A/N: Soooo sorry that its taken me this long to get this out. And you can thank my wonderful friend A. S. Rainwater for that too, she pretty much gave me a kick in the bum all week until I wrote something haha. ;) Thanks darlin. Thankyou also for your awesome Beta skills. Couldnt do this without you. I can always count on you to fix things and I value your opinion highly. Your the BEST! *hugs and kisses*. But yes, ive started a new job this week along with renovations going on in the house, making time for friends, looking after my nephew...life is crazy.
Also to all those people who have reviewed and sent me messages and added me and my story to their faves and alerts, your awesome. It means alot to me that you take the time to give me that much needed feedback. Very much appreciated.
Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or anything to do with it. I do however own the other characters and the story line.
CHAPTER 4: Back to being Rosalie Hale!
It's morning already, and I'm still laying here staring at the ceiling, extremely exhausted from getting barely any sleep. My stupid brain wasn't able to switch off and leave me in peace; instead, it left me thinking about everything that I had to do today, leaving me to think about Kyle, and Bella. As confused as she makes me feel, she was stuck in my head, and in other areas of my body... Alice is right, I need to get to know her, I can't just go along and not know her, and know why I get those feelings around her, or why she stares at me, and why she flirts and cares about me. There's a reason, and I'm going to find it out. I'm determined to know that reason.
As much as I know it's the right thing to do, I can't help but think of all the things that could go wrong. Breaking up with a great and perfect guy after being with him for two years, especially for my reasons, is going to be hard. More than that, he's going to be heartbroken, he's going to be mad, he's going to wonder why I was with him for two years when I've known that I was gay all along. All I can say is that I tried, right? I tried to be with him, to be happy with him, to make him happy. But it's just not working anymore, and I can't go on making him happy, but being miserable myself, especially when there could be other...opportunities. Or, is that just my imagination running away with itself?
Kicking my covers off and slipping out of bed, I make my way into my bathroom and look into the mirror, seeing my blonde locks sticking out everywhere, from all the tossing and turning I did during my sleepless night. Sex hair...awesome!
Sighing at my tired looking self, I strip down and take a shower, letting the steaming hot water soothe my weary body. I get out and continue to get ready for the long, cruel day ahead, dressing myself in my white skinny jeans, a purple long sleeve tight fitting sweater, and my purple Jimmy Choo heels. Colour coordination girls, hello!
I style my hair so that my blonde locks fall perfectly with a slight wave, put on a little mascara and eye liner, knowing I don't need much makeup to make me look pretty, and then check myself over in the mirror at the finished product. I stare back at myself, hoping that no one notices my tired eyes, until I hear my phone beep, telling me I have a text, and I walk out into my room to check who it is. It's Alice, telling me everything is going to be okay, that things will work out, and she will see me in the parking lot. My fingers quickly type out a reply, telling her that I hope so, and that I'm leaving in about fifteen minutes.
I grab my white pea coat from the hanger and slip it on, loving the warm feeling it brings me, and grab my bag before going downstairs and having a quick glass of orange juice along with a peach for my breakfast. I'm not a big eater in the mornings; well, I'm not a big eater at all, but in the mornings food just makes me feel sick.
It's completely silent in the house, knowing that Jasper has already left to pick Alice up, and Dad was already at work. Where Mum was I have no clue; probably out having breakfast with her friends, who knows? That woman is like a social butterfly, and I guess that's where I get it from.
I lean against the kitchen counter eating my juicy peach slowly, trying to stall the inevitable, but then decide to get going. No matter what, I have to do this, and hopefully Alice can just calm me down.
I pull up into the parking lot next to where Alice and Jasper were standing leaning against his car, grab my bag and get out walking up to them. Jasper smiles and says a quiet good morning with a knowing look on his face before kissing Alice on the cheek, and walking away to join the rest of our group at the stairs. Alice smiles softly before pulling me in for a long hug, kissing my cheek softly and then pulling back.
"So, looks like you didn't get much sleep last night, huh?" she states more than questions.
I roll my eyes at her before mumbling back, "Are you saying I look like shit, Ali? 'Cause that wouldn't be nice, you know."
"No, you look gorgeous as always, Rose, but your eyes say different. I'm sorry you lost your sleep over this, but it will be okay. He has to understand that this isn't you, and I'm sure he will take it like a man," she says, looking into my eyes.
"I know, I know. I just never wanted to hurt him," I mumbled softly.
Sighing out loud, I look over to the stairs and see Kyle looking back at me. I then take a quick look around the parking lot, pretending to be casually looking around, but really searching for Bella. I find her leaning against her bike, fiddling with her helmet and talking away animatedly with Alex. I catch her eyes as she looks up and over to me, biting my lip and adjusting my bag over my shoulder before smiling at her. Her eyebrow rose, then she winked at me before turning back to continue talking to her friend. I guess she's back to her playful self. Maybe she will talk to me today.
I turn back to Alice, seeing her trying to hold back a smirk, but I know her too well to miss the amusement shown on her face. I playfully roll my eyes at her, a chuckle escaping her lips. "Alice, I'm going to go talk to Kyle. I need to get this over with. I don't think I can go through lunch with him trying to be all over me," I said quietly but firmly. She leans in for another quick hug, and then walks along with me towards the group.
She looks to me and whispers, "Stay strong Rosalie, things will be okay. Text me if you need me, love you."
Watching her walk over to Jasper, I walk up to Kyle and give him a slight smile before looking down to the ground, fiddling with my fingers before running them through my hair.
"Kyle can we talk?" I say before looking up to his face.
"Sure, babe, what you wanna talk about?" he says with a smile, reaching out to take my hand. I shake his hand off and watch his face turn from happy into confusion and worry. "What's wrong?" he says, trying to take my hand in his again.
"Damn it, Kyle, stop! Can't you just... can we please go somewhere and talk? I really need to talk to you, okay?" I tell him before turning around and walking back towards my car, hearing him follow behind me.
We reach my car and I turn to lean against it before running my fingers through my hair again and look up at him. He looks...sad? I take a deep breath, telling myself I can do this. I really can do this. I've got to make myself happy and not hurt him anymore.
"Kyle, I can't do this anymore, I can't be with you anymore. I... I can't lead you on anymore," I say sadly. His face turns from sad and confused, to shocked and hurt.
"What? Why? What have I done wrong? Rosalie, what the hell?" he says a little loudly, his arms crossing against his chest as if he's trying to protect himself.
"Shh, calm down. Look, you know that before I began dating you, I was bisexual, right? I mean, I told you that I had a thing for girls, as well as boys. But the thing is, Kyle, I've realised that I just...I just like... I'm gay, Kyle. I don't like boys. I've tried. I've tried to be with you, to be intimate with you. But you know I can't, we have been together for two years and we still haven't even gone past first base. That's not your fault, it's mine. I can't force myself to feel and do something with you when I don't feel comfortable with it," I finish as I look back up to his face, having found myself looking down during my explanation. I didn't want to see the hurt in his eyes, but now I had to see his reaction. He's looking down to the ground, a sad but defeated look on his face, mumbling something I cannot quite hear.
"What are you saying?" I question him.
"I said, I knew this was coming," he sighs loudly before looking back up to me. "I have been waiting for this, dreading this day." I look back at him, shocked. "Kyle?"
"I love you, Rosalie, I always have, but you have been distant lately, more than usual. You're right, we haven't gone past first base, and it's been two years. And you know I respect you, and I would never have pushed you to do anything you didn't want to do. But I have known for a while now, well guessed, that it was because I am a dude. It hurts, it hurts so much, but I guess in a way it's my own fault for hoping that I could have been enough for you one day. Stupid of me, huh?" he mutters, and shakes his head before shoving his hands into his jean pockets, staring aimlessly at the ground again.
I wrap my arms around myself and sigh. "Kyle, you're not stupid. I do love you, I'm just not in love with you, and I really did try. I promise you, I never wanted to hurt you, or lead you on for as long as I did. I really wanted things to work out between us. You're an amazing guy, and the girl that ends up with you will be a lucky one. It's just... I'm not that girl, anymore. And I'm sorry for that." I realise then that I'm crying, I can feel the wet drops roll down my cheeks. I bring my hand up to wipe them away, but look back up to him, his eyes catching mine, the hurt shining brightly there.
"I know. I guess I just didn't wanna believe it is all. I'm not gonna lie, it fucking hurts, Rosalie. You have hurt me, but I guess half of it is my fault for ignoring it. I think I'm gonna need some time, so can you just give me a little space?" he says quietly, while looking away to our group of friends.
"Ok. I really am sorry. I hope you can find someone that can give you what you want, Kyle," I tell him before looking away.
He nods his head, and then turns to walk away, pausing mid step he turns back to me and asks, "Hey, can I just ask you one thing? Why now? Why all of a sudden? Did you cheat on me?"
I stare back at him with a slightly annoyed look on my face. "No, Kyle, I'm not a cheater. I would never do something like that to you."
He nods his head again before saying, "Okay, but is there someone else?"
I look away for a minute, and then look back to him answering him quietly, "I'm not sure...maybe? There are some things I need to figure out."
He frowns and then walks away. Sighing to myself I unwrap my arms from my body, not realising how tight I was holding onto myself until I feel my ribs ache. I wipe the remaining water tracks from my eyes and head towards the school entry along with everyone else.
Reaching English class just in time before the second bell goes off, I find my seat next to Alice and settle in, getting my book, folder, and pen out, readying myself for a long boring lecture. She looks at me and I at her, then I nod my head and look back to the front of the class. She reaches over and takes my hand, giving it a quick squeeze, silently telling me I did the right thing and that she was proud of me.
To say I was shocked at Kyle's reactions would be a little bit of an understatement. I didn't realise that he would have seen this coming. In a way, I'm a little relieved he did, it would have lessened the hurt... Well, I'd hope so. The defeated look on his handsome face crushed me. But at least he wasn't crazy with anger at me. At least he took it maturely, more so than most guys would. I just hope he can move on fast. He deserves to be happy, just like I do. That thought brings me back to thinking of Bella. I have to get back to being Rosalie. I have to get back to being the confident, smart, flirty girl that everyone knows me to be. I have to get back to being Rosalie Hale.
By the time lunch comes around, I realise that Kyle is sitting with all my friends, and not wanting to make him uncomfortable, I decide to go tell Alice that I was going to go for a walk outside and get some air. She asks if I will be okay and I tell her, "Of course."
I decide to go and grab something to eat, and line up at the salad bar to find something to fill up my hungry stomach. Now that my nerves have settled, I can actually eat without feeling sick. Standing there looking at the containers of different salads, I finally decide on a chicken and spinach salad and pay for it. I make my way to the door that leads to outside, and sit at one of the benches. It's cloudy today, but not raining. Thanking the weather lords that they could give us one day with no rain, I hear the door to the cafeteria open, but ignore it as I eat my salad. Suddenly, I feel the bench shift and look up into the eyes of Bella Swan. She's sitting across from me, with a look of confusion on her face. I raise my eyebrow at her.
"Mind if I join you?" she asks.
"Uh, do I really have a choice?" I ask back.
She smirks at me before saying, "Well, no, not really, plus why wouldn't you want my awesomely wonderful company?" She leans forward resting her elbows on the table and her face in her hands.
I take a moment to look her over. Her dark chocolate hair cascades down her back, half up, half down, her long fringe pinned back. A tight fitted red band t-shirt, showing of her perfectly round full breasts. That sight makes me groan quietly. Her trademark black hooded leather jacket keeping her warm. My eyes roaming down to her black skinny jeans and not being able to see her feet but knowing she's wearing her red chucks. The girl must have every colour in those shoes. I let my eyes roam back up her body to her brown eyes, her smirk turning into a broad grin, knowing that I was quite obviously checking her out.
I smirk back at her. "Of course, Bella, who could go without your..." (looking her up and down again) "...fine presence?" I stab a piece of chicken and bring it to my mouth, chewing it and swallowing, sucking on my fork as I stare her in the eyes. I put my fork down and push the salad away. She chuckles and winks at me, making me chuckle back and shake my head.
"So, um... why are you sitting out here by yourself, and not with your friends? I mean, The Rosalie Hale sitting alone, what's up with that?" she asks me, tapping her fingers against her cheek.
I raise my eyebrow at her when I hear her asking me that question. Not sure how to answer it, I guess I should just be honest with her.
"Well, Bella, The Rosalie Hale broke up with Kyle this morning, and he wants some space, so I decided to come out here instead of making him feeling uncomfortable," I tell her quietly before looking down to the table, running my fingers along the wood.
"Shit. I'm sorry, I didn't realise. I mean, I saw you two arguing this morning, but I didn't know that you had broken up with him. Are you okay?" she says softly, an apologetic look crossing over her heart-shaped face.
I look back up to her and smile. "Yeah, I'm okay. Relieved, I guess you could say. It's been coming for a while now, and what makes it weird is he saw it coming too. I just never wanted to hurt him, you know?" I look away and over towards the glass windows of the cafeteria, seeing my friends laughing and talking, although Kyle looks like he's trying to be happy, and Alice is staring right back out to me with a small smile on her face. I shake my head and turn back to Bella to see her looking at me intently.
"He wasn't for you, and you can't be with someone if you're not happy, Rosalie. You can't go around pleasing others, and not pleasing yourself," she states before smiling at me again.
"Sometimes, you actually have to put yourself before anyone else for a change. You always leave yourself for last place. Be selfish for once."
I don't know why she's saying those things. I mean, she barely knows me. How could she know that I put others before myself? I mean, that's just who I am, I'd rather help anyone else out before dealing with myself. But she is right this time. And I do need to make myself happy before anyone else right now.
Her right hand drops to the table and slides across the wood towards mine. I watch as she picks my left hand up, her fingers running over my nails and finger tips softly. I look up to see her eyes studying our fingers, and I look back down to do the same, feeling short sparks, like pins and needles shooting down my fingers and up my arm, an electric current passing through my heart. I gasp, wondering what that was. Sparks? "Plus, that dude... even though he is nice, he can also be a dick, and you deserve better than that," she tells me softly before laughing quietly. I look up from our hands to look into her brown orbs, seeing them sparkle in front of me. I laugh back at her little comment about Kyle, and shake my head at her.
"Well, I don't know what I deserve, but I am glad it's over. I can move onto what I really want and need now," I say to her.
"And what is it that you want and need, Rose?" she asks, shocking me a little with her use of my nickname that I haven't once heard come from her cherry lips.
I decide I need to get away from the softness and vunerable state she's gotten me into.
"Well, Bells, I guess you will just have to wait and find out, won't you?" I say as I pick her hand up and stand. Bending over slightly, I lifted it to my lips and kissed the back of it softly with my mouth slightly open, while looking into her eyes and seeing her shocked expression, her jaw dropping open a little bit. I see her breath coming out faster, and hear the soft little gasp she releases. Not so badass right now are you Bella Swan? I think to myself.
I smirk at her as I release her hand and stand up fully, before walking away towards the school doors. I open the door and take one last look back at her, seeing her standing and leaning against the bench and table with her arms crossed, smirking right back at me. She winks, and looks me up and down, yelling out to me, "See you in class, gorgeous!" I smile and then walk inside, hearing the bell go.
Oh my god, the things that girl makes me feel. I can't believe that just happened. Calling me gorgeous, touching me, holding my hand... and SPARKS! Never in my life have I felt something like that before. Is this what they call 'when sparks fly'?
I take a deep breath and shake my head. I look over to Alice as I walk past her at her locker and grin, she laughs at me and runs up, hugging me from behind. "I told you so!" she says as she kisses my cheek and then skips in front of me dragging us to our Art class. Excitement was filling both Alice and me, knowing that Bella was in these last two classes with us. Well, today is turning out to be interesting. I think breaking up with Kyle was the right decision... For all of us.
We enter the room to see that mostly everyone is there already, and sit at our desks; of course, Alice and I are sitting together. We know that we are working on our sketches today, so we pull out our portfolios and prepare for whatever the teacher has to tell us. Last to walk into class is Bella, and I watch her as she casually strolls in to take her seat at the back of the class, two rows behind Alice and me. I bite my lip, thinking about our lunch time conversation, and try to stop myself from smiling, before turning and looking back at her, seeing her eyes are set on me. I smile before looking back to the front of the class.
The teacher is chatting away quietly to a student here and there, helping when needed, and then takes her place behind her desk, seeing that we are all okay for now. All of us are sketching away, but I suddenly get distracted as a piece of folded paper appears on my desk from Alice, and she whispers that it's from Bella. I look back at Bella, raising my eyebrow in question, but seeing that shes looking hard at her artwork in front of her.
I turn back to the piece of paper, and unfold it to see a note written.
"Gorgeous, =D
I know this is kind of fast, especially seeing as you only just broke up with Kyle, but I was wondering if you would like to hang out sometime? I mean, not as a date, well, actually, yeah, as a date. May as well be honest with you, huh? So?"
I re-read the note over and over again, my heart beating fast. She just asked me out on a date. Bella Swan just asked me out on a date!
Hope you enjoyed it and id love to hear your thoughts =)