Have you ever eaten Pico de Gallo flavored Lays potato chips? At first, they're absolutely revolting. Disgusting. They made me want to vomit. But then you keep eating them, and the more you eat them, the more you hate them. And then something happens and eventually they don't taste as bad and you actually like them. The next thing you know, you've eaten half the bag and you loathe yourself. That's how it's like with Sebastian and I. I'm his bag of Pico de Gallo Lays. I don't know what stage he's at with me. But we're past that hatred. At least, I hope so.
That night I got chewed out by my foster parents for being out of the house without their permission. It didn't really matter, I just slept. I couldn't wait to see Sebastian again. Monday I would be able to be near him again. Two more sleeps. Only two. Sunday morning I was forced to church, and the entire time I could only think about Sebastian. There was so much that I wanted to talk to him about. As soon as I got home from church, I locked myself in my room, laying on my bed and thinking about all the things I wanted to discuss with him. I knew that my foster parents would never let me go see him, they already hated him because I actually enjoyed being around him. I was incredibly bored and anxious. My heart beat sped up when I thought about him. He wasn't going anywhere. I wasn't going to lose him.
Getting through the day on Monday was almost impossible and I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw him at our lunch table. I ran up to him and sat beside him, wrapping my arms loosely around him. I felt his warm embrace and smiled, feeling comfortable.
"I missed you..." I whispered, looking up at him.
"It's only been a day, but I appreciate the affection," Sebastian handed me a small container of food, which I graciously accepted, "How are you feeling?"
"I haven't left my room, I'm in need of some social interaction. You could go insane being alone. Oh my god, Sebastian, I feel so much better. I'm so lonely. Let's do something today after school." I lazily leaned on him, yawning slightly.
"You can come over and eat dinner with me. Mom's going to be at work until late. What time do your foster parents come home?"
"Around seven. I have a lot that I want to share with you. I've never had anyone who I can talk about this kind of stuff with... I probably just sound really annoying."
"I like talking to you. You're not annoying me at all, Ciel," Sebastian replied, "You're acting weird... Did something happen?"
"I am not acting weird. Shut up."
"That's more like it!" Sebastian looked all to happy once again. His stupid smile was actually kind of endearing. The next time that I saw him was math, and I found myself not really paying attention to the boring lesson that I already understood, but watching the back of Sebastian's head. He definitely had hair like his mothers, and it was gorgeous. I watched his posture carefully and saw every little muscle movement made. I liked watching him. He was aesthetically pleasing, that was all. I was left staring at him when the class was over, and as soon as he turned around, I snapped out of my trance and stared down at my paper.
"I think you have tension in your muscles," I grumbled in response. He shrugged, grabbing his stuff and standing, obviously waiting for me to follow. "I'm tired."
"Do you want to nap at my place?"
"I'm always tired..."
"I honestly think you have depression," Sebastian picked up my things for me, and I stared at him for a few moments before standing up and reluctantly following him out of the class.
"I don't think it's depression. I think it's realism," I responded with a snort, "There's nothing wrong with me, asshole."
"I never said that there was anything wrong with you. Look, I've got some antidepressants if you'd like to try them. You need them more than I do... You look miserable, honestly."
"I miss my parents."
"You're always going to. But you can't go back. And I'm sorry."
"You're the only person in this town that I actually like. There's got to be a way for you to get me out of here. We could move to an apartment somewhere... I'm graduating early. We could just... leave..."
"We don't have money to do that. We don't even have a vehicle."
"When I turn eighteen I'm getting my parent's inheritance."
"You're sixteen."
"That's only two years. I just can't... I can't stay where I'm at now. It's unbecoming of me!"
"You're sad."
"I'm angry and powerful."
"You're tiny and sad."
"Shut up."
"You're rude, tiny, and sad," Sebastian added with a smirk, leading me out of the school and down the street. I couldn't wait to lay down on something comfortable and tell Sebastian all about my plans and my views. It was nice to know that he felt the same way about things as I did. Maybe that was why he was an outcast? As soon as we got inside his house I kicked off my shoes and ran up into his room, throwing my stuff on the floor and plopping down on his bed. The sheets smelled like him, and the aroma was relaxing. He was only a few seconds behind me, laying beside me with ease.
"Why don't other people see things like we do?" I asked, looking at him with a hint of disgust in my voice.
"Because they just aren't like us, I guess," Sebastian replied.
"We should do something. I don't know what, but we should do something together. You and I. Something that only we can do. We should kill someone. I want to kill someone. I want to kill the people who killed my parents. You'll do that with me, right? I want them all dead. I want them to suffer. There's nothing wrong with that, is there? They all did something wrong, so why not kill them? It only makes sense. We could become powerful. I want to do that. Is that crazy? Am I crazy?" Maybe I was wrong. Perhaps he didn't think the same as I did. He probably didn't. He thought I was crazy. I could see it in his eyes.
"You're not crazy. You're revenge obsessed. Did the people who killed your parents not go to jail? Even then, they shouldn't be allowed to live. Others don't understand that life is a privilege. Have you come to your senses, Ciel? Have you realized that government and order in this world is bullshit? Democracy is a business. They're all corrupt. You do realize that, right? So of course the people who killed your powerful wealthy parents will not be charged with anything. Perhaps they were paid to kill them. You're living proof that they didn't do it right. All they managed to do to you was make you angry and seal their death certificate."
"Why don't we find them and kill them? Sebastian, I have to do this. I need your help. I have to kill them. I have to... I have to show them that I am more superior to them and there is no one to go and save them, because that's how I felt... I want to to torture them. I want to. So badly."
"You can't do it now, Ciel," Sebastian paused, "Before you can get revenge for your parents, you have to get revenge for yourself. You're being abused. You have a damaged eye. Fight for those reasons. Leave the dead for last."
"It's gone."
"Huh?"
"My eye. It's gone. It's disgusting."
"So that's why you sleep with your eyepatch on," Sebastian looked at me curiously, running one of his hands through my hair, "Let me see. I bet it's beautiful and unique, just like you." I squirmed a little bit, pulling off the stupid black piece of fabric to reveal the hell underneath. I expected Sebastian to flinch, or look disgusted, but he just lightly stroked my cheek.
"Sebastian, stop."
"You look so different without your eyepatch."
"Stop. This is weird..."
"What's weird is that you've been hiding your true appearance since you lost your eye. Why must you cover it up?"
"It's an empty hole where my eye should be... I have to hide it... It's not socially acceptable."
"Why do you hate your body?"
"Stop asking me these questions."
"Am I making you uncomfortable?"
"Yes."
"Why? You could have just put your eyepatch back on. Admit it, you're just nervous."
"Why would I be nervous?"
"That's simple, Ciel. You have feelings for me."
"What would make you think that I, a wealthy soon-to-be business man would ever have feelings for someone like you?!"
"I can hear it in your voice, I can see it in your facial expression, I can tell."
"I fucking hate you," I growled, not wanting to continue the conversation. I turned away from him, closing my eye. I could feel his warm embrace around my waist and I remained still.
"I hate you too," he whispered, pressing his thin lips to the top of my head. I remained silent and still, controlling my breathing until I fell asleep. It was odd that I was so comfortable with him being so close to me as I slept. I trusted him. Or maybe I wanted him to kill me. I wouldn't mind if it was him who killed me. Maybe it would be better if he killed me now.
He didn't kill me. I woke up right beside him, snuggled into him comfortably. It was so warm and it reminded me of home. I never wanted to leave. "Sebastian...?"
"You're awake?"
"Mm, yeah... I'm still... tired," I rolled over and snuggled into his chest, needing the closeness, "Don't say anything. I just need some physical interaction that isn't painful. Just don't say anything." Sebastian's embrace on me tightened and we laid there, silent, for a long time. He was so gentle, and he didn't question me. It was wonderful, truly. "Do you think that I'm going to die prematurely?"
"That's a strange thing to ask... I don't think you'll live extremely long. You're very small, and your mental state is iffy... Also, your body is severely damaged. Why do you care?"
"The sooner the better," I answered, breathing in Sebastian's scent, "I don't want to go home... I hate it there. They hate me... They hate me and they don't understand me. They expect me to just get over my parents' deaths. From day one! They only really have me around for cleaning, I think. No one else wanted to adopt some teenage rich kid..."
"Live with me. You can eat whatever you'd like and my mom loves you, I don't think she'd mind at all," Sebastian's long, thin, fingers were so gentle in my hair, I could die, "You need to tell someone that they're hurting you. I won't betray your trust by telling someone behind your back, but still... Let me see."
"No. I don't want you seeing that."
"Do you not trust me?"
"They're just bruises. Get over it... I'm starving. Can we get something to eat?"
"Fine," Sebastian sat up, with a sigh. I rolled off his bed, lazily tying my eyepatch back on and we went down to his kitchen. I sat down and watched him. He grabbed his phone, quickly checking to see if he had any texts, then attached it to some really nice looking speakers. "Is Fall Out Boy alright with you?" he asked, looking up at me, waiting to start playing the song. I nodded, and yawned, stretching lazily. I really loved Fall Out Boy, but it was obvious that Sebastian liked them a lot more than I did. He grew up on it, while I had only started listening to them after Save Rock and Roll. He and his mother definitely had the same taste in music. It was amusing; they were so close to each other. Would I have been like that with my parents if they were still alive?
" When I'm home alone I just dance by myself
And you pull my head so close volume goes with the truth
Signing off 'I'm alright in bed but I'm better with the pen'
The kid was alright but it went to his head "
I'd never heard this before, it must have been old. But Sebastian loved it, he practically danced around the kitchen, grabbing left overs and putting them in the microwave to warm them.
" I am god's gift
But why would he bless me with such wit without a conscience equipped?
I'm addicted to the way I feel when I think of you,
There's too much green to feel blue "
I chuckled at the sight of him enjoying himself. However, I was caught off guard when he approached me and grabbed my hands, pulling him into the dance. I really couldn't dance at all, but it wasn't too terrible. I rolled my eyes at me as we continued dancing throughout the song, but he ignored me, continuing to serenade me to some strange Fall Out Boy song that I'd never heard before. When the song ended, he let go of my hands. "What song was that, O' Grunge King?"
"Fame Infamy by Fall Out Boy on Infinity on High, you tasteless music listener. Let the great Grunge King raise you in the ways of music. Fall Out Boy is good. Except, Save Rock and Roll is only fair. And American Beauty, American Psycho, is literal pop. Stay away from that. Stick to the good ninety's and two thousand's music. Pop is disgusting and you have to be brainless to listen to hundreds of songs all about sex and women and breasts and money and getting laid. Please, listen to real music and not all of this disgusting mainstream bullshit," Sebastian's voice was full of desperation and I couldn't help but laugh at him. At least he didn't only listen to one band. He had several posters of Nirvana, Blink-182, Pearl Jam, and Panic! At the Disco. I liked some of those bands, really just Panic... But Sebastian was obsessed with all of that type of music. I think if you said only one line of a song, he'd be able to continue all the way through until the end of the song. It was... endearing.
"You're an emo piece of shit and you know it," I replied, lightly punching his arm, "You just told me to listen to real music. You're literally one of those annoying kids who only listens to My Chemical Romance. Fuck, and I thought you were the Grunge King."
"I don't listen to them very much at all."
"So you do listen to My Chemical Romance, huh? You're such an emo kid. I love it," I slipped past him and grabbed the food out of the microwave, happily eating some delicious delicacies made my Sebastian's amazing mother. I could eat her cooking and nothing else for the rest of my life and be happy.
"I feel like before you moved here, you were the biggest prep."
"Did you just call me a prep? No one says that anymore, Sebastian."
"And here I thought you were a cool boy with a small amount of good music. Damn."
"I'll admit, I do dress like a rich kid. Mainly because I am one. And you, Sebastian, you only wear black. Do you have any other color of clothing? I'm surprised you haven't dyed your hair and gotten a ton of piercings yet."
"I'm not ruining my beautiful hair with chemicals. Also, how do you know that I don't have piercings?"
"I haven't seen any."
"Perhaps I'm not wearing any... Maybe they're in places not visible at present..."
"If you pierced your dick I'm leaving."
"I assure you, I haven't. Unless you'd like to check and see for yourself."
"Keep it in your pants, you raging emo."
"I do have a piercing, I'm just too lazy to put it in at present. I also have a tattoo."
"Your mother let you get a tattoo?"
"Did you really have to ask that question?" Sebastian smiled, and I fondly thought of how his mother was so willing of letting him do things that normal parents would frown on.
"Eat something, emo boy. If you don't, I'm going to start suspecting you of having anorexia. Then again, your muscles are rather large..."
"Oh, so that's why you were staring at them in class. Do you think that they're hot?"
"First you want me to see your dick, now you think that I think that your body is attractive? Do you have a crush on me, Sebastian?"
"It was a simple question."
"You're aesthetically pleasing to my eye, yes."
"And you're accusing me of liking you?" Sebastian chuckled, ruffling my hair and grabbing his own container of left over food, "I think you're the one in denial here." He took his meal to the couch, plopping down and eating slowly. I sat down beside him and rolled my eyes. He was so dumb. I couldn't help but hate him in the most friendly way. He was total trash, yet I was the only one who could remind him of that.