Chapter 4
Alphonse Elric
May 14-15, 1941
"The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It's the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared."
― Lois Lowry, The Giver
The journey back to his hometown seemed to take forever... Or maybe it only appeared that way due to the pit in his stomach growing larger and larger with each passing second. Swallowing back a nervous lump in his throat, Alphonse nearly cried at the heavy weight pressing down on his chest.
Winry...
He could feel the blood passing through his heart harden and freeze into ice as he began to think of the actual task of telling Winry that Ed was... that he was...
The lump returned, making it hard for Alphonse to breathe or swallow... Just thinking about the blonde mechanic made his heart ache with sadness. As the train approached the small station in the distance, seemingly growing larger as the seconds flew by, Alphonse could hear nothing but the ringing in his ears. He hardly even noticed when the locomotive had come to rest at the platform, the passengers, surrounding him, standing to gather their belongings and depart from the cabin.
The heavy feeling in his heart preventing him from rising too quickly, Alphonse tentatively reached for his arm crutch, resting forgotten across the seat beside him. His shoulders shook with the sigh that escaped him, curling his fingers around the familiar brace and walking determinedly from the train, leaning heavily upon the metal for support.
The young teen stood there for a long while... not moving from the platform, not speaking to anyone, just simply standing at the station, not a bag to his name. As the train began to depart, Alphonse realized with a sinking feeling that there was no other way to go now, but forward. He couldn't very well return to Central, at he very least not for a few weeks time...
Winry...
Not entirely sure where his legs were taking him, his body began to move of its own accord, strolling into the green countryside with renewed fervor. It wasn't until Alphonse had reached the peak of the third rolling crest, that he realized he wasn't being brought to Winry and Granny Pinako, but to the remnants of his home.
Sitting, abandoned, atop the hill in front of him, the ruins of his childhood home lay before him, the silence immediately overwhelming its former occupant. Why had he drug himself here, of all places? Alphonse realized, all too soon, that this would be his first return home without his brother to accompany him...
This would be his first time, standing amidst the remains of their most horrifying mistake... alone.
Reluctantly, his feet continued to carry him to the crumpled heap where he and his brother had once run and played so happily together. Off to one side of the house, their favorite swing began to sway eerily with a strong gust of wind, causing its supporting branch to groan with the return of movement below. Upon coming to the very top of the hilltop, his legs suddenly gave out beneath him, and Alphonse crumpled to the ground in a sobbing heap.
"Mom... I'm so sorry! We never meant for this to happen! We- we never meant for any of this to happen!... We just wanted to see you smile... just one last time." Alphonse knew that no one could hear him, crying relentlessly into the dirt below, and the silence blanketing the hilltop only caused the tears to fall faster.
"Edward's gone, Mom... though I suppose he's with you now, isn't he? I... I tried to save him, I did! But I was too late... I was too weak..." Trembling, his fingers scraped across the grassy dirt and clenched together in a fist. "Are you happy, brother?" It was so quiet... So very quiet... and he was so incredibly alone...
"Are you happy?!" Alphonse began shouting hysterically into the wind, releasing the pain and anger he had been suppressing inside his chest for the last eight days. The wind howled back, in response, swirling leaves and bits of earth around his frame as the young boy screamed angrily at the darkening sky.
"Dammit, brother! We were supposed to see mom together! You told me we'd bring her back together and that we'd be happy again! You said we'd always be together! We were always supposed to be together, no matter what!... YOU LIAR!" His voice was drowned out by the wind as the sky began to cry, millions of tiny raindrops splashing across the Elric's face and rolling off to each side before dropping back to the earth.
"You... lied..." Alphonse collapsed to the ground, his arms losing all strength to support him, as his grief and exhaustion finally carried him away.
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He knew he must look awful. Having finally succumbed to sleep on the flooded ground beside his former home, his clothes had become waterlogged and muddy with the dirty rain which had danced around him all through the night. Alphonse had briefly contemplated the horrible idea of simply lying there, in his pool of sorrow, and allowing his hypothermia to finally end his life then.
Yet, there he was, standing in the presence of the only Auto Mail shop in Resembool, reassuring himself, non-convincingly, that he could do it. He could tell Winry the horrible news of Edward's passing, and watch her kind face crumple with despair. He could look her in the eyes and tell his childhood friend that his brother would never again break another of her beautiful creations... ever, ever again.
Sighing in defeat, Alphonse turned on his heel to head back to Central, thinking maybe he would send her a letter instead, when he was tackled by a large black ball of fur. Crying out in shock, the boy fell to the ground, taking the crazed mutt with him, and bit his lip as his cane dug sharply into his side.
"Den, no!" He felt the weight suddenly removed from his back and he brought his head out from beneath his arms, no longer needing to protect himself against the onslaught of sloppy, wet dog kisses. As he struggled to sit up, weakened muscles not yet used to being attacked so abruptly, Alphonse was met with a pair of concerned blue eyes.
"Winry..." The girl standing over him gasped sharply, shock radiating through her features as she immediately recognized the man in front of her. Having not seen him in the flesh for so many years, she had almost not recognized the face she had known all her life.
"Al... Alphonse?" Winry gasped, tears springing to her eyes as she took in the aged features of her friend. "Is it really you?" Sheepishly, the boy beneath her nodded and managed a small smile, knowing their tearful reunion wasn't going to last much longer.
"You're back!" Without warning, Alphonse was suddenly tackled by a mass of blonde hair, once more being knocked to the ground with a undignified grunt. Eyes widening in shock, he soon realized Winry had begun to cry on his chest, holding onto his still-soaking shirt as though he could disappear at any moment. Comfortingly, he wrapped his arms around her sobbing frame, holding her as close as he dared.
Giggling, she leaned up and planted dozens of tiny kisses across his face, pecking her lips on any skin she could reach as if to say, "I missed you, dummy." Alphonse couldn't contain the laughter which erupted from his chest as she continued to attack him with affection, knowing full well that the kisses were out of friendship, and nothing more.
His laughter soon grew hysterical and she stopped her attacks, laughing with him well after his own had changed into sobs. The grief he had released the night before had only been the surface of his bottomless suffering. Winry mistook his tears as those of happiness and reached around him to embrace him once more before jumping up and offering him her hand.
As he reached up to accept the offered support, Winry asked the one question that stopped his heart:
"So, where's Ed?"