Chapter Four

Solace

Bella

Sunlight peeks through my curtains and thanks to recent changes in my life I no longer greet the morning with a groan and reticence.

It's been two weeks since that Saturday morning when Charlie drug me down to La push and Jake; and—although the deep Edward-related scars are clinging stubbornly to my soul—my once shattered spirit is now mending nicely. My heart isn't quite so empty anymore and I know it's the radiance of Jacob Black's bright smile that warms me now.

It has also been more two weeks of school and now many of my former circle friends have noticed my new, much improved attitude. However, Jessica and Lauren's stance has remained relatively unchanged; both of them eyeing me suspiciously like I might have a multiple personality disorder or something. And with Newton's persistence he greedily soaks up whatever moments of time I willingly give to him.

While my mental health at this point isn't what anyone would call sound—I am still overwhelmingly depressed—and more or less delusional is more like it; and it is the only time that I consider that the option of an alternative personality might be beneficial. A personality who could shield my shattered heart and mind from the searing pain that continues to permeate my entire being; that is, of course, whenever I'm not focusing on my renewed friendship with Jake.

I'm not stupid, I know what he infers, not just with what he says with words, but in the gentleness and patience he seems to have with me. Most guys with half a brain would run screaming from someone who is so clearly a basketcase—but not MY Jacob.

Instead, he draws me closer, and more importantly, he can make me laugh; quite an accomplishment when most of the time I'd simply like to die so that the hole in my heart won't hurt me anymore. But death wasn't really an option—Charlie, Phil, Renee and Jacob not withstanding—there was, unfortunately, that damned stupid promise I'd made Edward; although IT WAS coerced from me, even as he'd left me behind that September afternoon.

"Nothing stupid Bella—don't do anything reckless." I can still hear his voice echoing in the corners of my mind.

He practically ordered me to make that promise, knowing I was a person who didn't take making promises lightly. Well, I'd show Edward Cullen-figuratively speaking, of course—since he wasn't around to see if I kept the promise or not. Why should I keep a promise made under duress when he'd broken every vow he'd ever made to me when he walked away from me in the woods?

Although still vividly there, the hole in my heart is no longer so gaping. Jacob has done wonders in smoothing out the sharpest edges and he gives me a reason to smile.

TODAY is Saturday—La Push, baby—as Eric might say. Yes, today is Saturday and that means Jacob. Jacob and I have a hike planned for this afternoon. Strictly staying on the reservation though, as someone has reported seeing a huge bear pretty close to the campgrounds, and Charlie made me and Jacob both swear to steer clear of that area.

Jacob has hinted that he wants to take me over to Port Angeles to see the latest gory slasher flick; and while it really isn't my thing, I don't think any horror film would bother me too much given that I've likely seen and more importantly have personally lived through much worse.

At my exasperated sigh, Jacob raises his brows and with laughing eyes reminds me that being 18 now and all that, I could get us both past that the restricted rating—although given Jake's most recent growth spurt, he clearly looks older that me—I am the one most likely to be asked to provide ID.

He swears it would be just as friends and we can each pay our own way, although I know without him saying anything that deep down he wants us to be so much more.

I reach up to push a few stray strands of his long black back hair over his shoulder and I note the intake of air and the held breath, as what can only be called lustful heat flares in his eyes as he awaits my decision. I know should stop this, try to dissuade his hopes for us, but I cannot find the strength to push away the only sunshine in my otherwise bleak life. Without Jake I might as well return to my zombie-like existence.

So instead I smile, "Okay Jake, you win."

He exhales at last, his smile bright as sunshine on a winter day, "The Rabbit is almost finished, I'm just waiting on one final part I have on order; it's due in sometime this afternoon, and if you can take me into Forks after our hike I can pick it up before they close tonight and I should be able to drive her by tomorrow afternoon. "

"Sounds good to me."

"Yes!" He exclaimed, and his excitement becomes physical as he sweeps into his arms and spins me around.

"Calm down," I say in a scolding tone, although smiling.

Sensing he has nearly crossed my invisible line, he releases me and he extends his hand to shake on it although there is this hopeful tone in his voice…"Okay, then, it's a date….?"

It takes so little to please him, and a small giggle escapes me. "Alright, if you insist… it's a date."

CHARLIE

I can hear Bella and Jake's voices in the living room, and it's so nice to hear laughter coming from my daughter, desperately needed medicine for both our souls.

My deep concerns for Bella are no longer as heavy a burden. She's more animated-for Bella anyway- she seems to have found some renewed purpose, and I know it's because of her friendship with Jake. I just hope he takes it slowly, I don't think Bella could handle another heartbreak, and I don't know how I'd manage to keep her intact a second time.

It nearly kills me to think of the pain she's already suffered. I do understand her pain, when Renee left me and took Bella away, I was devastated. But I was so much older than Bella is now and even though I do know how she feels, my little Bella has always been prone to being overly sensitive when she cares about something. And she cared deeply for Edward Cullen.

I fight the urge to interrupt them, the need to protect Bella utmost in my concsciousness, maybe even from Jacob who has put a light back into her eyes. I have noted the almost worship-like devotion Jacob has shown my daughter, but I also know he's a teenage boy and I remember being one myself. I know that sometimes the needs of a young male body overwhelm all other considerations, and Bella is still so fragile.

I just keep telling myself that Jacob's a good kid, and Bella for the most part has a level head on her shoulders, and I think she may be more resistant to romantic overtures than she might be otherwise.

Another laugh drifts through to thrill my ears. Bella's happiness… the sweet sound of her laughter, and despite my misgivings to the contrary, Jacob seems to be the key to her new happiness, and for the time being I'll accept her happiness no matter where it comes from…

JACOB

The hours Saturday passed by rapidly; the weather is letter perfect, Bella and I spending a pleasant day climbing low rises, taking pleasure in the peace of nature, watching squirrels scurry from treetop to treetop and listening to birds scolding us for invading their woodland sanctuary.

We ran into Quil, still visibly upset that Embry suddenly has taken up hanging out with Sam Uley,—and Paul and Jared—our former classmates, we don't know what's going on but I understand to some extent. Quil, Embry and I had been close since we were very little kids, and Embry's defection a few days ago is only affecting me less because of my newest obsession-Bella.

I see past Quil's bravado and tolerate his attempts at flirtation with Bella, certain that while someone else might come before me, it certainly isn't my buddy. Bella is wonderful with him, steering him away with gentle finesse, and teasing banter, but nothing that would hurt his feelings and I realize that this is one of the things I find most appealing about her. She doesn't have the capacity to deliberately hurt anyone. More than once she meets my stare with her gentle smile and warm gaze.

Quil's mood improved quickly although both of us can see he feels like the proverbial third wheel, but neither Bella nor I would ever consider ditching him. My friend and I fall into our childhood competitions, arm wrestling on a large boulder and racing to climb up trees, for fastest time or whoever get the highest, all with Bella acting as referee and declaring winners. Although slightly smaller in build than me, Quil has always been quick and agile. Arm wrestling was no contest, I took him easily, but the tree climbing was a different, Quil was more than just a few pounds lighter than me and he was able to climb higher before the branches became unsafe. Bella was a just judge…. rendering decisions with surprising impartiality.

The competition might have gone indefinitely if not for the ringing of my cell phone confirming the part for the Rabbit was in. Not wanting to leave Quil behind, the three us of climbed into the cab of Bella's truck and headed back into Forks to pick up the part.