A persistent pounding woke Kara from a restless sleep. It took a few moments for consciousness to return, but once it did, Kara ignored the knocking on her door and burrowed herself deeper into her nest of blankets.
"Kara! I swear to god, if you don't get your ass out of bed, and open this door, I'm going to have Maggie break it down!" Alex demanded angrily from the hallway. Kara, wanting to just wallow in private, had had the presence of mind to engage the keyless deadbolt, so her sister's key was useless.
Kara tried to ignore the knocking, but Alex persisted. "Go away, Alex!" Kara yelled in frustration. Was wanting a few days to mourn the life you always dreamed of really so much to ask?
"Not until you let me in so I can check on you," Alex insisted loudly.
"I'm fine," Kara insisted.
"If you were fine, you wouldn't be locked in your apartment refusing to talk to me." Alex pounded on the door again. "I'm not leaving until you open up."
Kara sighed and threw back the covers. Alex was impossible when she got like this. Dragging the comforter off the bed, Kara wrapped it around her shoulders and shuffled toward the door. She barely had time to get out of the way after disengaging the deadbolt, before the door was swinging open and Alex was pushing her way into the apartment.
"Hi, Kara," Maggie greeted softly, her expression compassionate.
"Hey, Maggie," Kara said glumly.
"You look like crap," Alex said bluntly, eyeing Kara critically, arms crossed over her chest.
"Yeah, well, I feel like crap, so I guess that's fitting," Kara mumbled, shuffling herself over to the couch.
Alex walked over the windows, pulling the curtains wide. Kara grumbled at the flood of bright light and buried her face in her blanket. Walking over to the couch, Alex sat down beside Kara.
"You can't keep yourself locked away like this," Alex scolded.
"Why not?" Kara demanded.
"Because it's not healthy," Alex replied. "You can't let this totally derail your life. It's not fair, and it sucks, but you have to pick yourself up and keep moving forward. This isn't the end, it's just...a bit of a speed bump."
Kara raised her face out of her cocoon to glare at Alex. "Would you be saying that if it were Maggie?" Kara demanded. She felt no satisfaction when she saw Alex flinch, and swallow convulsively. "That's what I thought." Kara buried her face again. "Just give me a few more days," Kara said, her voice muffled. "I know it's not fair to ask you to cover everything at the bakery, but I just...I need a few more days."
"This isn't about the bakery," Alex said in exasperation. Alex wrapped her arms around Kara, and Kara sank into her sister's side. "I'm worried about you. I've never seen you this down."
Kara gave a watery chuckle. "It's not every day your soulmate tells you thanks, but no thanks." Kara shook her head. "It was awful, Alex."
"Maybe she just needs a little time to get used to the idea?" Alex offered, trying to be encouraging.
Kara shook her head, wiping her nose on the back of her sleeve. It was a testament to her concern that Alex didn't scold her for the disgusting behavior. "She sounded pretty sure. L-Corp is what's important to her." Kara shrugged sadly. "She's right. What would I have to offer."
"She's not right," Alex growled. "She's an ass." Alex placed a kiss on Kara's temple. "If that's what she truly values, then you're better off without her."
"I don't feel better off," Kara said sadly. "I feel…empty." Kara rubbed absently at the hollow ache that had seemed to take up permanent residence in her chest since Lena rejected her.
"It'll get better, Kara," Maggie said, sitting down on Kara's other side. "Just say the word, and I'll make sure every cop in the city is watching her every move. Parking tickets, jaywalking, no infraction will be too small."
Kara laughed, leaning into Maggie. She may not have Lena, but she had the two best sisters a girl could ask for. "Thanks, Maggie. I will definitely keep that in mind."
"Are you really sure you want to do this, Danvers?" Maggie asked, turning to look at her brooding fiance.
"Someone needs to set her straight," Alex insisted, glaring at the looming skyscraper through the windshield of Maggie's squad car. "She broke Kara's heart. I'm not going to just let her get away with that."
Maggie nodded, knowing just how deep Alex's protective streak ran where Kara was concerned. "You are still just going to talk to her right?" Maggie said, only half joking. She really didn't want to have to arrest Alex for assault. If Mike saw Maggie haul Alex in, she just knew that the handcuff jokes would be never-ending.
"Yes," Alex confirmed reluctantly. Maggie was pretty sure that was disappointment she saw on Alex's face. Maggie shook her head. Sometimes she thought Alex's true talents were wasted in a kitchen.
"Just promise me you won't break anything," Maggie teased. "If I have to book my fiancee the paperwork is going to be a bitch."
"You don't have to come in with me, Maggie," Alex offered. "I need to do this, but I don't want you to put your job at risk."
Maggie laughed, shaking her head. "Ride or die, Danvers."
Lena stared pensively out the window, all pretense of working abandoned. She couldn't concentrate, her mind constantly racing. Had she done the right thing? Or had she made the biggest mistake of her life.
Lena hadn't realized how much she had grown to depend on the daily stream of songs until they were gone. Kara hadn't sung a note since the day she left Lena's office. The silence was deafening. Lena had taken to playing music in her office to try to ward off the loneliness. It didn't help.
If anything, it just served to magnify the sense of loss. The songs coming out of the radio were flat, lifeless imitations of what she was used to. Lena hadn't realized it was possible to mourn the loss of someone she barely knew. But that's exactly what the constant heaviness in her chest, and burning behind her eyes felt like. Mourning.
"Ms. Luthor? Lena?" Lena shook her head and swiveled her chair around to face the door. Given the worried look on Jess's face, Lena wondered how long Jess had been trying to get her attention.
"I'm sorry, Jess. I was a bit distracted." It was a common refrain over the past week. "What can I do for you?"
"There is a pair of detectives here to see you," Jess explained.
Lena frowned. Her family was no stranger to law enforcement, but there hadn't been any recent developments to Lena's knowledge that would garner their attention. Better to get this over with. The sooner she got rid of them, the sooner she could go back to questioning her life choices. "Show them in, Jess."
Jess nodded, backing out of the office to retrieve her visitors. Lena stood, and smoothed her hands down her skirt. She rounded her desk and leaned back against it casually to wait. She didn't want to give them the impression that their presence ruffled her in any way.
"Right, through here." Lena heard Jess instruct. Opening the door, Jess ushered two women into Lena's office. The redhead fairly stalked into the room, practically bristling with hostility. Lena sighed. Great, it was going to be one of those days.
"Thank you, Jess," Lena said, dismissing her secretary. Once Jess had closed the door, Lena shifted her focus to the two women. While the redhead radiated irritation, her brunette partner seemed content to hang back.
"What can I do for you, detectives?" Lena asked, trying to appear as open and cooperative as possible. Given the redhead's stance, Lena doubted it would do much good, but she figured it was worth a try.
When the redhead started to wordless advance toward her, her partner grabbed at the back of her jacket, pulling her to a stop. "Danvers, you promised."
"Danvers?" Lena asked, her mouth suddenly dry.
A wry smile twisted the redhead's lips. "I see that name rings a bell. Nice to know Kara made at least that much of an impression on you."
Lena's stomach flipped at the mention of Kara's name. She desperately wanted to ask how Kara was doing but didn't think that would be well received by the glowering woman standing in front of her. "You're her sister." It wasn't a question.
"Maybe you aren't as stupid as I thought," Alex admitted. She took a step forward, and it took all of Lena's years of training not to flinch away from the blatantly threatening move. "On the other hand, only a complete idiot would throw Kara away."
Lena pushed off the desk, standing upright. She refused to be intimidated in her own office. Even if Alex maybe had a point. "I don't owe you any explanations," Lena retorted. Lena crossed her arms, doing to best to look unphased. "Did you have an actual point for your visit, or was it just to insult me?"
Alex narrowed her eyes and took a step closer. "No, that was pretty much it," Alex responded. "I also wanted to see for myself the person that broke my baby sister's heart." She raked her eyes over Lena from head to toe. "I can't say I get what the fuss is all about." Alex's gaze left her feeling exposed and raw. As though she had been weighed, measured, and found lacking in some fundamental way. It was a look she was familiar with; she had seen it often on her mother's face.
"Yes, well, consider me properly insulted. But if that's all, I have a busy schedule and a business to run." Lena adopted her best air of indifference.
"Oh, yes. Can't neglect your precious business." Alex tipped her head to one side. "The most important thing in your life, right? More important than love, family. More important than Kara." Lena remained tight-lipped, refusing to rise to Alex's bait. "Do you have any idea what you threw away? Do you even care?
Maybe that's it. Are you one of your Mommy's disciples. Determined that you know better than the universe? Did you make her proud?"
"Don't talk about my mother," Lena hissed, Alex's words finally hitting a tender spot. "You don't know anything about her."
Alex smiled, the look of a predator finding its prey's weak spot. "Oh, hit a nerve with that one. Good." Alex looked at Lena coolly. "I told Kara she was better off without you. Anyone that is willing to put power and money ahead of her doesn't deserve her. She has one of the purest hearts I have ever seen, and it would be wasted on the likes of you," Alex sneered.
"Babe, maybe ease up a little." For the first time since entering the room, the other woman spoke, and Lena realized that this must be Maggie. Alex shrugged off the hand that Maggie placed on her forearm, too caught up in her anger.
"No. She needs to hear this. She needs to understand." Alex paced a few steps away, before turning back to glare at Lena. "Her parents died when she was little, did she tell you that?" Lena shook her head silently. Alex nodded. "When she was 9. She came to live with my parents and me. I was awful to her. I didn't want a little sister, and certainly not one as sweet and easy to love as she was. She was like a wounded bird, and I resented her for all the attention my parents gave her.
My dad died a year later. In less than two years she had lost three parents. Do you know what she did? I had been so mean to her, barely sparing two civil words, and she comforted me. She heard me crying in the middle of the night, and she crawled into bed with me and told me it was going to be okay.
That's the person you threw away." Alex drew in a ragged breath. Lena watched as Maggie laid a comforting hand on the small of Alex's back. Watched as Alex relaxed into the touch. Part of her tension eased by the simple presence of the other woman.
"She was so happy the day you sang for the first time," Alex continued. "I had seen Kara deal with a lot of pain and loss, but I had never seen her so worried as she was about the possibility of not having a soulmate. Sometimes I think it was the one thing that kept her going. Her parents used to put her to bed with tales of soulmates, and the love they share. How everyone has that one person, made just for them." Alex eyed Lena disdainfully. "If only they had known."
Maggie gave Lena a glance filled with what almost looked like sympathy. The shorter woman pulled firmly on Alex's arm. "Okay, Alex. That's enough. She gets the point." Alex turned to argue, but after a brief moment of eye contact, Lena saw Alex relax the rigid set of her shoulders.
With a nod, Alex relented. "You're right. I don't need to waste any more of my time. I accomplished what I came here to do." Alex gave Lena one more scathing look, before turning on her heel and stalking out of the room.
Maggie remained behind, and Lena eyed her warily.
"Don't take it too personally," Maggie instructed. "She's just very protective of her little sister. How are you doing? With all this?"
Lena crossed her arms defensively. Alex's hostility had been understandable, and easy to defend against. Maggie's friendliness and apparent concern left her feeling off balance. "Why do you care?" Lena finally asked.
"Because I don't think you are as unaffected by all this as you pretend to be. I love Kara, don't get me wrong, but I'm not as blinded by sisterly outrage as Alex is. I'm also trained to observe people. I think I see something that Alex doesn't."
"What is it that you think you see, Detective?" Lena asked, curiosity getting the better of her.
"I see someone that is doing her best to convince herself that she made the right decision. But deep down, she has some doubts."
"You're mistaken," Lena replied stiffly.
"Maybe." Maggie shrugged, turning to leave. At the doorway she paused, turning back. "Oh and, Lena? If you were looking for a good way to apologize? Kara's favorite meal is pizza and pot stickers."
"What makes you think I intend to apologize?" Lena demanded.
Maggie gave her a dimpled smiled and a knowing look. "Call it a hunch."
Lena pushed the food around her plate. Every so often she would absently remember to bring a bite to her mouth. If her focus had been shot before, it was nothing compared to after Alex's visit to her office.
Kara had brought nothing but joy and comfort to her life since she was ten years old, and Lena had only wanted to protect her. In attempting to do so, Lena now wondered if she had caused more pain than her mother ever could have. While Lena had never been a proponent of her mother's fanatical teachings, she did think there was life after the loss of a soulmate. You could still live a happy, fulfilling life. That's all she had wanted for Kara.
It had only been two weeks, a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things, but Kara still hadn't sung a word. The silence had gone from deafening to oppressive. Every second that passed in silence felt like an eternity.
Lena hadn't counted on the silence. She knew that the Christmas carols, sung just for her, would come to an end, but she had never thought the music would stop entirely. It had always been such an integral part of Kara's day, and therefore, Lena's. Without it, she felt adrift. Lost.
"Have you even heard a word I've been saying?" Lillian snapped.
Lena jerked her eyes up from her plate, where she had been staring unseeingly at the pattern on the Luthor family china. "I'm sorry, Mother. Could you please repeat that?"
Lillian sighed deeply, narrowing her eyes at her youngest child. "What's been going on with you lately? I've heard reports that you have been late and ill-prepared for meetings the last few weeks."
Lena smiled tightly, vowing to do another sweep of the company to ferret out her mother's spies. They were like weeds. Pluck one, and three more sprouted up to replace it. "There's nothing to worry about. It's just been a long week."
Lillian shook her head, pursing her lips. "Your father would often work 90 hours a week. It never seemed to affect him. You need to toughen up if you expect to lead this company successfully."
Unaffected, other than putting him in an early grave, Lena thought bitterly. Not for the first time, Lena wondered if her father's long workweeks were less about dedication to work and more about escaping his wife.
"It's fine," Lena said placatingly. "I plan to spend a quiet weekend and recharge. I'll be back to one hundred percent by Monday."
Lillian looked at Lena, annoyed. "So you weren't listening then. I swear Lena, you can be such a disappointment at times." Lena absorbed the words without reaction. She had heard them so many times they had ceased to have any impact on her. The sky was blue, rain was wet, and she was a constant disgrace to the family name.
"As I was just saying, Morgan's son Miles will be in town this weekend. I mentioned to him that you were single, and he is very interested in meeting you. If we could secure an alliance with the Edges it would be quite the coup." Lillian looked quite pleased with herself. Lena was afraid the small amount of dinner she had managed to force down was about to make a reappearance.
"Alliance?" Lena asked hollowly.
Lillian gave her a knowing smirk. "You aren't getting any younger, dear. You could do a lot worse than marrying into the Edge family. Granted, they aren't quite as powerful, or rich, as the Luthors, but then, who is?" Lillian laughed, as though that were the greatest joke ever told. "However, their real estate holdings are impressive, and I have been wanting to diversify the family's holdings for years." Lillian looked at Lena pointedly. "If you do your job right, we'll have a Luthor running every major company in this city."
Lena realized she was about to lose her battle with her dinner. "Excuse me mother," Lena choked out, throat tight. "I'm not feeling well." Not waiting for a response, Lena pushed away from the table and stumbled to her feet.
On unsteady legs, she made her way shakily toward the downstairs bathroom. Lena was thankful for its close proximity as she reached it just in time. Hunched over the bowl, she emptied the meager contents of her stomach. After the heaving stopped, Lena flushed and turned on the sink.
She rinsed out her mouth, desperate to wash the acidic taste out of her mouth. Cupping her hands, she splashed some of the cold water on her face, hoping it would help cool her flushed skin. Letting the water run, she rested her forearms along the edges of the sink and bent over, head hanging low.
Lena thought she had made peace with her future. A strategic, loveless marriage, to a socially acceptable man of her mother's choosing. A few well-bred, and well-behaved children with impeccable bloodlines. It's what she had been groomed for since childhood.
Listening to Lillian lay it out, so coldly, all Lena could think about was smiling blue eyes. A tumbled mass of blond curls. The warm scent of vanilla and cinnamon, and Christmas carols on November 1st.
Lena had been so afraid that Lillian would find a way to take Kara away from her, that she had done her mother's job for her. Lena thought she must have been insane to ever think she could walk away from that. The money, the company, the building of a family dynasty. None of that meant anything to her. It never had. Lillian could have it all.
Lena only wanted one thing. Had only ever wanted one thing. She just hoped it wasn't too late.