this will be part Celeborn and part Haldir...
CHAPTER 4
Celeborn sat on his bed with his face in his hands. His heart wanted him to go to Haldir, to find him and hold him close, but Celeborn would not move. Many years he had loved the marchwarden and for all of those years, he had denied himself. Haldir would never understand. Celeborn laid on the bed, feeling the tears stream down his cheeks. How long would his sickness last? Could he go to the halls of Mandos and leave Haldir behind? Celeborn felt his eyes water even more. He could not leave him.
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Haldir walked into his talan, nearly drained. Why would Celeborn allow himself to suffer? Haldir sat upon the divan, tears streaming down his cheeks. If his Lord faded, he would follow him soon after. He knew deep in his heart that he and Celeborn belonged together, but why could Celeborn not see it? Could it be that the incident from all those years ago still plagued Celeborn's mind? Haldir had another sudden thought. Had Celeborn been with a male since then? Haldir put his face in his hands. Perhaps Celeborn thought that Haldir would harm him as the warrior Baethoriel had done in Doriath. Haldir allowed his mind to drift to his own past and his former lover, Brethiel. They had been friends for nearly a year when they decided to try courting and then things went wrong. Haldir had not wanted to couple so early in their relationship and told Brethiel 'no' Haldir cringed as the painful memories of being taken against his will entered his mind. Had it been that way for his beloved?
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Celeborn finally fell asleep and found himself dreaming of his majority in Doriath. He began to fall into a fitful nightmare as the wrongful of Baethoriel happened. He kept trying to get out from Baethoriel's grip, but it did not work. He found that he could not wake, which meant he was deeper in reverie than he thought. Finally, it was over. Baethoriel ripped himself from Celeborn and threw him into a nearby wall. Celeborn sobbed, not wanting to relive this nightmare anymore, but as always the nightmare played itself through. It happened repeatedly and every time, Celeborn could not get away.
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Haldir had decided he needed to talk to Celeborn. He knew his Lord would be upset with him for disturbing his rest, but he needed to take that risk. He stood at the door of the royal talan about to knock when suddenly a loud scream came from within. Haldir shoved the door open and heard another scream follow. He ran into his beloved's bedchamber and found him thrashing on the bed, caught in nightmare. Haldir was at his side in an instant. He grabbed hold of Celeborn's shoulder and began to shake him, calling his name, to wake him from his dream. Suddenly, Celeborn's jolted into a sitting position, breathing heavily. His eyes slowly began to focus. Haldir watched as Celeborn turned to look at him, waiting for his Lord's anger to come forth, but it did not. Celeborn fell into Haldir's arms, sobbing. Haldir soothed him, stroking his hair to calm him. Celeborn held to him tightly as though Haldir was his lifeline, but suddenly realized what he had done and pulled back.
"Haldir, please forgive me. I forgot myself."
Haldir shook his head and gently pulled Celeborn back to him, a little surprised when Celeborn allowed him to do so.
"My Lord Celeborn, I need to confess a lie I have told."
Celeborn pulled back once more and looked at him.
"What lie Haldir?"
Haldir swallowed hard.
"It is about Brethiel."
Celeborn waited patiently for Haldir to continue.
"We did not part on mutual terms, my Lord." Haldir said, lowering his eyes, "He wanted to couple and I said no. He told me that no one ever says no to him and then he...he..."
Haldir found himself not able to finish. Tears streamed down his face. He felt a hand under his chin, gently raising his face. He saw Celeborn was crying as well.
"He took you against your will."
Haldir nodded.
"I am sorry I did not tell you sooner."He sobbed.
Celeborn pulled Haldir into his arms.
"Do you remember when you asked who I wanted to be my mate of soul?"He whispered.
Haldir nodded.
"Yes."
Celeborn held onto him tightly.
"I wish it to be you, but I have not lain with a male since Doriath. I am afraid you will have to wait for me."
Haldir's eyes widened.
"You wish it to be me?"
Celeborn nodded slowly.
"Yes, I do. I have loved you for many years Haldir. I still do."
Haldir kissed Celeborn's cheek.
"I love you as well my Lord."
TBC...