A very happy (belated) birthday to Jenne11 and in honor of your birthday a special Clallas cupcake just for you!

If you don't like the more intense stuff stop reading after Darcy and Katie leave the house New Year's Day. You can begin reading again when says "I hate them." That's the only intense part in this chapter.

Ch. 4 Take My Body My Heart Is Far Behind

(MAYA)

"I don't think we should be here for New Year's there's no telling what they'll do on a night like that. A night where normal people let loose and drink is sure to be worse here. Stay the night somewhere if we can," Clare comments. Today is Christmas Eve and we're hiding out in our room, it's actually almost noon but we hear noises downstairs and we don't want to leave our room.

"I think Tris mentioned something about a party at his house I'll see if we can go there," I tell her and get out my phone. I send a text to Tris asking if Clare can come with me to the New Year's Eve party. He invited me at school but I didn't think I could go. Tris sends a text back saying she's welcome to come. "Tris says we can go to the party will we be able to get out of here?"

"Yeah it shouldn't be a problem I imagine they'll all be drinking or high pretty early. If we leave in the morning and stay out all day hopefully they won't even notice."

"Good," I sigh with relief, "I wish I could just stay at Tristan's." I make the last comment under my breath but Clare nods in agreement. We spend most of the day in our room alone until there's a knock on the door.

"It's me," Tiny calls so I get up and take off the padlock opening the door and replacing the padlock once he's in.

"We brought dinner, it's actually a Christmas dinner turkey and all. We ordered part of it and stole part of it but hey it's a meal. Darcy and Anson say everyone should eat together," Tiny tells us.

"I've been on the bed so long I'm not sure I can get up," Clare remarks. She's barely been able to move since the beating five days ago, she's spent most of that time in her bed and hardly moved. When she does move she's very sore and goes back to lying in bed which makes her stiff again. I think it's partly that her spirit was broken and partly because as long as she's injured Anson and Vince have mostly been leaving us alone.

Tiny goes over and helps her up, she groans a little but she stands. She's still in pajamas so Tiny turns his back so she can put some clothes on, she just slips on a dress. It's snowing outside but it's warm in the house. With Clare dressed we make Tiny close his eyes so we can unlock the padlock, we keep the hiding place of the key secret from absolutely everyone but us. When the padlock is unlocked I put the key back and tell Tiny he can open his eyes. When Clare tries to hide her pain as she walks Tiny supports with an arm around her. We all freeze when the door to the master bedroom opens and Anson steps out. He gives Tiny a look for having his arm around Clare.

"He's just helping me down the stairs," Clare tells Anson.

"When you want to have a turn with these two you just let me know," Anson grins at Tiny and I watch Tiny swallow slowly and then laugh nervously. "You want to get down the stairs huh? I'll take you," Anson replies taking Clare from Tiny and all at once picking her up.

She gasps just a little but from pain or surprise I can't really tell. She puts her arms around Anson's neck and he pushes past us to carry her downstairs. There are times, few as they may be, when I could swear Vince and Anson actually care about us. I guess in a strange truly fucked up way they do. Anson takes her down and sets her at the table.

"Do we get a Christmas kiss for bringing dinner?" Vince asks eyeing me and Clare.

"Don't worry Vincie I'll give you a good Christmas fuck later," Katie coos at him and I almost lose my appetite.

There's very little evidence in the house that it's even Christmas time. At some point this month someone got a tiny tree, less than a foot tall, and put it in the corner of the living room but it has no decorations. It also only has two presents under it I'm assuming are for either Vince and Anson or Katie and Darcy, I'm certain they are not for us. There's no stockings and no other decorations. It barely feels like Christmas at all, I can't think of last Christmas when we were a happy normal family or I'll start to cry.

For a few minutes it almost feels like a real Christmas, Anson begins carving the turkey while Katie and Darcy put the side dishes on the table. Vince even puts turkey on the plates and Darcy makes Clare a plate when she winces in pain. I can't forget all that's happened or why I'm here and not at home this Christmas, but I can push it to the back of my mind and at least enjoy this moment of peacefulness at dinner. Vince and Tiny even got pie for dessert but after dessert the moment of peaceful celebration ends.

"I think you two should open your presents and model them for us," Vince says to Katie and Darcy as soon as we're done eating. And that answers the question of who the presents are for.

"I'm gonna lie down again," Clare says getting up from the table.

"You need to clean up," Darcy sort of snaps at her.

"Let her rest, Tiny and Maya can clean up. Clare needs her strength back before school and she's still walking funny. We haven't been able to fuck her to exhaustion in days," Vince comments, sighing with annoyance at this fact and I shiver just at the vision in my head when he says that.

"I guess if she's walking like that at school people will ask questions. Fine Clare go lie down you two clean up," Darcy orders.

Clare gives us an apologetic look before she gets up and slowly goes upstairs. I don't want her to hurt herself more and in fact am almost sure that her ribs have begun healing but are not healing right and that's not good for her. Katie, Darcy, Anson and Vince go into the living room while Tiny and I begin to clean up. There isn't really that much and Tiny washes the dishes. Darcy and Katie's presents from their boyfriends was very skimpy lingerie, which they model in the living room. The sight of my sister in red lace and leather lingerie is an image I wish I could scrub out of my mind. At least once Vince and Anson get a view of their girlfriends in the lingerie the two couples disappear into their rooms.

"Not sure what's happening tomorrow but I thought I'd stay the night. I'll sleep down here on the sofa, anyway I know Vince is sleeping here and I'd rather not spend Christmas Eve home alone."

"Sounds good to me. I'd give anything to go back to Christmas last year and not be here but at least I have you and Clare. If I was here alone like this I'd probably kill myself, I'm surprised Clare hasn't yet."

"Why don't you go check on her I can finish cleaning," Tiny offers.

"Thanks Tiny," I smile kissing his cheek and going upstairs.

When I get into the room Clare is lying on her bed, it looks like she was crying but she's stopped. I sit on her bed and we just sit there in silence, she has music on to partially drown out the sounds of our sisters and their boyfriends having sex. We stay up on our laptops and reading but not much else, falling asleep very late and waking up late Christmas Day. Apparently there are lots of kids that either have nowhere to go and would rather be here because when we wake up there's a party downstairs. We decide to stay in our room all day long, we barely leave to use the washroom but at least Tiny brings us some of the food. This is not at all how I ever imagined I'd be spending Christmas Day, and all I want for this Christmas is to never spend another Christmas this way.

(CLARE)

"Hey glad you girls made it," Owen grins when he opens the door to his house. It's New Year's Eve and Maya and I are here for Owen and Tristan's New Year's Eve party. We snuck out early to come over so we wouldn't be trapped at our house for New Year's Eve. Even though Tristan and Owen's parents are out of town and this party is unsupervised I'm certain we'll be far safer here tonight than we would be at home. I really don't know Owen or Tristan but Tristan invited Maya and they said I could come.

"I know we're really early but we thought we'd help set up," I tell him. Actually we just didn't want to be at our house or anywhere our sisters or their boyfriends could find us.

"No worries but there's not much to do. You guys are welcome to hang out though," Owen replies as we come in and he takes our coats. "TRIS MAYA IS HERE," Owen yells and Tris comes down the stairs. "You guys want something to drink?" Owen asks.

"Just water thanks," I reply looking at the sofa and the armchair and wondering which will be easier to sit in. My ribs have healed pretty well but one spot is still very sore and it hurts to move certain ways. I decide to the sofa will be easier and sit down as Tris greets us. Owen gets me some water and Maya a can of pop and Owen sits on the sofa with me.

"So you met our Cap?" Owen comments more than asks handing me the water.

"What?" I question back furrowing my eyebrows as I have no idea what he's talking about.

"The Ice Hounds team captain Dallas, we had our first practice yesterday and he said he met you at the rink," Owen clarifies.

"Oh him, yeah we met…sort of. I've been skating at that rink my whole life and now we have some big shot hockey team so I have to find a new place to skate."

"I'm sure you can still skate there, just not when we have practice or games. I'm a very important person on the team and at the school I'm sure I could talk to Coach," Owen says puffing his chest a little.

"Yeah and you have a big ego," I shoot back.

"Yep and it comes in two sizes huge and holy crap," Owen replies in a sardonic tone.

"Just tell him to shut up," Tris tells me and Owen glowers at him just a bit.

Tris turns on the TV and we watch most of a movie before they begin setting up for the party. Maya and I offer to help but they tell us they got it and we don't need to help. While they set out the food and move the breakable stuff to a locked room I decide to go to the washroom. Only I've been sitting for a while and this sofa is low so when I do stand it hurts forcing a whimper from my lips. Maya knows why I'm whimpering and doesn't look over but the Milligan brothers do look over.

"I'm okay," I reply with as much of a smile as I can muster.

"No you're not you're moving stiffly. I've seen and had enough injuries to know what it looks like. What happened?" Owen asks.

"I fell down the stairs," I reply quickly.

"Must have been a hard fall, you break a rib?" Owen inquires.

"Cracked a couple but they've been taped up."

"Let me see," Owen asserts.

"No way, I'm not getting topless for you," I snap back.

Owen opens his mouth, then his eyes roll to the top of his head like he's playing back what I said and his mouth snaps shut again.

"You should let him look Clare, he's certified in first aid and everything, besides he's broken six ribs over the years if anyone knows how to treat a cracked rib it's him," Tris says for his brother.

"I swear I'll only look at the rib," Owen assures me.

"Fine but I have to use the washroom first," I give in.

Owen shows me where the washroom is and then he waits for me to finish. When I'm done and I open the door he steps in and I lift my shirt so Owen can see the taped ribs.

"You say you fell down the stairs?"

"Yeah lost my footing on the top step and just tumbled to the bottom. I managed not to hit my head but my torso got pretty banged up."

"Did you tape them?" Owen questions as he gently feels the bruising around the cracked ribs.

"No Tiny did."

"Tiny?"

"Bell he goes to DeGrassi, he's in grade ten."

"Well he didn't do a bad job but they may not be healing right. When did you fall?" Owen asks and I pause to think about it. I've been kicked in the ribs so many times in the last couple of weeks I can't exactly give a specific time.

"A few days before Christmas," I reply.

"You can probably take the tape off on Monday, but if you're still sore it's probably because one actually broke and didn't really heal right. Not much you can do it about it but it might cause some pain or be sore in certain positions and will be prone to breaking again most likely," Owen says putting my shirt back down. All I can think is that I know it will break again because I'm sure to get kicked in the ribs again. Owen opens the medicine cabinet and pulls out a tube of something handing it to me. "Here if it really hurts use this, just rub it in around the area. It's a topical pain reliever it will help."

"Thanks," I reply with a small smile as I take the tube. Owen grins and we walk back out to the living room. I slip the tube into my purse just as the doorbell rings. I'm closest to the door so I open it and smile when I see Fitz and Meghan. "Oh good more people I know, I was afraid everyone here would be Tristan's friends or Owen's jock friends," I comment opening the door so they can come in.

"Hi Clare," Meghan smiles and Fitz grins.

They come in and hang their coats and say hi to everyone else. Owen puts on some music and the house quickly fills teenagers, only unlike the parties at our house I'm not afraid of being around these people. I recognize a few of the niners but can't recall their names and I don't know them very well. Everyone else who comes was on a sports team with Owen and I recognize a few of them but I'm not friends with any of them or comfortable with any of them enough to talk to them. None of the Ice Hounds are here but I hear Owen say most of them are home tonight, if they live close enough, or they went to the party at Above the Dot. In fact I spend most of the time talking with Fitz and Meghan. Well they do most of the talking I mostly listen but at least there's people for me to talk to.

"How was your Christmas?" Meghan asks and then looks a little ashamed. "Sorry Clare I forgot it was your first Christmas without your parents," she apologizes.

"It's okay, Christmas was…fine, we didn't do that much mostly just a dinner. How was yours?"

"It was great; Mark came to my house. He came for Christmas Eve dinner and we went to midnight mass. He spent the night, of course he slept in my brother's room. We had all day Christmas together with my family it was absolutely wonderful," Meghan grins and her eyes sparkle as she looks at Fitz.

"Yeah it was perfect," he agrees with a grin and that same sparkle in his eyes as he looks at her. I smile at the love in their eyes, they make each other happy and they both deserve such happiness.

"It's good to see you so happy Fitz, both of you so happy. If you'll excuse me I'm going get something to eat," I remark feeling the fact that I haven't eaten since yesterday.

Fitz and Meghan smile and I get up slowly. I walk to the kitchen and see that it's getting close to midnight. At least I'm not the only single person here but I also don't want to be kissed at midnight by one of the single boys. I decide to keep an eye on the time and hide in the washroom when it's almost midnight. At two minutes to midnight I start walking back to the washroom and Owen catches my arm in the hallway.

"You know a more effective hiding place would have been one of the bedrooms upstairs," Owen comments.

"I wasn't hiding," I protest and Owen cocks a dubious eyebrow at me. "Fine but I didn't want to be randomly kissed at midnight, I thought it might be better to just avoid the whole thing."

"You can't avoid New Year's Eve. Come on I'll be your midnight kiss," he says and now I cock an eyebrow. "On the cheek, geez first you accuse me of trying to see you topless and then you act like I'm going to assault you for a New Year's kiss. If my ego wasn't so big I might be offended."

"Sorry, I just…," I bite my lip pausing on a breath unsure what to tell him. It's not really Owen, it's dealing with Anson and Vince and all the guys they and my sister have given me to that's made me wary of the male gender. "Sorry," I finally sigh.

"Don't sweat it, now come on it's almost midnight," Owen says taking my arm and pulling me back to the living room. We count down to midnight and Owen kisses my cheek. I see Maya kiss Tristan's cheek too and the couples kissing while anyone not in a couple either looks for someone to kiss or just takes a drink.

Since tomorrow is Saturday the party goes until nearly four in the morning, of course by then most everyone has left and Maya and I are the last two people here.

"You guys want to stay the night? Well night's almost done but you can sleep here. Our parents are gone until Sunday," Owen offers.

"Yeah thanks if you're sure it's okay?"

"Yeah no problem, you can sleep in our parent's room and Maya can sleep in Tristan's room she's done it before."

Maya and I follow them upstairs and Maya says goodnight as she goes into Tristan's room. He's got a queen size bed but seeing as Tristan is gay and Maya's best friend I know she's not worried about him trying to do anything to her. Owen shows me his parent's room and we put clean sheets on the bed.

"I'm right across the hall if you need anything," Owen tells me.

"Thanks Owen," I grin.

He leaves the room and I take off my shoes and jeans before getting in the bed. It's warm and comfortable and I'm safe here so I sleep very well. We also sleep quite late no one wakes up until after three in the afternoon. We all eat cold pizza for breakfast and as much as Maya and I don't want to go home I know that we eventually have to.

"Thanks for letting us stay but we should probably get home," I remark after eating.

"We'll give you a lift," Owen says.

"No it's okay we can walk," Maya replies.

"I wasn't offering, it's freezing outside I don't want you guys walking," Owen states.

I don't really know Owen too well but even I know it's probably useless to argue with him. So Maya and I get our coats and purses from the closet, Owen and Tris get their coats and we all go out to Owen's SUV. It snowed again but Owen has snow chains on his tires and they plow the streets anyway, so it only takes a moment to get down the street to our house.

"Thanks for the lift and letting us st…"

"WHERE IN THE HELL HAVE YOU TWO BEEN!" Darcy screams storming out of the house before I can finish.

Maya and I get out of the SUV and so does Owen. I also see a change in him, he's become stiff, slightly red and his fists are clenched. Darcy yelling at us seems to have ticked Owen off.

"We went to a New Year's party at Tristan and Owen's house," I reply. We had previously mentioned that we'd be going to their New Year's party but we told Katie and she was high at the time. Mostly because if we told the others or someone who was sober we afraid that they wouldn't let us go.

"You never got permission for that and we didn't know where you were," Darcy says but her voice still holds venom and I'm sure she wasn't worried at all.

"The party went late and I let them stay over," Owen tells her.

"Get inside both of you," Darcy demands.

"We'll see you guys at school Monday," I say to Owen and he relaxes a little. At least he has the sense not to get into it with my sister. Owen glares at her a second longer before getting in the car again. Then Maya and I reluctantly go inside, waving to Owen as he drives off.

"They went to a party," Darcy informs Katie and Vince when we come inside.

"Woo party," Katie giggles and I can see that she's high again.

"We did not give you permission to go to a party, we had a party here and you weren't around when we needed you," Darcy hisses and I can't decide if she's coming down or she was drinking or if she's just turned into a perpetual bitch. "You two are nothing and you do nothing without our permission," Darcy snarls picking up the stone cutting board from the counter. Before Maya and I can react Darcy smacks us both on the arm with the cutting board and we both whimper in pain.

"I'll punish them, why don't you and Katie go get something to eat," Vince comments taking Katie off his lap. He takes out his wallet and hands some money to Darcy. He kisses Katie and then Darcy takes Katie's hand and they leave the house. Vince gave them sixty dollars so I'm sure they'll go shopping as well.

"We told Katie we were going," Maya says weakly.

"Like I care. I like your sister but when she's that high she can't do anything but giggle when I fuck her and it's a turn off," Vince replies grabbing our hands and pulling us up to our room.

He tosses Maya onto the bed and rips open her jeans, she starts to cry but she doesn't fight, she knows not to. Fighting only leads to worse things and more pain. She lies there and lets him and I leave the room but not the house. I know he's coming for me next and if I leave he'll just hurt Maya even more so I stay in the hall. I don't want to watch, I don't want to listen either but I don't want to go too far and make him angry. I know when he's done because Maya comes running out for the washroom and Vince calls for me. He's taking off the condom he used with Maya and he tells me to undress. He won't be ready for sex again for a few minutes but that doesn't mean I'll be spared until he's ready.

I hear Maya in the shower, she doesn't even have the door closed, she's just trying to wash off the disgusting, dirty feeling. I undress and Vince pulls me to the bed. He squeezes my breasts and roughly fingers me until he's hard again. Then he has me put the condom on him and he jabs in roughly, fucking me hard. I lie there and close my eyes letting him abuse my body while I disappear into the world inside my mind. A world of no pain and no abuse, my sanctuary within my heart and the only thing that's kept me from going insane all these months. I hear Vince leaving the room when he's done and I release a breath I've been holding for I don't know how long. It's only when I move to get dressed again that I feel all the pain. As I'm getting into pajamas Maya comes back in the room and locks the door.

"I hate them," Maya says as she sits on my bed. "I hate them all. My sister only cares about getting high, yours doesn't care at all and Vince and Anson get pleasure form hurting us."

I nod but make no reply, what can I say? She's right and I hate them too.

We spend the rest of the night and all of Sunday locked in our room. Eating and drinking only some of the water and snacks that we keep in here. Katie is not going to school Monday, I'm sure at some point she'll tell Simpson she has to work and is dropping out, Maya and I are going to school and will stay as long as we can.

At least when we get up for school Monday morning everyone else is still asleep. We get ready quietly and leave the house walking to school. All the Ice Hounds are here and seem to be gathered out front.

"I'm going to go find Tris," Maya tells me and runs inside. I begin ascending the steps at a much slower pace because I'm still hurting from last night.

"Hey Ice Angel," Dallas calls. I hear his voice but I don't realize he's talking to me until he runs over. "Clare wait up," he says catching up to me at the top step and opening the door for me.

"Did you just call me Ice Angel? And how did you know my name?" I question stepping through the door.

"Yeah I did and I'm billeted with the Torres family that's why I know your name. Imagine my luck when I see this incredibly beautiful girl dancing on the ice, and then I find out her bestie is my billet brother," Dallas grins.

"Yeah lucky you," I reply with a bit of a sarcastic bite in my tone as I proceed to walk toward my locker.

"Hey slow down how about you show me around?"

"I can't," I shake my head and then run to my locker. I put away my books and then go to the caf to get something to eat. I grab some breakfast but when I'm at the register to pay Dallas comes over and pays for me. "That was sweet of you Mike but that wasn't necessary," I reply sitting down at a table. I see the Ice Hounds are all in here now but Dallas sits by me.

"Just showing you I'm not such a bad guy," he replies.

"I never thought you were a bad guy."

"You'll barely look at me. Are you really eating nothing but fruit for breakfast? That's no kind of breakfast, wait here," he insists getting up from the table. He goes back to the line and then gets something else returning a few minutes later. "Here you go breakfast of champions," he grins.

"A cupcake?"

"Yep a cupcake, it's like a muffin but with enough sugar to get you through the snooze-fest of class," he smiles holding it out to me.

"You eat it," I shake my head.

"C'mon I got it for you. Cupcakes make everything better at least a bite," Dallas insists.

"You don't take no for answer do you?"

"No I d…" he's saying when I smash the cupcake into his face. His eyes go wide and I start giggling.

"You look better with frosting on your face," I laugh.

"Oh do I? Let's see how you look," he smiles wiping some of the chocolate from his cheek and trying to put it on me.

I laugh and grab his hand pushing it away from me, he leans closer trying to get the chocolate frosting on my nose. He's stronger than I am and his finger is nearly at my face. Then without thinking I open my mouth and lick the frosting from his finger. His eyes go wide again but this time with pleasure and one side of his lips curl up in a carnal smile. It suddenly occurs to me what I did and what he's probably thinking. I let go of his arm and duck under it.

"I have to go," I say quickly and then run from the caf.

The next update is not until Wednesday, August 3rd sadly. The update will probably pick up from about here in Dallas' pov and it will also include Cam's pov all on the first day at school.