Title: Lost memories

Chapter three: Don't lose yourself

It was morning and Yuki walked through green grass and flowers. The sun felt nice on his pale skin and for the first time of his life, he felt free. Laughing he started to run. He let his feet dance on the soft ground as he began to spin. Around and around he went, faster and faster until he threw himself on the ground, delighted that he to be alive.

But then suddenly he fell, through the flowers and landed in a sea consisting of a weird fluid. Like quicksand it dragged him down, not letting him escape. He screamed as he slowly sank, desperately trying to grab something that would keep him above the surface. It didn't matter how hard he struggled, the fluid were too thick. He tried to keep his head over the liquid but it was hopeless. Then suddenly he saw a dark figure. It was standing with his back turned against him, floating upon the fluid. "HELP!" Yuki shouted. "Help me…"

Then it turned around and Yuki jolted of shock. It was Luka. "LUKA!" Yuki screamed. "HELP!" Instead Luka smirked and watched while he was dying. "LUK…!" Yuki tried to once again but accidentally swallowed a mouth full of the liquid. Coughing, he tried to clear his lungs but he was too weak. "Luka" Then Luka opened his mouth for the first time and said. "You know Yuki, it's not what you're swallowing, it's what swallowing you."

"What?!" Yuki wanted to shriek but failed. At that point he realized that he was doomed. He felt the pain carve out all feelings in his heart. "Luka" he cried "LUKA" he started to hyperventilate, feeling the hopelessness took over. "Save me". Yuki cried out his pain, wanted it to leave him, begged it to leave him. Little did he know that he was the one who was leaving. Then he gave up. He stopped struggle and relaxed, granted the darkness permission to take him. As he felt life abound him he watched Lukas grin. Powerless he drowned right before his lovers eyes.

Yuki waked with a jolt, blindly he tried to get up on his feet but something held him down. "No" Yuki cried. "NO!" He desperately tried to creep through the grip but as usual he didn't have a chance. "Save me!" He screamed. "LUKA!" he felt tears spread over his cheeks as he struggled. "Luka" Then he suddenly felt a hand caress his body, started to softly wipe off his tears. "Luka?" he whispered. As an answer the hand gently shut his mouth and then rested on his cheek.

"Calm down, Yuki" He felt his body relax. "Just like that, now let those eyes of yours be shut and I will bring you back to sleep" He rejected by once again trying to sit up but the strong arms held him in a safe grip. "No, I said sleep" "Luka, please don't let me fall, not this time" "Yuki…" He felt unconsciousness was near and his thoughts started to fade. "Whatever you do Yuki, don't lose yourself" Was the last thing he heard before he went to a deep slumber.

"What are we going to do with him?" Doctor asked and stared at the man who was still holding the small boy. "I don't know" Takashiro sighed and studied the limb body. "I don't know." "Should we bring Tsukumo back, he may be able to find him?" "No, if it was his wish to leave we have to permit it. We can't force him to stay." Takashiro never broke eye contact with Yuki's broken face and felt sorry for the boy.

He knew his pain, Takashiro himself had also lost someone he truly loved. How was Yuki going to keep on living without Luka, his love, his life? Wasn't his physical pain enough? Couldn't they spare him? Couldn't Luka spare him? It was foolish of him to leave when Yuki needed him the most. Luka is the only one that truly understands him. "Yuki" Takashiro once again sighed and laid the limb body under the cover. "When he awakens, tell him where I'm located and if he's in the condition let him come." Doctor then gave him an odd look before he nodded.

In the state Yuki was in, time didn't exist. He was stuck in a universe between life and nothingness, floating in the middle of them. Here, pain and misery didn't exist. Yuki never wanted to wake up, he refused to face these demons of his. His demons carried all of his negative feeling, such as hate and selfishness. He hated suffering, he hated Reiga, he hated his feeling for Luka. But most of all, he hated himself. He would never be able to forgive himself for all the suffering he had caused.

He was scared, weak and useless. In here he was safe. In here he was nothing, no one needed him and no one hated him. He didn't have to pull himself together and hide behind his mask in order to keep his suffering to himself. "How is he?" he could distinguish. What was that? More voices came through his bubble and he started to sink and down he went, closer to consciousness. His feelings and memories began to return as he landed on the bed, clearly awake.

"Yuki?!" It was Hotsuma. "Hey, Hotsuma! Take it easy he just woke up!" "Take it easy? You're the one who got to tone it down!" "Hotsuma!" This time it was Shusei who spoke, he's the only one who can make Hotsuma behave. "Yuki?" Yuki then looked around and spotted Katsumi at front. "Katsumi" he tried to speak but only a dry noise came out of his mouth. "Here, drink this" Katsumi smiled and gave him a glass of water.

After a few sips Yuki tried again and succeed. "Katsumi, how are you feeling?" But he only got a chuckle as an answer. "Don't worry about me, I'm not the one who'd been unconscious for two days" "Two days…" Then suddenly someone cleared its throat and his eyes met Doctors, who was standing in the corner of the room. "Takashiro is waiting, his probably in his office. I would suggest you to go and meet him" "But not before you got a huge breakfast, you must be starving!" Then the chef looked at the younger youth and said. "Thank you for saving me" Yuki opened his mouth in disapproval but got interrupted by Hotsuma who was eager to tell him about a new game he had bought.

When Yuki stood in front of the door he couldn't help to feel nervous. Maybe he should come back a bit later? "Come in Yuki" A tiresome voice ordered him and Yuki did as he was told. Behind the door Takashiro was sitting at the desktop, tilted over a mountain of papers. "You wanted me?" "Yes sit down." Then Yuki slowly sat down in front of the adult. Takashiro took of his glasses and studied him with piercing eyes.

"So…" "So?" Yuki asked. "What's the story?" "Story…?" "About Luka, why did he leave?" "I don't…" "Come on Yuki, don't lie to me" Yuki sighed and looked out the window as he carefully started to tell him what happened. "I can't force him to stay with me, so if he wants to start living on his own his allowed to." "Yuki…" "Even if he had stayed with me I want him to have his own life instead of living for me" Yuki sighed. "Why does everything have to be so complicated?" Takashiro then went over to Yuki and gave him a long hug. "I'm sorry" Neither of them could keep away the tears and their grip got harder as they embraced each other. "At least you have us" Takashiro smiled trough the tears. "Yes" Yuki smiled as well "And I may work things out with Luka, I mean he has to come back to pack his things" Then suddenly Takashiro went stiff. "What's…?" Then Yuki understood. "Let go of me" "No, Yuki" "Let me see!" Takashiro then let go of the poor boy and watched as he rushed out the door and into another.

When Yuki got loose he ran directly into Luka's room. And went stunned of what he saw, it was empty. He then rushed to the wardrobe and threw it open, same there. He looked around and made his way to the desktop and started to search it through but it was meaningless. It was clearly that the owner of this room had moved, with no intention of coming back. Then suddenly he saw a picture on the window sill, he slowly picked it up and went cold of what he saw. It was a picture of him. Yuki started to cry uncontrollable as he held the picture. This was Luka's answer, this what he wanted. Sobbing, Yuki left the room, leaving the lonely picture on the sill.

That day was one of the slowest days in Yuki's life. The sorrow had dug deep into his body, leaving Yuki speechless. He made an early night after the dinner but couldn't sleep. For hours he lied in his bed and stared up on the roof, listened to the storm outside. The rain poured down as the wind seemed to want to drag the trees with it. But it didn't bothered Yuki, nothing more could ever do that.

Then somehow he must have fallen asleep because suddenly Yuki awakened as he heard loud voices from below. What was happening? Hastily Yuki rose and made his way down the stairs and kept going towards the hall. The voices went louder as closer he got. Then he could hear Hotsuma scream. "Go away, it's was way better when you were gone!" "What's going on?!" Yuki shouted as he came in to the great hall, but went stiff when he saw what everyone what shouting at. A tall broad-shouldered man stood beside the front door, soaked of the storm outside. His wet dark hair was slicked against his forehead and his grey piercings eyes were turned towards Yuki. It was Luka.

Like petrified, Yuki stared at older man, unable to move. "Yuki" the well-known voice spoke, caressing Yuki's ears. Not long after the shouting once again began, but like deaf, Yuki couldn't hear a thing. All that existed right now was Luka, as if his eyes hypnotize him. "Come with me" He once again spoke and the room went quiet. "Like hell he will!" Hotsuma screamed in agony. "He never…" "Hotsuma, shut up!" It was Shusei. "Let Luka explain". With a growl Hotsuma sat silently on the couch. "I've been planning to bring Yuki to the hill" Silence. Then Hotsuma rose. "Who the f*ck do you think you are?! You can't just come here and expect…" "Hotsuma, easy" Takashiro spoke. "This is Yuki's decision and his alone, stop trying to make it for him."

Every eye then met Yuki, who was still standing on the same spot. "I… Where…? Or what…?" "You'll see" Then Luka held out his hand. "Please Yuki" Then Yuki shyly went over to Luka and took his hand. Silently they walked, hand in hand out through the door, welcomed by the pouring rain. Luka stayed by the car, gently helped Yuki in before himself sat down, started the car and left the mansion.