SO HI GUYS. BON-FRICKIN-JOUR, SALUT YAH WEIRDO'S HERE WE GO:
Ford: Bon-frickin-jour? WHat On EArTh Is ThaT SuPpOSsED TO MeAN!?
Stan: It means good frickin morning, Nerd. And I thought you knew everything.
Ford: I never learned how to speak Sassy French-English, Stanley.
"Bill," Ford spat.
Without warning, everyone but himself went completely still, their eyes glassing over. Time had stopped. He flinched as laughter began to echo within the cave. Eyes from various drawings along the walls glowing and shifting to glare at him.
"AND HERE I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS." The laughter ceased as Bill appeared in a flash of light in front of him, his eye wide with faux innocence.
"Really?" Ford blinked at him as if he were a mildly intriguing newspaper. "You thought I would still consider you friendly after what you did?" Ford turned, moving to close the journal and disappear into its pages (anything to get away from Bill) when he paused. The journal was...gone. He looked up at Bill with a sigh.
Bill laughed as he flipped through the journal's pages. "I DID YOU A FAVOR. IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU DIDN'T LIKE THE UPDATE. YOU SHOULD SHOW A LITTLE MORE GRATITUDE, IQ. MIGHT HELP THAT DOWNER ATTITUDE OF YOURS." Bill snapped his fingers, conjuring two wine glasses. He held out one to Ford.
He frowned. "I'm not drinking that. Just give me back the journal and leave."
"YOU DISAPPOINT ME SIXER. I GAVE YOU OMNIPOTENCE." Bill said, snapping the wine glasses away. "AND YOU AREN'T BEING A VERY GOOD SPORT ABOUT IT."
Ford pinched the bridge of his nose. This argument was over four decades old."You gave me nothing but misery, Cipher. I offered you my assistance and you entrapped me with nothing more than a thesaurus to the multi-verse. Mere entertainment! A small penance to assuage the pain you've put me through." Ford blinked, his brow furrowing. "But you already know that..." He spoke beneath his breath. "Why are you really here?"
Ford waited for the answer to appear to him. Bill laughed as Ford became increasingly flummoxed.
"SORRY SIXER. CAN'T LET YOU KNOW EVERYTHING! WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO SPOIL THE FUN. YOU WERE ALWAYS GOOD AT THAT, AM I RIGHT STANLEY?" Bill flicked at Stan's inanimate face.
Ford snapped, "Stop! You blasted-" He growled, cutting himself off. Despite his attempts, keeping calm in the face of Bill Cipher's annoying presence was difficult. He readjusted his trenchcoat and stood up straight. "Fine. Don't tell me. Just leave us alone."
If Bill had an eyebrow, it would've been raised. "US, SIXER?" He gestured to the children, "ARE WE INCLUDING THE LITTLE FLESHSACKS NOW TOO?"
"Yes," Ford crossed his arms, "The contract stated my family would be safe. That includes new descendants or anyone adopted, officially or unofficially." He stated. He grimaced as Bill seemed to consider his words. This was getting tedious.
"DON'T THINK YOU CAN TRICK ME, FORDSY. BY THOSE RULES YOU COULD ADOPT THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE!" Bill spread his arms wides, a projection of the Galaxy appearing between them. Ford stared right past it, unamused. Bill noted Ford's lack of reaction to his theatrics and flicked it away after a moment. "I'LL LET YOU KEEP YOUR TRAVEL SIZED TWINS, BUT DON'T THINK YOU CAN SAVE EVERYONE, YOU SHOULD KNOW IT'S IMPOSSIBLE." Bill cackled, "ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK AFTER ALL!"
And with that cheerful thought, Bill was gone again. Seemingly tired of their conversation. Ford watched as his family fell out of the time stop, their memories of the minor possessions apparently erased.
All sixteen of Stanford's eyes clenched shut with concentration. He could still hear Cipher's jarring laugh-
He jerked back as a hand fell on his shoulder. Stanley jumped as Ford pulled away from him.
"Heh, woah there! You alright Poindexter?" Stan asked.
Ford sighed, relieved that it was only Stan. "That remains to be seen." He said, moving to stand beside his pedestal once more. He noticed the journal was back in place, but it was open to the last page. He frowned, pushing his glasses back into place.
Time's a-tickin', Sixer!
Not gonna even try and edit this. It doesn't make sense I don't think...but eh. SO. ABOUT MY UPDATES. I started writing when I had tons of time on my hands and inspiration coming in by the pound. I still like writing, but it hasn't had quite the same zeal as it did...? Anyway, I want you guys to be patient with me, please. I don't get paid for this, unfortunately, but I don't wanna stop doing it! IT GIVES ME GREAT JOY TO WRITE THIS STUFF FOR YA'LL.
Don't die guys! MM OMIGOSH SIS XD I'M GONNA DIE. GUYS, SHE WROTE A HAMILTON PARODY TO MAKE SURE I KEPT UPDATING. SIS, YOU'RE AMAZING DON'T DIE PLEASE.
Ford: I'm sorry Stanley, but I fear you may be in danger again.
Stan: GOSH DOG DARNNIT IF SHE WRITES MORE ANGSTY THING WITH ME IN IT-