Chapter 4
"Helena! " you scream in terror as your best friend smacks against the cold tile with a sicking thud. Your heart begins racing as you run to her side. "Helena, Can you hear me?" You ask, praying she will answer as you tentatively examine and hold her bleeding head. Tears begin to blur your vision when you realize her eyes are shut tight, with no sign of opening.
You told her she couldn't reach that bowl in the cupboard, you told her! But she didn't listen and she climbed right up there anyway. Why didn't you think to check the counter for water before she stepped on it. Stupid! You should have checked or at least caught her when she fell! Now she's unconscious or worse, with blood surrounding her and it's all your fault! It's all your fault...
A flash of her skull cracking against the gradient plays through your mind, along with her hurdling to the floor still attempting to brace herself.
"Helena! Wake up!" You shout, wishing her eyes would open for you "Please" your voice cracks "Please wake up!"
She doesn't move, and the blood continues to rush. Your mom walks in on alert, probably from your screams, and seeing the scene she quickly grabs the phone to dial for help.
You cradle the side of her face, and suddenly every death scene you've ever read comes to you in a flood. "No no no no no!" You shake your head and lift her up slightly pulling her to you. "Please don't die, please don't die- you can't leave me!" You yell and you may be over reacting just a bit, but you're a kid, everything is more dramatic. Besides you're scared, terrified, you can't think straight and right now Helena can't think at all.
Suddenly, there are feet shuffling behind you. You just ignore them though, and hold onto her with all you have.
"Myka." Your mother places a hand on your shoulder gently coaxing you back "Let these people help her." She says but you are not leaving.
"No." You manage your voice thick "I don't want to leave her."
"Myka they are going to help." She assures you, but still you hold fast.
"No!" You shout, gripping her tightly. She is your best friend. Your Helena. You are not letting her go.
"Myka." Your mother grabs you from behind, taking you away from her "Honey it's ok." She tries to comfort, but you begin to scream. And scream and scream until your ears are numb and your throat is sore. And it's times like these, when you don't know how to behave, that you'd turn to Helena. You'd turn to see what she was doing how she was acting. But this time Helena isn't there when you turn, no she's in the back of that truck being driven away from you. Thats when you realize, that if you don't know how to act- why not do something illogical. And so you scream some more.
You've never been in the car with your mother while going this fast, too bad you can't enjoy it. You remain silent the whole way there but the tears don't get locked away. Thousands of scenarios make their way through your mind. And once you pull up to the hospital you can't get out of the car fast enough.
They pull her out on a stretcher, you see her face, the blood, she hasn't woken up. How in the world did this happen... everything was absolutely fine this morning! There was no pain, no terror and defiantly no blood. Just giggles and hugs and Helena...
"Myka please wake up." Helena pleads as she shakes you insistently.
You groan burying you head deeper into the comforting pillow.
"Myka!" She jumps up and down on the bed with her knees. "Oh pretty please wake up!"
You're not trying to sleep, even though she kept you up way past your bed time with her story and you're absolutely exhausted. No, you are still "asleep" because you need time to plot your revenge against her for making you stay awake. Not that it was difficult, of course, you could never fall asleep while she is talking.
"Myka." She leans down to whisper next to your head "Myka you need to get up now please."
That's when you decide to strike. Jerking sideways, you grab the pillow you're resting and slam it into her with a laugh.
She falls backwards on the bed with a thump. Completely shocked and in seconds ready to battle you back. She grins wide and grabs her own pillow. "Myka Bering, Prepare for defeat!"
You quickly dodge her attack and roll to the other end of the bed "You'll have to be quicker than that!" You throw a blanket over her head, grab your glasses and jump onto the floor, as soon as your feet hit the soft carpet you sprint. Down the hall, around a corner, behind the couch. Briefly you catch a glimpse of your mother reading in her favorite, over-stuffed chair. Crouching down low you lean your back against the side of the couch, panting heavenly. Helena's going to kill you.
"Myka? What are you doing?" Your mother places her glasses on her head, and closes her book slightly but still holding her place.
You put a finger to your lips and shake your head fiercely.
She smiles and nods, contently leaning back in her chair and re-placing her glasses.
"Myka!" Helena shouts and you hear running footsteps. Soon you sense her stepping into the living room, and slowing down when she notices your mom. "Oh good morning Mrs. Bering. Have you seen Myka?"
"Good morning to you too Helena. I'm sorry but I can't say that I have seen her, sorry." Your mother replies and you can just see Helena pout.
"Oh alright..." Helena sighs but she doesn't walk away, which is strange because your mother just said, very plainly, that you were not in this room. "I suppose I'll have to check the kitchen." Her voice is slower and for some reason it's also getting louder.
You bite your lip and resist the temptation to take a quick peek around the edge. You know that would be fatal, Helena would see you and easily catch you.
"Oh where could she be?" Helena wonders aloud and you squeeze your eyes shut, maybe if you can't see she won't see you.
Suddenly you feel a hand on your shoulder, "Gotcha ya!"
You jump up with a squeal and hop over the couch armrest, ungracefully landing on the large cushion. You didn't think that through, obviously, because Helena easily pins you down.
You only struggle for a moment before you accept that the action is useless, Helena is much stronger than you are.
"Helena" you whine with a huff. She keeps her hands firmly on your wrists and her knees planted on either side of your body. "No fair!"
Your mother tries to hide her laughs, but Helena doesn't bother too, "Oh this is your fault Myka." She giggles.
"But HG..." You sigh.
Immediately, she stops laughing and turns completely sober. "Myka... why did you call me that?" She asks.
You shake your head, "I don't know"
"Please don't call me that." She lightens her grip on you, losing her drive to win the game, but insistent on the issue of you called her H.G.
"But everyone else does" you state confused, "Why can't I?"
"Because...because..." she searches for an explanation.
You wait, and once your mind begins to wander you realize how absolutely warm her hands are, how they seem to be burning holes into your skin. It makes you want to sigh, close your eyes and just focus on that wonderful feeling... You shake your head a bit, what are you even talking about? You don't know whats going on, much less how to handle it. You're a child for goodness sake, a mature child granted but a child none the less, and something tells you really shouldn't be dealing with this unnaturally heated feeling right now.
Then your friend brings you back to reality and you remember the problem of her name. "You can't call me H.G because... because I'm your Helena." She decides firmly. Out of the corner of your eye you see your mom leave the room, and you're not really sure why but you are glad she did. "You are the only one allowed to call me Helena. Alright Myka?"
"Alright" you nod.
She smiles, and it's like a trigger. You weren't even really thinking about flipping her on her back, and setting yourself ahead in the game but you did.
Her eyes are wide and she's a bit taken back that you just did that and you can't help but grin at her shocked face. "Helena it is then."
She just stares up at you for a second and you wonder if your hands do the same thing to her as her hands do to you. You wonder if she feels the warmth and strange, amazing burning in her wrists. You understand that it's probably because of your age, and the lack of filter from your brain to your mouth that you boldly ask aloud "Helena? Do my hands feel warm to you?"
She nods slowly and whispers "Very."
You tilt your head in thought "Your hands were warm also...why is that?"
"I don't know." She says before somehow wiggling herself out of your pin down. But instead on flipping you over again she simply lets you fall on top of her. "But you always feel warm Myka, that's why I love hugging you."
"Thats a good reason." You agree, fitting your head easily into her neck as her arms wrap around you. She's right, now your entire body feels overheated not just your arms.
It's almost overwhelming and you can't figure out why you never noticed it so strong before. Of course hugging Helena had always been absolutely glorious, but it seems to be getting better and better with each embrace.
"Promise you'll never stop doing this, Helena" you whisper and it's a plea, because if she said no your heart would break.
"I couldn't stop if I tried." She says as she begins to play with one of your curls, a fascination she still hasn't gotten over. "Your too amazing for me to let go."
"Family of Helena Wells." The doctor announces walking in and Helena's parents immediately stand.
Now you weren't eavesdropping, no they were just standing right next to you...
"Your daughter suffered a minor concussion, and broken arm." the doctor begins. "Now the broken arm required just a few screws and a cast, what I'm worried about is the injury to her head. The blow came to a fragile part of her skull, it took some staples to close it up, and we didn't have to shave her head, but I can't say anything about the damage inside. Like I said, it was a fragile area, one crucial for development. It may be nothing but I'd like to keep her monitored over night while it begins to heal, just in case."
"Of course." Mr. Wells say quickly.
"I'll stay." Mrs. Wells says to her husband and he nods in agreement.
"I'll take the boys." He assures her.
"Can I stay?" You jump up, and it takes you a moment to realize you actually said that aloud. Since you did though you might as well go with it, it's what you want anyways. "Please, can I stay?"
Mr. Wells begins to say no but Mrs. Wells puts a hand on his arm "Give me a second." She says under her breath and he reluctantly agrees. Helena's mother turns to your mom, "Jeanie."
Your mother walks over, and you realize how thankful you are that she was standing over there when you asked your question, this way she didn't get to shoot the idea down too fast.
Mrs. Wells whispers something so quietly to your mother that you can't hear. Then your mom whispers something back and once again you're in the dark, until they turn towards you. "You realize Helena will be asleep the whole time right? You two won't be able to talk or play or anything." Your mother reminds you, and you see Mr. Wells smugly cross his arms, he thinks that's why you wanted to stay- just to play.
"I know." You say and they can tell you mean it, what Mr. Wells doesn't understand is why. You can tell by his expression, he's shocked. But of course you aren't surprised, he's never understood your friendship with his daughter.
"Why do you want to stay then?" He asks and you decide to give him just a tidbit of how deep your relationship runs, how close two little second graders can really be.
"I don't want to be away from her." You say shyly, glancing down at the floor. And by doing that you miss the knowing look your mom shares with Mrs. Wells...
You know Mrs. Wells is asleep when her breathing evens out. It's the middle of the night, and your laying in one of those strange hospital cots at least five feet away from Helena. People are walking by the door outside and you see their feet through that crack under the door. You really hope they don't turn of that hall light, then you'd be stuck in the dark. You'll admit, Helena is supposed to be the one with the gripping fear, and you are supposed to be the strong one for her. However, you can't help but get spooked every once and awhile, and that's ok as long as you don't tell Helena.
"Myka." You hear a voice whine, and Helena's bed slightly creaks.
You sit up quickly, wide awake, in all honesty, though, you weren't even sleepy.
"Myka." Helena says again and you notice Mrs. Wells doesn't stir.
So slowly you push back your covers, trying not to make a sound. Then, without a thought, you cautiously tip-toe across the cold tile to the side of Helena's bed. Her eyes are closed and her brow is furrowed. Bad dream maybe? You force yourself to ignore that big bandage on her head, and focus on her face more closely.
"Myka." She mumbles again shifting.
"Helena?" You whisper back quietly.
She turns on her left side, away from you. "Myka."
You walk to the other side of her bed, still confused as to what is going on. "Helena? Are you awake?" You ask but she doesn't respond.
You stare at her for a moment, and you can't help but notice the empty space her rolling over has cleared. At first it's ridiculous for you to even consider... but you don't want to sleep in that cold bed on the other side of the room. And Helena's bed is always so warm, and her hugs even warmer as you recently discovered. And Mrs. Wells technically never told you weren't allowed... So, hesitantly, you pull back the covers and climb in with her. Snuggling in lightly though, so you don't disturb her, and making sure to keep your distance. After all, you don't want to hurt her even more, and you're convinced even a brush with her head or arm will cause that.
But then out of nowhere a hand clasps around your arm, you jump a little but then you realize it's just Helena, a still asleep Helena at that. "Myka" she pleads, tugging at you.
You bite your lip and carefully scoot over towards her. Soon you are face to face, her hand still gripping your arm tightly and her face still in twisted in discomfort. What else can you do? you wonder. Then it hits you, lightly you reach out an arm and slip it through the small slit between her broken wrist and body and, once in position, you move her closer to you. And the moment you're so close to her that not even air could find its way between the two of you, her furrowed brow fades and she moves her un-injured forehead to rest against your head. "Myka." She sighs snuggling into you.
You smile lightly, and study her perfect sleeping face... and then your eyes start to gravitate to her lips... Your not sure what made you think of it, or even why it was in your mind in the first place. Maybe you've just been spending so much time with Helena that her curiosity is beginning to spread to you, but you can't help but wonder what would happen if you leaned in just a little more. Maybe then you'd see why people in those movies and in your books have such a fascination for it.
You know somewhere in you head that you shouldn't, that your too young to even really know what it means, but you can't bury the nagging voice that just has to know what it would be like.
So you lean forward slowly and softly press your lips on hers... You pull back almost immediately though, because of all the things you expected it to feel like, that was no where near it. That was fireworks exploding in your head, with Niagra Falls crashing on your ears, and your entire body being thrown into a heated volcano. It was like Christmas morning times infinity, and Helena's hug times something more, all rolled into one.
Heat rushes to your cheeks and you honestly can't believe you just did that! You can't believe you just kissed her! And what's more you can't belive you liked it! No wonder it's so popular, it's better than any book, any old story. It's better than everything in the whole entire world.
But you know you can never tell anyone what you just did, ever. And you are thankful Helena's not awake to know what just happened. That's when you realize, as your staring at her still in shock, that there's a light smile on her face.
"Helena?" You say, in fear she may be awake. At the sound of your voice she moves, and buries herself even further into you. But she's not awake, you know she's not, she's still dreaming.
"I'm sorry I did that." You whisper, knowing you might as well get it of your chest now "I was just curious is all..."
Suddenly, you feel something press against your lips again, silencing any apologizes you thought you had. You could never be sorry for doing that. Her lips curve on yours, and you feel her push you lightly on your back. She must have an abundance of pain medicine because in this position her arm would be throbbing and her head even more. You aren't complaining though, even if you have no idea whats happening or how it really makes you feel. All you know for sure is this is not normal, second graders don't kiss each other, thats for grown-ups and married people. Despite all the logical reasoning, however, the fireworks are still there, the falls, the volcano- everything.
Your eyes flutter open as she pulls back, "Myka" she whispers rolling off of you to lay at your side, still in your arms. It's then you see that she's still asleep.
You've read that in dreams your desires and imagination swirl together to create a perfect world for you. A land where you aren't really you, but you think you are. A land where you do things the real you wouldn't understand but would love. That's why it's called a dream, because you can't have it in reality, and either way in reality you don't know how to control it, your desire and imagination, you don't understand it. It's the reason why in dreams you know how to do things and feel things, you shouldn't know how to feel and do.
And while you yourself readily believe this, because it makes sense, you are having trouble accepting the theory about those who talk and walk in their sleep. The people whose imagination runs so wild and their desires so deep that not even sleep can contain them. If anyone has an imagination like that it's Helena. It makes sense, the logic, and you should believe it, but you can't. At least not yet... You can't understand why that beneath the child in Helena, lies an unexplainable desire, a desire that makes up her deepest dreams, dreams so deep they cross the sleep barrier- you can't understand why that unrealized desire is to- to kiss you...
You can't understand that, so you'll force yourself to forget. To forget that "sleep theory" and everything that happened tonight. Because that's the kind of person you are, it's the kind of person you will become. The person that takes the unexplained, scary, uncomfortable feelings and realizations and just locks them away.
However you'll never, ever let yourself forget one thing. That you love the sleeping version, the dreaming version, of Helena just as much, if not more, than the awake version. Because, goodness, that second kiss was much much better than the first and better than any dream you or her could have dreamed.