A/N: I'm sooo sorry. Again. I've been sick for the past week and a half, and I had finals before that. So, it's been a busy time since I last updated.

Thanks to all of you who are sticking with me and are continuing to read/review. It seriously means the world to me.

Chapter 4

Nothing is so burdensome as a secret – French Proverb

Control. It's a goal the vast majority of the population strives for. In a world where many feel like they have no say in their life in any way, shape, or form, even the smallest amount of control is desirable. For some, that control is found through the dominance of others. For others, control appears in the form of power. But perhaps one of the most common ways people feel this sense of control is through the discipline of not eating. To deny oneself of the most basic need is true control. The ability to go for longer periods of time is exciting, thrilling even. It's a sign that they're in command, the master. But as James Diamond looks down at his dinner, disgust consumes his entire being. The illusion of control shatters completely and utterly. Were it not for the fact his father is sitting at the table with him, James would have dumped the contents of his meal into the garbage disposal, as he does most days. But tonight is family night, the only night of the week he and his dad manage to spend good, old-fashion quality time together without disrupting their busy schedules. Though James loves his father very much, he resents the fact he has to put up a front for him. A part of that front includes partaking in a delicious meal his father cooks, which tortures James greatly.

As he does every week, James puts a smile on his face as he tries to choke down his father's famous pot roast. It used to be his favorite meal, but now, it tastes absolutely revolting. Ignoring the awful taste in his mouth, James enthusiastically compliments his father on his pot roast. With each bite he takes, James feels sicker and sicker. Finally, the pain in his stomach becomes so great, he has to push his plate away. His father eyes the plate weirdly, before giving his son an equally confused look. James peers down at his plate, and realizes that well over three-fourths of the food is still on his plate. He looks back at his dad, and quickly explains that he had a big lunch at school. He sees his dad visibly relax, instantly buying his lie. Whether it was because he is a good liar or because he his father is oblivious, James doesn't know. He's just grateful that he doesn't have to make up even more excuses.

James sits at the table as his dad continues to eat. He mostly remains silent, the nausea he feels becoming more and more intense by the minute. Though it pains him physically, James manages to remain seated throughout the whole meal, adding comments here and there whenever prompted by his dad. He does this because he knows above all else, he has to pretend everything is okay. He has to protect his secret. To his relief, his father finally finishes eating. After helping his dad wash the dishes and bidding him goodnight, James rushes to his room. Quickly, he turns on his radio, allowing the loud music to fill his room. Satisfied that his father wouldn't be able to hear, he enters the bathroom and kneels in front of the toilet.

Instant relief floods his body as he empties the content of his stomach into the bowl. He remains in front of the toilet for a little while, making extra sure that he has thrown up everything he's eaten. Once he finishes, the flushes the toilet, the shame quickly replacing the relief he had felt. He then stands up, and goes to his sink to brush his teeth. At first, he used to abhor the taste of vomit in his mouth. But now, he barely even acknowledges the taste.

Once he finishes brushing his teeth, James walks back into his room, turns off the radio, and climbs into bed. He pulls the covers over his body, trying to warm up his shivering body. As he tries to fall asleep, he thinks of his mother.

To this day, James still blames himself for his parents' divorce. He feels that had he not be so adamant about playing peewee hockey with his friends, his mother would never have met his coach. Had the two of them never met, maybe his mom would never have cheated on his father, and maybe they'd still be together.

The day James found out about his parents' divorce was the worst day of his life. He remembers how hard he cried, and how much he begged his parents to stay together. But they still got a divorce.

His mother moved in with his hockey coach, and they still are together to this day. They got married when James was fourteen, and his mother is now five months pregnant. It feels weird to James, to know that he'll have a stepsister soon. He isn't sure how he'll deal with it.

His father is still single, and hasn't been on a single date since the divorce. Instead, he throws himself into his work, isolating himself further from the world.

So much has changed since the day James' parents divorced. And he's felt powerless during each and every single step of it.

James feels his eyelids growing heavier, and he doesn't fight it. Slowly, James drifts into a fitful sleep.

A/N: Ok…so I know NOTHING about eating disorders. Out of all the four secrets, this one was the hardest for me to write simply because I have no experience in the matter. I apologize if you find it lacking. Please let me know what you thought of this chapter.

I know that this chapter is short, but the rest of the chapters (as far as I know) will have dialogue, so I'll have much more to work with and the chapters should be much longer.

Again, I appreciate all the support for this story. You guys are seriously awesome!