The week after Paige's tearful admission had flown by for Emily. She had been focused enough on school and swimming that her situation with Paige had been pushed to the back burner. Any time her thoughts turned to her co-captain she just felt lightheaded, trying to unravel the complexity. They sent a few texts back and forth and saw each other at swim practice but they still hadn't talked about what was going on between them. Emily knew she needed to figure out her side of things before dragging Paige into another heavy conversation.
As practice ended on Friday, Emily sat on the edge of the pool, kicking her legs lightly. Her teammates began dispersing in to the locker room.
"Hey, Em?" Paige's voice was quiet, questioning.
"Hey." Emily smiled up at Paige. "What's up?"
Paige sat down next to her on the deck. "You swam really well this week." She said, obviously building to saying something else.
"Thanks, so did you. We're gonna wipe the floor with Barker High next week."
"Totally…" Paige cleared her throat, "Hey, so, I was wondering if you had plans tonight.." Clearly she was a bit uncomfortable with their situation as well.
"Uhmmm..nope. Not that I can think of. Why?" Emily tried to keep her tone light.
Paige just gazed across the pool, not making eye contact. "Well, I just thought, if you wanted to, that we could, maybe, do something?"
Emily felt butterflies in her stomach but she couldn't determine if the cause was excitement or nerves. "Oh, yea. Sure. What did you have in mind?"
Paige shifted a bit. "Can I just pick you up around 8?"
Emily cocked an eyebrow playfully, "So it's a surprise, huh?"
The taller girl finally smiled a bit. "Yea, a surprise." Her eyes lit up.
Emily leaned over so that her shoulder gently bumped into Paige's. "Will you at least tell me how to dress this time? I had to guess for dinner."
"Oh..um.." Paige thought, "Warm. Dress warm."
The darker girl narrowed her eyes. "Warm? Okay, McCullers, what do you have in store for me?"
Paige bumped her shoulder back against Emily's. "Nope! It's a surprise. See you at 8!" She had a big grin on her face and this point. She stood up quickly, hurrying to the locker room, probably trying to avoid any more prying. Emily stayed seated, shaking her head and laughing. This side of Paige was, if she had to use one word, adorable.
After a few minutes, Emily checked the clock on the natatorium wall. It was just past 5pm. She figured she had some time to get in a few extra laps before needing to head home and get ready for whatever Paige had in store.
She pushed off the wall, cutting smoothly through the water. She loved the way the water moved through all her cracks and crevices, completely filling her. She felt weightless. Her mind was clear in the pool; it allowed her to see definitive answers to complicated questions. For the first time this week, she let her mind drift to Paige.
She could feel a surge of electricity move through her veins as she extended her arms, pushing hard through the water. She knew, in all honesty, that she had never shared a kiss like that with anyone before. Hell, she had had sex that didn't make her feel that alive and wired.
What she didn't understand was why. Sure, intrinsically, Paige was very beautiful. She was a tough competitor, intelligent, and more than a little charming. But, Emily had never thought about Paige in a romantic way before. If she had to guess, she would say it's because of Paige's reputation. It wasn't the amount of girls she was rumored to have been with that bothered Emily but more the arrogant attitude the tall swimmer displayed sometimes.
She could see that Paige clearly had a sweet side, though. But the doubt about Paige's intentions was in the way. Aria had been right when she had described Paige as the 'hit it and quit it type' and Emily wasn't going to be used for sex. Paige had seemed sincere when she told Emily about her feelings, but with Paige McCullers…she didn't really know where 'feelings' would lead. A few dates, a hook up and calling it quits? Multiple hookups? A relationship? She almost laughed at the idea of Paige in a relationship. Almost.
Emily reached the wall and pulled herself graceful out of the water; as her body was pulled from the comfort of the warm liquid, she at least knew with certainty that Paige McCullers was now a fixture in her life, whether she liked it or not.
As Emily got ready that evening, she wondered how warm she was supposed to dress exactly. She had already pulled on a plain pair of blue jeans, knee high socks and boots. For her top she finally settled on a long sleeved maroon sweater. She quickly applied some eye liner and a little lipstick, enhancing her already full lips. She thought back to Noel Kahn's party exactly a week ago and how she had gotten dressed, not seeking to impress anyone. It seemed crazy that now she was actually dressing to impress Paige McCullers.
When she was satisfied with her appearance, she headed down stairs to wait for her date to arrive. Just as she hit the landing, there was a knock on the door. Emily smoothed her hands down her front, searching for nonexistent wrinkles before opening the door. Paige stood there, beaming at her.
"Hello, Ms. Fields." A dorky smile on her lips.
Emily giggled, "Why, hello, Ms. McCullers." She replied in a formal tone, looking Paige up and down smirking. Paige looked good. The leather jacket she had on was doing things to Emily's head.
"Ready?" Paige verified. Emily nodded her head, following Paige out to the blue Prius.
After a few minutes of driving, Emily asked, "So when do I get to know where we're going?"
"Mmmm…" Paige pretended to think. "When we get there, that's when!" she teased.
Emily sighed in mock exasperation. "Fiiine…" She relaxed in her seat, smiling to herself.
However, when Paige pulled off the paved road to a dirt path, Emily tensed up. "Um..Paige, what could possibly be out here?"
"You'll see. Trust me, okay?" Paige placed her hand on Emily's thigh.
After everything Emily had been through in the past two years, she didn't find trusting very easy. But, something about Paige's reassurance allowed her to relax again. She just knew she could feel safe with the other girl.
Emily realized they had been climbing for the past few miles, winding their way up the woodsy road.
Finally, Paige pulled into a clearing. They both got out of the car, Emily glancing around nervously. Paige came up alongside her, taking her hand gently.
"Come here." She led Emily toward the end of the clearing. Over the edge, Emily looked out and could see the lights of Rosewood twinkling below them and a sky full of stars shining above them.
"Wohaaa…" She breathed, letting her mouth hang open.
"I know, right?" said Paige. "Breath taking."
"What is this place?"
Paige shrugged, her hand still holding Emily's. "I found it when I would jog out here. Once I came at night and saw how incredible it was, it became my own little sanctuary. I would run up here, clear my head."
They stood in silence, just soaking up the view. The woods were still. There wasn't any wind. No animal sounds. The sounds of the city below them were too far away to invade their senses. After a couple of minutes, Emily sensed that Paige was watching her, instead.
"What?" Emily swallowed.
Paige smiled and shook her head, letting go of Emily's hand. Paige stepped back from their vantage point and turned back towards the car, Emily watching her go with a confused look.
"Paige? Where are you going?"
"Just hang on!" Paige said over her shoulder, opening the back of the car. "There's more to this surprise." Paige returned, carrying a blanket and a picnic basket. She spread the red, checkered blanket on the soft ground in the middle of the clearing, kneeling and beckoning Emily over. Emily shook her head, but she grinned. She sat down close to Paige who was busying herself unpacking the wicker basket. She held out a cup to Emily and then proceeded to fill it with what appeared to be champagne. Upon tasting it, though, she realized it was just sparkling cider.
"Don't worry; you won't have to deal with drunk Paige tonight." Paige chuckled, seeing Emily eye the bottle.
They chatted about nothing in particular while they indulged in various fruits and cookies. Emily was feeling comfortable but she hadn't forgotten that they had some talking to do. As the temperature dipped, she shivered, wishing she had thrown on a jacket over her sweater.
"Cold?" Paige asked, concern in her voice.
"A little. Just wishing I had worn a jacket."
Paige leaned back, "Well…lucky for you…" She stood up and went back to the car, rooting around the back seat, "I have this!" She emerged with her blue and white letterman jacket. She handed it to Emily, who gratefully slipped on, relishing the warmth. She pulled it closer and her stomach flipped at the scent of Paige surrounding her. She sighed.
Why did Paige have this effect all of the sudden?
Paige cleared her throat, shifting. "So…Em?" Emily hummed in response, continuing to look up at the stars. "It's just…we haven't really talked since…well…last week, you know. I mean…it seemed like…since you kissed me and everything…well, we just haven't talked much this week." Paige finally finished.
Emily's gaze remained at the sky, buying herself some time before she looked over at Paige. The tall, confident swimmer looked bashful. Without answering, Emily scooted herself next to Paige, who raised her arm, bringing Emily close. Emily leaned hard against Paige, finding herself even more enveloped in her light scent. It was fresh laundry and a vaguely spicy aroma. Like cinnamon. Emily could feel herself breathing more rapidly. She tried to collect her thoughts before answering but they were jumbled up.
"Paige…I can't deny that something has changed between us. Or maybe I just became aware of something that's always been there. I honestly don't know. It's…a little overwhelming."
"Overwhelming.." Paige repeated, tasting the word in her mouth.
"Yea…like…you lit a match inside me. I don't know. I just…I feel electricity when you touch me."
Paige shifted, moving so she could looked at her, her expression serious. "So...you do have feelings for me, then?"
Emily laughed hearing it simplified like that. "I…, yea, I guess that's what I'm trying to say." The words sounded even and calm, though her body was wracked with nerves. There it was. The truth she had been avoiding for who knows how long. She had feelings for Paige McCullers. They were lodged in her chest like an extra organ, helping her heart pump blood, helping her lungs pull in oxygen. She opened her mouth not knowing if she needed to suck air in or force air out. She ended up making a strangled sound.
"Are you okay?" Paige looked at her curiously.
"I…I don't know." Emily furrowed her brow; she could feel words pressing up into her throat. "I just don't know what it means. If you have feelings for me and I have feelings for you, what does that make us? Where does that leave us?"
Paige's eyes widened at the rush of questions. Emily immediately brought a hand to her face. She sounded crazy. She wasn't trying to pressure Paige. Really, she was asking herself those questions more than anything.
"Not that we have to be anything…I just-"
Paige cut her off. "Emily, when I say I have feelings for you, I mean it. When I say I've never felt this way about anyone else, I mean it, too. And I think we can answer your questions. I just think you need to be more comfortable with how you feel, first."
Emily pulled her body away from her co-captain, turning and scooting so she was sitting cross legged in front of Paige.
She took both of Paige's hands in hers. She stared at their intertwining fingers and pursed her lips.
"Tell me what you're thinking." Paige was looking expectantly at the beautiful girl.
Emily closed her eyes and sighed. "Honestly, I'm wondering if I'm crazy. I'm sitting here with Paige McCullers, discussing a relationship." Paige cocked her head to the side, but stayed silent, allowing Emily to continue.
"You don't do relationships. You do sex." Emily's voice was getting lower and lower. "With like half the girls at school.." She had a hard look on her face now, like the gears were turning in her head. "I can't be another one of those girls." She said it so quietly, like a realization. Her eyes were staring into the woods, her forehead wrinkled with worry.
Before she knew it, Paige's hands were retracting from her own. Paige was on her feet, looking down at Emily. She had her jaw set tight, her eyes watery. Emily's hands were in midair, not quite registering the loss of contact yet. Her eyes were wide, looking up at the tall swimmer.
"Three, Emily." She said, breathlessly through her teeth. She jammed her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket and strode away to the edge of the clearing again.
Emily was completely still, mentally and physically trying to catch up. What had Paige said? Three? Three what? Finally, Emily's head swiveled toward Paige, her hands pushed her up, her legs folded under her, she was on her feet heading to the other girl. She stopped a few feet from Paige, standing behind her. She started to reach out but thought better of touching her in this state.
So, she just spoke to the back of Paige's head. "I'm sorry, Paige. That was stupid of me to say. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I don't actually think you would use me..like that." Emily took a few steps closer. "What did you mean by 'three'?"
She could hear Paige's shaky breathing. Great, she was the cause of those tears. Again.
As Paige let out a slow breath, still facing away from Emily, she answered. "Three girls. I've had sex with three different girls in my whole life." She paused before adding, "Not exactly half the school." Her tone was icy.
Emily faltered while she absorbed the information. "But-"
"But what, Emily?" Paige turned on her heel, facing Emily. Her face was streaked with tears. Emily could see fire in her eyes. "Paige McCullers fucks every girl that comes near her, right? Do you believe everything you hear?"
Emily started to shake her head but Paige continued, "Regardless of how many people I've 'been with', you obviously don't think very much of me if you think I could just be trying to get in your pants. I thought you saw me for me and not what the mindless rumor mill of Rosewood High has turned me into."
Emily felt everything sink. How could she have been so tactless? She basically accused Paige of being a monster. She had been so intent on protecting herself that she hadn't put two and two together as to why the version of Paige she was beginning to see was so different from what the rumors said. She had felt the sincerity when Paige had said she was 'desperate' for her. She had seen how emotional she was in the moment.
Now, she stood in front of Paige, no idea how to fix the situation. Paige's chest was rising and falling heavily. She was still a couple inches taller than Emily, but she looked small in that moment.
Paige looked at the ground, the fire going out of her. She spoke, quietly, composing herself, "I may be a flirt, Emily, but I always treat people with respect." With that, Paige pushed past Emily, storming to the picnic blanket. She quickly gathered the four corners, raising them unceremoniously, using is as a bag to quickly collect the wicker basket and all its' contents. She stuffed the hobo sack into the back seat and pulled open the driver's side door. She stopped, looking up at Emily.
Emily hadn't moved a muscle. She watched Paige deconstruct their picnic, going over her options. She could walk down but that might take a while and it was already late and cold. She could call one of the girls to pick her up but that would mean waiting, alone, for who knows how long. She was on the verge of tears when Paige finally looked at her.
"Well? Are you coming?"