"You are lying, filthy Mudblood, and I know it. You have been inside my vault at Gingotts! Tell me the truth, tell me the truth…" Pain, unbearable pain shot through her body as she began convulsing. The blood curdling scream that escaped her could be heard through the empty house. She wanted it to stop, she tried to make it stop. Everything hurt and she was afraid. She just needed it to stop. She knew she would die if it didn't stop. Sitting up abruptly Hermione was jolted from her nightmare. She took several deep calming breaths while she surveyed the room she'd woken up in.

This wasn't Ginny room as it was larger and there was less in it. No posters covering the walls and no photos of friends she knew, but more importantly then the decor was the fact that she wasn't bleeding on a stone floor, she was sitting up in a plush bed. Damp from the amount of perspiration that was still dripping from her body she threw the large throw covering her body off. Slowly but surly she convinced herself that she was not at Malfoy Manor. Bellatrix Lestrange was dead and she was safe. Well as safe as someone in her current state could be. Physically there was nothing wrong, there was no force or beings in her presence trying to cause her harm, which she viewed as a plus. But mentally she was broken; she felt disturbed and dislodged.

She wanted to be alright; she really really did. There was a time when everything was fine and nothing and no one could harm her, but that changed the moment she allowed herself to truly believe Voldemort was dead and never coming back. That's when the damn surrounding her mind; the one she hadn't realized was there broke and the nightmares flooded through. She'd been in survival mode for six months searching for the Horcruxes. The moment she relaxed and realized that that was no longer needed her mind burst open and she began to remember everything. She remembered all that she, Harry and Ron went through. She remembered all the things that her mind had protected her from.

Being captured by Snatchers, taken to Malfoy Manor, all that happened there and in the end losing her parents. Every time she suffered a piece of her would become a little tained, a little more defiled and little more destroyed. She didn't feel like herself any longer. She didn't feel like she belonged to her life any longer. She needed distance.

Two days after she'd sent her letter to Kingsley Ron tried to ambush her into talking. He'd barged into his sister's room while she'd been hidden away under a quilt. He was steaming and red in the face as he angrily threw the door open. After it hit the wall she'd jumped from her position in bed and held her chest tightly. Her heart began to pound ferociously in her ears. The sudden burst of noise caused her entire body to tremble with fear. She couldn't hear, she couldn't breathe; she couldn't focus on any one sound in the room. Ron hadn't noticed a thing; if he had maybe he would have thought better of shouting at her. He screamed until the whole of the house arrived to the small hall outside the door to watch his outburst. She'd been having a pretty strong panic attack by this time and was taking in so many quick breaths she thought she might faint at any moment. Unfortunately for her Ron took her frozen body as a refusal to comply so he reevaluated and tried to bribed her. He'd told her he would do anything she asked if she would just get better. She couldn't understand why he didn't realize how hard that was for her. Hermione was still unable to calm her racing heart and Ron not sure what to do to get her to speak dropped to his knees and begged. Tears steadily ran down his face as he pleaded with her to let him in. "I just want you to be ok please please let me help you...Please talk to me Hermione." She could barely recall the strain in his voice or the crestfallen look etched in his face; but what she could remember, vividly so was the look on Mrs. Weasley face as she picked Ron up off the floor and led him out of the room.

That look was all it took for her to decide she would be vacating the property as soon as possible. She didn't want to face the blame behind it. Yes, she was aware she was causing Ron pain by refusing to rise out of her own misery. Yes, she was aware she was putting a damper on everyone residing at the Burrow by constantly shutting them out and snapping at them when they attempted to help but they didn't understand. She hardly understood her own pain. And if she didn't understand something she knew they absolutely couldn't.

Harry claimed he knew but the fact was he'd been only a year when his parents died. He didn't have the memories and laughter she had. She supposed he'd grieved through Sirius' death but he had only known Sirius for two years before he was killed. He didn't have the years she had. And absolutely none of them had been tortured. She still carried the ugly mark Bellatrix had left her with; a reminder of what she thought of her. She hated the reason for the torture, it wasn't because the insane woman thought she'd single handily broken into her vault. No, she'd done it because of blood or lack there of. She had no blood tying her to the Magical world. She had nothing to show that she belonged there. She'd done everything she could to prove she was better, to prove she deserved the gift the universe had granted her. But no it wasn't enough. Not to them.

After the incident with Ron, Hermione packed everything that she could say without a doubt was her possession and vacated the Burrow. She'd left a note but after holding the quill in her hand for several moments and not moving it she realized there were no other words she could think to include but the simple goodbye she'd already written. She left it at that and walked out not looking back. She put every ounce of energy she possessed into finding a new place to live. She'd lucked out when after spending only one full day of searching she'd stumbled across a muggle ad for small cottage that was available right away. She phoned the number listed and moved in that same night.

She'd been in Waverley for a total of twelve hours before Harry and Ron arrived. If she'd been in her right mind she would have been concerned with how easily they'd found her. But she hadn't been in her right mind nor was she concerned. She supposed it was one of the perks of being two third of the golden trio. They now had a plethora of contacts they could rely on when they needed to locate something or someone.

She'd let them convince her to let them stay for two days. She knew it was a scheme to convince her to come back to the Burrow, but she wouldn't be swayed. All she had to do was remember that her dreams and the screams that followed were getting worse. She was now very jumpy and extremely paranoid. She needed to be alone, she needed silence so she could try and find herself again. As monumental a task as they may be she needed to do something.

She had been unaware that before she'd twisted their minds her parents had left her everything they owned. Because of her current circumstances she was more then glad of it, as she was unsure of how to proceed through life at the moment. Financially she would be alright for a bit but not forever. Before they'd left, Ron approached her and apologized for the incident at the Burrow. He'd held her tightly and whispered that he loved her before pulling back and leaving a chaste kiss on her check. She hadn't reciprocated anything he'd done. It wasn't that she didn't love him, she did she really did. She just didn't know how someone who was particularly a ghost supposed to love a living healthy being.

During their stay Harry and Ron informed her that they would be beginning Auror training soon. They both seemed pretty thrilled about the idea. Kingsley has offered her a position as well. The owl who delivered the letter never got a chance to leave before she'd sent him flying off again with a one word response. NO. She was trying and failing to win a battle with herself; she just couldn't find it in within herself to fight another person as well. Dealing with herself was tasking enough.

Climbing out of bed she crossed the room and turned on the bedroom light. Yawning she turned and walked towards the large bay window. Seating upon the window seat she crossed her legs and watched as the wind blew the lone tree outside. The leaves tapped softly against the window pane. She found comfort in the shadows and continued to stare. She couldn't hear a thing and she liked that, she spent so much of her day trying to force the sounds from her mind that any moment she could find silence she glady accepted. She was completely absorbed and focused until the darkness broke way for sunlight causing her to frown. Realizing that a new day was beginning she decided today she would make herself tea.

She was bored of staying in bed all day, she wanted to calm her ever stormy mind and bring herself back to the land of the living. She moved through the house very stiffly. The longer it took her to reach her destination the more she wanted to turn back and climb back into bed. She passed a large mirror in the hall and stopped when she caught glimpse of herself. Her hair had always been unreasonably curly but now it looked to be knotted in several places. Her once clear skin was pale and spotted. There were also deep dark circles under her eyes. She now carried herself with a odd slump; her shoulders and back hunched over. She looked as if she hadn't bathed or eaten in a few days. Which she hadn't, there was also an old stale stench emitting from her pores.

Deciding she couldn't bring herself to care enough about her current appearance to do something about it she turned away from the mirror and continued on to the kitchen. Once there she filled up the old kettle that came with house with cold water. The hot refused to work and none of the spells she'd tried had fixed the issue. Most likely because she'd given it very little effort when she'd tried to rectify the issue herself. Once the kettle was on she sat at the small island and looked down at her chipped dirty nails. Maybe she'd bathe today as well.

Tap Tap. The sudden sound broke through her examination. She instantly clinched both fist and tried to force her anxiety away. "It's not there, it's not there. It's not there." She repeated the mantra several times over. The sound wasn't real. She knew this. Her mind would often turned mundane sounds and shadows into more then what they were. A leaky tab could turn into a blade sharpening. A creaky floor board made her think of the snatchers appoarching. Tap, tap. Abruptly standing, the chair she'd been sitting in slammed to the floor. She needed to go back to her room. She wasn't ready to deal with this. She just wanted to go back to hiding away.

The tapping sound could easily be mistaken for a woman's heeled shoes. A vile evil woman. She couldn't do this. Ignoring the tea she was planning to make she turned towards the entrance way. TAP….her hand paused on the door frame. She turned back to look around the room. Maybe it was something else. There were only two windows in the kitchen and they were both covered as she did not want to glance out them. They reminded her of the life she once had but now didn't know how to live it. Tap, tap, tap. Opening the window where she thought the sound was coming from she discovered a regal Eagle Owl sitting on the ledge waiting for her to allow him entrance.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Quickly opening the window the bird jumped inside. She noticed a letter tired to one of his legs. She couldn't think who would be writing her as she had made it perfectly clear that she had no intention of speaking to anyone and that they would have to wait for her to reach out to them. Reaching for the letter she pulled her hand back and stared at the bird before her. She knew this creature, she was sure. She couldn't remember where she'd seen him before but she had several memories involving said bird. Unable to place the memory which the bird belonged to she gave up searching her mind for it. Once more reaching for the letter she untied it from his leg.

The outer layer had one word written on it. Her name. Whoever had put it there took care to make it as beautiful as the golden ink it was written in. Curiosity getting the best of her she turned the letter over and immediately recognized the seal on the back. She knew she'd seen the bird before. Proudly pressed into the cream coloured parchment was a checkered green and black shield with a large black M in the middle. On each side were two black dragons, a pair of crisscrossed spears and several snakes. On the very bottom of the crest was a banner with a phrase written in Latin, Sanctimonia Vincet Semper. Purity will always conquer.

Enraged that Malfoy would write her and include his family's disgusting crest on it she tore the letter into as many pieces as she could and dropped them to the floor. Turning back to the eagle owl she placed both hands on her hips. "Now leave and tell that ferret to never write me again!" She attempted to shoo the bird out the still open window, but obviously he'd been given different instructions. Spreading his large wings he began to rise towards the ceiling. "Get back down here!" Jumping up in an attempt to garb the bird out of the air he rose even higher.

All the flapping he was doing was causing quite a commotion in the enclosed room. Deciding she would try a different tactic she reached down to pick up the chair she'd knocked over. Midway to the ground she noticed the recently shredded letter was now whole as if it had not been touched. Picking it up she stared at it long and hard. Tearing it in half again she watched as it magically repaired itself, it took her a moment before she finally understood what was happening. "Dulcemque Reficiendam, smart move ferret." It seemed Draco had planned for this. The letter had been charmed so it would repair itself from any damaged she caused it. She could either waste time by attempting to get rid of letter and the annoying bird or she could get over it and read it. "Fine, look I'm reading it!" She shouted up to the hovering bird. Only when he was convinced that she would actually be reading the letter did he glide down and sit on top the island next to her. Turning it over once again she ignored the Malfoy Crest this time and tore the back open.

Ms. Hermione Granger,

I hope you are well. You will have quickly discovered that you are unable to destroy this letter. Nor will you will be able to get rid of Orion until you have read its contents. Knowing you as I do I assumed you would not welcome a conversation with me. I sincerely apologize for any ill feelings this letter may leave you with. Know that it was not intentional. There is something that I need to say to you. Something that I have to say to you. I spent two months, eight and a half weeks, forty days locked away with all the other criminals. Not that it was undeserved nor am I complaining, these are just facts. While there I was forced to see myself, see what I had done, see who I was. I unfortunately discovered that I didn't like the person who'd done all the things that I had. I need to apologize to you. I've seen so much more evil then I ever care to see but your suffering shall always been the thing that haunts me the most. I am hopeful one day I will earn your forgiveness, for now I will simply thank you for you assistance with the Minister and once again apologize for any pain this letter may cause you

You servant

Draco L, Malfoy

Looking up at the bird she snarled. "Don't move beast" storming out of the kitchen Hermione ran back to the bedroom and began to write her reply. He apologized for her suffering. Ha. She'd been aware when she'd written the letter to Kingsley that there would be a reply from the Malfoy Family. She been prepared for a mild case of irritation from it but what she hadn't expected was the rage that was building in her now. Malfoy's letter had scarcely said a disparaging word but for some reason it infuriated her. His words were carefully planned and precise while she could hardly plan to get out of bed each day. The stroke of the lettering was smooth and prefect while she was unfocused, unmotivated and barely hanging on. Because of her support her enemy had been released that was what she wanted but she expected him to come out similarly to the way Sirius had. She'd written the letter because it was right not because she actually cared what happened to him. She knew he hadn't truly wanted to participate in the war and that he had been coerced. She wanted him to have the opportunity to make up for his mistakes but she also wanted him to suffer. Suffer in a way similar to her own. Once done with her reply she ran back to the kitchen and thrust the letter at the stoic bird. "Here, take this with you." Taking the letter without a backwards glance, Hermione once again became angry. Of course he would have an owl who would follow instructions to the tee. Once the bird; Orion was what Draco had referred to him as; was gone she slammed the window shut and walked back to the bedroom. She climbed into bed and burrowed herself beneath the coverings until she was just a lump, an indescribable lump.