DISCLAIMER: I do not own Blindspot or any of its characters.

I apologize, this chapter has a lot of detail and a lot of feels - hope you enjoy!

Chapter 4

He'd been in his office for 30 minutes, pacing the whole time. Weller was waiting for news from the lab, which he didn't expect to be good. He paced because he knew if he sat down the electricity inside him would surely spark into something uglier, and he needed to keep himself together.

He remembered this feeling, this sense of dread tied to an unknown. It was exactly how he felt right before he dug up that little girl's body three months ago. It was a feeling he'd happily avoid for the rest of his life.

But Weller didn't seem to have that kind of luck.

It was a relief, a welcome distraction, when he heard a knock at his door. Reade poked his head in with a cautious smile. "Hey Weller, I was just down at the lab… Zapata told me what they're working on" he said, trying to find the right words. "I'm sure they'll find where she was" he added, optimistically.

Reade walked in and closed the door behind him, then cleared his throat "do you remember that case we had last year, where CIA needed our help with that extortion and trafficking case?" Weller looked up and nodded, wondering where he was going with this, "the agent I worked with really had a pulse on things within the agency, and I trust her. Want me to reach out to her, see if she knows anything?" Weller nodded his head, "yeah, thanks Reade, that's a good idea" he said. "I'll let you know what I find" he said as he left.

Weller didn't have to say that he hoped it was a waste of time; that it was just a record keeping error and Jane was in Philadelphia with the FBI the whole time. Because both Reade and Weller knew what it meant if she had been in CIA custody, off the books.

And although neither would admit it, both knew that it wasn't going to be a record keeping error, because nothing with Jane Doe was ever that simple.

In the Lab

It had been almost two hours since Weller had been to the lab. Two hours of pacing and thinking and worrying when Zapata finally called him and told him to come down. She was suspicious he'd already been on his way based on how quickly he got there, but she decided not to ask. There were more important things to discuss.

Patterson started, "Ok, well, we have a few updates. We still have no record of Jane being transferred or leaving the prison, and no video showing it. But I think we can rule out Jane staying there, even using an alias. There are no inmate changes on the day she disappeared – no new inmates and no one released." Tasha interjected, "I mean, it's pretty rare that anyone's released from that prison," before realizing she probably wasn't helping. "Sorry" she added. Patterson continued, "which means all inmates are accounted for except Jane.

So, we don't have proof, but the evidence indicates she left the prison."

"Now let's talk about Atto" Zapata said, glancing at Kurt to gauge his state of mind. She was relieved to see he was focused and mostly calm, at least by Weller standards, at least by Weller standards when it involved Jane. We did some more digging regarding their visit," she said, as Patterson put a blueprint on the screen, and continued. "Normally, visitors are only allowed in this wing, which requires visitors have to go through these checkpoints here, here, and here" she said pointing to the screen. "But Jane's visit was in the east wing, probably this room here" she said pointing to the other side of the screen. Weller looked for just a second and said, "only place in the building with a single check to an exit?" Patterson smiled appreciatively, nodding. "If she was removed, this way would require the fewest insiders." "Is that a road?" asked Weller. "Good catch" said Patterson nodding, "yes, and it's used for most deliveries – food, laundry, other supplies – so that could be their route out" she added, turning back to face Weller.

"Weller, we don't have proof, but if I was betting…" Patterson said, arching her eyebrows. Zapata interrupted, "Weller, I'd bet a month's salary CIA removed her."

He paused, "any idea where they would have taken her?" he asked, reluctantly, trying to stay focused. Patterson responded, gently "if it was CIA… I don't have that kind of clearance." "But," Zapata said slowly, "we do have one idea, Weller. There was an incident three weeks ago that left two CIA agents dead and three in the hospital. It was reported as a training accident, but Weller, when was the last time you heard of a CIA training accident in Gouldsboro, PA?" She looked at Weller, "sounds like Jane, doesn't it?"

Patterson added quietly, "but that would mean she spent almost three months in CIA custody, Weller." She didn't say anything else, she didn't have to, but her eyes glistened with tears as she imagined what Jane could have been through in that time if they were right.

Weller simply clenched his jaw and nodded. "Thanks guys," he said brusquely, "let's see what Reade finds."

They all nodded as Weller turned to walk back to his office.

Reade's Lead

Reade returned shortly after, and found Weller pacing in his office. He couldn't help but chuckle, thinking this man is really not made for a desk job. He closed the door behind him as he entered. "Any luck?" asked Weller hopefully. But that hope quickly disappeared when he saw the look on Reade's face. "Not exactly, but my contact definitely knew something she couldn't share" Reade said thoughtfully. "Weller, she's been pretty open in the past, and she owes me, this is something from pretty high up" he said, narrowing his eyes and slowly shaking his head.

"Like CIA secretly removing someone from a federal prison?" Weller asked, "or using a black site, probably on US soil, to interrogate an FBI asset?" He continued, voice shaking slightly. "Or the methods that might have been used if an interrogation subject refused to answer their questions, if she didn't have the answers they wanted…." Reade could feel the pain in his voice, and the tension rolling off him, and could only imagine what he was going through right now. "Weller," Reade said softly, putting a hand on Kurt's shoulder, "I don't know man, but there was definitely something, and it involved Jane. I'm sorry."

Reade stayed for a minute, but with nothing else to say, he gave Kurt a pat on the shoulder and left quietly, closing the door behind him.

Talk

It was late and Jane was just about to head home when Weller found her in the bullpen. It had been a long day; they were all long days. She only did it because she needed to clean up the damn mess she'd made. Both what she – Jane – and she, the woman she was before, had made.

Jane was just thinking about that woman, and what her life must have been, when she heard Weller's voice from behind her. She sighed, wondering what he wanted. He had almost completely avoided her since he approached her in the locker room; she hated the unpredictability of their interactions these days, and tried to just avoid him instead. She braced herself for another awkward and unwanted conversation.

Weller could see from her body language she wanted nothing to do with him, and he might have chuckled about it another day. But he was dreading this conversation. He'd tried to think of ways to ask, to start it, but nothing seemed to soften what he was about to do.

"Hey Jane" he said as he approached, a small, tense smile on his face. He was doing his best to be friendly. "Can I speak with you, my office?" It was more an order than a request, although he didn't intend it to sound that way. Jane nodded and reluctantly walked with him to his office, staying two steps behind and looking down most of the way.

When they arrived, he held the door for her, then offered her a seat as he closed the door behind them. She ignored him and asked "what can I do for you Weller?" as she leaned on the corner of his desk, crossing her arms over her chest. He tried to help her relax by starting gently, "Jane, how are things going in the field, are you doing OK?" "I'm fine, we're making progress and should have some solid updates by next week" she said, starting to stand, as if that was all he wanted. She knew him better than that though, and knew that wasn't all he wanted. He nodded, obviously trying to figure out what to say next.

She started to walk toward the door, hoping to get back to her solitude, but he reached for her, "no… um" stopping her before she walked past. "What do you really want Weller?" she asked flatly. She was too tired to mess around tonight, and just wanted to get out of there. Out of all of this, really.

Kurt smiled softly as he looked at her, his blue eyes clear. "Jane…" he said softly, "we've been doing some research, and found something in your case we couldn't explain. I wanted to ask you about it" he said slowly, watching her to gauge her reaction. "You're digging into my file again?" she said, anger and suspicion seeping into her voice. "No, it's not like that-" he said, shaking his head. "I just…" he sighed, "your records don't show where you've been, where you went after you left here. I wanted to ask you..."

A look of horror crossed her face, which Weller thought was bad enough, until it was replaced by seething anger. He watched her jaw tense and her hand ball up into fists and he remembered uncomfortably that she could almost certainly kill him with her bare hands if she wanted to. Jane looked him right in the eye, voice low as she said it "I suppose that was by design, right Weller?"

"Jane…" he said again, pleading. "Where were you?" he asked again.

She responded quickly, turning to glare at him, green eyes blazing "fuck you Weller, you know where I was"

He paused. "CIA?" he asked, voice shaking. He could taste bile in his mouth, and feel a burn in the back of his throat.

She turned to him, furious, what was he doing she wondered "what, you want the address? I'm pretty sure that place doesn't have one" she said, incredulously.

"Are you OK?" He scanned her whole body, trying to see the marks Roman described, his words still ringing in Kurt's ears. He wanted to grab her, hold her, but he knew she wouldn't stand for it.

Jane could feel herself losing control. The anger was so deep, and she'd been keeping it under wrap for far too long. She wanted to finish this conversation before she really lost her cool. Her voice was still low, but the anger was seeping in more and more as she spoke. She leaned closer to him, glaring as she looked straight in his eyes, "what, are you wondering if they broke me? What it took?" she asked.

He looked at her in horror – "No, Jane! That's not what this is about-" she interrupted him, not interested in his lies "ask your friends for the damn tapes Weller, I'm not reliving this for your fun." she turned on her heel to leave, but he couldn't let her go. He couldn't even believe what she had just said.

"Jane – you think I sent you to the CIA?!" he said, still in shock. "I would never do that to-" he said, watching her violently roll her eyes at him, clearly not believing a word he was saying. He kept talking anyway "You think I –" he sputtered, "Jane, your case was transferred to the Philadelphia FBI office- they said I wasn't objective- there were too many conflicts… And they were right -" he yelled, eyes flashing "I've never been objective when it came to you!" He grabbed her shoulders when he spoke this time "you know that! Please-" She laughed at him, a cold, cynical laugh.

She wanted to kill him at that moment, and he saw it in her eyes, but she held her temper. She paused, and said, quieter this time "you were never objective when it came to Taylor."

He looked at her, shoulders slumping. "Why did you lie about that Jane? You told me you remembered…" he said, voice and eyes pleading. "You told me I was Taylor, Kurt. The DNA said I was Taylor. I never felt it, but nothing about my past ever felt right. My own skin didn't feel right. And I wanted to be her… someone with a past, with someone looking for her, missing her. Someone who… " She closed her eyes, almost squinting them closed and shook her head. "There are things you don't know, about me. And I lied to you because if I didn't, they would have killed you." She said, beginning to shake as she spoke. "Who would have killed me Jane?" he asked, but she shook her head and ignored him, "and I thought I was Taylor, so I thought it was just a white lie to make a man on his death bed happy... something small, that also saved your life. I'm sorry Kurt. I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry for a lot of things."

They both stood in silence, watching each other, trying to feel each other without actually touching. Jane turned her back to him and Kurt thought she was getting ready to run, but she stood silently, not moving, just breathing. The tension and emotion in the room were so thick it felt like an electrical storm.

He almost didn't hear her when she started to speak. "You lied too, you know." "What?" he said, taking one step closer to her. She turned slowly, tears trailing down her cheeks as she looked at Kurt. "You told me it didn't matter who I was before, that I – Jane - was a good person. You told me I could trust you, and things would be OK. And your eyes…" she continued, shaking her head, then looking up to look straight into his eyes "I thought you said more with your eyes." she said, in a whisper. "I thought I was more…" She paused, looking away and shaking her head again, before saying with a stronger voice, "but you never told me you were only saying those things to Taylor." She looked down as tears silently rolled down her cheeks. "You said the words to me, but you only meant them for her." She continued, shaking off the tears, voice strong "So you lied too."

Kurt was left nearly speechless, trying to process what she'd just said. "Jane, I said those things to you." He again stepped closer, daring to put one hand on her arm as he did. "And you're right, there was more… that I never said. To you Jane, not Taylor." He leaned down, trying to meet her eyes, but she wouldn't look at him. "And you have to believe me; I would never have sent you to… I would never let anyone hurt you, no matter how angry I was. How could you think I'd do that to you?"

After a pause, she asked slowly, "how could I think anything else? The moment you found out I wasn't Taylor, you arrested me, you pointed a gun at my head Kurt, you locked me up and you sent me to them. You never even spoke to me" she said, the pain in her voice clear and raw.

"Oh God Jane, I'm so sorry, you have to believe me, I never knew."

"When I found out about Taylor, and realized you'd lied to me, I was so angry, I thought…" He trailed off.

"Jane, was it a lie… us?" he asked. He had never been more afraid of any answer in his life.

"No, it wasn't a lie for me" she said simply, without expanding. "But it doesn't matter anymore. I'll help you find the people that did this to Mayfair and me… her…" he watched her flinch and shake her head, obviously struggling with the past her and current her –"I don't know how long it will be before they find me…" she didn't clarify who, or what she thought would happen, but they both understood. "Hopefully I can help make things right before then. You'll have pictures of my tattoos to keep moving forward when I'm gone."

"Jane, we'll keep you safe here" he said, panic starting to make its way into his voice. His head was spinning, and he didn't know how to fix this, but he knew above all else he wouldn't be able to live with himself if anything happened to Jane -if he caused her any more pain.

She looked at him with a sad and knowing smile "you can't promise that Kurt".

She stepped back from him slowly, but stared directly into his eyes. "I'm here to try to make things right, for the mistakes I've made, but I need you to know I'm not going back there. Not ever." He nodded, unable to break their eye contact.

Jane said quietly, "I'm sorry I wasn't her, for you." as she slowly turned. She said one more time, "I'm sorry Kurt" and walked toward the door, not looking back.

"Jane" he pleaded in a whisper as she left.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, despite all the unhappiness! Please give me your feedback in reviews or via PM.