Author's Note: I'm going to be busy tomorrow as well, so this is going up tonight. Happy New Year, everyone!

Calvin spent the entire day in the house, trapped in his room, glaring at the outside world as it went along without him.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be six for the rest of my life," he grumbled bitterly.

Hobbes was curled up on the floor, his tail twitching absently as he tried to sleep.

Then, his eyes sprang opened, and he noticed his tail twitching. His whiskers twitched as he stared at it. It was twitched again, back and forth, as if it were mocking him. Logically, Hobbes knew that a tail couldn't mock him, especially not his own. He and his tail were supposed to be on the same side, allies in day-to-day affairs. However, he would later rationalize that he had been driven slightly demented by being locked in a bedroom with only Calvin for company all day.

The tail twitched again. He got into a prowling position so that he could focus on it better. It continued to twitch in his face, jerking back and forth. He grinned evilly at it before his claws instinctively extended.

Calvin heard the movement from his bed and turned to look just in time to see Hobbes suddenly running around in small circles, trying to catch his own tail. He went 'round faster and faster, growling and snarling at what was essentially his own butt. After several seconds of this, he finally slowed down and dizzily stumbled over his own paws, collapsing in an upside-down heap on the floor.

Calvin could only shake his head at the sight. "I'd mock you for that, but on the other hand, I'm relieved you're taking your frustrations out on yourself instead of me."

Hobbes attempted to stand up, but he just dizzily collapsed a second time, moaning to himself.

Calvin glared out of the window again. "Of all the injustices! Imagine! Me! Locked in my own room during my Christmas vacation! I'm going to be back in school in a few days, trapped by Miss Wormwood and twenty-two other kids. How the heck am I supposed to learn in a classroom where the only thing we're supposed to do is sit and listen as they fill our heads with facts and figures that any fool could easily look up in a book or punch up on a calculator?"

Hobbes was still feeling woozy, but he found the strength to quip, "Good thing we tigers are born knowing everything we need to know."

"Animals have it so much easier," Calvin continued to whine. "Look at spiders, for example. Who taught a spider how to spin a web? Nobody! They're just born knowing! Why can't humans come like that, knowing about all the necessary things about life? Why can't we be born knowing how to file taxes or who won World War II or how much seven plus three is?"

Hobbes managed to get up on all fours. "They should've consulted you when they designed the human brain," he remarked.

"You bet they should've!"

"Are we still going out tonight?" Dad asked.

"We already hired Rosalyn the other night. She'll look after him," Mom replied.

"Even if you think someone is stalking Calvin?"

"We don't know for sure if he is. For all we know, it was nothing and he's perfectly safe. We're going to keep him in the house for the rest of his vacation, and if the same person starts showing up again, we'll call the police. For now, I think it might be safe for us to go out tonight with Rosalyn watching him."

"Well, if you're sure…"

"I'm sure he'll be fine."

"What about Rosalyn?"

"Debatable."

"All right, I'll start getting ready."

The dirty metropolitan city was shadowed in darkness, with only the bright neon lights that almost blended together in the night, with headlights of automobiles racing and in opposite directions through the crowded streets, honking at each other furiously.

Everyone was so busy focusing on what was going on directly in front of them that they failed to notice what was happening around them. To be more specific, they weren't focused on what was happening above them.

A darkened figure was racing across the rooftops above them. He was carrying a bag and racing across the buildings at a breakneck pace, leaping and jumping like a gymnast.

Not a short distance behind him and closing the gap between them was another figure, but he was dressed a bit ridiculously. He was wearing a dark red mask with a matching dark red cape that flapped in the wind as he ran.

"The art museum has been robbed! An art dealer who has been betrayed by his employers plans to exact his revenge on them by stealing a prized painting, and he's a former gymnast to boot, enabling him to escape police with ease."

The masked hero jumped and leaped, never losing sight of the villain. He jumped and leapt and dodged obstacles that lined the rooftops.

"With no other choice, the Commissioner has lit the Stupendous Signal and sought the assistance of Stupendous Man! Champion of Justice and Defender of Liberty! Our masked hero makes stupendous leaps across the building, proving to be a match for the villain! He leaps and jumps and hurls himself after the petty thief."

The thief raced and swerved and jumped all over the place, trying to escape and leave with his bundled prize.

Stupendous Man wasn't slowing down. He leapt and bounced and zoomed after him with all his might.

They raced across building after building until they finally skidded to a halt at the last one, with the thief teetering dangerously over the edge, finding that the gap before him was much too large. He managed to stop himself from falling, regaining his balance just in time. He let out a nervous breath before reasserting his cool and looking over his shoulder at his pursuer.

Stupendous Man stood a mere ten feet away, glaring at him through his surprisingly expressive mask.

"End of the line, pal," the superhero said. "Just hand over the painting, and I won't beat you within an inch of your life."

"You don't understand!" the thief yelled. "They did this to me! They took my job! They took everything! I have nothing to live for anymore! I have nothing to lose!"

"That doesn't make what you're doing right," Stupendous Man replied evenly. "You're not just robbing the museum of a painting. You're robbing the people. You can be helped. Just please listen to me."

The thief stared at him for a long moment before finally sighing heavily and passing the packaged painting over to him.

"That's better," Stupendous Man sighed. "Now let's just…"

He trailed off as the man suddenly outstretched his arms and closed his eyes, and he proceeded to tip over the edge.

"NO! STOP!" Stupendous Man shouted, dropping the painting and diving forwards.

The man had already left the building, and he was falling through the air.

"With no other choice, our hero makes a STUPENDOUS leap! He swan dives after the man, reaching for him, hoping to connect with him before the pavement of the alley below does! He reaches! He's almost there! He's almost – !"

There was a loud thud as Calvin suddenly landed on the floor, having fallen off the bed.

"CALVIN, STOP BANGING AROUND UP THERE!" his mother's voice shouted.

Calvin straightened his mask and laid out on his elbows, frowning to himself. "I need to stop watching the news," he muttered. "I'm starting to see things in shades of gray."

Hobbes crawled out from under the bed, having just been woken up from a nap from the noise. "Are you not grounded anymore?" he asked sleepily.

"No, I still am."

"Oh. Then don't wake me up until then." And with that, he crawled back under the bed.

Calvin glared at him and proceeded to take his mask and cape off. He was just putting them in his dresser when the door opened.

"Calvin, just so you know, your mother and I are going out tonight," Dad said, wearing a nice shirt and a tie.

"You're going out?! You're going out when I'm still grounded?! That's not fair! If you get to go out, then I should get to go out!"

"We're not the ones who thought it was okay to throw a snowball at a little girl," Dad replied. "Rosalyn is coming to baby-sit. You'd better behave yourself."

"What?! Now you're just adding insult to injury!"

"We're leaving as soon as your mother is out of the shower. Best behavior."

On that note, he shut the door.

Calvin angrily kicked one of his toy blocks on the floor across the room. He flopped down on the bed, crossed his arms angrily and looked at the ceiling.

A moment later, Hobbes crawled out from under the bed and climbed up with him.

"What's the matter?" he asked, lying down next to him.

"Rosalyn's coming over to baby-sit while Mom and Dad get to go out," Calvin grumbled.

"Oh great," Hobbes sighed. "It's too snowy outside to play Calvinball, so we can't do that."

"She cheated anyway."

"How is that even possible in a game where you make up the rules as you go?"

"I don't know, but something tells me she did."

The doorbell rang, and Mom answered the door as she fiddled with her earrings.

Rosalyn was all bundled up in a heavy jacket and scarf as she made her way inside.

"Rosalyn, thank you for coming," Mom said gratefully.

"No problem," Rosalyn said with a sigh, removing her scarf and taking off her coat. "The drive over the icy roads wasn't too bad."

Mom winced. "Well, Calvin's grounded this week, so we just need you to make sure he stays in the house."

"Sure."

Dad came in, putting on his sport jacket. "Ah, Rosalyn's here! Good! Don't worry about Calvin. He'll be in his room all night tonight."

"Okay, good. Now then, let's talk prices."

"We're paying you your usual," Dad replied.

"Yes, but I know your wedding anniversary is coming up, and you'll need to secure a place in my calendar in advance," she replied. "That's an extra five dollars. Then, of course, there are about three movies coming out soon that you'll probably want to see…"

"Rosalyn, just how far out ahead have you got this planned?" Dad demanded.

"At least until Calvin turns nine. Whenever that is. Now then, you'll probably want to get going or they'll give your table away."

Calvin's parents looked at each other, both bewildered, but eventually they just sighed heavily, and Dad handed her a wad of bills.

"You'd better be going to a good college," he sighed.

"I could leave, you know," Rosalyn replied.

"Give her the money, dear. Let's get going," Mom said quickly, pulling the door open as she got her coat on.

Dad sighed in dismay as followed her out the door.

As soon as it was shut, Rosalyn marched straight upstairs. She found Calvin's room and knocked on the door. "Calvin? Are you in there?"

There was no reply.

Sighing to herself, Rosalyn opened the door. She was just in time to see the closet door shut. She walked over to it and tried to pull it open, finding it to be locked.

"Calvin, come out of there," she said tiredly.

"I'm not in here!" Calvin shouted in reply.

Rosalyn sighed again. "Look, I'm not in the mood for this. You just stay up here and don't come out of your room all night. I'll make frozen dinners later. Then you're going to bed. Got that?"

There was no reply again.

Deciding that was all, Rosalyn turned and left the room, shutting the door behind her.

The closet door creaked open a second later, and Calvin peeked outside. Once assured the coast was clear, and climbed out, with Hobbes right behind him.

"Great," Hobbes sighed. "What do we do now?"

Calvin shrugged. "I guess we just sit here and wait for supper?"

"Really? Just like that?"

"Might as well. I'm already in hot water. If I step out of line just once, Rosalyn will decapitate me and stick my head on a stick in the front lawn."

"So what do we do?"

Calvin glanced around the room. For once, he was rather stuck on activities they could be doing right now. There was no TV, no snacks to steal, no water balloons to throw, and they'd already had a GROSS meeting recently, so there wasn't much point to that.

Finally, he settled for sitting on the bed.

Hobbes looked at him for a long moment. "Is that it? We're just going to sit on the bed?"

"I am. You can do whatever you want."

Hobbes thought for a moment, and then he shrugged and joined his friend on the bed.

They sat in silence for a long time.

The car drove slowly over the slush that filled the streets.

Calvin's parents had been silent for most of the trip, both lost in their own thoughts.

Finally, Mom spoke. "Do you actually like Rosalyn?" she asked.

"Not really," Dad replied. "She knows how to play us like a piano. We fall for it each time."

"She's the only one who will watch him."

"I know. I wish my brother lived nearby. Calvin seemed to get along with him pretty well. He could've stayed with him."

"… Do you ever wonder if we're too hard on him?"

"Not at all. In fact, sometimes I think we're not hard enough on him."

"Oh, come on."

"Dear, he never does what anyone tells him, he doesn't want to work for anything, he's rude and obnoxious, he's always goofing off…"

"He's six, dear. He'll understand one day."

"He's terrible at sports, too. He quit playing baseball at school after only one game."

"He said the other kids yelled at him when he made a mistake."

"That's no reason to quit."

"Dear, face it. He doesn't like school. He doesn't like sports. He doesn't even like people. He hates other people. Why do you think he walks around with a stuffed tiger all day? I've heard him say smarter things to an inanimate object than he does with kids his own age. We can't exactly force him to make friends. We should probably let it happen naturally."

"I wonder if there's a medication we could prescribe that could take care of that…"

"Dear!"

"Just a thought."

An hour had passed.

Calvin and Hobbes were still on the bed, only now they were lying on their backs, staring up at the ceiling, watching as a couple of flies went zooming around the room. They had run out of conversation after only seven minutes, and they still had another three hours before dinner time began.

"This is pathetic," Calvin moaned. "We're stuck in my room watching a bunch of insects buzz around pointlessly during my vacation time. It's sad when my life is less interesting than that of a hoard of household pests."

"Well, considering that you're six years old, we can't drive, we have no money and we have an 8:30 PM bedtime I'd say we're living pretty large, given the restrictions on our lives," Hobbes replied.

Calvin rolled over onto his stomach. "I need more than this. I need action! I need excitement! I need… Whoa…"

"What?"

"Look out the window."

Hobbes rolled over and followed Calvin's gaze outside. His eyes widened in amazement.

Just over the hill, they could see a sort of bright light emanating from behind it.

"What the heck is that?" Calvin asked, mesmerized by the sight.

"I don't know, but it's making my tail go all bushy," Hobbes replied, holding up his tail to illustrate his point. "It must be trouble."

Calvin scratched his chin. "How much trouble do you think we'd get into if we went to investigate it?"

"Oh, a lot. Tons. Huge amounts. They'd never find our remains after Rosalyn got through with us."

"That's what I thought. Come on."

Calvin jumped down from the bed and hurried to his closet, pulling out his winter clothes.

"I'm going to get dressed real quick. You get to work tying the bed sheets together. I think I know where Dad hid the toboggan."

"Right," Hobbes replied, and he proceeded to undo the bed sheets.

Author's Notes: Yeah, okay, Calvin's dad is a bit of a jerk. It wouldn't surprise me, though, if it turned out that Calvin's parents had discussions like this at some point. Calvin puts a real strain on their marriage, and as Watterson said, his parents are very ambivalent about the effect he has on their lives. If he wasn't there kid, they wouldn't want anything to do with him. Paternal instinct is a fascinating disease...