Chapter 4

Monster

"I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel."

And cue Cyborg—talk about a delayed reaction—running into Silhouette's room, cannons at the ready, screaming about intruders and other unintelligible problems that Silhouette may or may not have been screaming about, even though none of them were anywhere close to what had actually happened. Ninjas and aliens were apparently involved, and the ninjas were going to duct-tape the Titans to the wall while the aliens probed them.

Robin groaned and flopped back on the bed, covering his exposed face with his hands. Silhouette brought her own hands to her face to stifle her giggles. In the doorway, Beast Boy and Raven had rejoined the party, struggling to hide laughs of their own. Robin grumpily got up from the bed and calmed Cyborg's nerves, slowly shoving the large, robotic man out of the door, getting rid of Raven and Beast Boy in the process.

He threw a quick goodnight over his shoulder as he closed the door and separated Silhouette from all of the laughing and grumbling Titans. Apparently none of this had woken up Starfire, because Silhouette still couldn't hear her voice. She promptly sighed and lay back, flinging her arms out beside her. She felt of sort of silky material under her hand, and brought it up to her face. It was Robin's mask.

She smiled and pushed herself out of bed, made her way towards the door, and slowly pushed it open. Tip-toeing down the hall as not to raise suspicion, she made her was to Robin's door and knocked softly. He opened it not a moment later, an eyebrow raised above tired blue eyes. Said eyes flickered to the mask Silhouette held in her hand and then back up to her eyes. He silently reached out and took the mask from her grasp, giving her a smile and nod in thanks. She smiled back and began to walk down the hall as his door softly closed behind her.

Silhouette had a plan. A wonderfully terrible plan. It could get her killed. It could save her life. She didn't even care at this point. So, as silently as possible, she changed out of her pajamas. Donning her new black combat boots, a pair of ripped skinny jeans, and a random purple tank top she threw on, Silhouette slowly made her way down the stairs of Titan Tower. She could feel the comforting weight of her old dagger tucked safely in her boot and smiled to herself.

The journey out of the Tower was nerve racking. Gar would've killed her had he known that she had left the Tower, let alone for what she had actually planned. So she kept it to herself as she jogged through Jump City, hating every moment in the people-filled town. In all honesty, she wanted nothing more than to run out of the city limits and never look back. But she couldn't do that at this point—she was in too deep.

Now, when she thought of leaving, Gar's face wasn't the only one that popped into her head.

Silhouette took a deep breath. She smelled rain. The ground was dry, so it hadn't actually rained yet, and when she looked to the sky, the stars couldn't be seen behind the dense clouds that undoubtedly hung there. Smiling softly, she continued along her path, looking for a place just outside the city, without people, without Gar or Dick, just a place where she could be alone. A sanctuary of sorts, that, in her mind, consisted of lush green grasses, pretty wildflowers and sweet-smelling rosebushes, with a starry sky and the moon hanging overhead like a constant reminder that it would never be truly dark.

What she found definitely wasn't what she was imagining. She found a less than two-star clearing full of dead grass and small, warped trees, while the sky was covered in an ominous gray that threatened a storm. However, that was all she really needed. A place hidden from prying eyes.

Walking along the edge of the clearing, she searched the shadows for a suitable test subject. After all, she certainly couldn't be a mad scientist without a lab rat to subject to her experiments. And experiment, she would. Finally she found something that would do; she found a common field mouse. Using her powers, she pulled it to her, feeling its scrambling feet as it was carried away against its will.

Its life was in her hands, quite literally, and all it could do was run itself ragged trying to scurry away from the unseen force that clutched it. When it finally reached Silhouette, she examined it closely, holding the rat directly in front of her face. It would suffice, for her purposes. She could feel its erratic heartbeat, the fear coursing through its veins. She gave a smile that would've given the Joker chills as she threw the rat into the air, catching it by its shadow moments before it hit the ground. It gave off small squeaks that made her grin grow.

Silhouette could feel it already. The darkness grabbing at her. But this time it wasn't a nightmare, it was real, and it was tugging at her, begging her to join it. Just a flick of the wrist, or a squeeze of the fist, and she'd have succumbed. But she was stronger than that and she wasn't ready to embrace the monster inside of her yet. She threw the small mouse a second time, this time catching it higher up in the air, but the insistent squeals were beginning to annoy her, and she once again felt that tug in her gut.

The first drops of rain hit her skin, sending a rush of cold down her spine and she nearly dropped the rat because of the sensation. Each drop felt like a bullet piercing her flesh, but she grit her teeth and held her ground, using her free hand to hold the menacing shadows at bay while she played with her little specimen. Never before had she known that she could feel so much. She could feel the fear from the rat, its heart pounding and its blood racing. She could feel the way it struggled against her in any way it could, desperate to be rid of its invisible captor. She tightened her grip on its shadow and brought in front of her, once again examining her small experiment.

Silhouette was amazed by two things in particular. One, that the rat calmed down significantly when she met its eyes. And two, that the shadows hadn't captured her yet. She was still very much in control. She smiled at the thought that maybe she wouldn't have to worry about her metaphorical beast breaking free anymore. But she spoke too soon, and her smile turned into a malicious grin as her hand tightened considerably around the small shadow of the mouse. It began struggling again, the terror evident in its eyes. She squeezed tighter, feeling the shallow, pained breaths escape through her grip. Adjusting her hold, she now had her thumb underneath the chin of the mouse, and in one swift movement, she heard the tiny crack of its neck and let it drop to the ground.

Silhouette dropped to the ground and wept. The shadows around her—which she now noticed were more abundant than she had realized—receded, letting her be and wallow in her pain. She'd never be free. Her gift was just as much a curse, and no one should have that amount of control over another being, especially when you're not even physically touching them. The weight of the situation pushed down on her shoulders, sending her down to the wet ground, where she continued to sob, the rain pelting any bare skin it could find.

Doom Patrol hadn't kicked her out just because they judged her and believed that she shouldn't have that much control. They'd kicked her out because she had almost slaughtered a teammate. They believed she was devil-spawn, and they were closer to the truth than they realized. That's where she and Raven were alike. Hating themselves, but having no power over who they are, simply because they have bad blood—the blood of a demon.

Only Garfield knew. His parents had taken her in since her mother had died at birth and her father was nowhere to be found. Of course, they hadn't checked the ninth layer of hell. So they'd stuck it out like pros, both kids getting strange looks, Gar because of his jade skin, and her because of the dark circles under her eyes and the strange look she'd give the dark corners in a room. They were her family for all intents and purposes.

When his parents died, she'd lost it, but only slightly. Her powers would become erratic at times, ruled by her emotions. But right when she'd gained control of that, Garfield left her high and dry. So she was stuck, alone, just her against the world. She'd snapped. That was the first time her dark side had truly engulfed her. She'd hid away for awhile, not wanting anyone—especially Doom Patrol—to know that she couldn't control the powers that were already questionable.

Of course she knew why he'd left, deep down. After that knife, he didn't want to see her get hurt on his account ever again. So, she'd let him go. But the sadness swallowed her, and once again her emotions ruled. When she finally decided that she wanted to see sunlight again, she was okay, for a little while. Her emotions were in check, and her walls were built up higher than Everest. But when her team pissed her off, her teammate had been right in the way of her anger, and her fist closed around his shadow of a throat, nearly killing him.

And so she'd sent a letter to her best friend and honorary brother. Now here she was, practically right back where she'd started.

Silhouette forced herself up from the wet ground, her hands slippy on the dead grass. When she finally made it to her feet, she began walking back towards the city's lights, her hair heavy on her shoulders. She pulled it into a messy, soppy bun with the hair tie she wore around her wrist. A few stray locks fell into her face and onto her neck, but she just let them be, walking through the pouring rain, trying not to slip on the wet ground.

She made it back to the heart of the city easily, but she didn't want to go back to Titan Tower, though she knew that it was the best option in this situation. Staying in town without any money would end up getting her stuck in a sketchy alleyway, and the Titans would be overly suspicious. Anyone awake would be suspicious when she walked in the door anyway, but better one than all. Hopefully, she wouldn't see anybody on her way inside.

Luck was for once on her side—God knows she needed it—and upon walking, sopping wet, through the doors of the Tower, she discovered that not a soul was awake within its walls. She sighed and made her way into her room, looking at Gar's door with a smile as she closed her own. She began to peel the wet clothes away from her body and toss them into the corner before pulling on a pair of black shorts and a simple red t-shirt.

Softly opening her door, she proceeded down the hall and up the stairs to the roof, cautious of her still-wet boots which really liked to squeak on the floor. When she arrived onto the roof, the rain had stopped, but the bittersweet smell still hung in the air, along with a bittersweet girl meditating above the roof. Silhouette felt that there was no other way to describe Raven, especially since she knew what it was like to be stuck in someone else's shadow, namely your demonic father.

The only difference is that Raven never hurt anyone with her power. Oh, how Silhouette envied her for that. Sure, Raven hurt many people with her sarcastic and blunt personality, but at least she could control that. She'd never hurt anyone that she didn't mean to. Silhouette wished she could say that about herself, but she would never be able to.

Now, Silhouette didn't want to interrupt the edgy girl, but she needed to know the secret. She needed to know how to keep the shadows at bay. So she did the obvious thing. The thing that she'd lucky didn't get her killed. She tapped Raven on the shoulder.

Raven was not happy about this. She dropped onto the roof, her eyes ablaze, her lip pulled back into a snarl, and her hands coated in her magic. Silhouette took a step back into safety, or what she hoped was safety, as Raven caught her breath and looked the intruder over. Her snarl fell as well as her magic, but the fire in her eyes remained, letting Silhouette know that she still wasn't welcome, and probably wouldn't ever be.

But this was her only chance. Silhouette had to get Raven to open up about something and tell her how. Just one little question. So, before she could back out, Silhouette opened her mouth and asked. "How do you keep it locked away?"

Raven's scary look dropped into one of confusion. She couldn't for the life of her figure out what the dark-haired girl was talking about. Because of this, she said something super-intelligent that would've made Beast Boy proud. "Huh?" She raised a quizzical eyebrow and tried to decipher some meaning out of Silhouette's words. Sadly, she couldn't understand what the short girl was asking of her.

Silhouette silently cursed herself for being so stupid and vague. She took a deep breath and met the violet-haired girl's menacing stare. "How do you keep the monster inside of you from coming out and hurting people?" She specified, searching Raven's face for any emotion. Eventually she found one—sympathy.

Raven sighed and walked to the edge of the building. She sat down, draping her legs over the edge, and patted the spot next to her. Silhouette walked over and sat next to her, sitting with her legs folded under her. It was probably the closest they had ever been without trying to strangle each other.

A/N: I've noticed that my chapters are progressively getting shorter. I'm not happy about this. So, it might take time, but next time will be an extra long update. I rather liked this chapter, honestly. And thanks to TraitorousFreshman15 for beta-reading this chapter, and I'm-sorry-for-being-me for all the other chapters! R&R! Thanks!