened to both of their sides patiently. He had nothing on his mind but what he was hearing. He looked up at me periodically with a curious expression. Especially when Carlisle couldn't give a definite date for your change." Edward stopped to take a deep breath.

I hadn't thought of that being a problem until he'd said it. It was true that we had not set a date. As long as it was before my birthday, I didn't care. In all honesty, I had secretly been hoping it would be a few days after the honeymoon, but doubted Edward would go along with that. We had yet to even discuss it. I think we both knew it would be a conversation that got heated and were trying to avoid it.

"I told him we were planning on a date close to your birthday. When I told him when that was, he grinned at me and turned to Jane. He said that there would have to be a compromise. Jane hated the idea, but couldn't exactly argue. I heard the plan in Aro's head before he said it." He looked up at me with sad eyes and I knew he would have to say it soon.

"Go on." I said without emotion.

"The compromise is that we change you immediately after we are married. As in, that night." Edward said the last part with clenched teeth. I swallowed loudly and he looked up to see the wetness trying to escape my eyes.

"No honeymoon." I stated the fact with pain and closed my eyes. I had been partially correct earlier in my room. We would get married. We would spend eternity together. But my one demand would have to be forgotten.

Or would it? I thought, opening my eyes and biting my bottom lip.

"Bella, we will be together. One day when you are able and I wont be so scared to hurt you. Its better that way." I heard him pleading with me and suddenly realized he was kneeling next to my chair with his hands on mine. I found myself smiling at him, which made him almost fall back in shock.

"So we'll just try before the wedding. We still have two nights." I suggested enthusiastically. The idea had come to me when I was barely listening to his pleading. He sighed deeply and looked down at our hands. He'd obviously already thought of that and had his answer ready.

"No."

"No?" I repeated with amusement.

"No!" He shouted, standing and walking away from me to the kitchen sink.

"What do you mean 'no'? That's our only option! They've decided when we'll start our new lives together and that leaves us with one choice; Take advantage of the time we have left." I said slightly irritated that he was being so oblivious to the very clear alternative. I stood up when he didn't respond and walked over to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind and rested my cheek on his back. He took my hands in his and brought them to his face.

"That's not our only option. That's just the option you want to go with. I've given my decision. But you've chosen to ignore it." He said with my hands so close to his mouth that his lips brushed across my knuckles as he spoke. There was a definite edge in his voice and I knew this was going to be hard. I pulled my arms away and stood beside him with my back to the sink.

"I'm not ignoring it. I'm just trying to keep some part of this fair. For me. You're still getting your part of the compromise. Why shouldn't I?" I asked with an attempt at calm that didn't come across at all. Edward slammed his fist into the counter unexpectedly making me jump and shriek. Before I could fully look at him, he was on the other side of the kitchen, pacing.

"You think I'm getting my way and being unfair? I don't want to turn you now! I would rather cancel the wedding than do that! And you think I'm getting my way? If you'll remember correctly, I don't want to turn you at all!" He threw his hands in the air with frustration and stopped pacing to face me. His face was twisted with anger.

"Oh, please! You just said it was the best thing for us! You're so damn scared of hurting me all the time that you cant wait to not have to worry anymore! Don't act like I'm the only one ready for it! Neither of us wants a repeat of what almost happened this morning!" I ended my rant when my throat seemed to close up. I had stepped over an invisible line. Gone too far. His eyes narrowed at me and he took the smallest of steps closer to me.

"Thanks for throwing that in my face." He shot back quietly but his fury was clear enough. I felt guilty only for a moment then quickly remembered that I needed to make my point.

"I'm sorry, but its very convenient isn't it? You still get the dream wedding and don't have to bother trying to make love to me! Which you obviously would rather change me this second than do!" I spat back with so much spite that I hoped I made him feel half as scared as he was making me feel.

"You are absurd!" He shouted taking a full, intimidating step closer to me this time. I took one toward him too and fought the shakes my body was trying to force on me. I was determined not to back down. We both seemed to be temporarily paralyzed by each other's stubbornness. We stood glaring at each other for an unimaginable amount of time.

"Its better for both of us if we wait, Bella. Please stop being so damn stubborn." He said with control as his eyes softened slightly. Anger flared in me worse than I'd felt it so far.

"I'm being stubborn? This damn compromise was your idea and now your backing out of it!"

"Because its better for…"

"For you!" I cut him off thrusting a finger into his chest. It hurt me more than him, but I held my face steady and watched the rage creep back into his. He took a step back and began pacing again. He was clearly trying to calm himself. I turned away from him and looked out the kitchen window. I knew I was being horribly difficult, but there was no way I was giving up easily on this issue. It was all I wanted before things became too abnormal for me. Why couldn't he understand that I needed to feel that closeness with him before I became a ravenous newborn? I felt fresh angry tears form and tried to sigh them away.

Edward's arms wrapped across my shoulders and he kissed my neck once. I kept my arms plastered to my sides and refused to respond to his attempt at a resolution. As far as I was concerned, there was no resolution until we came to an agreement.

"Please, Bella. Try to be reasonable." He whispered after resting his chin on my shoulder. I shrugged hard making him move away from me in shock. I held my frame tight and refused to turn back and look at him. I wouldn't be able to handle the pain in his face. It was the only time I could remember stopping him from embracing me, and the thought made more tears appear.

"Should I leave?" Edward's voice was hard and held no emotion.

"Yes." I shot back instantly in the same tone. Before I could take another breath I heard the front door slam shut. I closed my eyes at the sound and let the sobs take over.

**OOOOH I love writing fights! I also like Bella with a backbone! Thanks to that Queen of Stalking, JustForkIt!**