August, 1938
By the time Blaine is fourteen he becomes used to his feelings for boys and the guilt becomes acceptance. He figures there's nothing wrong as long as he doesn't act upon his desires. The guy in his dreams remains faceless, which makes things easier. Then at the end of August, it takes a turn for worse.
It's a windy Sunday afternoon. Blaine's still dressed in his Sunday best as he walks down the street to Kurt's house. The wind whips Blaine's hair around, some coming free from the gel and flying in front of his eyes. When he finally makes it to Kurt's house, Blaine's hair is a mess of half-gelled curls. Burt answers the door and gestures for Blaine to come in.
"Afternoon, Mr. Hummel" Blaine greets.
"Quite windy, huh?" Burt jokes as he shuts the door. Blaine grins sheepishly, "Kurt's in his room, you can go right in."
"Thanks, Mr. Hummel" Blaine says. He makes his way down to the basement Kurt's claimed for his own. Music drifts up the stairs and gets louder with each step Blaine takes down them. "Hey Kurt!" Blaine calls as he reaches the bottom step, looking into the room. Kurt's stood by his desk, shirtless. Kurt's pale stomach is flat and smooth. He squeaks in surprise as Blaine quickly looks away. Both of them go red and Blaine stammers an apology. "I-I'm sorry. I-I didn't realize.."
"I-It's fine, I wa-was just caught off guard." Kurt says. Blaine keeps his eyes closed until Kurt tells him he can open them. When Blaine looks back into the room Kurt has on a shirt almost as red as his face. From the heat on his own cheeks, Blaine can tell his face is the same shade. The two boys look at each other silently, not sure what to say. Blaine's trying not to gaze back down at his friend's torso, even though he knows that Kurt's got a shirt on now. Kurt finally opens his mouth, "hi". They both giggle and the tension disappears.
The rest of the afternoon goes by smoothly, but Blaine has to continuously push the thought of Kurt's chest out of his mind. That night the faceless guy changes to one with a smooth chest, and the shadow over his face develops blue eyes. Blaine wakes up knowing he just dreamt of his best friend in a compromising position. He feels ashamed about it being the best dream yet.
September, 1938
The first week of high school is confusing for Blaine. He can't understand the school for the life of him. The students are bigger, the classes harder, and the social groups more exclusive. Luckily Blaine has Kurt. During that first week they stick together to learn the unstated rules of McKinley High.
Then one night at dinner Blaine's father asks when football practice starts and Blaine realizes that his father expects him to join. If he were to be honest, Blaine would tell his father that he doesn't want to join the team- all the boys are much larger and meaner than Blaine would ever want to be. He likes football, just not enough to be killed during practice. Instead of telling his father this Blaine shrugs.
"Next week, sir"
"Then you might want to add a few more of those greens to your plate, you'll need the strength." His father scoops a spoonful of peas onto Blaine's plate before proceeding to talk about the promise Roosevelt is showing. Blaine sighs and eats a forkful of peas.
The next day at school, Blaine signs up for the football team, much to Kurt's dismay.
"You're going to get yourself killed Blaine. One member of the football team is the equivalent of about six yous." Kurt worries as he watches Blaine neatly write his name on the tryout sheet.
"I'm not going to die, Kurt, at worst I'll break my spine" Blaine tries to joke, Kurt looks at him skeptically.
"Why don't you just join the choir with me? I know you love to sing, and you won't be risking hospitalization. Plus I'll be there." Kurt says. Blaine adjusts his satchel and turns to walk down the hall. Kurt follows in perfect sync.
"I want to, I really do but that's not what my dad wants me to do"
"You don't have to spend your life pleasing your dad" Kurt reminds Blaine
"I know, and I'm not going to. I just want to make him proud, you know?" Blaine says. Kurt gives him an understanding smile.
"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean." Kurt had told Blaine all about his mother's death and his father's attempts to keep he and Kurt afloat. Many afternoons under the willow tree or in Kurt's room had been spent discussing how badly Kurt wanted to bring his father pride. Blaine had wanted to do the same thing for his father. It was just one of the many ways the two boys were similar.
"I think the excitement on his face when I win my first game will be worth it" Blaine continues, as he approaches his locker. He twists in the code and opens it with ease, shoving his bag into the metal container. The bell rings loudly and students begin their shuffle to class.
"If you really think it'll make your dad happy, then go for it. I'll be in those stands right beside him, mainly worrying about your well being."
Blaine does make the football team, much to his father's delight. Practices become Blaine's number one priority with the first game only two weeks away. More often than not, Blaine comes home smelling of sweat with his hair plastered to his forehead. While he may be tiny, he's still an important member of the team. With his speed, Coach Tanaka tells him, he'll be able to slip between the bigger players and get touchdowns without being touched. The overweight gym teacher doesn't seem to know what he's doing but Blaine still hopes that the coach is right.
Due to all the practices, Blaine rarely has time to talk to Kurt. After making the team, the other members swooped Blaine into their world. He sits with the football team and cheerleaders at lunch, settled between Noah Puckerman and Santana Lopez. Blaine feels bad about leaving Kurt alone; his eyes settle on Kurt at a table with some of the other choir kids whom are chatting noisily. He misses Kurt. He yearns for the days where they spent lunch huddled under their tree talking about any and everything. On the other side of the cafeteria, Kurt laughs at something one of the girls beside him said. Blaine wishes he were the one making Kurt laugh. They haven't had a real conversation since the day Blaine started football.
Puck nudges Blaine's arm, causing him to look away from Kurt. "Dude, you've been mashing your carrots for like, 3 minutes, you okay?" Blaine nods, giving one more quick glance at Kurt before jumping into a conversation about yesterday's practice.
Later he finds himself singing along to Fred Astaire's record. Blaine wonders briefly what kind of songs Kurt sings in choir. From the numerous record sing-a-longs they've done Blaine knows how amazing Kurt's voice is. Many times Blaine would end up closing his eyes and block out everything but Kurt's voice. It was hard to describe it- light yet so powerful, able to move Blaine and make him feel an array of emotion. A couple minutes later and the sound would stop and Blaine would open his eyes only to find Kurt looking at him with his eyebrow raised.
Blaine does the same thing now, his mind straining to hear Kurt singing. Only now when Blaine opens his eyes he doesn't see Kurt standing above him, hands firmly placed on hips and an amused look on his lips. No, when Blaine opens his eyes all he sees is his record player slowly turning the last notes of the record. Blaine sighs.
November, 1938
The next few months aren't any easier for Blaine and he feels himself drifting. Blaine wonders if Kurt misses him as much as he misses Kurt. When Blaine sneaks a glance at Kurt in the hallway at school, Kurt's surrounded by all of his choir friends and laughing at a joke Artie Abrams must have told, judging from the smirk on the wheelchair bound boy's face. Swallowing a frown, Blaine turns back to the conversation Dave Karofsky and Puck are having about the new cheerio uniforms. Blaine listens and wonders why he didn't notice how the skirts rise mid-thigh when the cheerleaders bounce around and why that fact doesn't excite him like it does the other football players.
It's been two months since Blaine's talked with Kurt. He misses their dancing to records and discussions of Bette Davis' latest outfit. More than anything Blaine wants to have a discussion that doesn't involve Brittany Pierce's breasts. If there was one thing Blaine could rely on when it came to conversations with Kurt, it was that they never lacked substance. A heavy weight had been placed on Blaine's heart and only grew larger the more he thought of Kurt. There were a couple times after school when Blaine would walk by Kurt's house and hover outside debating whether or not to knock on the door. He never did.
On this particular Saturday, Blaine found himself yet again outside Kurt's house. Even with his thick jacket done up and his scarf pulled up to his chin, Blaine's breath still swirled in white puffs around him, disappearing quickly in the chilly air. He had been to Kurt's house plenty of times and didn't know why he was struggling to be there now. Yet, as Blaine raised his fist to knock, he found himself freezing from fear. What if Kurt had forgotten about him? It was possible; Kurt had made many friends in choir who probably talked to him all the time, unlike Blaine who hadn't bothered to speak to Kurt in almost three months. Biting his lip, Blaine turns away from Kurt's door and speed walks back to the sidewalk. Giving one last glance at his best friend's house, Blaine leaves. Instead of walking home, Blaine finds himself walking to his old primary school. He stands in playground gazing upon his surroundings until his eyes lock onto a familiar willow tree. The leaves have long since fallen off but the swooping branches still offer protection from the outside world. When Blaine pushes aside the branches, he half expects to see Kurt sitting in the snow and declaring how much he's missed Blaine. But instead Blaine finds himself alone. He walks up to the trunk and brushes his fingers along the letters that had carefully been crafted by Kurt, years before, 'K & B. Friends 'til the end.' His vision fogs and the words begin to blur as tears fall down his cheeks. Blaine misses Kurt. He misses his laughter and his singing and the looks of pure trust Kurt would give Blaine as they danced together to their favourite songs. Blaine knows that it's his fault they don't talk anymore. He could've joined the choir, no one said he could only be in one extracurricular and heck, Sam Evans does both football and choir so why couldn't Blaine? Blaine feels like his whole world is falling apart and he has no one to talk to about. The only person Blaine could talk about his feelings to was Kurt and now Kurt probably hated him. Blaine traces the words carved permanently onto the tree and wonders why their friendship couldn't also last forever.
Just as Blaine is ready to lay in the snow and stay there until the cold eventually takes him, he hears snow crunching under someone's boots and see's the branches of the willow shift.
"Blaine?," questions a soft familiar voice that Blaine can't help but smile at, "I saw you standing on the doorstep. I was going to come let you in but you were gone before I coul-." The voice is interrupted by Blaine hugging them tight.
"Kurt! I'm so sorry I haven't spoken to you in forever. I just thought you forgot about me and you looked like you didn't need me anymore because you had all those other friends so I didn't want to burden you but I've missed you so much." Blaine confesses, not loosening his grip on Kurt who in turn looks shocked.
"I could never forget you. How could you even think that?" Kurt asks concerned. Blaine lets go of Kurt, embarrassed. He suddenly feels like he's four and not fourteen.
"I don't know"
"You're my best friend, I'm always going to need you" Kurt says sincerely, and he looks at Blaine so genuinely that Blaine thinks he might start crying again.
"I need you too." Kurt takes Blaine into his arms and holds him, rubbing his mittened hands up and down Blaine's back, an intimate gesture Blaine had forgotten the feeling of. So many times in the last few months Blaine had wished to find himself hugging Kurt that he had forgotten what it actually felt like. Blaine digs his face into the crook of Kurt's neck and vows to do whatever it takes to make sure they never drift apart again.