Chapter 4 – My Immortal

I had reluctantly dragged myself away from Jacob's warm, strong embrace at midday. I couldn't stop the grin from spreading across my flushed face as I drove home, remembering what Jacob had said before I left.

"You had a sex dream about me didn't you?" he teased cockily.

I put on a face of mock insult. "No!" I lied, shying away from him and trying to hide the blush that was creeping up my face.

"Bells, relax," he grinned at me. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. I have them all the time."

His voice was so casual and 'matter of fact' that I snorted with laughter. "About who?" I began imagining various big breasted models.

He glared at me patronisingly. "Do you even need to ask?" Still seeing the look of obliviousness etched on my face he exclaimed, "You, you idiot! Who else would it be?"

I shrugged and turned away from him, pretending to be indifferent but secretly beaming. "It was only one time," I mumbled.

"That still doesn't change the fact that you had a sex dream about me Bella Swan," he laughed as I punched him playfully.

I was still beaming when I pulled up in front of my house and even the dreary weather seemed to brighten as I skipped to the front door. I felt like singing like they do in the musicals and tunelessly hummed a love song from 'Moulin Rouge' as I hung up my sodden raincoat on the pegs by the door. I knew that I was being ridiculous, I had kissed Jacob and yes, it had been nice. Okay "nice" is an understatement. It was amazing. I had never been kissed like that before, so close and passionate and warm. I had experienced feelings and sensations that I had only read about before. And all of this was with my best friend, the person who I had overlooked, sworn that I would never feel anything more for!

A ringing sound coming from the pocket of my jeans brought me back down to earth. I flipped the phone open and said "hello" in a breathless, merry voice.

"Bella, where the hell have you been?" Edward's usually silken voice was angry and tense. I felt my stomach drop. It was time for me to stop floating somewhere around the ceiling and come back to reality. I realised now that I hadn't called Edward like he had asked me to, I had been so distracted with Jake.

"Edward I'm so sorry," I moaned. "There's no signal at Jake's house and I was going to call you on the house phone but I forgot. I'm so sorry."

"I thought..." he stammered furiously. "I was going to give you till 1 o'clock to ring me and then I was going to go down there and find you myself. You could have been..."

"What?" I cut him short, my temper rising. "Hacked to pieces and scattered into the sea? Had big chunks taken out of me by a gang of wolves? For God's sake Edward I'm fine!"

I heard him grumble something down the phone.

"Look, I'm sorry," my voice had a hint of pleading in it. "Please don't be mad. I'll be around soon okay?"

"Okay," he replied in an offhand manner. "Alice is excited about seeing you."

"Are you?" I said, slightly hurt that he hadn't said that he was looking forward to seeing me.

"Of course Bella. I was just worried."

"Okay, I'll see you soon." I slammed the phone shut and looked at myself in the mirror. My cheeks had a pink tinge to them, some of the colour retained from my constant blushing; I had little lines next to my mouth where my dimples showed when I smiled, still etched into my face because it had been fixed in a permanent grin all morning. I looked happy and the colour in my cheeks combined with the fact that I had started eating more since Edward's return made me look healthier than I had been in months. There was no reason for me to change my clothes before I went to see Edward, I looked fine and they weren't dirty from Jacob's garage. I picked my keys up from the floor where I had thrown them upon entering my house and was on the verge of getting into my truck when I suddenly gasped. How could I have been so stupid? I must stink of Jacob! Edward would be able to detect his smell on me instantly; it was all over my clothes, my hair, my skin... my lips.

I bolted back through the door and ran up the stairs, stripping off my clothes as I went and flinging them into the washing basket. I jumped in the shower for a second time that day, turning the heat of the water up a notch hoping to burn the smell of Jacob off my skin. I was more liberal with the strawberry shampoo this time, massaging it into my hair thoroughly and leaving it in for a few minutes as I scrubbed all over my body and face with exfoliating shower gel. This would have been so much easier if I just had a normal boyfriend without abnormally heightened senses. I wouldn't have been surprised if he could smell Jacob on my breath so I brushed my teeth with two helpings of toothpaste and mouthwash just to be on the safe side. Once inside my room I threw on the first clean clothes that I could find, lightly towel dried my hair and spritzed myself with perfume, hoping to disguise Jacob's scent enough to convince Edward that I had been with Jacob, but not been as close to him as I really had.

I drove to Edward's house with a feeling of unease. It didn't feel right to go and see Edward just after what had happened with Jacob, as though I was cheating on them both. Guilt began to surge through me and my stomach knotted tighter than ever. What had I done? I had kissed my best friend even though I had a boyfriend. What the hell kind of person was I becoming? It couldn't happen again. It was a one time indiscretion; I wasn't thinking clearly and had made a mistake, a mistake that could hurt so many people. It would not happen again, not until I had really decided what I wanted.

I reached the Cullen's house without remembering the journey there. I felt awful, I had cheated and I had enjoyed it. If I had less self restraint I know that things would have gone further with Jacob. I had certainly wanted to. I remembered how my body had ached for his touch... and how long and hard he was.

I stopped the truck and banged my head on the steering wheel, as if trying to knock the thoughts out of my head.

"Bella!" a sweet, beautiful voice chimed. I jumped and saw Alice standing next to the door of my truck, opening the door.

"Hey Alice," I said nervously. "Is he mad?"

"No," her pale, pixie face smiled at me. "He was just worried. You know what he's like."

I nodded and slid out of the truck, feeling shaky and sick. Alice grasped my arm with her tiny, cold hand and led me into the massive, white house. As soon as I walked through the front door the sound of beautiful music filled my ears and I felt goose bumps creep up my arms. As the door shut behind me the song changed into the lullaby that Edward had written for me. I felt my eyes brim with tears but I snapped them shut and opened them again.

Don't be a wimp, I thought to myself as I walked over to the grand piano. I sat down on the bench beside Edward, leaning my head on his shoulder and watching his hands move gracefully and flawlessly over the keys. His body was hard and cold but it was comforting to me. The thoughts of Jacob and the mistakes that I had made were blissfully erased now that I was with Edward. The music came to a finish and Edward drew his hands away from the piano, turning his body so that he could look at me.

"Bella," his voice was so soft and quiet as it spoke my name. He looked at me with his liquid topaz eyes and I was relieved to see that there was no trace of anger in them, only love and happiness. He reached out his hand to touch my cheek and bent forwards to kiss me lightly on the lips. His breath was sweet and enticing, his lips as cold as ice. His face was so beautiful that it took my breath away, my memory never did him justice while I was apart from him and each time I laid my eyes on him my heart skipped a beat, awed by his appearance. My Edward. My vampire. My immortal.

"I missed you," I whispered back. "And I'm sorry... for earlier."

A small smile turned the corners of his lips upwards. "I am too, I know I shouldn't be so protective of you. I know that Jacob wouldn't hurt you." He sniffed and scrunched up his nose, "though I do hate the way that you smell after you see him, luckily it's not too bad today but it's still there."

I breathed a sigh of relief, Edward wasn't suspicious at all. I immediately felt more relaxed and comfortable, my stomach untwisting slightly.

"So what are we going to do today?" I asked brightly.

"Before we get into that I have something that I want to show you," he said, gently taking my hand and leading me upstairs into his bedroom. I gasped. Before, the bedroom contained only a leather sofa and a stereo with endless amounts of CD's and records stacked beside it. But now a huge bed took up half of the room. It was beautiful, mahogany, with crisp, white sheets. I realised that it looked a lot like the bed that had starred in my dream.

"It's beautiful," I said breathlessly, walking over to sit on it and sinking into the extremely comfortable mattress. I blinked up at him, frowning. "But you don't sleep. Why do you need it?"

"It's not for me," he chuckled. "It's for you Bella. For if Charlie ever lets you stay for the night. I suppose he won't have a choice once we're married though."

My heart skipped a beat and the feeling of sickness rushed back over me. "Married," I repeated his words dully. It was almost as though I had forgotten that we were engaged. I had merely shuddered at the thought of becoming his wife this morning but now I could feel vomit rising in my throat. I ran out of the room and into the bathroom next door, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet.

"Bella?" Edward's worried voice came from outside the bathroom door. "Honey are you okay?"

My hands were shaking, my breathing uneven and rapid, my heart thudding. No I was not okay! I had not only cheated on my boyfriend, I had cheated on my fiancé, the person I was meant to be marrying! "I'm fine," I said though my voice was unnaturally high. I flushed the toilet, peeled myself off the cold bathroom floor and slowly rose to my feet, gripping the sink to steady myself. I caught sight of my reflection in my mirror. I was so deathly pale that my skin could have rivalled Edward's and my eyes were wide with shock. I stood there for a few minutes, focussing on breathing slowly and calmly before walking to the bathroom door.

"I don't think I'm very well," I groaned as I opened the door. Edward pulled me into his cold embrace, his icy skin feeling good against mine. He kissed the top of my head.

"Would you like to lie down?" he asked soothingly.

I nodded bleakly, feeling light headed and he lifted me into his arms as though I was weightless, carrying me back into his bedroom. He gently laid me on the bed and sat next to me, his back resting against the mahogany headboard. I rolled over and rested my head on his chest, placing my arm over his stomach. I closed my eyes and we lay in silence for a few minutes.

"Bella," his voice spoke slowly and quietly. "Do you not want to marry me?"

I stayed still and silent, letting his words sink in. What was I meant to say? Yes? No? Kinda? I didn't know what I wanted. It wasn't that I was unsure about marrying him, I was unsure about whether being with him at all was the right thing to do.

"I..." I thought hard about what to say, trying to arrange my words so that they got my meaning across. "I don't know. It's not that I don't love you, because I do. I'm in love with you Edward and I want to be with you forever. But the thought of marrying you scares me even more than becoming a vampire. Renee will think I'm an idiot and Charlie will kill me and at least attempt to kill you. I'm so young, it just doesn't seem... right. You know I want to be with you forever and to become what you are. I don't see why you need to put a ring on my finger to confirm that."

He was very still, not breathing. I prayed that I hadn't offended him.

"But Bella, if you're so willing to become what I am, to spend eternity with me then why are you opposed to marrying me? When... if you become a vampire you will be promising to love me and stay with me forever no matter what happens, just as you would with marriage. There's no difference. Do you think Renee and Charlie would be more opposed you marrying me than to you giving up your human life and everything you have? Plus, I want you to be my wife before we..." he hesitated. "...start a more physical relationship."

A more physical relationship? So that meant that he wouldn't do anything more than kiss me before we were married. I thought of Jacob, so eager and passionate, compared to Edward who was hesitant and old fashioned. "I don't know," I said quietly. "I think I just need some time to properly think things over. I love you but I'm confused and you kinda caught me off guard with the marriage thing."

He hugged me closer. "Take as much time as you need Bella. I won't be going anywhere. I love you."

"I love you too Edward," I sighed and buried my face into his chest wondering how much time it would take me to decide what I really wanted.

Okay so kind of a slow chapter here with not much going on. But I promise that the next one will have a lot more action in it and maybe a lemon if you're lucky! Thanks to FAXfan, jacobistheone and MyTwiDreams for reviewing the last chapter!