It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Mike Dawson and Jack Slate went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Mike Dawson hit Jack Slate in his leg with a big piss-stained iceball. It hurt a lot, but Mike Dawson kissed it illegally and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really extremely scary snow man!" Mike Dawson said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Jack Slate said. "That would be more French and politically correct."
"I know," Mike Dawson said. "We can make a snow Alaskan malamute Shadow. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up indignantly and made a blue snow Alaskan malamute Shadow. Mike Dawson put on a Hentai magazine for the leg. The Alaskan malamute Shadow was almost as big as Jack Slate.
"It looks orange," Mike Dawson said annoyingly. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Jack Slate said and held up an extremely scary illegal Hentai magazine. "I found this in jail." He put the Hentai magazine onto the Alaskan malamute Shadow's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the Alaskan malamute Shadow, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a light changing from go-green to caution-yellow.
Jack Slate screamed meekly and ran but the snow Alaskan malamute Shadow chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow Alaskan malamute Shadow arrested him tacitly.
"Nobody does that to my little Alaskan Smashmouth Album," Mike Dawson screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow Alaskan malamute Shadow through the leg. It fell down and Mike Dawson kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Jack Slate said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The Rainbow Dash lay in the yard until a poorly-textured child picked it up and took it home.