Disclaimer: chapter 4 and I'm still not J.K. Rowling! I don't own these boys (sadly) or Hogwarts (sadder still) or any other facet of the Wizarding World.

Remus didn't want him. Sirius walked slowly through the fallen leaves, crushing them into a damp mulch beneath his feet. It had been raining all morning and Hogwarts was still dripping, puddles of rainwater forming where it ran off the roof. The Forest, though it couldn't be described as cosy, was much drier, much quieter. The perfect place to be alone.

For Sirius, the Forest had long been a place of lonely walks, of self-hatred and big realisations. He walked there alone back in second year, when Regulus was sorted into Slytherin. In third year, when he realised he was gay, and September of last year when he finally told the other marauders. Last December when he fucked up in the biggest way possible, let slip a secret which nearly got Remus expelled or worse. It always came back to Remus, Sirius reflected, one way or another. He couldn't pinpoint exactly when he'd started seeing him as more than just a friend, but that tentative thought had managed to slowly escalate to a full-blown crush, right through to the soul-crushing worship of unrequited love. He really did like Remus. A lot. It was something to do with the way Remus' eyes moved when he was reading, flicking from one line to the next, devouring the sentences, or the way a single curl of hair – longer than the rest – liked to fall into his face, breaking his concentration. Or perhaps it was the way he didn't let you copy his homework, insisting you did it yourself so you would learn, or the way that, in the end, he was always right. Sirius kicked a pine-cone in front of him as he walked, irritated when it tumbled off the path and into the undergrowth. He thought of the full moon and how he'd deserted Remus, selfishly, cradling his own hurt feelings. That wasn't good enough. You didn't desert someone you loved. So Sirius put himself aside and made a decision, which was this – if he and Remus were destined to just be friends, then he would be the fucking greatest friend a boy could ever dream of.

"Padfoot? Pads, is that you?"

He spun around to see James approaching, looking very dishevelled.

"You okay, Prongs?" he asked, "What's with the long face?"

James rolled his eyes half-heartedly.

"That joke wasn't funny the first time," he said, slumping to the ground beneath a tree. Sirius sat down beside him.

"You gonna tell me what's up?" he asked.

"Evans."

Smiling, Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Please don't tell me you asked her out again,"

James nodded and Sirius inhaled slowly, fighting back laughter.

"She rejected you?"

"Mmm,"

"I wonder why,"

"Hey!" James protested, "I haven't asked her for a whole week! That's plenty of time for her to have changed her mind,"

He really didn't understand James sometimes.

"If you say so, Prongsie."

oOo

Padfoot was nowhere to be found. Remus had searched all afternoon until eventually he'd given up and returned to the dorm, dripping wet and in need of a hot chocolate and a blanket. He found the latter, and was wrapped up, snug as a bug, when the door opened, admitting a slightly soggy Sirius.

"Hey, Moony," Sirius said as he plonked down onto his own bed, casting a Drying Spell.

"Hey, Pads," said Remus, his stomach spiky with nerves. If there's something you need to do, but you're terrified, how do you do it? Quickly. He could do this.

"Uh, Sirius can I, can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure, Moons, of course,"

Remus took a steadying breath.

"You remember what happened in July," he said. It was a statement, not a question.

"You've apologised," said Sirius, "it's fine, it's over."

"I know. But I never explained, not properly,"

Sirius lay back on his bed, hands rested on his chest.

"Let's hear it," he said.

And now Remus had to tell him. Oh shit, this was harder than he thought! But Sirius would be okay with it, wouldn't he? He stuttered and forgot his words. Of course he would, this was Sirius. He scraped the dirt out from under one of his nails. He mumbled and had to repeat himself. He started over and spoke louder.

"… and I can't believe I called you that, that word, I'm so sorry Sirius!" Remus said, "I just… I didn't want anyone to know… I wasn't ready and I didn't want you to guess that, uh, that I'm… well, that I'm gay."

And then he'd said it. No turning back.

"So… you called me a fag because I joked you were gay, but you actually were and you didn't want me to find out?" said Sirius.

Remus winced.

"It sounds so stupid when you say it like that,"

Sirius shook his head.

"No, it isn't stupid," he said, "you panicked, I get it,"

"I'm sorry," Remus mumbled, looking at the floor. He looked up as he heard Sirius cross the space between their beds to sit next to him.

"Can I give you a hug?" Sirius asked, and when Remus nodded, he did. His arms felt strong and Remus was shaking.

"Thank you for telling me, Moony," he murmured into Remus' hair, "thank you for trusting me."

It was over, he'd said it, he'd finally said it! Relief and adrenaline shuddered through his body, and Sirius held him as he cried.

Dinnertime rolled around, and the marauders sat together as usual. Sirius had agreed not to tell the others, not yet at least, and Remus was incredibly grateful for this. He knew how difficult it was for Sirius to keep things from James. James would be fine with it, he was sure, and Peter too – they'd been brilliant when Sirius had come out – but it was still scary, and Remus had had enough for one day.

He watched James write something on a piece of parchment and fold it carefully into the shape of a swan, frowning in concentration. Then he levitated it and it flew across the Gryffindor table towards, dear Godric, please tell me it isn't… yep, straight onto Lily's plate. Remus groaned as she opened it and read the note.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" The hall went silent as Lily's voice rang out above the chatter. "I don't understand how you can really be this much of an idiot!"

"One day, Evans, you'll realise how bad you have it for me," said James, and he winked. Remus hid behind Sirius, pretending he wasn't there. Sometimes he really didn't want to associate himself with James Potter.

"That's the second time today! The second time! Really, Potter, I don't know where you get this preposterous idea I'd look twice at an arrogant, disrespectful, worthless shitbag like you!"

James opened his mouth and closed it again, as the hall burst into laughter around them.

"Language, Miss Evans!" scolded Professor McGonagall, striding up to the Gryffindor table, "Evans, Potter – detention!"

"But Professor!" James exclaimed, "I haven't done anything wrong!"

"I believe Miss Evans would say otherwise," said McGonagall.

Sirius grinned at Remus, tears of laughter shining in his eyes, and Remus was sure he'd never seen anything more beautiful.

A/N: thanks for reading, and thanks to everybody who's reviewed/favourited (is that a word? It should be). I'm terribly sorry for the lack of Sirius' birthday – it's coming next chapter, I promise! Shout-out to my amazing beta reader for helping me turn this chapter into something worth posting :)

Have a glorious day,

Rhyd

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