Notes: Some of the dialogue has been changed for obvious reasons, but I've tried to keep it as close as possible. Also, this is the first, and possibly only time, that I'm incorporating one of the Grease songs with the characters actually singing.
Chapter Four – Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes Makes Me Wanna Barf
Sebastian was sprawled across Rachel's bed on his stomach, Sugar beside him. The others were all dressed for bed. Sugar and Rachel were in short nightgowns with their hair pinned in complicated ways – in preparation for the next day, they'd explained to him once. Tina was in a baggy sweatshirt and Kurt was in some very proper (and very covering) pajamas. Sebastian, on the other hand, had shed his pants but kept his underwear and shirt on. He could easily sleep like that, and they rarely slept on these "sleepovers" anyway. He slept naked at home; it would be stupid to buy sleeping clothes just for these random visits. Plus, the look on Kurt's face when he'd dropped his pants and comfortably walked around in his underwear had been something to savor.
"Hey, look, it's Tina!" Sugar pointed at the commercial that had just started on the television. Tina jumped in front of it and started mimicking Bucky Beaver, playing along.
"Brusha, brusha, brusha! Get the new Ipana…" she continued to sing as she mimicked brushing her teeth with a ridiculous grin. Sebastian couldn't help sniggering as Sugar moved her chest in time with the corny jingle. The best thing about these girls, in his opinion, was that when they were comfortable, they could make fun of themselves and joke around.
None of them took themselves too seriously when they weren't in public.
About halfway through the ad, Sebastian glanced over at Sugar. They each lobbed a plushy at Tina while she wasn't listening, hitting her square in the face and she collapsed backwards with an exaggerated cry as everyone giggled.
"Turn it off!" Sugar complained as Tina threw a stuffed tiger back at Sebastian.
"Hey!" It hit him on the head as he laughed. He turned to Rachel, hand out. "Hey, hand me a ciggy butt."
"Ooh, me too!"
Rachel handed the case to Sebastian then turned to Kurt. "Hey, you want one, Kurt?"
"No thanks, I don't smoke."
Gee, what a surprise.
Sebastian wasn't shocked in the slightest, but apparently Sugar was. "You don't?"
"Go ahead, try it. It won't kill ya," Sebastian encouraged and gestured for Rachel to pass hers along. "Give her a break." He smirked when Kurt took a puff and coughed roughly. What a square. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. You shouldn't inhale unless you're used to it."
Sugar giggled beside him as he put his own smoke between his lips, ready to light it.
"Hey, Kurt, let me teach you how to French inhale. It's really cool – watch." Rachel took a drag of her cigarette, letting the smoke from it curl out of the side of her mouth as Sebastian screwed his nose up. She looked like an idiot. He actually found himself agreeing with the horrified look on Kurt's face.
"God," Tina joked, "that is the ugliest lookin' thing I ever saw."
"Nah, the guys really go for it," Rachel smiled at Kurt, who smiled back. For someone so innocent he was strangely endeared by almost anything Rachel said – no matter how ridiculous. "And that's how I got my nickname; Frenchy."
"Sure it is!" Sebastian cackled. He bent over to grab the bottle he'd smuggled in and Rachel swatted him on his ass with a noise of protest that was ruined when she grinned.
"Okay, okay," he laughed, "how about a little Sneaky Pete to get the party going?"
The girls cheered and Sebastian handed the bottle to Tina. Rachel leaped over the bed to shut her bedroom door while Kurt looked on with an uncertain smile.
"Italian Swiss Colony?" Tina read. "Wow, it's imported!" Sugar pulled the bottle away from Tina and swallowed a mouthful as Tina dug into a brown paper sack. "Hey, I brought some Twinkies. Anybody want one?"
"Twinkies and wine. Oh, that's real class, Tina," Sugar teased, winking at Sebastian when Tina grabbed the bottle and pointed at the label.
"It says right here, it is a dessert wine."
Tina moved to hand the bottle back to Sugar, ignoring Kurt completely. Sebastian grabbed a magazine he'd been flipping through earlier and used it to smack Tina on the back of the head.
"Hey! Kurt didn't get any wine."
"Oh," Kurt replied softly with that same innocent smile that prickled at Sebastian, "that's okay."
"Bet you never had a drink before, either," he challenged.
"Oh yes I did. I had some champagne at my cousin's wedding once."
If Kurt hadn't looked completely serious as he responded, Sebastian probably would have thought he was making fun of himself. Except that he clearly wasn't.
"Oh!" Sebastian snarked. "Ring-a-ding-ding!"
This was the guy Rachel wanted to bring into the Pink Hotties? A guy who had never smoked a cigarette; who dressed primly and immaculately; who thought a glass of champagne at a wedding was a walk on the wild side?
Sebastian was trying, he really was, but he couldn't get Kurt to loosen up. The guy was tragic; about three steps and five years away from being the perfect little house-husband. All he needed was an apron, some pearls, and the perfect roast dinner recipe.
You can't save everyone.
Tina had made her way over to Kurt. She was perched on the edge of the bed, wine bottle offered to Kurt who was glancing at it suspiciously.
"What's wrong?" she asked, holding the bottle right in Kurt's face. "We don't got cooties."
Just as Kurt took the most awkward looking mouthful Sebastian had ever seen – and he didn't even make the immediate blowjob comments that popped into his head because he was a good person – Rachel appeared at Kurt's side, with that look Sebastian had learned meant run.
"Hey, Kurt, would you like me to pierce your ears for you?"
Kurt almost choked on the wine, and Sebastian, Tina and Sugar tried to sound ominous. "Dun-da-dun…"
"Oh, shut up!"
"Daaaaa!" they shot back, laughing.
Sebastian was really glad Rachel had never got it into her head to try to pierce his ears. But then again, Kurt was kind of a pushover, and Rachel – for all her sweetness and positivity – zeroed in on weakness like a shark. A shark moonlighting as a beautician.
"Isn't that awfully dangerous?" Kurt asked. He didn't sound nearly firm enough for Rachel to accept that as a no.
Amateur.
"Oh no, I know what I'm doing," Rachel claimed as soothingly as she could. Sebastian had to smother his snort. "I'm going to be a beautician, you know."
"What's the matter?" he threw in, eager to see if Kurt would cave. "Are you afraid?"
"No, I'm not!"
That sounded defensive. Maybe Kurt was more interesting than he seemed. Not too bright, though.
Sugar held out something shiny. "Here Rachel, you can use my virgin pin."
"Yeah," Tina patted Sugar on the back. "It's nice to know it's good for somethin'!"
"Perfect," Rachel replied, sticking the pin in her mouth – gross – then wiping it on her nightgown.
"Oh, Rachel. I really don't think it's a good idea," Kurt was sounding desperate, but still couldn't just say no. The boy needed to grow a pair.
"Oh, well, it's okay." Rachel wasn't even listening. She'd already decided, obviously.
"My father won't like it. I promise you, he doesn't—"
"You won't even—"
"Ow!" Kurt cried out, eyes wide.
"Oh! Uh, Kurt, why don't we go into the bathroom?" Rachel suggested, pulling Kurt by the wrist. "My dads will kill me if I get blood all over the carpet."
"What?"
Rachel turned back to face Kurt as she opened the bathroom door. "Oh…it only bleeds for a second."
"Rachel, I don't feel very well."
Sebastian shouldn't – he knew he shouldn't – but he couldn't help himself. "Don't worry about it, Kurt. If she screws up she can always fix your scarf so your ears don't show."
Kurt let himself get dragged into the bathroom and Sebastian shook his head. Some people needed to learn to stand up for themselves.
"Kurt, Kurt," he could hear, muffled, through the bathroom door, "beauty is pain."
The scream that followed was less muffled.
Barely a second later, Rachel stuck her head out of the bathroom. "Would you please get me some ice to numb his earlobes?"
"Why don't you just let the cold water run and stick his ear under the faucet?" Sugar suggested indifferently.
"Oh!" Rachel sounded agreeable as she shut the door tight. It was the dumbest suggestion Sebastian had heard in a while, but he couldn't be bothered going downstairs so he kept his mouth shut.
Sugar dug into her bag and pulled out something bright red. "Personally, I'm getting rather chilly."
She put the short robe on with a dramatic pose, flashing an intricately embroidered dragon at them. Sebastian couldn't pull his eyes away.
"Oh yay! What's that?" he asked. The fabric was soft and silky – it was gorgeous.
"From Bobby in Korea," Sugar told them, fanning herself with fluttering lashes.
"Are you going with a Korean?"
Sugar smacked Tina on the head. "No, dummy. He's a marine."
"A marine?!" Tina and Sebastian both squealed. He didn't usually act so insipid but Jesus…a marine? Those guys were worth screeching over.
"Yes!" Sugar shrieked, excitedly. "You wanna see a picture?"
Sugar handed Sebastian a set of wallet photo sleeves – it rolled open to show at least ten photos, all of different guys.
"God, you're turning into a one-woman U.S.O.!" he said, glancing over them all.
The bathroom door opened and Rachel came out, looking sheepish. "Hey, you guys, Kurt's sick. I just did one ear. He saw the blood and bleurgh!"
Tina shook her head, eyes widened at Rachel. "You ain't getting your hands on my ears."
"Oh, yeah? Well, you'll be sorry," Rachel retorted, "coz I have been accepted to La Coiffure Beauty School."
"You mean you're dropping out of McKinley?"
"I don't look at it as dropping out. I look at it as a very strategic career move."
"Hey," Sebastian interrupted their chatter to show Sugar one of the pictures, "why's it torn in half?"
Sugar tugged the strip of photos out of Sebastian's hands and rolled her eyes. "His old girlfriend was in the picture."
Fair enough.
"Uh, Kurt?" Rachel was back by the bathroom door, knocking. "Here's your toothbrush."
The door cracked open, just as Sebastian noticed Kurt's scarf draped on Rachel's dresser. "Oh, thanks, Rachel. I'm sorry to be so much trouble."
He grabbed the scarf, tying it on primly as Rachel sighed and quietly whispered to Kurt as the bathroom door clicked shut once more.
Kurt was – he was the Sandra Dee of McKinley High. Perfect and sweet and just too proper for words. It was disgusting.
"Oh. Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes makes me wanna barf!" Sebastian smirked, turning on some music. He was in the mood to sing.
He turned to the girls, playing with Kurt's scarf and batting his eyelashes. "Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee…lousy with virginity. Won't go to bed, 'til I'm legally wed – I can't, I'm Sandra Dee!"
It was silly, and probably a little petty, but it was fun. Besides, a few weeks ago they'd sung a random number on Rachel's desperate need to be Marilyn Monroe's next beauty therapist – it was what they did.
He jumped onto Rachel's bed, shoving Tina when she got in his way. "Watch it! Hey, I'm Doris Day. I was not brought up that way. Won't come across, even Rock Hudson lost his heart to Doris Day."
The girls finally joined in, echoing along with his words as Sebastian leaped off the bed, to perch carefully by Rachel's make up table.
"I don't drink!"
"No!" Tina and Sugar cried.
"I swear."
"Ooh!" Rachel looked unsure but she didn't stop them, either.
"I don't grease my hair," he sang dramatically.
"Ew!"
Tina and Sugar grabbed Rachel, pulling her up to join them on the bed as she finally got into the fun.
"I get ill from one cigarette!"
Everyone fake coughed and Sebastian grinned. Mr. Spot, Rachel's huge stuffed panda, fell against Sebastian and he gasped in horror, pushing it away. "Keep your filthy paws off my silky drawers! Would you pull that crap with Annette?!"
Sebastian ran back to the bed just as the girls scattered. He stepped up, posing on the shelved headboard by the posters of Rachel's number one crush. "As for you Troy Donahue – I know what you wanna do! You've got your crust, I'm no object of lust…"
The girls spread their legs vulgarly as Sebastian grabbed his crotch. "I'm just plain Sandra Dee!" they all chorused.
He slid across the headboard, to where Rachel had pinned a picture of Elvis. "Elvis, Elvis, let me be!"
He leaped up from where he'd been sitting to swivel his hips as the Hotties giggled at him. "Keep that pelvis far from me. Just keep your cool, now you're starting to drool…"
Sebastian bounced off the bed, strutting across the room. "Hey, Fongool! I'm Sandra Dee." He wiggled his hips mockingly and sat prissily back at Rachel's make up table as the girls went silent. Sugar gestured at her ear and Sebastian looked over at the bathroom door, where Kurt was standing, looking hurt.
"Are you making fun of me, Bas?"
Yes. To be fair, they did crap like that a lot; mostly to each other. Kurt should probably feel welcomed by it.
He clearly didn't.
"Some people are so touchy," Sebastian muttered as he pulled Kurt's scarf off.
Blaine needed to talk to Kurt, Dave had decided, away from prying eyes. Blaine clearly wanted to try to fix what had happened earlier, although he looked sort of sick at the thought. Dave wanted his best friend happy – if Blaine and Kurt could find a way to be together without ruining the reputation the T-Birds had built, he was behind them. The other guys had agreed to keep their mouths shut and back Blaine up too, although Dave was pretty sure they still thought Blaine was just chasing some hot tail.
Mike, Finn and Puck were singing – well, drunkenly trying to sing – in the back of Dave's car as he pulled into Rachel's driveway. The Hotties always had sleepovers on bonfire nights; he figured Kurt would probably be with them, if the way Rachel had run after him earlier meant anything.
"Will you shut up, you vultures!" he yelled over his shoulder.
"Hey…I-I changed my mind. Let's get out of here."
"Hey, what do you mean?" Puck asked Blaine.
"What do you mean, what do I mean?"
If the T-Birds thought they were being sneaky, they were bigger idiots than Sebastian had thought. They were loud as hell. The girls all ran to the window while Kurt looked puzzled and Sebastian just rolled his eyes at Rachel's shushing.
"Oh! They can't come in here. My dads will flip!"
"Hey, Mike. Why don't you call him?" Puck suggested.
"C'mon, let's get out of here," Blaine said just as Mike jumped up and propped one foot on the side of the car.
"Oh, Kurt," he cried out dramatically, hand held out, "wherefore art thou, Kurt?"
"Sit down!" Blaine was fuming.
"Sit down!" Dave fisted his hand into Mike's shirt and yanked him back into the seat. "Shut up! Sit down!"
"C'mon, let's go," Blaine tried one more time. He sounded upset.
While the Hotties and Kurt were peering out the window, Sebastian was wriggling into his pants. For a second he regretted how tight they were – it made putting them on in a rush difficult. But they looked hot, so it was worth it. He was going to have some fun.
He rushed over to the window, pulling on his shoes. "You goody-goodies are too much for me. I'm gonna get my kicks while I'm still young enough to get 'em."
Sebastian climbed out of the window and began working his way across the ledge toward the trellis.
"Oh, God!" Rachel squealed. Sebastian wondered briefly how her fathers could possibly not hear her. "What's he gonna do, shimmy down the drainpipe?"
He was edging over the side of the roof ledge when he heard Puck. "Hey, look, there's Bassy!"
"Hey, Bassy, you're doing that without a net!" Sebastian ignored Finn and climbed the rest of the way down, dusted himself off and strutted over to where the guys had jumped out of the car.
"Swell bunch you are, rushing to help a gentleman."
"Gentleman? I don't see a gentleman!"
"Shut up!" Karofsky elbowed Finn who mumbled something else but was otherwise quite. Sebastian smirked; Karofsky was hot when he was aggressive.
Sebastian licked his lips. "What's up, Karofsky?"
"One guess." Karofsky grinned at him then took a drag of his cigarette. The suggestiveness in his tone was crystal clear and Sebastian couldn't help but shoot a quick glance downwards. Those jeans didn't do much to hide anything – not that Sebastian was complaining.
"You got a lot to offer a guy," he replied with a smirk. They obviously weren't keeping whatever it was between them quiet anymore, not if Karofsky was talking like this in front of the other T-Birds.
"Yeah," Karofsky breathed, "you know it."
The way the smoke from Karofsky's breath was hanging in the air made Sebastian want to move in closer, to linger where it drifted and to chase its path backwards to Karofsky's mouth. He thought about it for a split-second, about licking his way past those lips and savoring the beer and cigarette taste he knew he'd find. He thought about it until the haze evaporated and he remembered the others watching.
He glanced away, spotting Blaine still in the car, silent and broody.
"What say, Ands?"
Blaine turned slowly and deliberately, as though he'd rather be anywhere else. "You're looking good, Bas."
Of course he was.
"Eat your heart out."
"Well," Blaine rebutted snidely, "sloppy seconds ain't my style."
That son of a bitch.
Sebastian watched, angrily, as Blaine pulled himself out of the car and started walking down the street. And yeah, it was pretty clear he was upset about what went down with Kurt earlier, but that was his own fault. Sebastian didn't deserve being spoken to like that.
"Where are you going?" he snarked. "To flog your log?"
Blaine spun around. He didn't look angry, just resigned. His shoulders were slumped and Sebastian felt a sliver of pity.
Just a sliver.
"Well, it's better than hangin' around with you dorks."
While the other T-Birds called out to Blaine, Karofsky ignored him to smile slyly at Sebastian. He opened the car door and gestured chivalrously. "Your, uh, chariot, good sir."
Sebastian couldn't help but smile – a real smile. Karofsky was…he was something else.
They were on the way down the street when the car backfired and Karofsky cursed. Finn, Puck and Mike were flung from their post on the back of the car into the backseat, crying out protests, and Sebastian took advantage of the moment to face them.
"Okay…so, what do you guys think this is? A gang bang?"
"You wish!" Puck snickered and Sebastian rolled his eyes. Sebastian wouldn't touch Noah Puckerman with someone else's hands.
"Hey!" Karofsky shouted at them, "Hit the pavement!"
Mike looked shocked. "Hey – you gotta be kiddin'?"
"I said now!"
Sebastian didn't know how they could be surprised. Did they really think he and Karofsky would want them hanging around watching while they got some quality time in the backseat?
"Alright, alright," Finn groaned, getting out of the car with the others, begrudgingly.
"Move it!" Karofsky was getting pissed, but hey, if it got these losers out of their hair Sebastian would be happy to help him relax later.
Finn and Mike were muttering under their breath as Karofsky threw his arm around Sebastian. Sebastian leaned in to enjoy it and Karofsky shifted the car into gear and pulled away.
Behind them, Sebastian could hear Puck complaining. "When a guy picks some ass over his buddies, something's gotta be wrong!"
Or right, Sebastian thought to himself, smugly, as their voices faded.
One of the perks of Dave having his own wheels was that he and Bassy could get busy without anyone busting in on them.
They were parked at the lookout, radio buzzing with background noise. They were next to a half dozen other cars, but no one was looking. They were all too interested in getting some of their own.
Bassy was all over him, which he was totally down with, especially since Bassy had just agreed to wear Dave's ring. He was hard in his jeans, could feel that Bassy was the same. They weren't being loud, but they weren't exactly being quiet, either. And fuck, there wasn't enough space in the front seat for where this was headed, so when Bassy arched his back, sliding smoothly over the seats into the backseat, Dave followed a bit more clumsily.
It was getting hot and heavy, mouths desperate and hands roaming. Dave tried to get a grip somewhere on the car, just so he could get a better angle as he pressed Bassy into the seat, while Bassy was biting and licking at him; lips and tongue devouring his mouth and half his face and neck.
"Oh, ooh," he groaned. Bassy's cock was rubbing against Dave's while Dave gripped his firm ass, dragging him closer. "Bassy. Bas. Bas."
And Bassy was just as into it, whining and gasping and arching. Dave shuffled lower until he could get his mouth onto Bassy's neck. His legs were bent oddly and cramping, but it was worth it to hear Bassy make those noises, to feel him gripping and clutching at Dave through the leather of his T-Birds jacket.
"Could you call me by my real name?"
"Uh…uh…" Dave could do that. He could. He just needed a second, because he wasn't sure he'd ever heard what it actually was. "Oh, uh…"
"Sebastian," Bassy told him, breath uneven. "Sebastian."
"Sebastian," he said, quickly. It tasted good on his tongue, and once he started saying it, he couldn't stop. Not when Sebastian's fingers were squeezing the bulge under his fly until he thought his cock could almost split the zipper. "Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian. Oh. Oh, Sebastian. Sebastian!"
"Thank you."
And Jesus, Dave didn't need a thank you, he just really needed Sebastian to keep doing what he was doing. Or better, he needed to get those skin tight jeans down Sebastian's hips so Dave could get his mouth on Sebastian's—
"Hey," Sebastian said, suddenly, "you got something?"
Oh, and that was an even better idea. He's stuck some lube under one of the seats the day he picked up the car, and he knew he still had a rubber in his wallet.
He pulled back with a smug grin. "Are you kidding?"
Sebastian chuckled and straightened in the seat, taking a moment to brush his messed up hair back out of his face, while Dave slid his wallet from his pocket and flipped it open. He pulled out the little foil square and held it up. "My twenty-five cent insurance policy."
"Big spender," Sebastian laughed, cupping Dave's face and kissing at his ear, his cheek, his temple. Dave tore open the packet and the rubber split.
Dave's shoulders stiffened and he felt Sebastian lean back to look at him. "What?"
"It broke."
"How could it break?"
He didn't know the answer to that. Weren't these things supposed to last for—? Oh. This was his back up, he hadn't really thought about how long it had been in his wallet. He sighed, shoulders slumping.
"I bought it when I was in the seventh grade," he admitted, scrubbing his hand over his forehead.
"Ohh. Oh." Sebastian sounded as disappointed as Dave was.
When Dave looked back over at him, Sebastian was licking his lips and looking Dave up and down. The night wasn't over, Dave figured, there were a whole range of other things he'd like to do to Sebastian. He was about to suggest one of them when Sebastian grinned and shook his head. "Oh, what the hell," he gasped, pulling Dave in for another kiss.
"Oh," Dave groaned. Sebastian was burrowing fingers under his waistband, letting them slide across the dripping head of Dave's cock. "Sebastian."
There was a loud crunching noise and the car shook, startling them both. Dave sat up abruptly as Sebastian pulled his hand back with a frustrated noise.
"Hey," Dave growled when he saw the leader of the Scorpions in her hot-rod. Lopez had clearly just backed into his car. "What the hell d'you think you're doing?"
"You're parked in a no-parking zone, creep," she said, while her girlfriend snickered in the seat beside her.
Dave stood, poking his head through the tear in his roof that he hadn't quite gotten around to fixing, just yet. "The whole place is a no-parking zone, round heels!"
"Oh, yeah?" She sounded pissed. Maybe Dave shouldn't have called her easy, but that bitch just scratched his bumper, he wasn't going to take her bullshit.
"Yeah!"
Lopez glared at him and revved her engine. She drove for a few yards and then reversed quickly, hitting his car even harder. One of the tires popped and its hub cap rolled off with a clatter. When she pulled forward, there was a huge dent where she'd hit.
"You're gonna pay for that!"
"Yeah?" she grinned, snidely, as the blonde beside her laughed. "Well, I'll give you seventy-five cents for the whole car, including your twink!"
She was driving off before Dave could do more than throw an empty beer can in her direction, though it fell far short. She was laughing, a sharp sound that was clear even over the noisy burst of flame from her tail pipe. Dave glared after her, while Sebastian fumed beside him.
"What the fuck did she just call me?!"
Glossary
Round heels: a promiscuous woman – ie one who falls onto her back easily