Hi all ! I know it's been a while since I've posted a one shot and I am so very sorry about that. there's no real excuse, except for the fact that I had major writer's block on how to finish this fic. This is the second part of my previous fic which I am so so glad that so many of you really enjoyed. Thank you so very much for your wonderful reviews. They're such a joy to read. Anyway, please excuse any grammatical mistakes I may have made (but don't be shy to point them out - English is not my first language so I'm always open to learning !) THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE (Hope this really long chapter makes up for it)
Please review and let me know your thoughts - I struggled a bit with how to end it, hopefully you like it.
Disclaimer : I do not own these characters. They are property of Shonda Rhimes and Grey's Anatomy
Young Love : Part 2
"STOP. STOP. MARK PLEASE STOP." April yelled, while trying to pull her brother off of her boyfriend. He was too strong for her, but she had to do something, because Mark was beating Jackson up and Jackson wasn't really putting up a fight. She figured he felt too guilty and probably also felt like he deserved it. April finally managed to push Mark off of Jackson long enough for her to pull Jackson to his feet and stand in front of him.
"Are you okay?" She said, looking back at him. He had a cut on his lip and a blue patch was forming on his right cheek. Jackson merely nodded, although April knew he was beyond okay. She felt horrible. She looked back to see Mark already gearing up for a second round.
"NO! STOP! YOU CAN'T HIT HIM LIKE THAT! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" She yelled, tears threatening to spill over at any moment.
"ME?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?! THIS BASTARD IS SLEEPING WITH MY SISTER! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU." He yelled, lunging forward yet again.
"MARK STOP! YOU'RE ACTING CRAZY!" She said, putting her arms on his chest, and pushing him back. He stopped at that and she saw he'd realized that he wouldn't be able to throw in another punch as long as April was around.
"Go get dressed. NOW." Mark said, his chest heaving from the anger and adrenaline. Although he was talking to her, he was staring at Jackson with so much hate. Jackson, on the other hand, was looking at the floor, avoiding eye contact.
"How … How did you get in here?" She asked, refusing to move. She knew that if she left now, he'd just go back to making Jackson his personal punching bag.
"REALLY ?! That's what you …. Fine. I know where he keeps the extra key. Something he told me back when we used to be friends." Mark said, bluntly, making no effort to be subtle about hinting that they were no longer friends. "He said he was going to be with his mom the whole day, so I thought that I'd come in and set up a small party to celebrate us getting into Harvard. Surprise him and all." April detected the betrayal in his voice and it broke her. Not only had what they'd done led to Mark been betrayed by his sister, but also by his best friend. She hadn't really considered this before. She saw Jackson look away, the hurt on his face not going unnoticed.
"Mark … Just please let me explain, okay?" April began, still refusing to let go of her hold on Jackson.
"I can't believe you would … No actually, I can. I can believe you would do this. I can't believe you could lie to me without feeling even a little guilty about it. This is my sister, dude. I get that you can't keep it in your pants for more than a day but MY SISTER! I thought we were best friends. I treated you like a brother." Mark said, shaking his head.
"How could you … She's not like that. I would never do that to her." Jackson said, speaking up for the first time since the whole ordeal began. "I would never do that to you."
Mark scoffed, choosing anger as his dominant emotion, April saw him clench his fists once again.
"What? You love her?" Mark said, sarcastically. "You think he loves you?"
"I do."
"He does."
"You actually fed her that bullshit? And YOU actually believed HIM? He says that to every chick just to get in their pants. And I can't believe I actually used to laugh with you when you talked about another girl you bagged. God …" Mark said, now pacing around the room.
"Is that what you think of me?" Jackson said, untangling himself from April, and walking towards Mark. April quickly rushed towards him and pulled him back, knowing that his actions would just trigger a violent reaction from Mark. She knew he was upset, it hurt to have your best friend talk about you like that. But she needed him to understand that Mark was just saying that because he was upset. April wasn't an idiot, she knew Jackson had a more than questionable past when it came to girls, but he was far from the sleazy playboy Mark was making him out to be. And he'd changed. She knew with her whole heart that with her it was different.
"Yeah, I was a douche, okay. I treated girls horribly. I was a jerk. I admit it. And I feel awful about it. I told you I wanted to change. I told you I didn't want to just sleep around anymore. I'm not THAT guy. And I wasn't even as bad as you're making me out to be when I was that guy." Jackson continued, rubbing his hand over his face, giving out a frustrated sigh. April generally always "kissed his frustration off" as he liked to call it whenever he was upset about something. She knew that he always relaxed, no matter how worked up he was, whenever she kissed him. Although she figured right now, kissing him is the last thing that would make this situation better.
"No. You're worse than that guy, because at least I could trust that guy. I TRUSTED YOU. I trusted you with April. I trusted you with the most important person in my life and you … Did you not care at all?" Mark said, sounding tormented. She looked back at Jackson and saw that his sudden brave façade was going off. He looked guilty and ashamed.
"Mark … Just please, okay? Listen … I …" April began, walking towards her brother again and taking his hand in hers. She gasped when he shook her off, with force.
"Get dressed, April." He said, looking down, refusing to even make eye contact with her.
"I … Jackson?" She looked to her boyfriend to say something, to make this better because she had absolutely no idea how to do that. But he looked away from her, refusing to meet her eyes just like Mark. She was so lost and confused. She needed him. She needed him to convince Mark that this wasn't just sex to him, that they meant more.
"I'll go get your clothes." He said, looking away, defeated. He let go of her arm and walked towards the staircase, taking the stairs two at a time. April had never felt so many emotions in her whole life. She was sad, angry, scared and confused. She was in over her head with this whole situation and it felt like she was fighting this whole thing alone.
"Mark, please, listen to me. He's not like that. He was. He isn't anymore. He changed. He … He's wonderful, and caring and …" April said, flustered, running her hands through her hair, making some kind of attempt to better this situation.
"You know, for someone who's so smart, I never thought you could be this stupid. Gosh. I …" Mark was interrupted by Jackson coming down the stairs, carrying her clothes and her bag. He handed them over to her wordlessly, still refusing to look at her face. It drove her mad. She wanted to shake him and force him to just look at her, but he continued to stare at his feet.
She realized that whatever happens after this, she couldn't deal with at this particular point. They needed to talk, but now was definitely not going to be the time. She took the stuff from him, and went into the kitchen, keeping an eye on them both, in case Mark took her momentary absence to jump Jackson.
"Okay, let's go." Mark said, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the door, once she joined them, fully clothed. She didn't even have a chance to say goodbye to Jackson. April twisted her body around, keeping her face away from Mark's view and looked at Jackson, who she was relieved to see was finally looking at her, although his expression was too painful to bear. She mouthed, "I love you" before the Mark slammed the door behind them, so she didn't get to see his response. She wasn't sure where they were going to go from here, 'they' been both Jackson and Mark. She wasn't sure the extent of the damage she'd done to either one of the relationships. All she could do is pray that at the end of the day, she hadn't screwed it all up too much.
She needed to see him. They needed to speak to one another. She had to know why he was ignoring her, acting like she doesn't exist, like they never happened. April knew he was probably trying to be respectful to Mark, but it still hurt. He never called, or picked up the phone when she called, he also avoided any and all eye contact with her whenever she tried to catch his eye at school. It broke her. She couldn't believe that this was the same person who just 2 weeks ago, couldn't keep his eyes off her. Whenever she looked at him, she'd catch him staring at her, with this look of pure joy, lust and love. He loved her. She knew he did. True, it hadn't been too long since they said it to each other for the first time, but she believed him. She never doubted it. Because he never gave her a reason to. Until now.
"I think they're here." Arizona said, bringing her back to reality. April knew that considering the fact that he avoided her at all costs, he'd never agree to meet her. So she had to get a bit more creative. She knew that ever since she introduced them, Alex and Jackson had gotten close, they'd become friends even. And she knew Jackson needed a friend right now. She'd asked Alex to invite Jackson to his place, pretending to want to watch the game, so that they could finally have a conversation.
"Hey. Go. He's waiting in the living room. You owe me, Apes. The dude's probably going to kill me for this." Alex said, walking into the kitchen and taking off his jacket.
April quickly got up and walked out in to the living room. She was nervous. She hadn't seen him in a while and she knew he was at the very least upset with her. She knew that at least partially what happened with him and Mark was her fault. He'd wanted to tell Mark and she'd prevented it. She needed a chance for them to work things out. She loved Mark, so much. But, she loved Jackson too. And she needed them both in her life. They just had to figure it out.
"Hey." She said, walking into the room, taking him by surprise. He was wearing this black shirt of his that he wore on their first date and it took all she had to not run to him and kiss him senseless.
"April? What are you - Seriously? Did you plan this?" Jackson asked. April knew he would be upset, but she never thought he'd sounded downright pissed.
"Look, I had to see you okay? You've been avoiding me since ... You know. And ... You don't return my calls, you ignore me at school and ... We need to talk okay?" April said, walking towards him, needing to touch him. Her heart broke immediately however when she tried to take his hand and he brushed it off moving away from her. She didn't understand why he was acting like this. She knew he was upset, but she didn't get why he was so mad at her. She figured he needed some time to get himself together but he'd be ready to talk to her and work things out. Granted, April realised she probably shouldn't have surprised him with the talk, but she had needed to talk to him.
"Talk about what? Look, if this is just a set-up, I'm leaving." Jackson said, grabbing his jacket and making his way to the door.
"What do you mean 'talk about wh - JACKSON! STOP! LISTEN!" She yelled, the sound of her voice causing him to turn back around and face her. But he wasn't looking at her. She needed him to look at her.
"Just ... Listen, okay? I know you're still reeling in from all this. And I'm sorry I dropped this on you out of nowhere. But I miss you so much. And and I don't just miss kissing you ... Or touching you. I just ... I miss you. And I miss talking to you. And just being there with you. So just ... let's figure this out okay?" She said, running her hands up his arms, resting them on his shoulders. She was happy to see him relax against her touch. His face softened from the cold look he'd been sporting and he almost purred she caressed his cheek. She wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head against his chest. She breathed him in, the familiar scent of his cologne mixed with a scent that she identified as him. But the moment she relaxed against him, his body went rigid. April felt him twist away from her, untangling herself from him.
"There's nothing to figure out April." He muttered quietly, walking away from her. April was mad now. He was acting like a completely different person. Almost like they had broken up. She knew he'd needed time but she never thought he'd act like they were over. She walked up to him, pulling his arm to get his attention.
"April just move, okay I ha-"
"WHAT ? Did you break up with me and I never got the memo ? Is that what this is ? Or or ... was Mark right ... About you. What ? Was I just another notch in your stupid chastity belt ?" April said. She immediately regretted her choice of words. She was harsh, she knew that. But she was so angry at the way he was acting. Avoiding her, like they were over. She only said it because she needed him to deny it, to tell her he loved her, to assure her that they were fine. She looked at his face and saw the clear outrage at her statement. She knew it would get a reaction out of him. He looked so mad that she would even suggest something like that. But not a second later, she saw his face change. He looked down at his feet, looking back up in resignation.
"It's true. He was right. I just wanted to get into your pants, April." Jackson said, although it sounded almost rehearsed. April gasped. She'd expected a lot of things but that wasn't it. He was lying. She knew he was lying. He loved her. He said it. This was just a really bad joke.
"No. NO. You ... You said you loved me. You did. I know you did. I-"
"Of course I said that. I say that to everyone. It worked didn't it ? I almost got laid right after I said it." April was dumbfounded. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. This wasn't the Jackson she knew. This person was cold and he was saying things the old Jackson would knock him out for.
"NO. This isn't you. You ... I WAS THERE. I was there in the relationship with you. I never for a second doubted why you wanted to be with me. The person I was with was kind and loving and amazing. And he NEVER made me doubt him for a second when he told me he loved me. Jackson, WHA- WHO ARE YOU?!" April said, the hot tears that had gathered in her eyes, threatening to spill.
"I faked it April. God, how could you be so stupid ? Of course I acted like I wanted you. I'm good at that. And you bought it. And ... You know what ? I need to go."
"YOU ... YOU'RE LYING. I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE DOING THIS BUT YOU'RE LYING." She was crying now, unable to hold back the tears any longer, her hands, tightened into fists, were hitting him on the chest. She was furious, but mostly broken. He was breaking her. Because he sounded so ... Cold. So unlike himself that her resolve was slowly breaking. That she was now trying to convince herself more than him. It surprised her that he was just standing there, letting her hit him. Almost as if he believed he deserved it. He finally gently grasped her wrists and held them away.
"I was lying. Now I'm finally telling you the truth. I'm sorry, April but ... I don't ... I don't want you. I don't ... love you." He said really quietly, his voice breaking towards the end. She was breaking down now, loudly sobbing, unable to form words. He walked away, and this time April let him. She couldn't control her body any longer and she slid down the wall and sat down on the floor, her eyes blurry with tears. She heard sounds of footsteps walking towards her, a friendly arm around her shoulder, voices soothing her and asking if she was okay, if she wanted them to punch Jackson out. But April was too far into her misery. She never imagined that their relationship was a lie. But he sounded so certain. So cold. So unlike himself. Or maybe, April thought, exactly like himself. Maybe Mark was right. Maybe April had been too stupid to see what everyone else saw. Jackson had only wanted her as a trophy. Something he'd tell his friends while they were changing in the locker room. It didn't make any sense to her. Nothing added up. But right now, in this moment, she didn't what to do but to wonder if you could ever really lose someone you never really had to begin with.
"Hey." She snapped back to reality, hearing Mark's voice. He was standing in front of her shuffling his feet, looking down. She felt guilty around him all the time. She knew what her and Jackson had done hurt him. On top of keeping her relationship a secret, she was also refusing to speak to him now. She'd barely said a sentence to him since that day. April was constantly torn between wanting bear hug him and cry on his shoulder, while apologising profusely and never speaking to him for as long as she lived. So far, she'd managed to find the ability to go with the latter, but she was a few days away from switching to the former. She missed Mark. He was her favorite person in the whole world. She adored him. And they were close. April could, well used to be able to, say anything to Mark and it pained her that she was hurting without been able to have him console her. However, she wasn't ready to forgive him yet. She was angry and she was hurt as well. But so was he. Their relationship had been heavily affected by this, and the guilt of been partially responsible for that, made her even more adamant to not forgive him. April wasn't sure her reasoning made sense.
She looked at him and saw that he was standing in front of the porch swing she was sitting. She looked away, refusing to answer him. She really wanted to. She wanted to make up. But the truth was she was hurting too much from what Jackson had said to her. She never wanted to believe that they're entire relationship was a lie. She still couldn't. But he'd said it. And he'd broken her because of it. She couldn't hate him as much as she wanted to because every single piece of her still loved him. It was impossible. For her, it had been real and even if his feelings for her had been just a sick joke, it didn't make the relationship feel any less real. That had nothing to do with Mark. She couldn't hold him responsible for that and so she couldn't be mad at him. Or rather she shouldn't. He didn't break them apart. He'd just ended something that would have ended anyway. She knew that she had to at least be grateful that Mark put an end to it before she'd lost her virginity to a bet Jackson had made with himself. A fact she still refused to let herself believe. He'd loved her. She had been so sure of it. So maybe she was mad at Mark for knowing,what had taken Jackson having to spell it out for her, for her to realise. She was also mad at herself. For falling in love with Jackson, for believing his feelings were real. She'd been mad initially for her part in hurting Jackson, and Mark and ruining their friendship. But she realised that maybe they weren't as great friends as she had initially thought they were. But she knew that wasn't true as well. She knew their relationship. They were like brothers. And to top off all the confusion, Jackson had wanted to tell Mark. If this was a joke to him would he have been so eager to go public with her. She didn't get it. April's head was filled with questions that no one could answer. Well, maybe Jackson could. But he'd given her an answer. She just didn't think that answer was a good one. She needed to feel something other than misery, so she was choosing to feel angry. At Mark. Although she knew he didn't deserve any of it.
She heard Mark sigh, and sit next to her. He picked up her feet and gently placed them across his lap. She still wouldn't look at him.
"Do you remember when Mom would sit in the swing and we'd place our legs over hers and she'd give the best foot rubs ever?" Mark said, with a distant look on his face. April's expression softened. Mark wasn't shy when it came to speaking about his feelings, unless those feelings involved their parents. The last time he spoke about them was when they went for the therapy Aunt Alice forced them to go to. She knew that he always held back. She never knew why.
"Yeah. And she'd tell us these stories about how awkward she was as a teenager ... And then dad would always come and make fun of her." April said, laughing softly. She looked at Mark saw that he was shocked she was engaging in conversation. It had been a while since she's said a full sentence to him.
"He'd call her his little geek. And she was all like, um who are you calling a nerd, Mr. I-spent-hundreds-of-dollars-on-children's-toys. And he'd be all, they aren't toys, Karen ! They are action figures !" Mark said, bursting out laughing. April joined along with him. It had been so long since she had had a genuine laugh and a conversation about their parents that wasn't filled with tension. She had always loved her parent's relationship. They were so different from each other and yet they worked so effortlessly. Maybe her relationship with Jackson reminded her of her parent's one. She shook the thought out of her mind. It hurt too much to think about it like that.
"God I miss them." Mark said, looking back at her. She could've sworn she saw tears. She shifted her position and hugged him. He rested his head on her shoulder.
"Me too." She said, hugging him tighter. They sat there in a comfortable silence for a while, until Mark spoke up.
"I'm sorry. I don't want to see you sad. But ... This is for your own good. You don't know him like I do." Mark said, lifting his head up, breaking the moment.
"Being miserable is for my own good ?" April asked, scoffing. "But you were right. I don't know him." April said, feeling herself tear up. She was so mad that she got this affected by Jackson's behavior. But she couldn't help it. She loved him. She meant it when she said that. And she'd been almost willing to give him a part of herself that was very important to her. To someone who she thought loved her. She didn't want to believe the whole thing was fake, that it was all an elaborate plan to get into her pants. When she was with him, it felt real. So real. She never doubted it for a minute. Not even when she had her share of insecurities. She was back to feeling confused.
"I told you. I know you cared for him but he only wants one thing and I told you that." Mark said, getting up. "I can't believe you'd ... God. I never thought you'd do something so dumb. And LIE TO ME. I never thought you'd lie to me."
"I didn't mean to okay. I was going to tell you. We were going to ... We just ... Never got around to it. I feel AWFUL that I betrayed your trust. It makes me sick." April said, following him into the house.
"You thought you loved him ? God April ... I mean, you're what 17 ? What do you even know about love ?" Mark said, walking around the kitchen island.
"Don't you dare say that. I love him. I do. I KNOW I LOVE HIM. So what ? Just because I'm 17 I can't fall in love ? Are you kidding me ?! Maybe I don't love him as much as I could when I'm 30. But I love him now as much as I can love him now. You can question his love me for me all you want but don't you dare assume what I felt for him wasn't real." April said, walking purposefully behind him. Every inch of her felt like she was on fire. She had loved him. Regardless of how he'd felt she has adored him. She wouldn't let anyone doubt her.
"I thought you were so convinced he loved you the last time I checked ?" Mark scoffed.
"I am ... I mean I was ... I ... YOU WERE RIGHT OKAY ? Is that what you want to hear ? The whole thing was this stupid stupid bet he made with himself that he could get it on with the clueless, idiot geek who'd actually think that he loved her. Is that what you want to hear ? Because YOU WERE RIGHT." April couldn't hold her tears anymore. She was sick of having everyone tell her how stupid she was to love Jackson.
"April ..." Mark moved towards her, holding out his arms. She leaned into him and let him hold her. Regardless of what happened, she needed her older brother.
"I know it was stupid, okay ? But ... I believed him. He was so ... He gave me no reason not to. He loved me. Well, he didn't. But he did an outstanding job of convincing me he did. And I know I should hate him but I can't ... I still love him so much. And and ... It hurts so much that sometimes I can't breathe. And I hate myself for believing him and I hate myself for still wanting to believe that it was real and I hate ... All of this. And I just need my brother because he's the only person who can make me feel better but he hates me because I screwed everything up being this selfish, oblivious person I clearly am." She clung on to Mark, his shirt completely ruined but she felt ... Better for the first time in a long time. She never realized how despite having Arizona and Alex, she needed to be comforted by Mark.
"Hey hey. I'm here okay. April, you always have me. Look, I'm sorry okay ? I'm sorry that ... you feel this way. I never wanted you to get hurt. And I'm sorry if I made you feel alone. You're my sister, you always have me. No matter what." Mark said, pulling her a chair and moving to find her tissues. She probably looked like a slobbering mess. "What do I always say?"
"There are times I want to kill you, but I'll kill for you anytime." April said, laughing halfheartedly at that. That had been their agreement that no matter how much they fought they'll always have each other's backs. Something she was really grateful for. "Thank you."
"Wait ... He said that? That ... It was a ... bet?" Mark asked, handing her a tissue. She blew her nose, and looked up at him, nodding slowly. She may have been mistaken, but she could have sworn that she saw a look of extreme guilt on his face. She was going to question him on it, but decided that it probably had to do with the fact that they had taken so long to makeup. She felt bad that he felt personally responsible for it. It wasn't like she was the most receptive person to his efforts.
"Yeah. I ... um ... I had to speak with him. DON'T GET MAD. I just ... I'm sorry. I needed to ... I ..." She forgot that revealing that piece of information would mean having to confess that she had met up with Jackson, tried to do the one thing he'd forbidden her to do. Maybe this was karma.
"You ..." Mark sighed in frustration. "Well at least you got to know I was right. I told you, and it hurts that you didn't believe me, but ... Now you know. Better now than later."
April solemnly agreed. It would have killed her to have found out about this after she slept with him. It doesn't mean it hurt any less.
"I'm sorry he hurt you. I really am." Mark said, giving her a side hug, letting her rest her head on his shoulder.
"Wanna go egg his house ? Dad would've totally been up for it." Mark said, laughing.
"God no. But yes, Dad would've dragged me with him." April replied, giggling whole heartedly.
"It's my fault." Mark said, quietly. "It's my fault."
"What?" April was confused. She knew that he felt guilty about her been hurt but it was not entirely his fault at all.
"It was my fault they died. They were coming to my game. You know dad was going to go on a business trip and mom had this important meeting and I yelled at them that they didn't care enough to come. They only came because I guilt them into it. They came for every single game, you know. And this wasn't even a real game. And they felt so bad for missing it. But I yelled at them, made them feel worse than they already did. If I wasn't so ... selfish. God ... They'd still be ..." Mark's voice broke at the end and April saw tears form in his eyes. She was shocked. Never in her entire life had she thought he'd blame himself for her parents' death. Of course she didn't blame him. It was a shitty shitty thing that shouldn't have happened to anyone but it had happened. But never in her life had she ever blamed her brother for it. The confession however did help April understand Mark in a better light. Things made more sense to her now.
"Oh god how could you ... THAT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. I can't believe you've been thinking that. Mark what happened was awful and it was ... None of that was your fault. Don't you dare blame yourself." April hugged him really tight.
"It's why I'm so hard on you. I'm the reason you don't have parents. So I have to step up, you know. Give you what I took away from you." He said, softly.
"Hey. Listen to me. YOU didn't take them away okay. This is not at all your fault. I NEED you to believe that. Because it's true. What happened sucks but you are not the reason it happened. You have nothing to make up for. I have parents, they're not here right now, but ... I have them. And them not been here is not your fault." It was vital to April he knew that.
"I have to protect you. I have to ... " Mark said, sitting down on the chair next to her, hiding his face in his hands.
"Mark ... I know you have to protect me, okay. And ... I know you're doing it for mom and dad. You ... I love you. But you can't keep me locked up. It doesn't mean I won't get hurt. You just ... Have to be there for me when I do. That's all I want. That's all mom and dad wanted. And we have Aunt Alice. So that's enough of parenting thank you. I don't want more parents Mark. I want a brother. And by parenting me you're pushing me away and ... I miss you all the time but we're not what we used to be. I can't trust you with everything because you're too busy been a parent to be my brother. You don't have to fend off all the evil in my life. You can't. You have to let me make my own choices. Just ... be there for me if it goes wrong. You're so afraid of losing me that you're holding on so tight and in doing that you're losing me faster. I'd never kept a secret from you. And I hate that I did but I had to. I just don't want to feel so detached from you. Jackson ... He was my mistake to make. You have to let me make mistakes. And get hurt. It's not your job to stop me from making my own choices. It's your job to be there when those choices fall through." April looked at him, communicating what she needed him to know. She knew he needed to know that she would never blame him for her parent's deaths and she needed him to know that what he was doing wasn't working. It was pushing her further away and she didn't want. They needed each other. But she couldn't feel like she was been suffocated either. She needed him to pull back his reins if they were to go back to their old relationship.
She gave a him a long hug, cried some more and left without another word. She saw him stare after her as she walked up the stairs. She hadn't felt this ... free in a long while. She'd cried as much as she could about Jackson, it still hurt but she could heal. She knew she could. It would take time, but it was not impossible. And Mark ... She found out something about him that had made her realise why he'd changed from been her goofy brother to the person who made her feel like she had no free will over her own decisions. April wasn't sure about a lot of things that night, but she knew that this was the first step to healing. For both of them.
It was the day of Mark's graduation. April was sitting with Aunt Alice and hundreds of other people, on the school grounds, waiting to celebrate the happiness of the people they love. She looked up to the front to see that the Jackson was ready to go to stage next. He looked absolutely gorgeous as he always did, wearing the cap and the cloak, smirking with pride. Regardless of how much it hurt to look at him, she couldn't help but feel her heart surge in happiness. She still loved him, she couldn't help it. She caught his eye and for a moment she saw his smile falter, he looked sad. April rapidly looked away. She was just seeing things that she wanted to see. She wanted him to feel bad about what he'd done so she was hoping he did. She clapped along as the loud audience of students cheered for him. He was popular after all. And next, it was Mark's turn to make his speech. She looked at him proudly, she was so happy he'd made it. There was never a doubt about it. His speech was tasteful, a good combination of good advice and humour so that people weren't bored but they also took something away from it.
"Now, I've had this speech prepared for weeks. Way before I even knew I was going to valedictorian because let's face it, we all knew I was." that garnered a laugh from the audience and his teachers. "But ... Something occurred to me recently, thanks to someone very special, that maybe you'd all appreciate. I thanked the parents before, but I never got to you a piece of advice as well. It's hard letting your kids go. I get it. No, I don't have a kid myself, but I did help raise one." He said, smiling at April. She wasn't entirely sure where he was going with this because when she'd gone through his speech this morning this part wasn't in it.
"The thing is it's easy to get attached. To feel scared that once you let them go, you can't protect them from the awful things in this world. All of you here have done everything you could, always, to make sure your kid didn't get hurt. But ... You weren't always successful. That doesn't mean you failed. As someone pointed out to me, you can't protect them from all the bad things in this world, you can just be there for them when bad things happen, because they need you. They always will. Don't hold them back. They'll make their own choices, and sometimes those choices will fall through, and the best you can do is to never make them think they're alone, because after all, no matter what, they have you. Thank you." He got a standing ovation for that speech. April wasn't surprised to see Aunt Alice and most of the other parents in tears after that. She'd never thought he'd actually take what she said to heart.
After, the ceremony was over, she saw Mark walking up to them. After Aunt Alice had fussed over him and told him how proud she was, she's gone over to talk to Mathew's mother. Mark held his hands out to April and she was engulfed in a hug.
"That was some speech." April said, looking at him curiously.
"Thought you'd like it." He said, smirking at her. "You were right. I hate that you were right. But ... You were. I need to let you make your own choices, no matter how ... Poor they might be and trust you with them. I'm sorry. About everything."
"You're the best." April felt herself tear up in contentment. She smiled at him and punched him on the arm.
"Not really. I'm not." Mark said, the look of guilt she'd seen in his face that night returning. "Look ... I honestly did think Jackson was bad for you. I just ..."
"Hey it's cool. You turned out to be right anyway." April said, trying to keep the heartbreak out of her voice. This was a day of celebration. She wasn't going to ruin it for Mark by wallowing in pity.
"Yeah, except maybe I wasn't." Mark replied, sounding apologetic.
"What?"
"He only said that thing about the bet and ... everything else because ... I may have asked him to. Well not exactly like that but ... I told him to tell you whatever it took for you to never feel like going back to him. He hated it. Didn't want to do it. Begged me to just let him prove that he really does love you. But, I ... I told him that if our friendship meant anything to him, he'd do it. I convinced him that he was bad for you. I convinced him that if he loved you, he'd let you go." Mark finished, and looked at her expectantly. She was completely taken back that she couldn't even form clear thought. Everything she had spent the last weeks convincing herself turned out to be a lie. He did love her, she'd been right in the first place. April had spent so much time telling herself she was over it that at one point she'd believed it. But the moment she heard this, she knew it wasn't true. She just had no idea where to go from here.
"Do you hate me ?" Mark asked, looking at the ground.
April realised that she should be furious with him. He'd played a much larger role in her pain than she'd previously thought. But, she couldn't. Their relationship had grown since that conversation they had. She knew more about the rationale behind his behavior than she had previously. She knew that as awful as what he did was, he thought it was for the best. And she couldn't hate him for that. Not anymore.
"No. I want to. But ... I don't. I'm upset. I can't ... But, I lied too. I betrayed you too. I broke your trust and ... So it would make me a hypocrite if I held this against you." April said, smiling at him, although her head was hurting with all this information.
"Look, he's a good guy. I always knew that. I was just hurt ... And I thought I was right. But ... You were right. He loves you. A lot. I'd never seen him break down the way he did. Go on. Go make those choices you want to make so badly. I got your back." Mark said, gently pushing her towards Jackson, who was standing near the refreshments.
"No."
"What ?" Mark asked, confused.
"No. I don't ... He made a choice. He could've fought for us, or he could've done whatever you asked him to do. He didn't want me enough. So no. I can't forgive him. He hurt me too much. I don't care if he didn't mean it. I can't feel that way again. No way." April knew that even if what Jackson had said that night was out of love for her, she had depended on him to be there for them. To fight for them. She hadn't gotten over the hurt he'd caused her and so she wasn't ready to forgive him. Let alone take him back.
"Wha- okay. Look, it's your choice whether you forgive him or not. But ... I thought you deserved to know how he felt. Actually felt. He loves you. He thinks the sun shines out of your ass. It does, but that's beside the point. Don't hold on to blame, Apes. Take it from me." Mark said, looking at her, smiling sadly. She knew that he was talking about their parents. And she knew he was right. Holding on to hurt wasn't going to help her. She knew she had to let it go. But she didn't know how. And even if she did, she didn't know if she would be healed enough to ever risk getting hurt by him again.
"Really Mark, this party is for YOU. You can't be late. Honestly, I can't believe you're making a pit stop at school to get your lucky basketball to take to the party. If you wanted a date so bad, you should have just asked Lexie." April said, groaning in protest as she was dragged across a deserted school hallway by Mark. It was a good week after graduation and Aunt Alice had decided to throw Mark a party before he went off on his senior road trip he'd planned with Jackson and a couple of his other friends last year. She had initially been allowed to join them, an achievement she was incredibly proud of because back then it meant a road trip with her boyfriend and time to hang out with her brother before they both went off to college. The latter still remained true, but she wasn't so thrilled anymore about having to hang around Jackson that she'd told Mark, that as much as she loved him, she just wasn't in the right mentality for something like that. And it wasn't as if he was moving across the country, he was still going to be in Boston, she's see him all the time.
"Lexie? Wait ... How did you -" Mark asked, stopping dead on his tracks, and looking at her in mild shock. April couldn't help but laugh at that. She thought it was quite adorable how Mark actually thought people were naive about his crush on the freshmen. Lexie had transferred to their high school recently and April had to show her around, bringing her around the house once in a while. Mark had been smitten since the first time they'd met but she couldn't understand for the life of her why he never asked Lexie out.
"Everyone knows. Seriously. Like everyone. Well except for Lexie. Whatever. You should really do something about that." April said, finding it highly amusing that her brother was getting flustered.
"Thanks love guru, I'll keep it in mind. Okay, here we are." Mark replied, opening the doors to the locker room and stepping inside.
"Great now GO or we're going to be -" April couldn't finish that's sentence because what she saw in front of her took every ounce of her attention. Standing in the middle of the locker room, looking all kinds of sexy (as always) was Jackson. She wasn't sure what he was doing here exactly, because he was supposed to be at the party. He and Mark had made up or at least they were getting there. April however was still unrelenting. She couldn't forgive him. She wanted to, but it wasn't easy.
"What are you - wait. What? You're supposed to be at the - but you're ... wait. WAIT." April was changing her gaze from Mark to Jackson, confusion running wild through her head, unable to comprehend the situation until it hit her. "YOU PLANNED THIS?"
Mark shrugged and nodded his head. She stared at him, mouth open, unable to understand what his ultimate purpose in this was.
"You refused to speak with him. And I couldn't take his whining anymore. Or the moping. Or the sad puppy dog look. Give him a chance." Mark said, putting his hands on her shoulders and turning her around to face a very despondent looking Jackson. He looked beautiful as he always did, but he didn't look like his usually cheerful self. He looked ... miserable at best.
"You HATED the two of us been together and now you're pushing this?!" April said, accusingly. She was on her last nerve with the two men in her life. They were both driving her mad.
"I did. I do. Still. Buuuuttt you two like each other or whatever bla bla sappy stuff. I'm staying out of your business. I'm giving you the choice. BUT I also know you. And I know you want this and you're just being stubborn because we are half Kepner after all. I know you. Go on. I don't have all day. I have people waiting to celebrate how amazing I am. Oh and no kissing. I forbid it." Mark said, walking off in the direction of the coach's office, leaving April alone with Jackson.
She slowly turned around to face him, still fuming from walking straight into a set up. She kind of started to understand how Jackson might have felt that night they broke up. And being reminded of that night just made her madder.
"Hey." Jackson said, shoulders hunched, sporting a smile that didn't reach his eyes.
April simply nodded her head at him, still unable to form clear thought as to what she was feeling at this moment.
"I missed you." He sounded broken, almost desperate and it tugged at her heartstrings. She still loved him, regardless of how pissed she was at him.
"Please." He said, eyes pleading her for something that he didn't specify, because they both knew he didn't have to. She knew what he was asking for. She knew he wanted her to understand him, forgive him, love him and to take him back. He didn't have to say it.
He walked towards her, arms stretched out to hold her. April instinctively stepped back and crossed her arms across her chest, pouting petulantly. She wasn't giving in that easy, no matter how much she had wanted to do in that moment.
"Please." She slapped him. Hard. Across his right cheek. He winced at the contact, the cheek turning slightly red. She gasped, surprised that her body would have such a reaction all on its own, but she couldn't help it. No matter the fact that she knew what he'd said to her wasn't the truth he'd still hurt her. And she hated him for that.
"I HATE YOU. I hate you so much. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you." She yelled so loud, she was sure that Mark wouldn't have to eavesdrop (she was pretty sure he was, what with all habits die hard and all of that) to hear their conversation. "I HATE YOU SO MUCH."
"April ..."
"NO. DO NOT 'APRIL' ME. You hurt me SO much. Do you have ANY idea how MISERABLE I was since that day ? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA how much you hurt me ? I BELIEVED YOU and TRUSTED YOU and you said those HORRIBLE HORRIBLE things and you made me question everything and that SUCKED." She was crying again, which she hated doing, because that's all she seemed to be doing these days. But she had so much pent up anger that she needed to get released. He was silent, letting her yell as much as she wanted, at least having the decency to look guilty. But she wanted a reaction out of him. And his lack of reaction made her even more angry. "YOU WERE A JERK. I felt so ALONE. And I HATE YOU for that. And I hate you the most because I still LOVED YOU through all of that and and ... WHY AREN'T YOU SAYING ANYTHING?"
"I love you." Jackson said, eyes glazed, staring at her as if his life depended on her acceptance of what he said.
April looked at him and gasped in exasperation. She was furious that he thought he could just make everything alright by just telling her he loved her, even though she'd never admit to the fact that she had really needed to hear that.
"YOU SHOULD HAVE FOUGHT FOR US." April said, her chest heaving, adrenaline rushing through her. She hadn't felt this angry in a while.
"I know." Jackson replied, shoulders falling down in defeat.
"YOU SHOULD HAVE ... NOT SAID THOSE AWFUL THINGS TO ME."
"I know."
"YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER MADE ME FEEL THE WAY I FELT."
"I know."
"STOP SAYING THAT." April wondered if his plan was to make her physically maul him, because he was annoying her more than before.
"I love you."
"Sure you do. Because that's what you do when you love someone, you run away ..." April replied, crossing her arms over her chest, eyes focusing on the floor.
"You're right. I was horrible. I was a jerk. I was the worst person in the world and I hurt you. And I hate myself for it. I hate myself more than you'll ever know. I thought I was doing the right thing. I was going to come that day. To your place. After I said those horrible things. I wanted to talk to Mark and tell him that I can't do this anymore. That no, I don't think staying away from you is for your own good. But then I scared that I was been selfish. That I was convincing myself that we need to be together for selfish reasons. Like the fact that
I haven't been able to do anything lately. I don't want to go out, or even get out of bed sometimes. All I want to do is just sit there and think about you and how much I miss you and how much I want to tell you I'm sorry. I just sit there, the whole day, thinking about how much I hurt you and I want to punch myself. And then I think about ... How badly I want to kiss you, or just ... be with you and ... You're not there and I don't want to do anything else so it's been … it's been pretty fucking awful..." Jackson looked back up at her, his eyes never leaving hers, communicating his sincerity through them.
April stood there unable to say anything. For the past weeks she's been hoping he was hurting as much as she was because that would validate what they had. But now that she saw him hurting the way she was, she hated it. She never wanted him to feel that way, it killed her.
"I forgive you." April said after a while, sighing. She saw his face light up, a smile slowly spreading across his face.
He started to move towards her, and she stepped back, holding her hands in front of her, indicating him to stop moving.
"BUT ... I don't know if I want us back." She said, running a hand through her hair.
"What?" Jackson asked, his voice soft, barely a whisper, but the hurt and confusion in it was unmistakable.
"I haven't felt so awful in a really long time, Jackson. It's ... dangerous. To give someone that much power over you. I feel for you so deeply and that's scary. I'm SEVENTEEN. I shouldn't feel this much for someone. And I do. And that's scary. So maybe ... Maybe we're better off ... not together." April replied, shrugging her shoulders, and biting her bottom lip to keep herself from been emotional.
"So ... You're giving up on us because you love me too much? You understand how ridiculous that sounds right?" Jackson asked, the expression on his face turning from one of confusion and hurt to anger.
"No it doesn't! It's not ridiculous. It's makes perfect sense." April argued, narrowing her lips in defiance.
"No it doesn't April. You're giving up on us because it's too hard to love me right? You're blaming me for not fighting for you and you're doing the same thing!" Jackson yelled back, frustration clear in his voice.
"You gave up on us first !" She said, although she cringed hearing how childish that may have sounded.
"And I've never regretted something more in my whole life. Learn from me."
"I can't believe you- I - WHAT IF THIS HAPPENS AGAIN huh ?! What if ... What if you're mother disproves of us? Or or your grandad? You're just going to go along with it and leave me behind and I'll be back at square one, cleaning your mess AGAIN !" It was honestly the thing that worried her the most. She was afraid that if at all she gave him another chance, he'd run away the first instance things got a little complicated. She knew he thought he was doing the right thing, but she was scared at how easily he was convinced as to that fact by Mark. What if his mother didn't like her, granted she'd always had a soft spot for April, treating her with the care of a loved one, but she wasn't sure that necessarily meant she'd want him to be with her. She was just afraid of getting hurt again. She didn't know how she could handle it the second time around.
"You think I'd be STUPID enough to make this same mistake again? Do you not think I learnt from this? I will NEVER let anything or anyone get in between us again. I'm ready to fight April. And ... And I don't care if you're not. Because I'll fight for both of us. Just ... please ..." He held out his hand for her once more, and she finally took it. He tugged on it, pulling her towards him, raising her face to meet his. He was staring intently at her, gaze shifting between her eyes and lips.
"Don't ..." April knew he was going to kiss her and if he did she wouldn't be able to stop. He's also been her Achilles' heel and she knew she'd never be able to resist him if he kissed her. April struggled in his arms, attempting to pull herself away before it was too late, but Jackson was holding on to her with all his strength, wrapping his arms around her body and crushing her body against him, effectively trapping her inside of his arms. So when he finally kissed her, soft and slow, April found herself unable to stop from softly whimpering at the contact she's been craving for a while. He parted her lips softly, slipping his tongue into her mouth, releasing a soft moan from her mouth. Jackson ends the kiss earlier than she would've liked, although she'd never admit it, but rests his forehead against her, eyes closed, his lips still parted, blowing soft air into her skin.
"You know it'll be easier if you just get back together with me now right ? Because I'm going to ask you out every day for as long as it takes for you to say yes. And I mean, that's going to be so annoying, so this is just much easier." Jackson said, a smirk grazing his face.
"What if I say no every time?" April asked, biting her lip to stop herself from grinning. She didn't want him to know her resolve was crumbling by each second that passed.
"You won't," Jackson began, smiling devilishly, catching on to her change in attitude, "because I'll scare off any other boy who'll come on to you and so you'll have no choice but to be with me."
"Oh really?" April said, finally letting herself chuckle. He tightened the grip around her body, pulling her even closer, if that was even possible.
"Yep. Wanna know why ?"
"Why ?"
"Because we ... are mint to be." Jackson said, grinning. April blushed heavily and hid her face in his neck. She smacked him across the chest, reprimanding him for bringing her mints up. She'd told him about how she wanted to get married in a field, with butterflies and mints that, as corny as it was, said "mint to be." She didn't think he was really paying attention to what she'd been saying, but she internally rejoiced at the fact that he had. He never dismissed her ramblings.
"Don't know. Might want to marry someone else." April said, teasingly shrugging her shoulders.
"Um that would be a really bad idea because I'd just get up and confess my love in front of aaallll those people and I KNOW you HATE stuff like that, so I think it'll be much easier if you just date me now so we can avoid all that." He replied, brushing his nose against her, and dropping a kiss to her cheek.
"I'd kill you if you do that !" April laughed, blushing at the contact.
"Yeah but only after you run to me." He replied, squeezing her butt, getting a loud squeal out of her.
"Take me back ?" He asked, staring at her, his sudden ease vanishing away, replaced by a more serious expression.
"Okay," April replied, but moved her head back before he could kiss her,"BUT if you hurt me again I swear I will -"
He interrupted her with a rough kiss, much different to his earlier one, lifting her off the ground. As she kissed him bad with just as much vigor, April realised that she was fooling herself if she'd actually thought she could stay away from him. She knew he didn't mean the things he said, and as much as him not fighting for her had hurt her, she couldn't hold it against him forever. She had been at fault and so had he. And as scared as she was about been hurt again, she realised that even if it wasn't Jackson, someone would hurt her. And she couldn't control that. She could, however, control who would hurt her. And only Jackson would ever be worth the risk.
"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT NOT KISSING MY SISTER ! TIME OUT TIME OUT ! BREAK IT UP ! STOP KISSING !" Mark yelled, as April suddenly felt herself been pulled away by him. She giggled aloud at the look on his face, clearly uncomfortable by what he walked in on, but also happy that they'd made up. She laughed at the irony, considering how he was the major reason of their breakup in the first place.
Jackson looked at her, embarrassed, running his hand over his head, chuckling along.
"Sorry." They both said, sheepishly although it was pretty evident that neither of them were sorry about defying Mark's orders.
"Geez ... I'm starting to wonder if this was a bad idea. Maybe I should've left you both to mope like sad puppies. Okay Okay, let's go. My party awaits me. Come on." Mark said, pushing the couple out of the locker room.
Jackson slowly took April's hand into his and threaded his fingers through hers, bringing her hand to his lips.
"What ?" April said, grinning like an idiot, slightly curious as to the distant look on his face.
"Can't believe I got so lucky." He said, returning her grin.
"Well from what I know, you haven't got lucky ... Yet." April said, winking at Jackson, and laughing when she saw the shock on his face as he realised what she was hinting at.
He growled softly and nipped at her earlobe, eliciting a high pitched squeal from April, followed by a giggle.
"I SAW THAT." Mark yelled from behind them. They laughed loudly as they exited the school, hand in hand, ready for a celebration.
THANK YOU FOR READING !
P.s : To the guest reviewer who said they were confused about the time jump in the first part of the fic - so it is about 2 weeks from the time they were in the closet to the time they were in her bedroom. Sorry for the confusion !
p.p.s : Thank you to LeandraDeRaven for checking up on me and motivating me to get over my writer's block - hope you liked this !
ALSO : If you have any prompts please leave them behind in the comments below OR hit me up on my tumblr account "astoldbyacertifiedunicorn" :)