Hey Everyone! Thank you so much to all of you for reading, reviewing and loving this story! You are all incredible!
A super thank you to Court81981 and Pookieh - They are both amazing betas, incredible writers, and are just simply the best! :) TY guys!
And with that...Enjoy!
Katniss turns the key and pushes open the door to her one-bedroom apartment a few blocks from the hospital. It's spacious, and even has a deck with a skyline view. Rent has been paid through the end of the year, thanks to the settlement from the shipping company whose driver had killed her parents.
The driver had driven too long without stopping. He was eager to make his deadline so he could collect his bonus, but instead he inadvertently claimed the the lives of a husband and wife who left behind two children.
Katniss was 21 at the time and in the final few months of her undergrad degree at Michigan State when she got the phone call from her Aunt Sae telling her she needed to come home— that both her parents were dead.
It was lucky in a way that the accident happened when it did. Prim was 17 and had already been accepted to John Hopkins University for pre med, so the state didn't have to intervene. Katniss made arrangements with her professors which allowed her to complete the semester from her hometown in West Virginia. She was a straight-A student so her professors readily accepted the arrangement.
The last time she saw her parents alive was over Christmas break when they teased her for being so serious, always with her nose in an anatomy book. In fact her mother had to take the book away during Christmas dinner. She had rolled her eyes at their attempts to awaken levity in her. But now she wishes she had taken their advice; if she had, maybe she would have remembered what happened at the last dinner her family would share. Instead Katniss had been obsessively visualizing the aortic valve.
Katniss tosses her keys on her small kitchen table. She haphazardly drops her jacket into a chair. She then pads over to the refrigerator and retrieves herself a Blue Moon before slumping onto her couch with a groan.
Today has been long day for her. It started with that emergency at 4 am and now her bleary eyes glance at the clock to see its 8 pm, and somewhere in between she had met Peeta Mellark. She sighs loudly at the thought of him. She recalls his shaggy blond hair, his strong jaw line, his broad chest and those eyes, God those eyes. Katniss doesn't think she has ever seen a shade of blue so brilliant in her life.
She thinks about their conversation this afternoon, and though the idea of bringing him to Dunkin Donuts still makes her cringe, she smiles at how easy it was to be with him, how his smile made her smile, and how his laugh made her heart skip a beat. He even rolled with the punches when it came to her patented social awkwardness. Peeta seemed to go out of the way to make her feel comfortable.
She knows he is strong, she could tell from his arms and the way his blue henley stretched over his broad chest, and the muscles she could feel in his back when reciprocating his hug of appreciation.
She hopes he didn't notice the way she inhaled deeply while he held her in his arms. She vividly remembers the combination scent of cinnamon and warm sugar that wafted off of him. She wonders if his tongue tastes similar.
It's been awhile since Katniss has been with anyone else. She was never good at interacting with others so finding someone of the opposite sex was never as easy as it was for the other women she knows.
She's not a virgin, of course. She has been with a few guys in her twenty-six years. There was that jerk Lance Marvel in high school. She has no idea what attracted her to him, and she was nothing more than a conquest in his eyes. Then there was that shy guy, Thom, from her organic chemistry class at Michigan State. He was the closest thing to a relationship she had ever had, but that seemed to fizzle out quicker than it started. Then of course there was Andrew Gloss, who had finished his residency a year ago. At his going away party —after six shots of tequila— Katniss had given him head. The good-looking surgeon confessed that he had harbored a crush on her since she started the year before, and she can only assume her vomiting on his shoes was a good enough indicator that she wasn't interested.
But now all she can think while lying alone on her couch is if she would feel stubble if her tongue licked Peeta's strong jaw
Before she can stop herself, Katniss has popped open the top button of her jeans, and she slides her fingers into her black cotton boy shorts. She is already slick from her thoughts of Peeta and begins working her center in a tight circular motion. She imagines Peeta's mouth on hers, the feel of his tongue. She fantasizes about her hands thrust into his unruly curls, imagining how soft his hair is on her fingertips. She recalls the sparkle in his blue eyes and the sexy half smile he gets when he calls her 'Dr. Everdeen'.
"Ahhh!" she calls out as her orgasm hits her. She gasps at the intensity of it, but continues to move her fingers as the aftershocks wear off. She pulls her hand out from her pants and instantly feels guilty.
"He has a girlfriend," she mumbles to herself. She can't help but think she would hate the idea of some other woman getting off to thoughts of the guy she was dating.
"But you don't have a boyfriend, do you?" she reminds herself, feeling annoyed that the first guy she has been interested in for a long time now belongs to someone else.
"It's a sign, you know." She rubs her tired eyes. "You don't have time to sleep, nevermind date. Plus he wouldn't be interested in you anyway" She laments before draining the rest of her beer and heading to her room. She barely has enough energy to strip down to her underwear before falling into bed.
As the tendrils of sleep begin to tug at her, she knows she is better off not having someone romantically in her life; she doesn't need the distraction right now.
But that doesn't make her bed any less lonely.
Charlie has become quite the celebrity at Mockingjay in the two days since his surgery. Every time Katniss has gone to the wards to visit him — and she has visited a lot — there is always someone hanging around his cage, talking to him or petting him. The doctors and techs are a sucker for a well-behaved, friendly dog, and Charlie is one of the most well-trained, sweetest dogs Katniss has ever met, but that's not the only reason he's popular.
Today she walks in on two techs gossiping about how hot Charlie's owner is. She instantly feels her jaw clench and begins grinding her teeth. One of the technicians has Charlie outside of the cage and on a leash.
"What are you doing?" Katniss asks, startling the busty blonde with the green eyes.
"Just doing a discharge. The owner's here." Katniss feels her breath catch in her throat, and her stomach does an uncomfortable flip at the thought of Peeta being in the hospital.
"I can take him out." She gestures for the tech to hand over the leash. The blonde narrows her eyes at her.
"No, I'm all set." A disingenuous smile is plastered on her face. "It's my job." She possessively clings to the leash.
"Well..." Katniss glances down at the tech's name tag and has to stifle a laugh. "...Glimmer, I am this patient's doctor, and I would like to have a few words with the owner." Katniss smiles sweetly while Glimmer huffs out a breath.
"Fine." She hands Katniss the leash, and the discharge packet. Katniss turns around before smiling triumphantly, but as she leaves the wards with Charlie she feels foolish.
She's being ridiculous and she knows it, but that doesn't stop the fluttering in her stomach and the heat on her cheeks when she sees Peeta — this time wearing a gray v-neck sweater and dark blue jeans— sitting in the waiting area. She eagerly approaches him, her anxiety and excitement bubbling up in the back of her throat.
When she is only a few feet away, she notices he is on the phone. His jaw is set, his mouth in a grim line, his brow furrowed, and he looks pissed. Katniss isn't sure if she should bother him; she is still contemplating turning around when Peeta looks up, spotting her. His expression instantly changes from one of frustration to pleasant surprise. He mouths a 'hi' to her, and she returns it with a small wave. He then lifts his finger indicating for her to wait a moment. Charlie is pulling on the leash, trying to move towards his dad, and Katniss finally gives in, letting him walk over to the man on the phone. Peeta smiles widely at the dog, and pats him on the head before looking frustrated again.
"I understand that," he says firmly into the phone. "Vi...the doctor's here with Charlie. I gotta go." There is a small pause. "We'll talk about this later...Ok...bye." For a moment he just stares at the screen on his phone, but then shakes his head and looks up to Katniss, who is trying to appear oblivious to his private conversation.
"Hey." He smiles warmly at her. "The tech that just came out here told me you had the day off." Katniss curses under her breath at the technician with the stupid name.
"Yeah, well, I'm here." She shrugs, pretending that Peeta asking for her doesn't affect her.
"Good." He picks up a white pastry box at his side, then extends it towards Katniss. "Because I made you these." She wordlessly takes the package from his hands, a warmth suddenly bubbling inside of her. "I didn't know what other stuff you liked so I went with what I knew." Katniss slowly opens the lid, revealing four blueberry muffins. She can't stop the smile that overtakes her face.
"Thank you," she says to him as the lid drops closed, the smell of the fresh muffins curling into her face as it does, causing her to quietly groan.
"I mean I can't promise they're as good as Dunks, but..." He grins at her. She rolls her eyes back at him but lets out a chuckle.
"Whatever, they didn't have them where I grew up, ok?" She tries hard to scowl. Peeta looks confused.
"Where did you grow up? The middle of nowhere?"
"Yup, basically. 'Middle of nowhere,' West Virginia actually."
"Oh." Peeta cocks an eyebrow. "I would never have guessed that."
"Why? Because I don't sound like a hick?" She smirks. Peeta's eyes widen.
"No!" he says emphatically while shaking his head, but then he lets it fall forward. "Yes," he admits, causing Katniss to burst out laughing. Once she catches her breath, she looks around nervously. She spots Annie eyeballing her from the front desk. Katniss turns back to Peeta quickly.
"So...Charlie." She changes the subject and crouches down to affectionately rub the patient dog. She then begins explaining to the attentive blond about how Charlie has done since his surgery. She briefly goes over all the information that she gave to Peeta a couple of days prior.
"The stitches will come out in six weeks at Charlie's check up, but until then you can't get the area wet." She looks up at Peeta. "If the area and limb become overly swollen or the incision smells foul or is oozing anything other than clear discharge you are going to need to bring him back in." Peeta nods. She then pulls two pill containers out of Charlie's ward folder.
"This is Metacam and Tramadol for pain. The instructions are on the bottle. Charlie has been doing great, but I would still strictly follow the dosing instructions for the next few days, after that if he is doing well I would drop the tramadol from every eight hours to every twelve and the metacam from every twelve hours to once a day." When she looks into Peeta's eyes she sees panic and has to bite back a smile. "Don't worry, everything I have said to you will be on a print out when you check out at the front desk." She watches Peeta exhale.
"Oh good," he says, relieved. Katniss smiles before crouching down next to Charlie once more.
"I'm going to miss you, Charlie." She pauses when his long pink tongue pokes out to lick her face, making her giggle. "I want you to get better quick, and I'll see you in six weeks, alright?" She pats him twice on the top of the head before standing up. Her stomach does a flip again when she sees the intense look on Peeta's face; his eyes are a shade or two darker than usual, and an emotion Katniss is not familiar with flashes quickly across the blue pools before he shakes his head slightly, and they return to normal.
"So do you have any questions?" She secretly hopes he does.
"Umm, I'm sure I do, but I can't think of any right now." He rubs the back of his neck. Katniss tries to hide her disappointment.
"Well that's okay," she says reassuringly. "If anything comes up you can give me a call... I mean... not me, but the hospital... I mean I may be the one to field the call, but...yeah." She lowers her head and sighs.
"Thank you, Dr. Everdeen." She glances up to meet his kind smile. "Ready to go Charlie?" The dog perks up at the sound of his name. "See you in six weeks," he says to Katniss with a sexy grin that almost hurts her to look at.
"Six weeks," she echoes.
"Come on, bud." He gestures for Charlie to follow him. The dog licks Katniss's hand once before turning to follow his owner. After walking a few feet, she calls out to him.
"Thanks for the muffins." She lifts the box in her hands when he turns around.
"My pleasure," he replies with a smile. "Thanks for taking care of Charlie." Then he and the dog walk out the door.
Katniss can't quite explain the emptiness she feels in her gut; she assumes it is hunger so she takes her 'thank you' gift back to the empty surgery office. She plops down into a chair, flips the cardboard lid up and retrieves a delicious looking muffin. She pulls off a chunk of the top and places it on her tongue, and her eyes roll into the back of her head. The muffin is moist and fluffy, and every bite contains juicy bits of blueberry, the whole of it seemingly melting on her tongue.
"Grr," she growls, "Why can't you be single, Peeta Mellark?" She directs her complaint at the muffin.
"He's with someone?" She hears a soft voice from behind her." Katniss swivels her chair and finds Annie standing in the doorway, a frown on her face. She nods to the receptionist, whose face falls completely. "Oh no, that's awful!"
"Geez, Annie you seem more upset than I am. Should Finnick be worried?" She smirks at the pretty brunette, who exhales an exasperated breath.
"No it's not that. It's just you looked like you were hitting it off, and I don't know, he's the first guy you've seemed interested in as long as I've known you. So I guess I was hoping something would happen." Annie's pout breaks Katniss's heart. The cocky surgeon's wife is one of the sweetest people Katniss has ever met; when others hurt, she hurts too.
"It's no big loss," Katniss starts. "Even if he had been single, nothing would have happened."
"Why do you say that?" A confused look clouds her face.
"Because I'm too busy right now." Annie rolls her eyes at Katniss's answer.
"Oh come on, Kat. Finnick and I spent plenty of time together while he was doing his residency.
"Well... I..."
"What's the real reason? Tell me," Annie coaxes.
"Ahh." Katniss scrubs her face in frustration. "Because I'm a social nightmare, and I'm too skinny, and I'm not particularly pretty. There is no way that someone as good looking and as sweet as Peeta Mellark would want to be with someone like me." When she looks up at Annie, Katniss is startled by the tears in her green eyes.
"Do you really believe that? You know that's not..."
Katniss cuts her off, trying to stop the conversation before Annie tries to tell her things that just aren't true. "It is what it is, Annie. Now are you going to help me eat this muffin or not?"
Annie acquiesces, grabbing a chunk of muffin being offered and sits down in the seat next to Katniss; she takes a bite and moans out loud.
"Oh, shit!" Katniss snorts at Annie cursing. "This is incredible."
"Right?" Katniss's voice still heavy with disbelief. "His bakery is in Salem, by the way."
"Oh, do you know where?" Katniss shakes her head in response.
"Its called Mellarks." Katniss adds. Annie's eyes brighten with realization.
"That's by the wharf, right?" Katniss shrugs, swallowing her muffin.
"So... a baker made these?" Annie asks, and Katniss nods, while chewing a piece of the moist muffin "For you?" Katniss narrows her eyes at Annie, but nods again."Because?" Annie prompts.
"Because I helped his dog." Katniss snaps.
"Right, because you helped his dog." Annie nods sarcastically. "Because of that you were brought delicious homemade muffins."
"What are you getting at?"
"I'm just wondering why Gale— who actually saved Charlie's life— didn't get any baked goods."
"Shut up." Katniss scoffs. "You're delusional, Annie. He has a girlfriend."
"So you say." Annie waggles her eyebrows suggestively.
"God, Finnick is such a bad influence on you." Katniss shakes her head, causing the receptionist to burst into giggles
Annie breaks one of the remaining muffins in half, taking one of the pieces and heads towards the door. Before she exits she turns back to Katniss.
"Hey, Finn and I are having a barbecue next Saturday, that's your weekend off right?
"Yeah," Katniss confirms.
"Then you'll come," Annie asks hopefully.
"I don't see why not," Katniss says with a shrug. Annie smiles wide in return.
"Great." She takes a bite of the muffin half in her hand. "I..." she moans. "I can't get over how good these are." She smiles sadly. "See you you later Kat." She gives the surgeon a small wave.
"Later." Katniss calls out after her, then retrieves the abandoned muffin half, pulling off a chunk and popping it into her mouth.
"Well, Peeta Mellark." She sighs. "Your girlfriend is a lucky woman." She finishes the muffin and then heads back to work.
Peeta parks the Jeep in his spot behind the coffee shop and lets his head rest against the steering wheel. He listens to Charlie's steady panting coming from the backseat as he tries to calm himself down.
The car ride home had consisted of a heated conversation between him and Lavinia. Tonight there is a function at her work. This event has been six months in the making, and six months ago, Peeta was more than happy to go, especially when he knew Jerry Remy —the long-time Red Sox announcer — would be in attendance; now however, the thought of going fills him with anxiety.
He really wanted to go to support Lavinia, but as the days have gotten closer, Peeta has started feeling almost manic. He tried to explain all of this to his girlfriend, hoping that she would understand how the idea of being around people who could easily enjoy themselves made his stomach churn with panic, and his throat tighten with fear, but she wasn't hearing any of it, and instead demanded that Peeta get his act together and show up.
He finally gets out of the car; Charlie goes to jump out as well, but Peeta stops him just in time and picks up the dog, gently placing him on the concrete. When they get to the stairs, Peeta freezes. The take-home information that he received at Charlie's discharge says some stairs are alright, but this is a whole flight. Without another thought, Peeta scoops the chocolate lab up and walks up to his condo.
Once inside, Charlie excitedly walks around the house, sniffing everything he comes across. When he enters the bedroom he finds the little flight of carpeted stairs leading to the bed. Peeta had purchased them just yesterday, knowing Charlie would need help getting up on the king-sized bed. Charlie makes a circle on the comforter, lies down, closes his eyes and falls asleep. Peeta smiles broadly at the scene. He is so relieved that Charlie is safe at home.
For the next two hours he paces the apartment, trying to get up the nerve to go to the NESN event. At one point he actually puts on his tux and styles back his hair the way Lavinia likes it. He is starting to feel better—he might actually be able to do this, but not fifteen minutes later he is tearing off his bow tie and dragging his fingers nervously through his hair, and eventually changes back into his regular clothes. He throws on his Red Sox hat and sunglasses then grabs his keys.
"Charlie," he calls out. "Want to go for a ride?" In seconds, the dog is at his side. Peeta looks in the mirror before they walk out and is disgusted by what he sees. He has never been the type of person to let down those he loves, but now it seems to be a trend with him. "She deserves better than you," he mumbles to his reflection before taking Charlie's leash and walking out the door.
With the windows down, Peeta and Charlie drive up the coast, over the bridge in Beverly, past the mansions of Manchester-by-the-sea, by the Fisherman Memorial in Gloucester, and then stop at a fried seafood joint in Essex. They dine on a ginormous pile of clam strips and french fries, and Peeta occasionally squirts water into Charlie's mouth from his water bottle.
He only stops to let Charlie go to the bathroom, but otherwise he just keeps going. He feels like if he could just get far enough away from real life, then he can escape the pain as well.
It is very late when Peeta finally arrives back home. He parks his Jeep and cradles the sleeping dog in his arms before heading upstairs. The lights are on inside, and he can hear noises coming from the bedroom. He gently places Charlie on the couch then takes a deep breath and walks into his room.
Lavinia stands over a suitcase, her body clad in a tight black dress which hugs each and every one of her curves.
"You look beautiful." Peeta alerts her to his presence. He waits for her to start the inevitable yelling, but she doesn't, and when she turns around he can tell that she has been crying.
"So you're alive." Peeta can hear relief above anything else in her voice. "You didn't answer any of my texts."
"Sorry," he mumbles, looking to the floor. "I turned off my phone." He watches her bite her bottom lip and nod in understanding before turning back to the task at hand. "What are you doing?"
"Leaving." Her voice is eerily calm.
"What do you mean, leaving?" Lavinia sighs before dropping a silky blouse into the suitcase. She turns around to face him.
"I'm leaving you, Peeta. I can't do this anymore." She stops to wipe the tears that have begun running down her already splotchy cheeks. "You're not the man I fell in love with, and I'm sick of trying to get him back." The truth of her words cuts deep, and he can feel his bottom lip begin to quiver, and tears fill up his eyes.
"I'm sorry," he confesses.
"I know you are. I am too." She gives him a weak smile before turning back to her suitcase.
Peeta leaves her be and sits next to Charlie on the couch. Lavinia finishes packing and without another word leaves quickly. He doesn't try to stop her; he knows he doesn't deserve her. His mind drifts back to those days right after his father had died. Peeta had shut down completely, and it was Lavinia who had made sure he ate, drank and showered. She was the one who made sure 'Mellarks' was staffed properly. Lavinia was even the one to make the funeral arrangements and attempted to— unsuccessfully — hunt down his estranged mother, all the while Peeta went through the motions like a zombie. Sure Lavinia never talked to him about what he was feeling or tried to snap him out of his funk, but why should she, when she was in charge of everything else? She deserves better than some guy who can't keep his shit together, and so he doesn't chase after her when the door clicks shut.
Lavinia is right—he is a different person, and he hates it, but just like her, he doesn't know how to get the old him back.
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