I'm so sorry for not updating for ages. I just got back from the trip of a lifetime to Paris. I will try to update one more time before Christmas and again before the New Year.

"Okay," said Adrian "One very full list."

"Shall we go over it again, just in case I missed something?"

"I don't think you did, but okay."

"1. Keep a feelings journal.

2. Get a pet

3. Buy a new house

4. Change my hair.

5. Be a little more open to alcohol than usual.

6. Own a mini bar

7. New phone number

8. Get a new job

9. Go to night school"

"I think we've got it," he said "And you have to complete this."

"Have you got a list? And please answer me this time."

"Yes I do. I made one about 4 days after you left me. I was drunk when I wrote it, but most of it was true."

"I'm not going to ask to see it, so don't worry."

"Okay. It's a good idea to have an even number for your list."

"Umm. I can't think of anything to put in. I have everything."

"I've got it."

"What?"

"Fall in love."

I awkward silence hit the room. The thought of moving on was frightening, but it needed to be done.

"I hate knowing that Lissa is still with Christian, they are still happy, while I'm sat here hung up on Dimitri. Christian has a right to know, but I'm not going to tell him. I couldn't hurt him like that. I paused to catch my breath "It's hard to admit this, but I don't hate Lissa. I envy her. She was able to make my boyfriend happy where I couldn't. She was able to make it work. I couldn't do that."

"She's your best friend and you will always love her. I know what emotion it is your feeling. I felt it when you left me. It's jealously"

"Jealously?"

"Yep. You're jealous"

"How could I be jealous of a home wrecker?"

"Because you were one. You did this to me. And he did too."

"The only reason I could ever be jealous of her is because she was with my boyfriend."

"Ex-boyfriend" he pointed out.

"Shut up. I don't need to be reminded of it."

"I think you do. Has it not sunk in yet? He doesn't want you. He's got Lissa and she seems to keep him very happy, something you clearly couldn't do."

My hand when straight to his face and I slapped him. He raised his hand, but stopped before he hit my face. He took a step back and realised what he'd done.

"Sorry. The spirit always makes me cranky."

"Its okay, but everything you said was true. I need to move on."

"We've been over this. I know you want to move on. There are 12 steps in AA. The first is-."

"Wait wait wait. You go to AA."

"Yep. Well I did, but the centre was right beside a bar. It didn't end well. So the first step is you need to admit you're powerless. Basically you are unmanageable to love Dimitri."

"Okay. I am powerless to love Dimitri. Nothing I ever do could change that."

"Nothing?"

I nodded. "Well falling in love with someone else could, but a part of me will always love him. He was my fist love."

"Okay, that's good."

"The second step?"

"You need to believe that a power greater than yourself can restore you to sanity."

"Can it? I thought I was sane, but I guess wanting to be with my ex boyfriend who screwed my best friend is pretty insane."

"Yeah that's pretty fucked up."

I nodded and then laughed.

"Hey you're laughing."

"Yeah" I said with a smile.

"And smiling." He gave me a smile I used to love. "Count yourself lucky. You're not as insane as me."

"What. How are you insane?"

"I still want to be with the girl who cheated on me for her ex-stigori boyfriend."

"You want to be with me?"

"Yeah."

"Adrian," he cut me off with a kiss. He crushed my lips with his. He pulled away.

"I can't…."

"I know" I said. I moved my lips back onto his. He took my cardigan off- while still kissing me. I got a sudden case of déjà vu. This had happened before- with Dimitri.

This happened in the cabin. When I lost my virginity to him, but I still continued to kiss him.

"Stop!" he said. He pushed me away. "I can't do this. I can't forgive you for what you did. I thought I could, but clearly I can't"

I grabbed my cardigan and shoes. And headed for the door. I unlocked before turning to say "I am so very very sorry for hurting you. " He didn't try to stop me or run after me.

I slammed it behind me. I hadn't even put my shoes on. But as I walked home I felt as if I had made a mistake in leaving, but I continued on all the way home.

Anyways Merry Christmas to my readers and have a happy new year. Love Amelia