The Way of the Wannabe
(scene of Gakupo practicing with his katana in his office) (door knocks)
Gakupo: (sheathes his katana) Who is it?
Kaito: (from outside) Hey, Gakupo. It's me, Kaito.
Gakupo: Come in.
Kaito: (opens door and enters Gakupo's office) You know, Gakupo, (closes door behind him) I've been thinking. On a regular basis, I'm either blown up, flattened, burned alive, buried alive, eaten alive, soaked, frozen, poisoned, electrocuted, and/or ripped apart; I'm really sick of it.
Gakupo: Why don't you take some sort of self-defense class? There's a kendo1 class on the 8th floor if you're interested.
Kaito: Which brings me to another point; you claim to be a great swordsman yet nobody's ever known you as such. Why is that?
Gakupo: Nobody you say? Oh, please. I can put out a burning candle blindfolded by cutting off the wick.
Kaito: Well, talk is cheap. Have you ever tried that before?
Gakupo: Well… (fade to white)
(fade from white to Gakupo blindfolded, standing in front of a lit candle2)
Gakupo: (grips his katana) (cut to black; a white streak appears across the screen) HYA! (cut to Gakupo in post-quick draw position) (stands upright, lowers his katana, removes blindfold) (candle starts to slide apart, then explodes) (startled) AAAAAGH!!! (fade to white)
(fade from white to Kaito and Gakupo in Gakupo's office)
Gakupo: Okay, I'll admit I didn't know that was really a firework. I wonder who switched it.
Kaito: Beats me. Anyway, thanks for the tip on the kendo class, Gakupo, but I'm still a bit skeptical about your actual skill.
Gakupo: Then why don't you just see for yourself by fighting me in a duel? There's a wide assortment of feudal age weapons in that (points to a closet) closet over there. (cut to closet, then back to Kaito)
Kaito: If you say so. (walks to closet, opens door) (in awe) Aaah. (cut to Kaito facing inside of closet) Where did you get these?
Gakupo: I just found them there. Now pick one and get ready to lose.
Kaito: (sigh) I just hope this isn't a duel to the death. (picks up a kanabo3) (strains, drags kanabo on floor)
Gakupo: (surprised and alarmed) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Careful with that!
Kaito: (lifts kanabo, grunting) Oof! This thing's…heavy… (swings around, accidentally smashing a table)
Gakupo: (increasingly worried) I said careful!
Kaito: (lifts kanabo, straining) It's all right. I got it…I got it… (swings kanabo around) (relieved) Hey. I got it. (accidentally loses grip; kanabo goes flying) (kanabo barely misses Gakupo's head and smashes through window) (surprised) Don't got it. (cut to parking lot outside Crypton Studios; kanabo lands on empty taxi cab, setting off panic alarm)
(cut to Kaito and Gakupo stopping in front of broken window and looking down at wrecked cab)
Gakupo: (slowly turns toward Kaito) If anybody asks, it's meteor season.
1 Kendo is a modern Japanese martial art of sword-fighting based on traditional Japanese swordsmanship.
2 The candle stand is labeled "Paranoid Doll".
3 The kanabo is an iron or steel club used in feudal Japan as a weapon. It was constructed out of heavy oak wood, and covered with some form of metal from the end to the middle, with metal studs along the metal-shod end. It was more of a mythical weapon, often used in tales by oni since they reputedly were extremely strong.