Disclaimer: Fire Emblem - The Sacred Stones is a belonging to his respective corporation and creator: Nintendo and Intelligent Systems. The following character belongs to the author.
Nicole: A young maiden from Rausten. She's now a close friend to the twins, but still tight to L'Arachel.
Ephraim and Eirika – The Sacred Twin Life
—The One with the Awkwardness—
-Castle Renais-
"Thank you. Thank you so much, Mr. Periwinkle." Fado was speaking to a man of his age, dressed in business attire inside the throne room. Both Fado and the man shook hands just as the twins were entering the room, "I swear, I would make your school the best ever in history. Get it? History!" He cracked a joke, but the man wasn't laughing. Fado stopped immediately.
"I really hope to see the material you possess, Your Majesty." The man replied, "You may be a foreign ruler, but remember, teaching is a privilege."
"I know. I'll take it to heart. Thank you again, and hope to see you soon." Fado smiled.
The man took his leave without even cracking a smile. The curious, and yet a bit disturbed twins approached their father, "What's going on, father?" Eirika asked.
"And why are you talking to Mr. Periwinkle, our school's dean?" Ephraim asked.
"Ah, kids." Fado formed an ecstatic smile, "Perfect timing! I've just signed a faculty application, and boy oh boy, you're gonna love it more: we'll be seeing each other everyday! Ain't that cool?"
The twins' reactions were not what Fado was expecting. They froze up like popsicles, "Seeing each other?" Ephraim said calmly.
"Are you trying to say something? 'cause its sounds like you're trying to say something and I don't like it." Eirika asked.
"Oh pish-posh! It's not that bad." Fado said, "I've applied for a job as a history and medieval arts professor at the Grado Academy and I've been approved. I'm coming to your school to teach! Isn't that great?"
It took a moment for the twins to share their thoughts…
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
-Grado Academy-
"Are you serious? King Fado is teaching here at the school?" Nicole couldn't believe the story she just heard from Eirika and Ephraim as the twins and the cleric were heading for their next class at the sound of the bell.
Ephraim nodded unenthusiastically whilst Eirika replied, "will be. It's bad enough that he tells us to brush our teeth between bites and wear clean underwear, but it's a nightmare to have him in public!"
"Yeah." Ephraim replied, "Of course, he has no idea that when he turns his back, I go back to wear my used underwear back."
Nicole scooted away from Ephraim. Eirika plunged her nose and frowned, "Ew… no wonder you smell like—you know what, I don't wanna know."
Ephraim ignored Eirika and went back to the discussion, "At least, he's not coming to the school until next week. That will buy us some time to enjoy our independence until our nightmare starts."
The trio entered the class. The professor turned to face the twins and Nicole. It was… Fado?!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
"Ephraim! Eirika! Nicole!" Fado exclaimed.
The twins and Nicole stopped screaming.
"Why are you screaming? It's me!" Fado formed a huge smile.
Ephraim gulped, "W…well… …we thought we saw this… … kinda… … ghoul……?" Eirika and Nicole nodded on cue.
"Oh! Yeah. You know what. I'm going to have to agree." Fado replied. The twins questionably glanced at Fado, convinced that he knows what's going on. "You do?" Eirika asked.
"Yeah." Fado replied before staring around the school's walls and ceiling, "this place is kinda filthy." He said, "Spiders, bugs … all kind of nastiness crawling all over… no wonder you got scared."
The twins and Nicole went to sit. They were not happy to hear that statement from Fado. Who cares about spiders? Nobody!
"Welcome to History 201. I'm King Fado of Renais and I'll be your professor till I retire."
The twins tightened their faces and made a pout, forcing to shed some tears. Fado wasn't finished, "…but you can just call me Professor Fado or Mister Fado."
A student raised his hand. Fado pointed to him. "Yes?"
"Can we just call you Fado?" the student asked.
"No." Fado replied, "Now sit down; you're wasting valuable time here."
The moment the student sat back to his seat, Fado hooted, "OHH! OHH! I'm sure you guys have met my adorable son and daughter, Eirika and Ephraim! They're the prince, princess… and my lil' people." He cooed.
A few giggle started coming in the room. The twins turned pale as Fado's finger pointed right at them and gestured to stand up, "Now come on, and stand up! Don't be shy now." Fado pressured.
The twins reluctantly went to stand in front of the stifling class. By the time they faced the stage of embarrassment, laughing cries shot out of the classroom like it was a battlefield. The twins' faces flushed pink.
"FATHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!"
The twins lashed out at their parent, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!?" screamed Eirika.
"Did I do something wrong?" Fado frankly asked.
"DID YOU DO SOMETHING RIGHT?" Ephraim wailed, "GRADO ACADEMY IS A SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST!! MAUTHEDOOG EAT MAUTHEDOOG!! THIS IS NOT THE 1960S ANYMORE WHEN PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO BE HIP AND ALL-THAT!!!"
Fado raised an eyebrow before asking a question, a bit revolted and surprised but still frank in the face, "Okay. The 1960s is like far into the future and... Mauthedoogs eat each other? Really?"
"YOU'RE HERE TO THE SCHOOL TO BE A PROFESSOR NOT A DAD!!!" Eirika yelped.
"All right, kids. I'm sorry I went a little overboard on the whole meeting you, but…" Fado couldn't help but form yet another animated smile, "…I couldn't wait to show everyone my wittle kids." He pulled the twins together for a hug, but the twins moved away.
"Father. What did we tell you?" Ephraim said.
"And Ix-nay on the ittle-way." Eirika muttered.
"All right then." Fado cleared his throat, "I won't do that anymore. From now on, this is strictly business. On school ground, you're my students, and I'm your professor. But at home…"
"We're your kids and you're the annoying little fa—" the twins caught themselves, "I mean, the loving father!"
"Okay."
Fado looked away to clear his throat. He then turned to face the twins with a crazy look on his face, "You two. What are you dawdling in the hallway for?" he spoke a deep sergeant accent.
The twins started trembling "…father?" Eirika gulped.
"FATHER!" Fado got closed to Eirika's face, "YOU EXPECT YOUR MAMA AND YOUR DADA TO RESCUE YOU FROM DETENTION?!"
"… wha—?" Ephraim's whole body went numb at that hearing.
"MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!" Fado screamed and the twins ran as fast as frightened chicken.
-Castle Frelia-
Innes entered the Frelian Kitchen to find his father standing by a hot casserole, releasing a funky smell. Innes approached the pot to glance over what was in it. He saw some sort of hard-boiled cement-colored stew that almost had the same texture as oatmeal that had been sat for three weeks.
"Err… father. What is that?" he asked the question, but was not so thrilled to get an answer.
Hayden smiled at Innes, "Innes, m'boy! Just in time to have a taste of my one of a kind stony stew! I used to make this when Fado, Vigarde and I were on our camping trip when we were merely little tweeds."
"You mean tweens?"
"No, tweeds. Here." Hayden handed Innes a spoon.
"I think I'll pa—"
Hayden interrupted, "Oh, you don't have to taste it." he then pulled up a bowl as well, " You get to eat it."
Innes's eyes shot up in surprise, "I get to what now?"
"Come on, son. It's not going to kill you." Hayden took a scoop of the stew, dumped it on the bowl and handed it to Innes. "As a great cook like me would say, have a stew."
Innes reluctantly took the bowl and grimaced at it, "Gee… thanks."
"How does it smell?"
"Funky… … I mean FUN… and sweet!"
"Good."
Innes scooped up a spoon of the stew then ate it. The stew got cold in a hurry the moment it landed in his mouth, and it felt chunky and bland between his teeth, he felt a nausea stirring up his throat. The stew was nasty. Innes turned his back on his father to make sure he wasn't watching his frowning look of disgust.
"How does it taste?" Hayden asked.
"Did you heat it?" Innes mumbled.
"Yes."
"Then it's good." Innes grinned through his stewed teeth. Hayden sighed in relief, "Great."
There was an awkward silence. Innes turned to look at his father who was staring straight at him with a smile on his face.
"WHAT?" he shouted with his mouth still full and his eyes watery, due to the craving to spit out the nastiness out of his mouth.
"Aren't you going to swallow it?" Hayden asked.
DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE? Innes was screaming inside, but he still managed to put up his best expression, "Sure." He replied before he slowly took a gulp of his stew. Feeling the stew going down through his throat felt kinda like a relief but a nightmare at the same time.
"Perfect!" Hayden clasped hands together, "Now, I'll be right back with the second batch. Eat up!"
"I will!" Innes laughed. The moment Hayden left for the kitchen; Innes replaced his laugh with a howling cry until Tana sneaked up on him.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Tana! Oh, thank goodness." Innes grabbed the stew pot and poured the rest of it on the plate, picked up the plate and menacingly approached his sister, "Put it in your blouse."
"WHAT? NO! I just bought it!"
"You still can wash it! Now let me do it." Innes pulled Tana up close by the colon, and poured the entire stew from the plate down her shirt. She squealed, "EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!"
"Hold still…" Innes dropped the plate on the sink, grabbed the casserole and poured the rest down her shirt.
"GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSS!!!!"
Innes dumped the casserole on the sink and clasped his hands, staring at Tana's stew-filled shirt that made her look fat, "Mission accomplished." He said.
"Easy for you to say, ya nasty!"
Hayden came back with another casserole of his stew. He saw Innes's plate in surprise, "Wow! You did clean up your plate."
"Yep." Innes lied.
Hayden looked at Tana, "Whoa, Tana. You got fat in a hurry."
Tana grinned, "Yeah, yeah. I'm auditioning for the next Subway commercial, so…"
"Wow, well, good luck!" Hayden said.
"Thanks." Tana frowned. As Hayden turned his back, Tana eyeballed Innes menacingly, "Something good better come out of this, because you own me BIG TIME."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever."
Tana left. Hayden faced Innes, "Are you ready for another batch?"
Innes froze. He then looked away from his father into the living room, "What's that, Tana? You need me to clean your room? Coming!" He fled.
-Grado Academy-
Ephraim and Eirika curved into a hallway with stairs leading to the second floor of the building. They saw a group of students sitting at the stairs, laughing amongst themselves.
"Yo, it's the Renais twins!" one of the students, a red-haired boy, called. The twins went toward them.
"Hi, guys." Ephraim greeted.
"Hi, Jaike." Eirika sighed like a schoolgirl. Her eyes were on Jaike Alexander, the most popular brown-haired wyvern rider in the academy.
"So, guys." A girl with stern-looking eyes and orange hair color spoke, "My sister will be out of town this weekend, so I'm hosting an empty house party." Her eyes then fixed on the twins, "You wanna come?"
The twins never had the chance to respond when Fado came out of the blue, "Oh, an empty-house party huh?" the warrior king sounded sarcastic, "Well, don't you students have nothing better to do than to drink and trash your homes when there's no adult supervision?"
The nervous students looked at each other, "err…"
"I'll tell you what? I'll let you have your little fun, just as long as I'm available."
The students stared blankly at Fado in horror and disbelief. They couldn't believe what they were hearing. A teacher? Hosting a student party? Now that is worse than a teacher as your own private tutor, especially if that teacher is the King of Renais.
Ephraim and Eirika looked even more embarrassed than ever before. They had to do something to stop Fado. Something!
"So…" Fado pulled out his notepad and a feather pen and started scribbling, "Since I'm free this Saturday, how about I come early and set up the party? Get the balloons; order some ciders, party hats…"
The students' nervous expressions changed into faces of pure grief and anger. The twins stepped in front of Fado, "Would you excuse us?" Eirika grinned as Ephraim pulled his father away from the students, "Father—"
"Mr. Renais, you're to address your professor as Mr. Renais…" Fado said, then looked up in thought, "Hey that rhymes." He then looked at his son, "what a small world that we share the same last name."
Ephraim rolled his eyes, "Yeah, hard to believe. So, Mister Renais, we were having a private conversation here. So, could you like leave and… forget about volunteering at that party."
Fado shook his head, "And let you drink? Unh-Uh! I don't think so!"
Eirika approached Fado and Ephraim to find that the conversation was getting tense.
"And besides, aren't you two supposed to be working on that homework assignment that I posted to everyone in class?" Fado asked.
The twins nervously looked at each other. Apparently, they haven't started on the assignment at all, "But it's not due till next week!" Eirika pointed out.
"Yeah, uh-uh, sure. We're procrastinating now, aren't we? Mmm-Mnh! Now, you better march those butts to the library and get started on it unless you wanna face detention!" he shouted before turning his attention at the students at the stairs, "And that goes the same to all of you! Now move! Move! MOVE!"
The twins and the students rushed into the library as Fado shouted like a boot camp general.
-Castle Frelia-
Following the incident with the stony stew on her blouse, Tana, sporting a snow-light jacket with blue trim over a white shirt and a matching skirt, sat at the castle's Family Hall with Innes, brooding.
"I swear, the moment I see another one of that funky stew…"
"It's stony stew." Innes corrected.
"Whatever!" Tana snapped, "…I can't stand the smell! I mean, I swear I will have a soup trauma!"
"But you never tasted it." Innes replied, "And I'm pretty sure father would server you some no matter what you say."
"Oh please." Tana scoffed, "like that's ever going to happen."
Innes looked behind Tana to see Hayden entering the living room with the stony stew casserole. Tana continued to rant without giving much thought on noticing that her father was standing right behind her, "There's no way, in the depths of the Demon King's Lair, that father will serve me that stew. Even if he's standing right behind me with the casserole."
Innes grinned. Tana saw that grin and quickly had that uneasy feeling that her father was behind her. She whipped her head around to see him all smile. Apparently, he didn't hear the 'no way' cursing part she said earlier, but only the part of serving the stew, which lead to an unfortunate miscommunication.
"You'll willing to taste my stony stew, my little Tanabella?" Hayden got giddy with excitement, "Ohh! Hearing this coming from you makes my heart thump!"
Tana stared at her father, frozen solid. Hayden continued, "Well lucky for you, I got the casserole. I will so do the honor. Innes, get me her bowl in the kitchen."
"Right-o!" Innes replied and directly mocked his sister with a scornful stare as he pranced into the kitchen.
"Err… father…" Tana tried to speak but Hayden interrupted, "I gave that soup to Innes and he loved it. I know it's not my place to say this but, I'm thinking you wanted what Innes got. You were jealous."
JEALOUS? Tana screamed in her thought. She will never be jealous of Innes especially in that area of torture. Not willing to take another shot of the soup, she had to say something fast, "But father! That's not what I meant!"
Innes returned with Tana's bowl to see that Hayden's expression started to change to a seriously curious one. He panicked.
"What did you mean then?" Hayden asked.
He ran to stand between Hayden and Tana, "Hey, father!" he smiled at the king, "Could you excuse me and my sister for a second?" he wrapped his arm tightly around Tana's shoulder. Tana grunted.
"Sure." Hayden said, taking the bowl from Innes's hand, "take your time."
Innes pushed his sister to a corner. "Ow!" Tana exclaimed, "Watch it!"
"I won't let you do that."
"Do what? Telling him the truth?"
Innes nodded, "Yes. I mean, come on sis, aren't you happy to see father happy? If you tell him that you hate the soup without even tasting it, he'll know that I lied about eating it and that will hurt his feelings. And I don't want to see his feelings hurt."
"I got feelings too!" Tana snapped, "And they're not hurt, they're shattered! Like an expensive ice statue!!!"
"So we'll compromise about it. But look at him." Innes looked at Hayden. Tana looked at Hayden too. The king was whistling a Fire Emblem 9 tune of Beautiful Princess Elincia in up-tempo whilst serving Tana's stew.
"He's happy. And when he's happy, everybody's happy." He faced his sister again, "Don't you want him to be happy?"
Tana sighed, "Yes, I want him happy."
"And?"
"And… I will ta—" she tried to say the word but struggled on the word to say it, "ta… tas… tass… … …tassssss…"
"Yees?" Innes articulated.
Tana bit her lip, "…taste the soup." The moment she said it, she felt a huge relief in her stomach. To try something nasty like the stony stew, it was the best she could do: letting a lie out of her mouth.
Innes smiled, "Good job."
Hayden turned toward Tana with the bowl of stony soup, "Here you go, Tana. Fresh on the house."
Tana frowned at the reeked odor coming from the soup, but managed to put up an acting expression of eagerness to taste it, "mmm… thanks."
She scooped up a spoonful of the soup and shoved it in her mouth. She gulped. The texture of the soup was chunky, sordid, and got cold in a hurry. Tana was about to spit but couldn't in front of her father.
"Is it good?" Hayden asked.
"Good?!" Tana muttered with her mouth full. She then turned to secretly spit the soup back in the bowl then turned back to her father, "It's great!"
"Great!" Hayden laughed, "Better than Aunt Pearl's Crispy Rice Casserole?"
Tana's eyes widened. Aunt Pearl's casserole could beat this beat-up food to the punch. She lied with a nod.
"Even her caramel surprise?"
She grinned. She loved that caramel too, but she had to nod.
"How about—"
"IT'S GOOD!" Tana exploded, "100 PERCENT GOOD! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"
Hayden stopped challenging her to stare at her attitude. The princess quickly molded her expression, "…so that I could enjoy it."
Hayden smiled, "Great! I'm just glad you like it sweetheart. I'll be back with another batch for you two." The king gave both Tana and Innes a kiss on the forehead before heading off to the kitchen. Tana stopped smiling to watch her father.
"He's so happy." She muttered.
"Yeah…" Innes replied, "Well, we don't want to break his heart, so let's do him a favor."
Tana faced her brother, "throwing the soup?"
"Exactly."
Fado sat down with Hayden at the Frelia's Study Chamber with an expression of deep curiosity. For a while now, he's been wondering about the twins and his regard concerning his position in the academy as a history professor.
"Say, Hayden. Have you ever wondered if your kids are being dishonest in your parenting life but you're not so sure of if they really are?"
"Sure." Hayden gloated, "Before you know it, you'll be dropping the Trust bomb. My kids are far from dishonesty. They love my stony stew. That thing you and Vigarde would usually hide under your beds?"
"And yet, I'm not surprised." Fado commented.
Elsewhere, Tana and Innes were walking down the corridor, practically arguing about this issue.
"How many times am I going to tell you, Innes? We have to tell him that this thing ain't working for us!!!" Tana yelped.
"But if we tell him, it's like we were lying to him in the first place!" Eirika was telling off Ephraim regarding the Fado issue on the other side of the corridor.
"That's because you didn't hear what happened in the cafeteria." Ephraim added.
Eirika raised a brow, "What happened in the cafeteria?"
"What happened?!" Tana exclaimed on the other side of the corridor, "The stony stew happened! Sheesh, Innes! Face reality here!"
"I am facing reality." Innes explained, "And it's not the type of reality that you are fantasizing right about now."
Eirika gasped at the short story her brother told her. Ephraim nodded.
"NO HE DIDN'T!" she said.
"NO YOU DIDN'T!" Tana exclaimed at Innes.
"Yes, he did!" both Ephraim and Innes said as the quartet crossed path. The boys turned to face each other with a questionable look, "he did what?"
"What was I talking about?" Innes scratched his head, in loss of thought.
"You were insulting me, nitwit." Tana told Innes before facing Eirika, "Eirika! Tell him that I'm not fantasizing!"
"I will if you tell me what's going on." Eirika asked curiously.
A brief five minutes of swallowing each other's tormenting stories about their fathers, and gasps like nooo and yeaah went by…
"We can't survive this ordeal for a second, guys. So we should tell them. It's the only way." Eirika proposed.
Innes shook his head, "oh heck no. That's crazy talk."
"For once, I agree with Eirika. We should go for it." Ephraim then faced Innes, "unless, you want to spend the rest of your life eating stony stew for breakfast, lunch and dinner."
Innes shuddered at these words, "Fine. But if this talk backfires, this comes out of your paychecks."
Ephraim, Eirika and Tana raised eyebrows. There's no making sense to whatever Innes talks about. They walked together to find their fathers inside Hayden's Study Chamber.
"They're inside." Tana said.
"Well, here's hoping they will understand." Ephraim sighed.
"Oh, they will understand. In fact, what they do is not much of a big deal to them." Eirika pointed out.
Innes turned the knob but then the kings' private conversations stopped him from opening the door. The trio leaned in to listen.
"I never told the twins that before," Fado began, "but ever since I joined the academy, I always thought that I was jeopardizing their independence. But they're okay with it."
"So, what you're saying is that you joined the academy to spend more time with them?" Hayden asked.
Fado nodded, "That, and to teach History. But seriously, as a father, it will hurt me to find out that my presence at the academy is a pain to them. That, my friend, would be a bald-faced lie. But, they're okay with it. So I'm happy."
The twins' jaws dropped.
"I know how you feel." Hayden replied, "I thought Tana and Innes would hate the soup the moment they tasted it, but since they're being truthful and they like it, that changed things. Cooking that stew for them has now made me a happy person."
Tana and Innes's jaws dropped.
The quartet teens slowly closed the door and stood there for a minute, trying to reflect what they just heard.
--- --- ---
The twins and the Frelian siblings sat down to ponder on their fathers' heartfelt conversations earlier. It was eating them up inside. Just as they were about to tell them the truth about the professing and the annoying presence in the academy, and the horrible stench and retching stony stew, they hear their fathers talk about how honest they were being, when in truth, they weren't.
"'Cooking that stew for them has now made me a happy person.'" Innes repeated Hayden's words.
"And that's the seventeenth time you said it again. Please, stop!" Tana whined.
Innes then faced her, "See what I told you, Tana? And you were about to break his heart with your thought on the soup."
"Can a girl share her own opinions?" Tana complained.
Innes shook his head, "A girl? Yes. You? No."
"All right! not a peep out of you two." Ephraim exclaimed.
Innes faced Tana, "You hear that, Tana? Not a peep."
"Shut up, Innes." Ephraim told the prince.
"Hey!" Innes exclaimed.
"Ha!" Tana mocked.
"Look, guys. Instead of us arguing over this, why can't we try coursing this out?" Eirika said, "We need to come up with a plan that will blow off their dreams without putting us in guilt."
"I got it!" Tana exclaimed, "Let's convince father to make more stew. We'll fake eat it as we usually do but instead of throwing it away, we wait a while and we serve him the soup. He'll eat it, he'll taste how unhealthy it is for the humanity and he'll stop cooking us that stuff."
Innes shook his head, "Stop being childish, Tana. I rather have people in line to taste that dish than to have our own father eat it against his will."
Tana turned to face Innes in surprise. Innes looked back at his sister dumbfounded, "What?"
"Did you not just heard yourself?"
"About having people taste the dish?"
DING! Innes's face beamed in delight, "Having people! That's it!" he stood up, pumping his fist in the air, "Let's have a party!"
"A party?" Eirika questioned Innes.
Innes nodded, "We'll invite people, from all over the continent, to enjoy the that's-so-not edible Hayden's Stony Stew for only a hundred Gs!"
"You're willing to pay people to eat a disgusting dish?" Tana asked Innes.
"Tana. They're people of Frelia. They're not going to enter the castle free of charge for nothing." Innes reasoned.
"True that." Ephraim agreed.
"That's just wrong!" Tana exclaimed, "This is insanity beyond the earth's depths!"
"I think it's a splendid idea." Ephraim said.
"Thank you." Innes told Ephraim before clasping hands with him in manly salute.
"Okay. Now, we're done with your problems. How about ours?" Eirika asked.
Innes and Tana laughed out loud, "Problems?" Innes cracked, "Your problem is a crisis!"
"Yeah." Tana agreed, "We're not the ones whose father's not only the ruler of a country but also a meddling history professor at our Academy. You're on your own."
"Yeah! Good luck with the rest of your lives." Innes and Tana took off, leaving trails of mocking laughters.
-Castle Renais-
The twins and King Fado descended from the chariot in front of Castle Renais. Fado faced the silent twins, "All right, you two." he was still addressing them as though they were his students, "The moment we enter this castle right there in front, you know what begins, right?"
The twins sighed in unison, "The family affair."
Fado formed an unemotional smile, "Good. Now off with you two."
The twins jumped off the chariot and went ahead into the castle's gardens without saying a word. After a minute of walking, the twins and Fado stepped inside the castle and the door closed shut behind Fado.
Fado's facial expression morphed in a second, "Hey kiddos!" he wrapped his arms around the twins' shoulders and rubbed their fluffy green hairs, "So, how was your days?"
The twins formed a fake smile, "Great!" they exclaimed, "Splendid! It was da bomb!!"
"I'm SO glad to hear that." Fado replied.
"And we're so glad to be taking off now." Eirika said before excusing herself out. Ephraim followed, "I'm with her!" he said before taking off as well. Fado looked puzzled but simply shrugged.
Ephraim joined up with his angry sister.
"I HATE WHAT FATHER'S DOING TO US!"
"You got that right." Ephraim agreed. The twins were about to enter the family room when they saw Seth.
"What did His Majesty do now?" he asked.
"Listen to this: I go meet Jaike after school and right when he was about to ask me out, father comes in, all bossy and tells Jaike off like I was off-limit!"
"Princess, you can't blame this on His Majesty." Seth replied, "He's just looking out for you."
"He said that I was taken."
"By me." Ephraim added.
Seth frowned, "Okay. Gross."
"I know!" both twins said simultaneously.
"What's worse, is that when Jaike asked him that we were twins, he said I was posing to hide my identity as her... b-boyfriend!!" Ephraim cringed.
"Wow." Seth articulated.
"You know what? I'm starting to realize that he only took the job to make us miserable. He only came to the academy to thrash our independence." Eirika said.
Seth stammered, "err… guys? Maybe we should—"
"You're right." Ephraim interrupted, "Maybe we should tell him the truth. He's a pain. We wish he just disappear."
"Yeah, we are sick of his presence. But of course, we're not going to tell him that straight up. We'll just convince him to leave."
Seth looked serious all of the sudden, "what if you're already told him that without knowing?"
"What do you mean?" Eirika asked Seth, already knowing his answer. Seth pointed behind the twins. The twins slowly turned around to see Fado standing there. They felt their heads flushing in embarrassment and fear. They've tried to hide the truth from Fado but their big mouths caused it to be too late. Fado left the room for his chamber, leaving the speechless twins in regret.
-Castle Frelia-
The Frelian family room was covered in empty cardboard boxes at every corner and the table was filled with empty bowls of stony stews. Innes paced around the room with one bowl of empty stony stew and a mouth full. Tana entered the room surprised to see the mess.
"What are you doing?" she asked, kicking a cardboard box out of the way.
Innes shook his head and using some sign-language, communicated with Tana.
"Oh! So you've finally decided to abort the plan to invite people to eat Hayden's stew and instead have volunteered to eat them?" Tana teased.
Innes opened his mouth at Tana and drips of water came out by his lips, "no, idiot." he gurgled, "it's water."
"EW!" Tana said.
Innes swallowed the water to speak, "It's my next plan of action. I'm going to convince father to stop making any more stony stew with this."
Innes showed Tana a large pink-colored heating-pad-sized balloon.
"A whoopee cushion?" Tana asked oddly.
"A Hi-Fi sound boosting whoopee cushion." Innes strapped the whoopee cushion on his butt, tied it up, and grabbed a small package of earplugs at the table to paste it in his ears, "It's so loud. You can hear it from round the world."
Innes sat down.
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT!!!
The gruesome sound echoed like an explosion; around the Castle, then around Frelia, then around Magvel, then across the earth and beyond the galaxy.
Tana had her ears plugged. The moment the farting ended, she removed her fingers off her ears and rubbed them as tears streamed down her cheeks, "My ears…" she whined.
"Oh, Waa, waa, waa. Be happy that this is going to go gold. Our pains will be over."
"My pain just got started. I can't hear a thing and my head's numb!" Tana wiped the tears off her eyes.
"I told you to use these, but you wouldn't." Innes showed Tana the earplugs.
Tana glared menacingly at Innes, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME TO USE THESE!!!"
Innes placed a hand by his lip, "Oops. Did I forget to tell you that?"
"Ah, ah. Gloat all you want. And what does these cardboards has got to do with your nastiness?"
"These cardboards." Innes waved a cardboard at Tana, "Are special deliveries of stony stew coming from IHOSS: International House of Stony Stew. Since father thinks that we like his soups, we'll make him believe that the farting sounds came from his soups, when in fact, the farting came… from the International House of Stony Stew. Thank you very much."
"The farting sound came from the cushion." Tana corrected.
Innes rolled his eyes, "Whatever."
"Why can we just tell him the truth?" Tana sounded desperate.
"Tana." Innes wrapped an arm around his sister's shoulder, "Have you ever heard of truth hurt?"
"Innes." Tana now wrapped an arm around Innes's shoulder, "Have you ever heard of the truth shall set you free?"
Innes frowned, "What are you, my bishop? We're talking major situation here. Leave this to me." The siblings started hearing footsteps. "Uh-oh! Here he comes." Innes warned, "Quick! Let's hide the stash!"
Innes and Tana grabbed the IHOSS cardboard boxes and hide them at several places: under the couches and behind the furniture. Hayden entered the room to find the empty bowls of stony stews laying there.
"What's all this?" Hayden looked disgusted already.
"What's all what?" Tana grinned at her father.
"All of these bowl?"
"They're your stony stews." Innes replied, "We love them."
"Well, of course you do but don't make a mess out of it." Hayden replied.
"We're not making messes. We're making explosions." Innes said.
Hayden raised an eyebrow, "What?"
Innes sat down
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT!!!
Hayden cringed, "Innes."
"What! I'm sorry!" Innes said, "It's that yummy, yummy food of yours. Ever since I started eating it, I just can't stop moving inside. And I do mean moving inside."
Innes sat down again.
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT!!!
Hayden cringed some more. He looked away from Innes and plugged his nose.
"So, father. When will you be making some more?"
Hayden gulped, "Actually… I'm kinda pooped out right now…" Hayden pinched his mouth with his fingers. He said the word 'pooped' and that stirred up some nasty thoughts he dreamed he shouldn't have brought it up.
"Oh, pooped. That reminds me." Innes stood up, "I gotta go really bad… but I just can't stop loving that soup." Innes sat down once more.
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT!!!
Hayden abruptly stood up. He couldn't take this anymore. "Maybe I should go. And about that soup…"
He stared at Innes munching and staring blankly at him with his mouth full. Hayden frowned, "…I think you should… quit chewing. And, you know lay down on that."
As Hayden started for the exit. He felt a bump on his toes. He looked down to see a IHOSS cardboard box that has not been hidden. He kneeled to pick it up. "What's this?"
Innes and Tana looked at each other in panic. They jumped off the couch. Innes snatched the box from Hayden's hands to prevent him from reading the words, but it was too late the moment he got there. He had read the box, "International House of… Stony Stew."
"It's a comedy title we're writing about." Tana giggled, "It's about a… err… a chef… who…err…" she began stammering, "…cooked for this chef… who was a… err… stony person. Yeah."
Hayden stared strangely at Tana. Innes also was staring at Tana but his stare was more of a glare.
"It's not a comedy. It's a restaurant, right about a mile from the castle." Hayden started glancing around both kids, "Can someone please tell me what's going on?" his stare returned on Innes.
Innes gulped, "M… me?"
Hayden narrowed his eyes. Now Innes started stammering, "W…well… we were kinda doing some taste testing. We wanted to… uh… compare which stew was better. Yeah."
Hayden was not buying this, but he played along, "So. You were taste-testing?"
Innes nodded.
"Which stew's better? Mine or IHOSS?"
Innes stared blank for a second, then shook his head, "I dunno."
"You don't know?" Hayden then faced Tana, "Did Tana do the food-testing?"
Tana stared blankly at her father, "Yeah." She replied.
"Then which stew is better?" Hayden asked sternly, "You didn't empty your plates and Innes wasn't fake-farting for nothing, right?"
Tana glanced at the bowls then at Hayden then at Innes. Hayden narrowed his eyes at the princess and Innes shook his head repeatedly. The princess exploded, "OKAY! YOU CAUGHT ME!!"
Hayden raised an eyebrow. Innes slapped his forehead. Tan continued ranting, "IT WAS INNES' IDEA!!!"
"WHAT?!" Hayden exclaimed.
Innes bit his lips, "Way to go, foul-mouth."
Tana ignored Innes and continued, "We've tried and tried and tried telling you the truth!!! Your stew sucks! Your stew stinks! Now, I'm sorry father but you gotta deal with it 'cause it's like eating rain-washed mud off the streets!!!" She finished with a deep breath. Exposing herself and Innes was like heavy weights have been lifted off her shoulders.
"My stew sucks? My stew stinks?" Hayden couldn't understand all of this.
Innes approached Tana, "Why did you do that?"
"It's the truth!"
"You keep doing it." Innes bit his lips even harder and formed a fist.
"Who cares? Lay it on me, because I am through lying!"
"Stop doing it!"
"Innes. Is it true?" Hayden asked, "You guys don't like my stew?"
After a long silence, Innes sighed in defeat, "yes, it's true. But I'm sorry. I… I really am. Tana wanted to tell you the truth but I talked her into lying and… I didn't want to hurt your feeling. You loved seeing us eat that stuff. But Tana's right. That stuff is rotten disgusting."
"If that was the case, then why didn't you just say so?" Hayden said, "You went behind my back to scheme all of this in hope to convince me not to make anymore stew instead of telling me the truth point-blank like you should have done in the first place. I oughta ground you but…"
He stared at the empty bowls of stews before facing the kids, "…after what I've seen, you've suffered enough punishment."
"So are we forgiven?" Tana asked.
Hayden nodded, "Yes kids. You are forgiven. But promise me, if you don't like what you're seeing or tasting, come talk to me. And no more lies."
"Yes, father." The kids responded in unison.
The trio hugged.
"But we're still not done here: which stew is better?" Hayden asked.
Innes and Tana looked at each other before facing Hayden, "neither."
"So, they're both stony and disgusting?" Hayden exclaimed, "Man, are you serious?"
-Castle Renais-
The twins found Fado in the study chamber section of his suite, sitting at his office and grading some homework. One particular homework he was grading received an F. He stamped the F-printing on the paper. Then slammed it again. Then again. Then angrily he hammered the paper with Fs all over.
"He seemed to have cool down." Ephraim told Eirika. Eirika hushed him. The twins entered the room. Fado didn't bother looking up to see who entered. He knew from his instincts that it was the twins, coming in to apologize, or rather twist their apologies.
The twins were too shy to full of regret to say a single I'm sorry. Every time they tried to open their mouth to say it, nothing came out. They knew they hurt their father, big time and that was no excuse.
"Father…" Ephraim began, "we… we kinda noticed that you heard everything we were saying. We were actually… talking about a dog."
Eirika stared at Ephraim, "A dog?" she muttered.
"Got any ideas?" Ephraim frowned.
"Father…" Eirika began, "it wasn't a dog, okay. We just wanted… I mean we wanted you to… err… make things disappear… like magic!"
Ephraim raised an eyebrow, "magic?"
"Got any better ideas?" Eirika asked.
"I just said that."
Fado seemed to not listen to the kids. He went to the armoire of his study chamber to pull up a few documents. There was a long and uneasy silence in the room. The twins sighed and immediately blurted out, begging, "Father. Please say something." Began Eirika.
"We're nothing without you." Ephraim added, "We're just kids."
"Stupid, stupid kids who don't know any better."
"Who say stupid things all the times."
"Who desperately wants to hear the beautiful booming sound of their daddy's voice, grounding them for life."
"PLEASE!!" the twins say in unison.
Fado turned to look at them, still not saying anything. He then turned around, picked up the documents and placed it on the bed in front of them, "here. Read this."
The twins picked up the documents and read.
" 'Grado Academy 600-Q Extraction Form. Reason for decision: Personal Issues.'" Ephraim looked at Fado, "What's that?"
"It's my application for parting. I'm quitting the job."
"What?" the twins exclaimed.
"You can't quit the job." Ephraim said, "Not after what we just said. Well… technically, not after what Eirika said."
Eirika looked shocked, "ME? You're the one who said you wish your father just disappeared."
"Well, at least I'm not the one who's guilty for bellowing the word sick of him."
"Shut up! Both of you!" Fado boomed.
The twins went dead silence. Fado began, "my leaving the job has nothing to do with what you said about me. That was my own decision. Your mistakes are all but another story I'll have to deal with it later."
"Then, why did you quit?"
"It was my intention to quit for a while now." Fado began, "The first time I took the job, it felt hectic. I have no time to grade papers much like I have no time to rule this country. I like ruling better than teaching. And besides, what you said out there really didn't bother me."
The twins looked surprised.
"Really? But we overheard you talking to King Hayden that it will crush you if we lied." Eirika said.
Fado shook his head, "I still mean that. But then again, after what happened at the academy, I've realized that you two need your own space. Much like a king needs his own space to rule a kingdom."
The twins smiled. "You mean…" Ephraim began, "you're okay with it?"
"As long as I get my own space." Fado smiled back.
"Father… we're really sorry for the awful things we said about you." Eirika said, "We were just expressing our feelings but we were never intended to hurt you."
"Apology accepted." Fado replied.
"And…" Ephraim glanced over the F-covered homework paper, "maybe you need a little hand on grading these homeworks."
"Good idea." Fado said.
So, Eirika, Ephraim, Tana and Innes's troubles got over. They were honest with their fathers, although it was a scary experience, and everybody was happy. Well, at least for a short while.
-Castle Frelia-
Hayden has gathered Tana, Innes, Fado and the twins together to taste his latest recipe fix: a tea that was literally boiling in every served cup.
"Uh, Hayden? What… is that?" Fado pointed at the boiling liquid.
"Scorching tea." Hayden grinned from ear to ear, "Do you likey?"
"Well…" Ephraim dripped his teaspoon on the tea.
SSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
Ephraim removed the teaspoon from the tea, only to find half of it. He looked into the tea and saw nothing. "How can we drink it if spoons can't touch it?"
"Easy." Hayden grinned, "You just sip."
Everyone looked up to Hayden like he was crazy.
"So." Hayden began, "who gets the first taste?"
No response. Hayden turns to notice an empty room.
END OF CHAPTER