A/N: Thanks again to all of you for the great reviews and more importantly, the enthusiasm! It's great to know that I'm not alone in my crazy love for this pairing, even if the writers insist on killing me (what was up with that finale?!) Sorry for the long wait with this one, it was hard to get the balance of character just right and this is a big chapter so I really didn't want to screw it up. So after quite a few rewrites (and crying into my pillow) I think I got it… I'm sure you'll let me know.

Chapter 4

"You let her leave? Just like that?" Cary asked indignantly, pacing the floor in Alicia's office while the newly anointed equity partner followed him with her eyes like she was watching a tennis match. "AMA… you let her check out against. medical. advice."

"Let her?" Alicia broke in, now getting upset as well. "Have you ever tried getting Kalinda to do something she didn't want to? It was either help her or let her do it alone, which she's in no condition to do."

Cary stopped pacing and took a deep, steadying breath. He knew that Alicia had a point; Kalinda was the most stubborn person he knew and if she had made up her mind to check out of hospital there wasn't anyone who could make her stay.

"Have you seen her today? Is she okay?" he asked, his tone suddenly changing from outright frustration to concern.

"No, I'm not doing this anymore," Alicia said sternly as she rose from her desk to start packing her bag. "First of all, it's 7:30 in the morning, when was I supposed to have seen her? And secondly, why don't you see for yourself how she's doing?" She looked up at him then, clearly irritated. "You hound me at every turn and even had that ER nurse calling you every few hours with updates. Am I missing something, Cary?"

"There's nothing to miss," he answered, a little too stilted. "I was in DC and-"

"You've been back for almost two days and before that? Before DC, why didn't you see her then? Or call for that matter, did you lose her number?"

Cary swallowed hard; he felt like he was being reprimanded by his mother and didn't like it but what he liked less was the terrible feeling of guilt that suddenly filled him up. He had been avoiding going to see Kalinda in hospital but tried to explain it away with work and other equally important engagements that couldn't be cancelled. He had volunteered for the trip to Washington; jumped at the chance to leave when he heard Diane talking about the prospective new client. The wooing, the meetings – they were all his doing. It was something concrete that would take him away from having to lie his way out of going to the hospital.

After leaving Kalinda the night of the assault, after getting home in scrubs and finding blood stains on his arms that he had missed when washing up, after not being able to sleep because every time he closed his eyes she was there, so small and beaten and lifeless… He didn't want to see her. He knew what she would look like – hooked up to pipes, weak and in pain – and Cary couldn't see himself dealing with another unwanted image of Kalinda to haunt his every waking moment. Memories of that night were much too much already; holding her, fighting for her when she couldn't fight for herself, her still warm lips on his as he breathed for her, willing her to wake up…

"Cary!" Alicia's voice brought him back to the office his mind had fled. "What the hell's going on?"

He was still trying to formulate a response when Diane poked her head in at the door and seemingly oblivious to the tension that had mounted seconds ago between Cary and Alicia, motioned at the former with her head for him to follow her. She smiled a quick greeting at Alicia and then disappeared as suddenly as she had appeared.

"Look, I don't know what's going on but you need to grow up. I explained to Kalinda that I'll try my best to check in on her whenever I can but it would help if I could count on you to be there too. You're as much a friend to her as I am," she ended, hoping that she was getting through to him. All Cary could do in response was to nod as he made his way to the door.

"I have to go."

"Cary," he turned at Alicia's call, "I think she wants to see you. She seemed disappointed that you hadn't been to visit her and I think it would mean a lot if-"

"I'll visit," he interrupted in a bid to get Alicia to stop and started to leave again.

"I'm in court all day," she said to his back, which made him turn back around.

Once again, all Cary did was nod his acknowledgment before hastily leaving, afraid that she might say something more. His feet carried him hurriedly toward Diane's office but his head was nowhere near Lockhart Gardner. Kalinda shouldn't be alone, she shouldn't be out of hospital for that matter. Cary had been in close contact with Emma since the night of Kalinda's admission so he knew better than anyone, besides her doctor of course, that she had no business checking out when she did. What made matters worse was the other thing Cary knew better than anyone, he was no good at taking care of people and Alicia had basically named him her second in command when it came to helping Kalinda with her recovery. DC was over and he had a new case but the motions would only be heard in the coming week. That left him with four whole days stretched before him during which he most likely would have to suck it up and go see her.

"I thought you said all we have to do is wait for her call?" Diane's voice fetched him from his thoughts and Cary realized he was already in her office. "Please close the door." He obeyed before taking up his original spot in front of her desk.

"Things looked good, yes," he responded then.

"And has she called you?"

"Not yet," Cary answered slowly, picking up a tone of slight irritation from Diane.

"Not yet," she echoed patronizingly, "and yet I just heard that she flew in last night and is meeting with firms through the day. You know what my next question is going to be."

"Yes, but I can't-"

"Cary, you understand that landing this account would do more than pave your way to partnership. That's what you want, isn't it?" Cary didn't respond immediately. If Diane knew anything about his plans to leave the firm she would never have entrusted him with her 200 million dollar baby. "I don't think I have to tell you that the firm would look kindly upon the associate who brought in a client like this."

"No, you don't have to tell me," Cary said, and she also didn't have to tell him that he would be well within his rights to take that client with him when he left.

"Good, then I also don't have to tell you-" Diane's statement was cut short by Cary's phone as it started ringing.

"Cary Agos," he answered. "Yes, I heard she was in town," he said into the phone and looked to Diane, who instantly became interested in the call, realizing that it was about the client they were just speaking of. "She said that? Okay, eight is fine," Cary concluded and returned his phone to his inside breast pocket, surveying Diane with an unabashed air of victory.

"Eight?"

"She wants to have dinner, saving the best for last. Her words," he said with a cocky smile.

"Then I suppose this is the part where I apologize for doubting your ability."

"That's okay," Cary said as he rose to leave, "there are quite a few people who don't know what I'm capable of…until they know what I'm capable of," he ended with another of his dashing smiles, knowing that she was completely unaware of the true meaning of his words and happy to leave her in the dark, if only for a little while longer.

Walking out of Diane's office was like shifting worlds for Cary whose thoughts of Amanda Grearson and her money were instantly replaced with more pressing thoughts of Kalinda. He felt for a second as if her were really two people, living two separate lives; in one he was an up and coming lawyer establishing his career and in the other he was consumed by everything Kalinda Sharma.

Cary came to a standstill in front of the open elevator and watched the doors slowly shut in front of him. He knew that this was it; he would have to go see her. One of the fourth year associates came to a stop beside him and pressed the button, offering no more than a nod of acknowledgment in his direction. The elevator doors opened again and the associate stepped inside, holding his hand at the door as he waited for Cary to join him but he shook his head and watched as the doors slid tightly shut again. If this was in fact it, then he would have to prepare himself. He might not be good at taking care of people but he could learn. His phone was out of his pocket and dialing Emma's number the second he made the decision and when the elevator doors next opened, Cary finally stepped inside.

SilkSilkSilkSilk

Kalinda was pulled from her drugged sleep by the distinct smell of bacon and the sound of a blender screaming to life in her kitchen. After taking a few seconds to find her bearings, she slowly rolled out of bed to investigate. It was only when she was in the middle of her front room that the cloudy-head feeling left behind from the meds started to lift. Her feet stopped working as soon as she realized she was staring at a back that didn't belong to Alicia, who Kalinda assumed had let herself in to get breakfast going.

As if sensing her unwavering gaze on his back, Cary turned around and almost mirrored Kalinda's frozen position; the two friends looking like each was surprised to see the other. They stood that way for a while, bacon sizzling and blender still screaming, until Kalinda spoke. Or at least, that's what it looked like to Cary because he only saw her mouth moving. Becoming suddenly aware of the noise drowning out every other sound in the apartment, he quickly turned off the appliance and looked back up at her.

"Hey," she said again, feeling vulnerable and hating herself for it.

"Hey," Cary echoed. "How're you feeling?" He noticed that he was actually holding on to the counter in front of him to keep his feet from leading him towards her.

"Better, I can dress myself now," Kalinda said in an attempt to cut through the obvious awkwardness that had settled over them like a heavy blanket.

"What's with the dummy?" Cary asked, realizing her intent and following through with it.

That's Horace. He's shy."

She noticed Cary relax visibly as he chuckled softly to himself and only then did she make her way towards him. Kalinda was suddenly grateful for the immense bulk of her kitchen counter that served as a barrier because she knew that in her current state, if it weren't there she'd most likely just keep walking until her face found his broad chest. The voice in her head chose that moment to make her aware of the fact that in her current state, she'd most likely want a whole lot more than just his chest.

"And the pain?" Cary asked.

"I'm medicating," she replied simply.

"Sleep?"

"I'm medicating," she said again and this time her voice was heavier, the implication of which was not lost on Cary, who hadn't had a peaceful night's sleep since the incident either.

"I wish I'd thought of that," he said quietly and could tell by the look on her face that she understood that nightfall brought him the same horrors it did her.

"Alicia gave you my key?"

"She's in court all day," he replied.

An easy silence fell over them then as Cary busied himself with some fruit he'd been preparing, Kalinda looking on patiently, the awkward tension of a few moments before no longer there. A sense of relief washed over her; that's how it had always been with them, the effortless shift from whatever problem into what could only be described as a kind of kinship. She was never one to define relationships but didn't doubt that she could have if need be. In this case though, try as she might, Kalinda could not describe or explain the connection she felt with Cary. It was just there, as if it was its own living, breathing thing and they were unknowing pawns in its mysterious quest. Whatever the reason, she was glad for it and especially so in that moment because god knew she didn't have the strength to soldier through discomfited small talk. With everything else that had become unpredictable and unreliable in her life, Kalinda was thankful that she could depend on Cary to be her constant.

She watched as he poured the orange colored goop from the blender into a tall glass, taking a moment to wipe up the mess tracking down its sides before sliding it wordlessly over to her side of the counter. He then turned to get the bacon from the pan, skillfully scooping up all the rashers with one swipe of the spatula and dropping them into the waiting tray behind him.

The sight and smell of the crispy strips of bacon made Kalinda's stomach growl and she felt seriously hungry for the first time in days. She reached out to grab a piece when Cary, who was arranging the freshly cut fruit in a plate, silently moved the bacon a few inches to the left, just out of her reach. She aimed a practiced scowl in his direction before realizing that he wasn't even looking up from his current task and so she made another attempt. This time he lifted the tray and placed it entirely out of her reach on the other side of the counter and pushed the smoothie closer to her instead.

"That's yours," he said before slowly peeling the seal off a tub of yoghurt, keeping his gaze on her the whole time, as if enjoying being the cause of her irritation.

"And whose is that?" Kalinda asked, motioning toward the bacon.

"That's for the person not recovering from invasive surgery. You have to eat healthy, keep your energy levels up. You also have to walk a lot because of the-"

"Transfusion, I know, it prevents blood clots. I read WebMD too," she finished with a smile, the first one her face had felt in more than a week and Kalinda realized that she was happy to see him, a thought that instantly started a raging battle of emotions.

"Do you remember what happened?" Cary asked after a long enough silence signaled the change in mood, his somber tone giving no sign that just moments ago it was light and playful.

"Bits and pieces," Kalinda responded. "I remember him…and you," her voice softened at the last, surprising both of them.

Yes, she was haunted by the events of the attack but what Kalinda had no intention of telling anyone was that her sleep was not always riddled with nightmares; there were good nights as well, nights when it was Cary's face she saw, his hands she felt. Those were the times she woke up thankful for the drugs that kept her asleep because in that time they also kept him with her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" his voice drifted into her reverie.

"No."

"Can I talk about it?"

"No."

"I should have come to see you," Cary said softly, his voice full of the apology he wanted to give but knew she wouldn't accept outright.

"You were in DC, I know, Alicia told me."

"No, I mean yes partly that, but-"

"Cary, it's okay."

"No it's not okay," he persisted, needing to get out what he was trying to say in a way that was almost urgent. "I was holding you…" the sudden thickness of his voice and the way he was inspecting a grape too closely to be considered normal alerted Kalinda to the fact that he was about to say something she wasn't ready to hear. She was utterly unprepared and unqualified to deal with blatant displays of deep emotion and as if by default, her defenses started going up.

"When you stopped…," Cary continued, unaware of the shift in Kalinda, "I was holding you. One second you were there and the next… I've never been more scared in my life."

"And that's why you didn't come to the hospital?"

"I couldn't get that picture out of my head, Kalinda, I still can't."

"I'm sure you're expecting some kind of sympathy from me," Kalinda said, her voice suddenly marking her retreat in that cold tone that Cary had come to dread during their interactions. "But you're standing there looking pained and all torn up inside when this is something that happened to me. While you were there being scared, I was there dying."

"I wasn't trying to take away from-"

"Just, stop."

"I was trying to explain why I didn't-"

"You don't owe me an explanation. You saved my life so actually I'm the one that owes you."

"Don't do that," Cary said, his tone now hardening in defense. "Don't make it sound like a transaction."

"Look, I said don't talk about it, I don't want to talk about what happened."

"I'm not talking about what happened," Cary argued, the warmhearted banter of breakfast now fading into a distant memory, "I'm talking about us."

"There is no us." The words left her mouth before she could check herself and Kalinda instantly regretted every one of them deeply.

That phrase had followed her for years. It was a fallback she often used when she was looking for a way out of something that was starting to feel like a relationship. It didn't even matter whether it was true or not, what mattered was that it always worked. It pushed the person away and Kalinda would be free of the mess. This time though, this time she hadn't wanted to say it. This time it was less true than ever. Her brain scrambled to figure out how things got turned on its head so quickly; everything was perfectly fine, until it wasn't… Kalinda looked on helplessly as Cary withdrew, his eyes growing blank and cold and she held his gaze, stubbornly fighting the urge to take it back. I didn't mean it, she wanted to say but didn't. I'm sorry, the words jumped from her heart to leave her lips, but her fear of opening up and just plain stubbornness made sure they weren't said either.

Without another word or backward glance, Cary went over to the lounger that held his coat and shrugged it on. His hand froze on the door handle as he was about to leave and Kalinda watched his back intently, wondering if he would turn around, afraid to draw another breath even though it hurt her to hold it in. Say something, she willed from her place at the counter, the stubbornness that forbade her speak now holding her feet steadfast so that she couldn't go after him.

"Cary," her voice broke out of its prison without having any real plan of what to say next. He slowly turned to face her and the unchecked hurt in his eyes caught Kalinda so off guard that the doggedness she'd spent years perfecting got the upper hand over the truer, more emotive voice in her head and she said the only thing she could in that moment…"You can leave the key."

His eyes that were full of hurt now drew cold again as Cary retrieved the silver symbol of Kalinda's trust from his coat pocket and placed it on the counter, his hand hovering next to hers as if it was contemplating a plan of its own, a plan that involved the slightest of touches. As if sensing his hesitation, Kalinda took a step back to increase the distance between them, taking her hands with her. There could be no room for error now, she thought. Then something happened that was not supposed to, in all her years of recluse and perfecting the delicate art of Arm's Length Kalinda could not anticipate or explain what happened next.

"I'm glad you're okay," Cary said, his eyes studying her face like they always did and then he was walking over to her and Kalinda felt every muscle in her body tense up. "Feel better," were the simple words he whispered as he bent to place the gentlest of kisses on her forehead, his hand going through with its plan from earlier and taking that moment to grasp a hold of hers, squeezing softly.

Kalinda watched as he turned to leave again, her head reeling with what had just happened, her hand instantly feeling the absence of his and for some reason, missing it. She was still trying to decide whether she should call him back or not when the click of the door on Cary's disappearing frame, barely audible but pounding like a gavel in a courtroom to Kalinda's ears, finalized his exit.