I couldn't sleep. The day had exhausted me, both mentally and physically but no matter how hard I tried sleep would not come.

Transforming for the first time had activated my wolf senses- it was disconcerting. Every small sound now felt like a bomb had gone off next to my ear. I could hear the forest, the whisper of the leaves blowing, small animals scuttling out of their hiding places. I could hear the every lazy breath Seth took from his room down the hall, every murmur my mom made in her sleep, as if I was in the same room. But the most distracting noise was the rhythm of my own heart beat. Thumpa- thump thumpa- thump, it sounded as though it was about to break free from my chest.

I could see every dust-mote- despite the darkness of my bedroom- as they swirled gently around the still air. My nose itched, suddenly having to cope with a cacophony of new and unusual smells.

But none of those things were the true reason why I was awake. I simply couldn't wrap my head around what I had become. The day had started off normal enough-apart from the fact it was my birthday- how had things changed so suddenly?

Why me? Why now? Was I always supposed to be like this- I remembered my expression from earlier- the freak amongst freaks? And then I felt guilty for the way I'd treated Seth when I'd seen him with Sam. He'd been coping with changing himself. I wondered how long he'd been like this. I'd seen through Sam's mind that he had been the first to phase and he had helped everyone else when they had too. I knew I would always be grateful to Sam for helping my brother.

Sam was the Alpha. We had to follow his orders. I couldn't stop phasing- not only would my anger get in the way- but Sam had told me that I now had a duty to the tribe. I was a chosen protector; I couldn't turn my back on it.

The anger kept rising in me throughout the night as I recalled the events of the day. I had to focus and try to keep calm. I would definitely phase in my room if I thought about it too much.

I tossed and turned, throwing the covers to the floor- I was so hot now, another 'wolf thing'. I tried to remember happier times and fell asleep to fitful dreams about my father.

I woke with a start- vividly remembering all that had happened yesterday, but it didn't feel real. I must have been dreaming. I got up, throwing my tangled sheets back on the bed. I reached up to untie my hair and stopped. It felt like a huge matted mess. I ran to the mirror on my dressing table. My thick, waist long hair, which had once been silky smooth, was now clumped together in heaps. Some of it stuck to my head, while other bunches stood out, as if I had been electrocuted. Leaves and small twigs were interwoven into the tangled black mess and I had dirt streaks all over my face.

I ran to the bathroom, quickly hopping in the shower before the water had a chance to heat up. The cold barely registered as I slathered my hair in as much conditioner as I could. It had all been real, the dirt, twigs and leaves were proof of that.

I spent a long time in the shower, far too long. I only stepped out when I'd emptied the bottle of conditioner and quickly scrubbed the rest of my body. I didn't allow myself to think about what I was doing as I gently tugged the brush through my hair, I knew I'd get upset, and I couldn't afford to do that, not least in the tiny bathroom.

Finally, after my arms started to protest, I gave up. I had managed to get most of the big knots out however, it was still frizzy, but it would have to do. My stomach rumbled loudly so I dressed and headed downstairs.

I knew my mom was in the kitchen before I reached the doorway, her breathing- I had noticed during the night- was a lot light than Seth's. I could only hear her heartbeat's in the house, so I knew Seth was out.

I didn't make eye contact with her as I fetched a bowl of cereal. She didn't say anything, just stayed sat at the table, head down, obviously waiting for me to join her. I did, taking the seat opposite her, and quickly started scoffing my food.

She took a deep breath, "Leah."

I didn't respond.

"Leah, honey. Look at me."

I set my empty bowl down and slowly lifted my head.

"Oh sweetheart."

I don't know what she saw in my face- probably the despair and confusion I felt- but she quickly got up, made her way to my side and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. I started sobbing, burying my head in her shirt.

She stroked my head, "Shh, shh. It's fine. You're going to be fine," she tried to sooth, but I could hear her voice cracking.

"No I'm not. I'm not fine. It's not fine."

"I know it must be difficult for you at the moment, but things will get better for you, I promise. It was hard for Seth at first too."

"Where is Seth?"

"Sam called a pack meeting this morning. He wanted to tell them about you. He called me yesterday to tell what happened. I was so worried when I came home," she rushed out, "The mail was scattered in the street and you were nowhere to be found. I was frantic, but then Sam phoned…"

"I'm sorry." I hadn't even thought about how worried she must have been.

"Shh. I'm sorry honey."

I sniffed, "What are you sorry for?"

"I'm sorry this has happened to you," she whispered, "We didn't know. How could we? This was never supposed to happen."

Great. Now even my mom thought there was something wrong with me. That I was more wrong than the others. Werewolves weren't supposed to happen- but they did. Female werewolves? That definitely wasn't supposed to happen.

I could feel the fire start to bubble, a red haze clouded my vision as my hands started to tremble furiously, spreading the shakes towards the rest of my body. Suddenly I was scared; what would happen to my mom if I were to phase right now.

"Get back!" I yelled.

Mom backed quickly towards the doorway, her horrified eyes locked on my quivering figure. I was thankful that she'd listened to me, who knows what could have happened if she'd been close. A thought unexpectedly popped into my mind; is that what had happened to Emily? The thought that one of the werewolves could have done that to her- inflict that on a human- that I could now be capable of something so horrendous tipped me over the edge. Never breaking eye contact with my mother, my body rapidly shifted, the tearing of clothes and splitting wood of the kitchen table was all that could be heard.

I looked into my mom's eyes and all I could see was horror.

'Leah? Shit! Is Sue alright?' Paul asked, panicked.

I quickly ran through what had happened.

'Phew. That was a close one.' He thought casually.

'That's not the point, Paul,' I sneered, seething, 'I could have hurt her! I could have killed her!' I exclaimed, surveying the damage to the kitchen.

The table and chairs would only be good for firewood now and there were three huge gouges down one of the cabinets. The room was barely big enough to contain my size. I realised, with horror, that if I hadn't ripped my mother to shreds then I would have definitely crushed her.

'Okay, okay! Touchy much?'

'Shut up!'

My mom looked like she was about to step towards me but I shook my head. I didn't want her anywhere near me. I was disgusting. It was only the thought that I didn't want her seeing me like this that made me force myself to calm down enough to phase back.

I drew into myself, changing back to human. No longer supported by two legs my body fall forward. My left arm smacked the linoleum while the rest of my body crumpled in a heap on top of the destroyed table.

"I um… I'll just… go get you some clothes," Sue stuttered, disappearing down the hall.

I sat up, curling my knees to my chest. How could I have done that? I put my mom in danger. Sam had warned me yesterday that I would need to distance myself from my friends. I'd told him that I didn't have any, so it should be too much of an effort. But I needed my family, I needed my mom, now more than ever, but I couldn't be anywhere near her, I was too unsafe, unstable. I was too wrapped up in my thoughts to notice her return. A soft thud next to me snapped me out of it.

"Here," my mom said gently, cautiously, "put those on."

I stood, quickly dressing in the jeans and black camisole she had placed by my side, never once looking up at her.

"Leah? It's okay."

"It's not okay." I said, ashamed.

"You couldn't help it."

"I put you in danger, mom. That's not okay."

"You can't help it, Leah," she said, getting frustrated, "You've only been a wolf for a day. You can't expect to control your temper like that," she clicked her fingers, "Especially with what you're going through at the moment." She sighed and buried her face in her hands.

"When will it get better?" I asked quietly.

"Soon, honey. But it's different for everyone. I wouldn't be surprised, with the year you've had if… maybe it takes a bit longer for you."

"What am I supposed do now?" Was I meant to hide myself away from everyone for months? Did I have to live in isolation until I was able to control myself? Seth hadn't gone away. But then again Seth hadn't been in the dark place I was in. He'd had to deal with the death of our father but I had that plus all my other problems to contend with.

Not realising that I wasn't referring to the present my mom answered, "Well… Sam wanted you to stop by his this morning, Kind of an introduction to the pack kind of thing. Plus I think he wants to talk to you," she added the last part whispering.

"Oh, okay." I didn't know how to feel about that- knowing that I would have to get used to seeing Sam on a regular basis now. I had done my best to avoid him for so long and now I was expected to go over to his house and play nice.

I decided that it was best if I got it over with sooner rather than later, otherwise I'd be dreading it all day.

I set off from my house after I'd helped mom clean up the kitchen, returning moments later to leave my coat behind. I only put it on out of habit but with the temperature I was running I wouldn't need it, despite the heavy drizzle coming in off the ocean.

I had never been over to Sam and Emily's house before, but I knew where it was. I'd had no reason to go there before, I wasn't speaking to either of them, plus the little grey house only served as a reminder of what could have been mine. They were living the life I imagined me and Sam would have had after finishing college. It stung that he was able to move on so swiftly from me, it was like we'd never been together.

I didn't kid myself; I was still very much in love with Sam and the idea that he wasn't with me anymore, living the life we should have had with someone else, never mind my own cousin- my former best friend- was like a knife in my chest. A huge, ten inch, acid coated knife, right to the heart. I hoped Emily wouldn't be there. It was hard enough dealing with Sam and I didn't know if I could cope with her too, I had to keep my temper in check.

I approached the small house tentatively. I could hear the people laughing and joking inside, probably the pack, and I was instantly nervous. I didn't want to fit in with them, a bunch of teenage boys, I didn't want to be a part of the pack, but I still worried what they would make of me.

I rapped my hand on the door three times and waited for someone to answer. As soon as I finished knocking the house grew silent, I guessed they must have been expecting me. I heard the shuffle of feet before the door slowly creaked open.

"Thanks for coming, Leah," Sam smiled, moving back to allow me to step in.

I kept my head down as I mumbled, "It's fine."

"Come on in." he offered, motioning for me to sit at the table.

The kitchen was crowded. The men- or boys- in the room all impossibly big for such a small space. Some sat at the table, while others leaned against the countertops. I recognised all their faces, I'd seen them all round the reservation.

The most familiar face smiled at me as I quickly sat down next to him, not making eye contact with anyone, "Hi Leah," Seth gleamed, casually throwing his left arm round my hunched shoulders, "I didn't think you'd come here 'cause…well… you know. Man, it's weird. Not just having you here, but you being in the pack now too. Sam just told us. It's gonna change things. Who'd have thought it, you in the pack? Aw man, it'll be strange having my big sister my head. We never knew a girl could phase, well I certainly didn't…" Seth eventually trailed off, finally noticing how awkward I felt and tense atmosphere in the room.

Sam cleared his throat behind me, my eyes still transfixed on the grains of wood in the table- my hair creating a curtain between me and the curious stares- wanting the ground to swallow me whole, "Guys, I'm sure most of you already know Leah," he started, "I know it's unexpected, for all of us and as Seth said, it will change things. But I hope you all make Leah feel welcome."

I literally wanted to die as the group mumbled their acceptance. It was awkward for everyone, not that Seth seemed to notice much. The whole of La Push knew about me and Sam and I assumed that the people gathered here today'd had an intimate view of the whole thing through the mind link.

Sam cleared his throat once again, silencing the chorus of mumbles and whispered conversations that had struck up within the group. I hadn't opened my mouth since I'd arrived in an attempt to keep my emotions in check. Thankfully it appeared that Emily wasn't home- at least I wouldn't have to deal with her too.

"This sets us at even numbers once again, so patrol shifts will change," Sam declared. I could instantly tell that he'd switched to Alpha mode- although his voice didn't have the same resonance it had done in Jacob's memories. He was obviously just issuing orders, not Alpha commands. "We should be good to go in pairs now. That means we'll have four rotations, giving every more time off. Jared, I think Paul's been out on his own for long enough, can you go and join him, I'll update you later."

Jared, the boy who I had recognised being in the grade below me at school, gave a quick nod before quickly running towards the back of the house. No sooner had the back door clicked shut I felt a shimmer; Jared had obviously phased.

"I've given the new patrols a lot of thought and I've tried to make it fair on everyone, taking into account that most of you are still at school.

"Jared will be teamed with Paul, taking the morning shift, six 'til twelve. Quil, Embry, you'll be on from noon 'til six," the two boys sat opposite me nodded their agreement. I was getting nervous, I desperately didn't want to be paired with Sam, "Seth and I will go from six until midnight and Leah and Jacob can do the night shift."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"We'll see how it goes. Jared only have a couple of months of school left and he still needs to graduate, so we won't be able to stay in this pattern for long, and six hours is a long time to be running the perimeters."

It seemed the 'pack business' was out of the way for now as the group started idly talking amongst themselves. I stayed quiet as Seth planned a future cliff diving expedition with Embry. I hoped he wasn't going to jump from the top, but I kept my mouth shut- I could already feel everyone's eyes flicker over to me, I didn't need to draw any more attention to myself. This hadn't gone too badly, I thought. I'd managed not to phase and at least I wouldn't be stuck on patrol with Sam. Even Quil the pervert would have been better than him. I wondered if Sam remembered that Quil used to shamelessly flirt with me while we were going out. I knew he wasn't attracted to me- I'd been amazed when Sam had shown an interest, he was the only one to find me attractive- but Quil had a thing for older ladies according to Rachel and Rebecca, who's often had to thwart his shameless advances.

My relief was short lived as I caught a sweet, almost flowery scent. It was feminine and I knew straight away that it must be Emily- it couldn't be one of the guys. The front door opened and Sam rushed over to help Emily, taking the bags out of her hands and setting them down in the middle of the table.

"Dig in guys," Sam offered.

Four pairs of hands instantly flew towards the bags, quickly emptying them of their contents. I kept mine neatly folded in my lap.

"You're welcome to have something too Leah." Sam said softly.

"No thank you," I said in a whisper, "I'm not hungry. In fact, if there's nothing more to say, then I think I'll be going now." I leapt up from the table, making my way past Emily to the still open door, keeping my head down.

Keep you emotions in check, keep your emotions in check, I chanted to myself. No sooner had I reached the bottom porch step Sam called after me, "Wait, Leah."

I stopped, my back still turned towards him waiting for him to say what he had wanted to say.

"I need to talk to you."

"Look Sam. I have to put up with you now. That doesn't mean I'm suddenly going to be okay and it certainly doesn't mean I want to get pally with you or her." I sighed, my voice sounding resigned, even to myself.

He sounded surprised, "I'm not expecting you to," he'd piqued my interest and I slowly turned to face him, although I still kept my eyes on the ground, "There's something else I need to talk to you about. Something I'd rather do in private."

"Fine," I relented. There wasn't anything he could say to me that could be worse than some of the things he'd said to me before- like on the day he broke up with me, or the day I begged him to take me back, promising to fix whatever I'd done. That day he'd told me he didn't want me, and he'd meant it, so I hadn't tried since.

We walked in silence for a while before reaching the beach. This place had bad memories; I hadn't come here since the day I'd seen him kissing Emily, but I wanted to get this over and done with so that I could get away from him and be alone, so I sat on the cool sand, crossing my legs and motioning for him to sit down a few feet away beside me.

"What's this about Sam?" I asked, sounding tired.

"I need to explain more of the legends to you, the uh…wolf legends."

"There's more for me to know?"

He nodded, "There's this thing that we do. It's called impriting…"

A/N: Sorry to leave you all on a cliff hanger, but hopefully it will only be a few days until the next chapter is up. Hope you enjoyed. As always please review, it makes my day!