4. Secrets Unveiled, Stories Revealed

"I'm glad you called," Ricky said that evening as he and Amy sat in the living room of Amy's house.

"Yeah well I really didn't have a choice. You're bound to find out eventually."

"Find out what?"

Amy gave Ricky one of her fake smiles; the smile that said 'I'll smile but I despise you' looks. "You're off the hook, Ricky. You can stop pretending to be interested in the baby and you can stop pretending to take an interest in my well being."

"Why you didn't have an abortion without telling me did you?"

"No- you're off the hook because you aren't the baby's father."

"What are you talking about; of course I am."

"No Ricky you're not. Something happened before you and I hooked up. The memory was blocked out because they didn't want me to remember."

"They- are you talking about the guy that got you pregnant? The guy that wasn't me- did he like do something without you knowing?"

"Something like that."

"So you were raped?"

"No- no I wasn't raped." Although in the more conventional sense it does sound that way doesn't it, Amy thought to herself.

"Then help me understand here, Amy."

"I don't think you can Ricky. My own parents are having a difficult time understanding this and I can't even tell Ben."

"Then tell me. I'm serious Amy whatever you have to say you can trust me."

"Can I," Amy said a little forcefully.

"Well I wasn't the one who told people you and I fooled around and I haven't told anyone about the conversations we've been having so yeah I think you can."

Amy stayed silent for a few minutes so Ricky said what was on his mind, "It was Glen wasn't it? He was the one that got you pregnant."

"Yeah," replied Amy. "And he's not exactly from around here."

"Okay," Ricky said getting up to leave.

"Don't you want to know how or why it happened?"

Ricky stood up and smiled a little, "No thanks. I don't really care how it happened or why. I do know for a fact though that he didn't rape you."

"How do you know?"

"Its high school I do see things you know. And one of those things I've seen is how much the guy is in love with you. He could be from another planet for all I care and it would still be obvious the guy loves you."

"No- no he's not," said Amy trying to keep from blushing but at the same time wanting to smile because Ricky had nailed Glen on the truth about him being from another planet; which Ricky could clearly see.

"Of course he is and it's obvious you love him too. What about Ben?"

Right there Ricky had quickly crossed the line so Amy began leading him to the door. "Goodnight Ricky."

"One quick thing," said Ricky turning to face her, "Do you mind if I ask you a question?"

Amy rolled her eyes. Each time people wanted to ask her a question there was always something involved something she did not want to deal with. Knowing she couldn't let Ricky go without him asking she simply nodded.

"Do you mind if we just keep this news about Glen being the father between the six of us: between you, Glen, your sister, your parents, and me? Even though it's not my kid I would still like to be involved."

Amy's head quickly began spinning. She could not believe Ricky still wanted to be involved despite all of this. First Ben had wanted to be involved even though at the time he knew it was Ricky's baby and now Ricky wanted to be involved even though he knew it was Glen's baby. This was just too much.

"Why?"

"I guess because I've gotten attached to the idea that it was my kid. And this way you don't get a worse reputation at school."

"Why would you want to help me?"

"I all ready messed with your life once Amy and I'm sorry for that. I just don't want people looking at you like you're the school slut or anything like that. You deserve better. Look Amy, I know I'm not a good guy but I want to be. More than you or anyone else knows. So please, let me be that guy."

Amy could see that this was new territory for Ricky. She knew his reputation and knew that there were many sides to him but the side he was showing now was the same innocent and loving side that she had seen which had compelled her to sleep with him in the first place; a side that seemed to be reserved for her and no one else. Amy didn't know whether to be flattered or a little freaked out.

"Okay," Amy said agreeing to the fact that no one would know it was Glen's child and not his. "And thank you."

Ricky smiled happy that Amy was allowing him to be a part of the baby's life despite the circumstances, "Goodnight."

After Ricky had left Amy went into the kitchen and took a seat across from her mother.

"Did you tell him?" asked Amy's mom.

"Yeah I told him," replied Amy.

"And how did he take it?"

"Surprisingly well."

"Then what's the problem, Amy?"

"Ricky still wants to be involved. After everything I've now put him through he doesn't want my reputation to get trashed even more. He wants people to still think that he's the father."

"Well maybe that's a good thing."

"I don't know maybe. I'm just tired of playing these games and none of this is fair to Glen. He's been so good to me so this is the last thing he deserves."

"Speaking of Glen how is he?"

"I don't know I haven't talked to him since Sunday night. He didn't show up to school today and I tried calling, texting, and e-mail."

"I thought you said no one e-mail's anymore."

"They don't but I had to give it a try since nothing else worked."

"I'm sure he'll call. He's probably just busy."

"No, he won't. I've all ready unintentionally hurt him- there's no way he would want to speak to me again."

"How did you hurt him, Amy…Amy?"

"God why does this have to be so complicated?"

"What specifically?"

"Being in love; Mom, I love Ben but at the same time Ricky is right- I do love Glen and I know Glen loves me. He always has. What am I going to do?"

"The same thing all of us do- search your heart. Life isn't easy Amy sometimes we're going to find ourselves in situations where there is no easy solution. You have to do what's right for you as well as what's right for the baby. And only you can decide what you want out of life and who you want."

"And what if I don't know?"

Anne placed her hand on top of her daughters'.

"You will. I'm just sorry you have to go through all of this Amy. I had always kind of hoped you would deal with this stuff when you were much older."

"Yeah, me too," replied Amy.

Ricky sat in Dr. Bradley's office. Ever since the conflict with his previous therapist, his foster parents had found him a different one. Ricky liked Dr. Bradley as Dr. Bradley knew everything about Ricky. As far as what was in his previous file and the evaluations his foster parents had to write every so often. And at least with Dr. Bradley there was no conflict of interest unlike it had been before when he found out his therapist was the father of a girl he made out with.

After his evening with Amy, Ricky simply had the need to talk to someone and rather resort to his old ways such as calling up a girl and then going over to her place, he thought it would be best to talk to his therapist instead. And besides he had told Amy that he didn't want anyone to know the baby was someone else's and he meant it; leaving his therapist as his only source of free communication.

Despite Ricky's comfort with Dr. Bradley, he still had some trouble opening up and talking about what was on his mind. He had all ready been here ten minutes and had yet to say a word. You want to change things so do it- man up, he reprimanded himself.

"Is it wrong to want to do something even though it might really be the right thing?" Ricky asked not sure if he was making any sense.

"That all depends," said Dr. Bradley. "What sort of thing are we talking about here?"

"I told Amy that I was going to be involved with the baby only today I found out that it's not my kid after all."

"So why would you want to be involved? Shouldn't the baby's father be the one to be in this position?"

"Yeah maybe but I don't want Amy's reputation to get smashed even more you know. People all ready despise her for getting pregnant and then dragging me along into this mess. I just don't want people to think Amy is a slut for being with another guy before me. And technically she wasn't even with him."

"I'm not following."

"Yeah me neither. The thing is the guy isn't from around here so I would bet that he's gonna up and leave Amy and the baby."

"That's unfortunate."

"Yeah it is but from what I've seen it's in his nature. Amy's known the guy her whole life but he's never really been around only on some occasions which are why I keep thinking he won't be around. I don't know I guess I just got so attached to the idea that I was gonna have a son or daughter that the thought of not being involved now terrifies me. I thought that I could better myself and not become like my parents- not do the things they did."

"So what part of this angers you the most Ricky?"

"I'm not angry. I'm telling you how you feel and you think I'm angry?"

"We'll you've got to be. Stuff like this isn't easy for anyone. What angers you most the fact that you found out you're not the biological father or the fact that Amy was honest with you and told you before you found out elsewhere? She didn't tell you the first time did she; when she thought it was yours."

"What difference does it make? I'm angry at both all right. I had plans for this kid- I was all ready thinking about how I was going to raise it and how I would NOT become my father and not do the things he did to me. And I'm angry at Amy for telling me the truth."

"You wish she had not told you the truth?"

"I don't know okay. My whole life I've been lied to always been told false truths so I in turn did the same; but then Amy comes in my life and changes all that. Sure she didn't tell me the first time but she is an honest and a descent person. I don't deserve someone like her in my life."

"And why not- you know what I think Ricky? I think that you're scared that there just might be good people out there. The world you grew up in- it did suck. You did have a terrible life and because of that you were denied the chance of seeing the beauty in life, the goodness in it. Then what do you know- you meet someone at band camp and she completely changes the world you knew. She challenged you Ricky and she still does from the things you've told me. You're not used to the goodness or being challenged. You're simply used to darkness and getting your own way. You're life doesn't have to be that way anymore. You say you want to be involved in the baby's life, you say you don't want to become like your father- then do it. So what if you're not the infants' biological father. The fact that you care so much for an unborn child shows that goodness in yourself. Don't be afraid of these new changes in your life, Ricky. Accept them. That door is there for a reason and it's not going anywhere. Go ahead- walk through it. You've been taking those steps so far so just keep on walking."

Ricky simply stared at his therapist. He knew that he was right on so many levels but as always he was afraid. Ricky knew his routine- two steps forward, one step back or was it one step forward, two steps back. It didn't matter. The fact that Ricky had that routine made him nervous that he was going to mess things up as always. Not this time, Ricky told himself. I know I'm better than that. I want to be better than that.