DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO!
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Kisame walked downt he hall of the base, humming a cheery tune. He was going in with the big guns today for the war of love. He had a box of dango under one arm, a shark plushie in his hand and a bouquet of white lilys in the other. The shark was ready to make his weasel swoon, to fall head over heels, to be swept away by his strong blue arms and held close against his rippled chest as their lips made contact with one another and- Kisame stopped himself, a dark purple blush across his face.

'Easy now... I haven't even gone on a first date with the guy and I'm having wet and naughty thoughts about him...' Kisame sweatdropped heavilly and made his way towards the living room.

As soon as he rounded the corner he stopped dead in his tracks. Zetsu was right across the hall, walking toward the living room as well with a box of dango, a bouquet of white lilys in his hand, and a panda plushie. (1)

"You!" The two akatsuki members said at the same time. They started going toward eachother, growls and snarls coming from then when suddenly they heard a tiny squeel fromt he living room.

"Buh bye Mama! Buh bye Dada!"

"..."

"Mama?"

"Dada?"

The two odd colored members peeked into the living room and stared at the sight before them. The Itachi Uchiha, killer of the Uchiha clan, and the man they were both madly in love with, was playing with Pein and Konan's daughter, Ame. Both of the member's jaw dropped and watched as the Uchiha bounced the small child up and down, laughing as she squeeled and giggled.

Itachi smiled happily and giggled, kissing her head as she rambled on and looked to the door as the two onlookers fell through the doorway, sweatdropping. Kisame and Zetsu mumbled and got up, blushes gracing their features as the weasel giggled at their actions.

"S-So Itachi, what's up?" Kisame said, trying to regain his cool. Itachi sweatdropped again and hummed.

"I'm watching Ame for a little while while Leader-sama and Konan go on a date."

Zetsu's face suddenly brightened and smiled at Itachi. "We can help you take care of her Itachi~" Su smiled happily, Zet blushing.

Kisame growled then smiled at Itachi sweetly. "And I can help too!"

Itachi blushed lightly and held Ame as she squirmed. "Thats ok guys, you don't have to-"

"WE WANT TO!" The two members practically shouted at him.

Itachi stared at them, sweatdropping. "O-Ok..." The weasel looked to the small girl as she got up and started leading Itachi to her room to play with her, giggling. The two older men followed happily, glaring at eachother out of the corner of their eyes the entire way. Ame babbled on and on to Itachi as she went into her room with her, making him stand in the middle of the room and dug through her closet for what she needed.

Zetsu looked around at the room and started day dreaming. What would his and Itachi's kid look like if they had one? Would they have a little girl too? A smile graced the cannibals lips as he went more in depth about his offspring. He could just picture her now. A small, lithe little girl with pitch black hair like her mommy, bi colored skin and gold eyes like her daddy. She would have the best he could afford of course. Her room would be a light green color with some delicate pink roses decorating it, white furniture with pink cushions, the works.

The plant man was suddenly brought out of his thoughts when the little girl slammed his face into the floor with her jutsu, the demi-god earning a glare in response. Ame giggled cheerfully and started dressing him up in a bright purple tutu, beads, perfume, make up, markers, stickers, hair bows, and anything she could get her hands on to make him "beautiful".

Kisame snickered, staring at the now "beautified" Zetsu. Ame turned her head creepily at him, smirking. "Is Kisas turn now~~~~~" She said innocently, lipstick in one hand and a flaming pink hair bow in the other.

Kisame's eyes were as wide as pumpkins, backing away slowly from the satanic girl. "N-No no, thats ok. Uncle Kisa is good.. Please! NOES~!" Kisame tried to run only to be slammed into the floor by the girl's jutsu. Ame hopped on Kisa and started decorating him, pulling on things, putting tings in his hair, grabbing her make up stuff.

Itachi had to hold back a laugh when Ame lead out Kisame and Zetsu. Zetsu was dressed in a purple tutu and purple beads around his neck, having bright blue sparkly eye shadow on with crudely applied red lipstick across their face, purple sequency hairbows in his hair. Kisame was no better, being adorned with a hot pink tutu and boa, red eyeshadow and lipstick across his face as well as hot pink bows clamped to the spikey hair.

Ame smiled and giggled, "Dey are bewtiful now~!" She ran over and hugged Itachi tightly, the two oddly colored males standing there awkwardly. Itachi couldn't hold it back anymore and started laughing loudly, holding his sides.

"Y-Ya Ame, they are pretty and sparkly now aren't they~?" Itachi giggled more as the men blushed. The weasel smiled and walked over to them, grabbing one of the beads from Zetsu's neck and a bow from Kisas hair, putting on the necklace and attached the bow to his ponytail holder, chuckling. "Now we can all be pretty, huh boys~?"

Kisame smiled and chuckled, gently playing with the Uchiha's hair. "Yes Itachi-chan~~~ But you're the prettiest of all~" Itachi blushed darkly, his face almost the same shade as the bow. Zetsu smiled and cupped Itachi's ceek lightly, running a black fingers over every bead on his neck.

"Very beautiful, if we do say so ourselves~" The cannibal smiled at Itachi, making the weasel blush even more.

Ame pouted cutely, wanting more attention on herself and stamped her foot. "Ame wants to watch a movie!" Itachi blushed and walked over to Ame, scooping her up in his arms.

"Yes Ame-chan~~~ Which movie do you want to watch tonight? The Princess and the rainbow chakra? The Fairy Movie? The Sprinkles and Gumdrop Forest Pixies?"

"Oh! Ame wants to watch Unspeakable Horrors From The Third Dimension!"

"...O...k..."

Ame giggled innocently and sat on the couch, curling up with her favorite plushie and started watching the movie. Itachi shivered and left the room, going to make popcorn for Ame when he felt someone pressing into his back. The weasel stiffened as a pair of strong, mismatched arms wrapped around his waist.

"Do you need some help, Itachi-chan?" Zetsaid softly into his ear, smiling softly as the uchiha mewled breathlessly.

"I-I was j-just making some popcorn..." Itachi blushed darkly, mewling as Zetsu started kneading his hips.

"Nnnn~~~ I can pop something else for you if you want~" (2) Su said, chuckling as the weasel's face turned as red as a tomatoe.

Kisame growled from the doorway, looking to Ame and smirked. "hey Ame, want to help a shark out?"

"Nope."

"Please?"

"No."

"I'll give you candy~"

"Screw off pervert."

"Not that way!"

"Uh huh."

"..."

"How about I get your daddy's horror movie collection for you?"

Ame practically tackled Kisame. "Ame At your service!" Kisame sweatdropped and told her his plan, smirking as she nodded and went to the middle of the floor. Kisame hid behind the wall lightly, watching as Ame suddenly started screaming and crying.

Itachi jumped and bolted to the living room, leaving a stunned Zetsu behind. "Ame whats wrong? Are you ok?"

Ame cried and held onto him lightly. "Ame misses Mama and Dada!"

Itachi sighed softly and bounced her lightly, trying to calm her. "Its ok Ame~~ Your mama and dada will be back soon-"

"We're home~!" Pein chirped happily, walking in with a disheaveled Konan behind him. "Where's my Ame-chan~~~?"

Ame squeeled and ran to her daddy, holding onto his leg. "Daddy~!" Pein smiled wide and picked up his daughter, thanking Itachi and walked to his and Konan's room. Konan followed behind him, glaring at anyone in her way.

Itachi sweatdropped and got up, excusing himself to his room. Zetsu peeked out from the kitchen, seeing the smiling shark and growled.

"You evil son of a bitch..." Su growled out darkly.

Kisame chuckled and flipped him the third finger thrust, walking off to his own room. Zetsu steamed in the kitchen, fully determined to pay him back in full.
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AU: Oh ho ho...The heat is rising between these two~