Chapter 4. Shadows
Tur Le'em blinked and shook his head as he caught himself staring in front of him as he sat on the floor beside the boy's bed. He had to concentrate. When four days ago he had pulled a body out of the burning crashed spacecraft, he did not believe at first that he would be able to help. The burns had been severe, but treatable, and his patient even woke up on the third day, although obviously still experiencing some discomfort.
Back then, when the worst was over, Tur did not really expect any complications. Except, maybe, a lecture on how to obey the adults, because upon closer examination, the spacecraft proved to be a Jedi vessel which the boy most certainly had no right to pilot. Tur might have thought that the accident had been a result of a mission gone wrong if not for the now-useless navicomp displayed the blaring message of alarm still screaming that the spacecraft was not flown by an authorised person.
As to the boy's identity, logic denied all possible ideas. He was definitely a Force user, that much was obvious. And the presence of a Force user in the Jedi Temple was not something unexpected. But the boy did not have a Padawan braid, was too old for an initiate and too young for a Knight. Unless he was an adept of the Dark Side trained by one of the solitary Sith admirers - but that was out of question, because the Force around the boy felt shining and clear and pure like water in the sunlight. Although something did not feel quite right.
That was lingering in the air even before Tur saw the falling spacecraft. That began taking shape when the boy woke up a day earlier than expected, still wincing in pain. And that became certain, the truth of it finally glaring into Tur's face, after the boy, instead of remembering the circumstances leading him to the desolate planet, slipped into some kind of a seizure, apparently in immense pain, after the mention of the Jedi Temple. And for some insanely long minute he twisted on the ground, begging Tur to stop this. And Tur could only grasp at him, trying in vain to understand the cause, helpless as the boy himself and utterly useless. The worst was that the boy did not make a sound, although the Force almost reverberated with pain.
And yet another mystery was that in his delirium, the boy called Tur his master.
The occupant of the bed stirred and shifted, bringing Tur out of his reverie. The youth opened his eyes slowly, looking in confusion at the ceiling, then turning his head to the side and noticing Tur.
- How... long did I sleep? - Obi-Wan asked quietly.
- You weren't asleep. You were unconscious, - Tur corrected sternly, stressing the last word. - And for that, I owe you an apology.
Obi-Wan looked at him, incomprehension clear in his eyes.
- Me? For what?
- When I led you to that ship, I was trying to trigger your memory. But trust me, I never imagined it would cause such a reaction in you. If I had the slightest idea... - Tur shook his head and closed his eyes briefly. - But that is no excuse. I should have thought about it. How are you feeling?
- I'm fine, - Obi-Wan responded quickly, nearly automatically, embarrassed at his weakness. In truth, he was strangely exhausted despite having, so it seemed, slept for more than a night.
Surprisingly, Tur did not call him on his bluff but merely nodded briskly.
- Good. That means you are well enough to eat. Follow me, - Tur rose and looked back at Obi-Wan after making a few steps in the direction of the door. - And put those on.
He made a sweeping gesture at what looked like old but clean outer robes lying at the feet of Obi-Wan's couch. The clothes were slightly big for him, obviously intended for someone like Tur who was taller and broader in shoulders, but Obi-Wan shrugged them on, grateful for the warmth they provided in addition to his tunic. When he was ready to go, he caught Tur's studying gaze, feeling uncomfortable under the sudden scrutiny.
- Did I... do something wrong?
Tur's eyes softened slightly.
- No. I'm sorry if I gave you that impression. It's just that you seem to look so natural in the Jedi robes.
Jedi.
What about it, my little Jedi?
The memory was so real and close Obi-Wan thought he could reach his arm and grab it, but he could as easily bite his own elbow.
- W-what?
- I shouldn't have said that. We are not going to trigger your memory until you are stronger and well-rested. And for that, you need to eat. Come.
The meal was awkward for many reasons, all of them competing with each other for the main role in the disruption of Obi-Wan's peace and quiet. One huge and unforeseen problem was that he was not eating alone. He had a distinct feeling that he had never dined with adults. And Tur was also a stranger, a complete mystery, which was making Obi-Wan's nervousness skyrocket. Appetite eluded him and he caught himself pushing what seemed to be some kind of vegetables around his plate.
- I'm quite surprised you don't ask what it is you are eating. Considering we never really got to where we are.
Obi-Wan looked up, not expecting Tur to break the silence, as the older man continued.
- These are native and unique for the planet of Aar. And the only reason I'm still not one with the Force, - he exhaled the last word in a semblance of a sarcastic half-laugh.
- Why don't you... leave? Why do you stay here?
- Why? - Tur cocked an eyebrow. - Oh, but I haven't yet showed you around, this place is absolutely exciting.
- What.. system is this?
- You will find Coruscant quite far.
- Wh -, - Obi-Wan suddenly stopped, blushing in embarrassment. - Sorry - may I ask a question, sir?
Tur eyed him curiously.
- If I disregard the one you have just asked, you have in fact asked a few already.
- I'm sorry.
- I guess we discussed the thing about apologising. And about the "sir". But of course, ask me what you want to know. After all, you have a right to know seeing as you are here.
- I just wanted to ask... where you're going next.
- Next? - Tur sounded amused at the wording.
- I mean... this is a spacecraft. You cannot possibly live here, so I thought... you must be leaving -
- You will be surprised, - Tur cut off his tirade softly, - that as a matter of fact, I do live here.
Obi-Wan's eyes widened and he nearly dropped his fork.
- In here? But this... this in a space - , - and then his face fell at the sudden realisation. - Oh. You... did you crash here as well?
Tur sighed.
- Listen, kid. I came here - to stay - many years ago. I am not planning to return. This 'craft isn't damaged, it just doesn't need to fly anymore. Not that I think it would carry anybody any far, after all these years.
Obi-Wan opened his mouth to say something, but coherent speech eluded him, the thoughts floating in disarray. What did he want to ask, or to hear in response? That he could leave this place, wherever it was, and return - where? When he could not even remember who he was and how he got here. Memories were hovering ever so close but no more than vague shadows, silhouettes, like shapes in the water covered by a thick layer of semi-transparent ice, and he could not make anything of them.
- Alright, I see that this is a lot to take in, - Tur's voice called him back to reality. - Finish your meal and then you can rest -
- No! - Obi-Wan cried out, only afterwards realising that he had interrupted his host. - Sorry. But please - please - I can... leave here? When I'm better? I could... ask someone to take me back -
- Back where? - Tur asked. - For someone who cannot remember where he came from and why he is here, you look too certain you want to return. That being said, Aar is not inhabited. Hasn't been since hundreds of years ago. The only human settlement were research scientists, but since there turned out to be nothing to research... - Tur waved his hand dismissively.
- Y-you are not... joking, are you? - stammered Obi-Wan.
Tur raised an eyebrow.
- Do I look like a person who jokes?
- Well... you do... sometimes...
- If you are mistaking my sarcasm for jokes, I must really be getting old, - muttered Tur. - I am sorry. I could never joke about that.
- But... how am I... getting back? - said Obi-Wan in a small voice, suddenly feeling lost and helpless.
- Let's first find out where that "back" really is, - Tur responded, collecting his dishes and carrying them to what looked like an improvised sink. - From what I've seen you appear to have some kind of a memory block. And it seems to be somehow related to the Force. I may be able to try and find out its nature and its cause, but it will involve looking into your mind. I'm not going to risk attempting this today. And it is late in the evening. You should get a good night's rest before tomorrow.
Obi-Wan could have protested but he really felt sleepy, drained and no longer caring about anything but dragging himself to the bed, so he just nodded in response. He vaguely remembered how Tur walked with him to the bedroom - Obi-Wan's own bedroom, which strangely warmed him, - and he must have been already dreaming indeed because, surely, Tur could not have arranged his blanket, even less wish him good night, could he?
In the morning Obi-Wan felt refreshed, as if the yesterday's incident never happened. In the rays of the planet's first sun everything that had troubled him, including the loss of memory and the planet from which he saw no apparent way of escape, looked distant and pale, like mere shadows of old worries. He joined Tur in gathering vegetables and cooking breakfast, proving to be surprisingly apt at the task. For some reason it felt oddly comforting to attend to such simple tasks, almost mechanically and with the same calm and collected detachment as Tur did. They barely spoke, mostly due to Obi-Wan's shyness and Tur's taciturnity, but the silence felt easy and natural, even desirable, as each of them was deeply immersed in his own thoughts.
- Now, I'm going to check you over to be safe, and then we'll be as ready to proceed as ever, - said Tur briskly after they had finished breakfast and taken care of the dirty dishes.
Obi-Wan recalled Tur mentioning something like this the day before, but then it all seemed so remote that he did not actually think about what exactly Tur meant.
- Proceed? With... what?
- If we hope for you to regain your memories, we need to know what is causing this. To do that, I need to look into your mind.
- What do you mean? - asked Obi-Wan quickly, the idea suddenly making him uncomfortable.
- I need to see if there is something blocking your memories from inside.
- Will you... see my memories? - a trickle of fear slowly but persistently seeped into Obi-Wan's heart.
- I cannot read your thoughts. Nor see any actual memories, - Tur said softly, almost soothingly. - Only your emotions. If the Force allowed to read thoughts, the Sith would have had no need to torture their prisoners, - Tur's lips curled in a wry bitter grimace. - Sorry for the unpleasant examples. There is nothing to fear. I will only feel the block, if there is one, and try to dissolve it if I can. Alright?
- Alright, - sighed Obi-Wan resignedly, doing his best to suppress his anxiety and following Tur into the room where he had seen him the second day.
Tur looked satisfied with the readings on the sensorpad but left it on the table instead of storing back into the drawers.
- Did you have any flashbacks? Any signs of memories returning?
- No, - Obi-Wan shook his head in frustration. - It's so... close, if you see what I mean. Like it's there in my head but I can't reach anything.
Tur pondered for a moment, the wrinkles on his brow more apparent.
- Of itself, this cannot tell me anything definite. It could be anything. Trauma, Force influence... psychological damage, even a strong desire to forget. I would have tried to avoid this, wait for your memories to return naturally, but you've already had two episodes. This can be dangerous.
Tur stood up from where he had sat on the bench and paced across the room, as if trying to work out some difficult decision.
- I know you have no reason to trust me, I'm just a stranger who wants to mess with your mind. But I want to help you and will help you, if you and the Force allow it. I'm telling you this because for this to be safe, you need to relax. To trust me, - Tur crouched down in front of Obi-Wan. - Remember that I won't see your thoughts, just what may be blocking your memory. And even that only if I'm lucky, - he muttered the last sentence under his breath. - I know it's not the best thing to remember right now, but don't forget that if you try to push me out, it will only become painful.
- It... will hurt?
- I cannot tell for sure, - sighed Tur. - It's been a long time since I did this last. I was thought to be one of the best at this but this also depends on the block. That, and how strongly you fight me.
A moment passed.
- Ready? - Tur placed his cool palms on Obi-Wan's temples, and the youth nodded tightly. - Hey. Don't be afraid. I'm only tell you this because it's easier to be ready for the worst and then face the best. Just let go. You have nothing to fear.
The last words were said in half-whisper, and for some reason Obi-Wan felt a wave of sweet impassive indifference wash over him like water flowing to the shore, overtaking his consciousness, but not senses. He tried to suppress his anxiety, stop resisting the gentle flood of external force and concentrate instead on the ever so slight pressure of palms on his temples.
The lines of tangible reality dimmed, blurred, stepping into the background, giving place to something only Tur could see. Obi-Wan's presence in the Force was radiant and pure, calm as a secluded lake, although Tur also could not miss the barely concealed panic at the intrusion. But he could not stop at the surface which contained no trace of anything that could possibly interfere with the boy's memory. He dived deeper, feeling Obi-Wan tense at the discomfort he must have been experiencing. Everything seemed so deceptively still, and it was getting increasingly difficult to move forward as the mind naturally rose against the foreign presence. Tur pressed on, searching desperately, trying to make out the surroundings, now no longer clear but misty and immersed in a shimmering twilight.
And then Tur felt it, saw it in his mind - something that made his blood run cold as his own recollections threatened to overtake him. He pushed them back, forcing himself to look intently at the intangible object in front of him. It looked like an end of a thick rope had been brutally torn off, leaving the uneven strands of threads in disarray. But that alone was not something that disquietened him, heightened his senses. From the middle of the torn end, barely visible and concealed in the shadows was a hair-thin black wire, disappearing, almost dissolving, in the distance. Tur approached closer, to get a better look, but the very air of the imaginary space seemed to have hardened, opposing his every step. He was vaguely aware of Obi-Wan gritting his teeth against the pain, but he pressed on, not able to stop until he could make sure -
A blast of force swept Tur off balance as he fell hard against the durasteel floor, the air knocked out of him. As the blackness dispersed in front of his eyes, Tur saw Obi-Wan curled on the floor, clutching at his right temple, his body wracked with sobs.
- Obi-Wan! - the older man fell to his knees beside the teen, trying to manoeuvre him on his back. - Obi-Wan, please let me see what it is -
- No, - Obi-Wan gasped, - leave me alone.
- Obi-Wan, let me help, - Tur whispered frantically. - Does anything hurt?
- N-no, I just... no... - the words drowned in the tears flowing freely down his face as Obi-Wan could no longer continue. Awkwardly, his movements rusty and unsure, Tur pulled the sobbing teen into an embrace, ignoring Obi-Wan's feeble attempts to resist and feeling his robe almost instantaneously get soaked.
- Why? - Obi-Wan's voice came in a hoarse whisper. - Why did you do it? Make me remember this?
- Remember what?
- E-everything, - Obi-Wan exhaled, trying to steady his breath. - Why?
- What is it you remembered? What's wrong? I can't help if I don't know -
- No! - exclaimed Obi-Wan. - You can't... know...
The teen pulled back out of Tur's arms, scrambling to his feet, and walked steadily to the blank screen which reflected the room like a dark mirror. He crouched in front of it, his hand coming up slowly to reach the thin protective bandage still in place above his right ear. Obi-Wan squeezed his eyes shut, as if bracing himself, then opened them again and in one movement, before Tur could stop him, tore off the bandage, uncovering what looked like an ugly fresh burn scar and staring at his reflection.
- It was real, then, - he whispered under his breath the words Tur could barely catch. - It was real.