A/N: Hey! I took a little longer updating because this chapter is crucial for Mel. Thanks for all the reviews! :D Anyways, there is NO Jaylor in here (*does happy dance*), there's barely any Meric, but it's more of a Melissa time kind of chapter. Anyway, you can skip onto the story if you want, but I have to reply to HopefullyHelpful because he/she is an Anonymous Reviewer. HopefullyHelpful: I appreciate your review, and I read it after I uploaded chapter 3, so Lex had already appeared. I am a Jelissa fan to the end, and Taylor's attitude will be revealed later in the story. This IS fanfiction, so characters will most likely be OOC, just because I'm a fangirl who was upset when Taylor became nice and attracted to Jackson. ;) I haven't revealed Jackson's motivation for picking Taylor because you may have noticed this is in Mel's perspective, and she can't read people's minds. Otherwise, this story would've been done in one chapter! I'm glad you said what you did about Mel being a doormat, but I really can't see her marching up to Jackson and forcing him to look at her. However, if you read this chapter, I'm hoping it'll be more realistic for you. Thanks for reading!
Disclaimer: Yes, I know I forgot this for the past 3 chapters, but in case it isn't obvious, this little piece of fanfiction is all I own that has to do with Flight 29 Down. *sigh*
The needle in my hand so sharp… the numbness inside of me… if I were to pierce myself, would I feel that? I slowly tried to prick myself. Not hard enough. I raised the needle high and pointed it straight at my wrist. Can nothing feel anything? The hand holding the needle adjusted the point of it's own accord, and like slow motion, it brought it down, on its way to stab my wrist… everything moved so slowly and I closed my eyes so I wouldn't see the sharp point split flesh… and I dropped the needle. My iron hard grip had relaxed suddenly, and I heard the soft thump as I felt the needle slip from my hand… I felt my wrist get slapped by my hand, curled into a fist, now without the needle, and I opened my eyes. Had I almost stabbed myself? If that needle hadn't dropped… I shuddered to think of what might have happened.
What was happening to me? Why had I suddenly become so dark and hopeless? When did everything change?
I was tired of being nothing, tired of feeling used, and so very tired of being tired. Alright, so maybe I had fallen so much for Jackson that there was no going back. Maybe he happened to be my cure. But I was tired of just lying down and taking whatever was thrown at me, especially the crap from Taylor. If I was truly honest with myself, then I'd know exactly what to do. Love means that when someone pushes you away for someone else, you let him go. You don't cry and throw things and cut yourself. No, you can't fall out of love. But you can show just how much you feel for the one who's rejected you. If I really loved him like I claimed, then I'd let him go. It was time for me to show Jackson (and myself) exactly what I felt and that there was more to me than nothing. Maybe this would also tell me what I felt, and whether I was just imagining all my feelings. And just when I decided this, the very moment I felt that this was the right way for me, just for a second, I felt a tiny piece of death spark to life in my hole. No longer nothing.
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Two weeks later, I sat with Eric and sewed while he filtered the water. Apparently, there was room for me at camp now.
"You've changed," he observed out of the blue.
"I hope so."
"Why?"
"Why do I hope so or why have I changed?"
"Both," he answered after a moment's hesitation.
"I'm tired of being nothing."
"And?"
"That's it; that's the answer to both of your questions. Do you mind? I don't have a thimble, so if you distract me then you have to bandage all cuts," I said right when I poked myself in the finger with the needle.
"Geez, lady, chill!" he exclaimed. I rolled my eyes.
"Fine, you want to talk about this?" I asked him, setting my needle and clothing down abruptly. "Then we will. Why do you like Taylor?"
"She's fragile. Your turn: why do you love Jackson?"
"Like."
"Oh, please, you would've cussed him out by now if you just liked him," he waved off my disagreement.
"He's gentle yet tough, vulnerable yet strong, misguided but a leader, compassionate yet cold, open yet closed, afraid and brave. He chooses to do something for the good of others rather than just waiting around. He doesn't trust himself, so he's humble, and he tries to survive alone although he knows he needs us. He judges himself for a past that wasn't his fault. Maybe I just like the fact that he's not full of himself?" I finished before taking a breath. Eric gave me a blank look.
"You just told me a whole paragraph of things that you like about Jackson and you say it's just for a little while? Stop being dumb yet smart. What made you attracted to him in the first place at school?" he asked.
"He… was the new guy and I was intrigued?" I asked helplessly.
"Right. That's why you even got Abby to let Jackson on for free! Geez, aren't Asians supposed to be smart?"
"That's a stereotype!" I protested.
"A true one," he shot back.
"Like blondes are dumb?" I asked.
"Hey! You leave Taylor out of this!" he exclaimed. I shook my head in exasperation.
"Eric. You're blond."
"I knew that, I just thought that you were talking about her. I didn't think you would insult me. Yeah, that's it. Besides I'm more of a dirty blondish brown."
"Oh, shut up."
"You!" he shot back. I sighed.
"OK, maybe it was because he didn't bother giving me one of those weird, fake smiles most guys give me…" I conceded thoughtfully. "See? I told you! It's not love, it's just a crush."
"Why do you hate those smiles?"
"Because, normally I get them from perverts or from guys who won't ever give me a freakin chance because I'm a AP student who's a goody-two-shoes, and who think that I'm so desperate I'll throw myself from any guys!"
"And… you're not?" he asked.
"ERIC!"
"I'm kidding! Jeez, woman, get a grip."
"Anyways. He looked at me, and even though he didn't smile or do anything really, I suddenly felt really good that maybe here was someone I could trust," I remisced.
"What about Nathan?"
"Well, of course I have Nathan. He's my best friend! Just, that day, all he did was complain about Daley winning the election," I remembered. "Anyways, how can you like a girl for being fragile?" I asked him, trying to change the subject.
"I like the idea of caring for someone and having them depend on me," Eric said rubbing his chin thoughtfully. It was strange; I think I spotted a bit of a beard-thing on his face.
"So, you don't really care about Taylor, you just someone to lean on you?" I asked, slightly confused.
"I didn't say that! At first, yes. Before, I just thought she was pretty enough to be my girlfriend…" he glared at me when I scoffed, "… but now I'm seeing this whole new part of her. I get to see how she looks in the morning before all that makeup, and I get to be in her little schemes. You know how thrilling it is to do something bad?" he asked me before stopping in shock. I glared at him.
"It must be a real thrill to hurt people, you jerk!" I exclaimed. Strangely enough, I was only a little miffed.
"I mean… there's something that's weirdly cool for me about having a partner in crime… but then she went with that goody goody 'Jackie!'" his voice became hard.
"Why did they choose each other anyway?" I asked him. He shrugged before giving a mischievous glance.
"You feel like finding out?"
"Duh. Did you not hear what I just said?" I asked him, getting exasperated again. I never really considered blondes dumb, since I was already totally against stereotypes, but sometimes Eric just made me wonder…
"Then all you gotta do is…"
"Wait- you have a plan?" I asked. My pulse quickened. Something like a plot, like what Taylor did on a regular basis? I felt strangely excited. Just what twisted idea had Eric concocted.?
"'Duh,'" he said, imitating me, "all you really have to do is ask him." Oh. Nevermind.
I shook my head. "Already tried that. Taylor interrupted, and I was getting so close!"
"Well, then," he said patiently like I was stupid, "I ask her when you ask him so there'll be no interrupting."
"Ohhh…"
"And you said I was stupid."
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"Hey, Mel! Where've you been?" asked a grinning Nathan. I hadn't talked to him in a week, mainly because he was always with Daley and I was always with Eric or Lex.
"Hi, Nathan. I haven't really seen you much, either. So, are you and Daley going to make it official or just pretend that you have a secret relationship when everyone knows about it?"
"Oh, everything's gonna be revealed tonight," Daley said mysteriously. She had popped up from behind Nathan.
"What're you talking about? Did you two plan something?" I asked. I was a bit uncomfortable with EVERYTHING being revealed.
"You'll see," Daley answered with a spark of excitement in her gray eyes.
"Day, can I not be in this?" I asked hopefully. Her eyes suddenly grew hard like stone.
"No. We're all doing this. The only person who gets an exception is Lex. It'll be his bedtime."
"That's nepotism!" I protested. She looked a little surprised at my rebellion but brushed it off.
"Well… not everything that's gonna be revealed is stuff that I want Lex to know about, like me and Nathan," she said guiltily.
"You realize that he already knows? And that all you're doing is pushing him away?" I asked.
"Mel. It'll just be so weird to admit something like that to my little brother. Just… please?" she pleaded with me. I couldn't believe that Daley Marin was pleading with me not to judge her for not including her brother.
"Fine. But if he gets mad at you, don't expect me to fix it."
Jackson chose that moment to walk in, so Daley hurriedly ran over and vaguely explained her plan for the evening. I heard her ask him to relay the message to Taylor.
"Can you do that yourself? We had a little fight," he asked tiredly.
"Over what?"
"Whether we should ignore Melissa. She said we should, and I said no."
"Hello? I'm right here," I told him, feeling a little bit invisible. But, not anymore. I was taking my life into my own hands. Jackson was going to acknowledge that I existed and not just brush me off or lead me on, but he was going to-
"I know," he said, turning to face me. Geez. I never could finish my rants now.
"Well, instead of just talking like I don't exist, you can remember that I'm here and you can't just brush me off like I don't matter," I told him defiantly.
"Preach it, Mel!" Eric joked as he walked through camp to drop off water. "Hey Nathan, Daley. Chief."
"Eric," Jackson nodded. Eric took two empty jugs and walked back into the jungle.
I sighed. Boys. Or were they men? When exactly did a boy turn into a man?
"When he learns to take care of and appreciate the people who care for him," Jackson answered in a steady voice.
"Oh, crap. Did I say that out loud?" I asked, embarrassed.
"Yup," Nathan answered.
"Sorry I'm not one yet," Jackson said. "I gotta talk to Eric." He followed Eric's path calmly as my mind reeled. Did he say he wasn't a man?
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As I walked to the tent with Eric, following Nathan and Daley, Eric repeated his earlier thought.
"You've changed."
"How?"
"You're… stronger. More determined to, um, hold on a sec, I know what it's called… you're more determined to make people really see you. And the reason you love Jackson is because he sees you."
"That's what I thought at first," I said sourly.
"And," Eric plunged on and ignored my comment, "because he somehow brings out the parts of you that you've never shown anyone else. I mean, yeah, you're sweet, and heck yeah, you're cheerful, but no one knows how much you really care for people. None of us heard what you told Jackson that night he almost ran away. He did. I don't see you hugging me in the rain and stuff, and you haven't done that for Nathan either, even when he was mad because he couldn't do anything right."
I froze. Was that what it was? I backtracked… I'd told Nathan secrets before, and he'd told me some, too, but he hadn't told me how worthless he'd felt when he couldn't do anything right. And even when I'd known what was going on with him, I still didn't try to make him feel better. Of course I'd cared for him, and if he'd told me what was wrong, then yes, I probably would've comforted him. But then, that would seem out of the ordinary- something that Mel wouldn't do. Yet I hugged Jackson without anything from his part. I ran to him. Why did he confide in me that night? Why did he show how vulnerable he really was to me? How did he know that I would comfort him? What was it that told me exactly what he needed? Was there really a connection, or was I fooling myself again?
"And you know this because…?" I asked him. He suddenly flushed and shifted his gaze away from me.
"Well, I, um, I eavesdropped on you when you filmed that video diary entry that you erased."
"I should've known. I'm on a deserted island with only a few people, and I still have no privacy!"
"Well… was I right about you and Jackson?" Eric asked.
"I don't know," I answered softly. "This change that's happening to me… do you think it's better?"
Eric paused for a moment, and we both stopped walking.
"Think of a caterpillar. Before now, you were willing to be stepped on and ignored and forgotten- a caterpillar," he said, launching into an imitation of our guidance counselor. I grimaced. A caterpillar? Really? Eric continued, "Now, you've sheltered yourself somewhere, and you're becoming stronger. Suddenly, you're more noticeable, and people gawk and take pictures of you in your little cocoon. One day, you pop out like a butterfly, and people call you beautiful. No one steps on you, and you fly high. It's like your own little meta- metamore- um…." his voice returned to normal again as he tried to remember the word.
"Metamorphosis," I supplied.
"Right. Mel's metamorphosis. Catchy," he remarked.
My metamorphosis. It sounded right, and fitted me now. I kept changing from stage to stage- normal, to heartless, to depressed, to numb, to stronger. I was just waiting to pop out. Alright, that sounded corny. I didn't really care, as long as I was strong enough to go through this little truth test thing that Daley had planned. I would be happy if I did survive this ordeal and came out... beautiful. Beautiful. Me? It was possible. Metamorphosis was a miracle of nature, and maybe it would work for me, too.
I hoped it would.
A/N: OK, so the angst is much less in this chapter. I swear there are little voices that sound like the characters from Flight 29 Down telling me to make Jackson less of a jerk and Taylor nicer and to make Eric funnier... or maybe I'm just losing too much sleep. XD. Please click that beautiful green button down there and review! I love you guys!
