Chapter 4: Delia's reaction to Patsy's letter. Sorry for the delay in updating - I'm working on a new steamy Pats and Deels one shot fic - coming soon! Thanks for reading!
Delia sat at the desk in her bedroom and gazed out the window. She had just finished Patsy's letter and was trying to absorb the new information. She imagined what it must have been like to be a nurse working in London. Exciting, challenging, rewarding; that's what she pictured nursing to be like from Patsy's descriptions of their first weeks. "Yes, that feels right - like I would choose that for myself now, all over again." It pleased Delia to think of her past choices aligning with what she would choose now. "Maybe who I am, what I'm really like hasn't changed at all. Maybe I don't need my memories to be myself because that's something that never changed." Delia's thoughts were giving her hope for her future. Hope that she could be herself, like Patsy had said "exactly however she came," and it would be enough. For her and everyone else too.
It seemed like her and Patsy were so close. She might not remember what they shared, but she felt like she wanted it back anyway. Having someone to lean on sounded nice and she wanted to be that person for Patsy too. She didn't want to feel useless anymore. She couldn't shake the feeling that Patsy was some kind of lifeline to her. Like Patsy was the one thing keeping her head above water. She worried that she was depending too much on her, expecting too much. Was that fair, she wondered? Then again, it seemed like Patsy needed her too. She had said she felt lost without Delia. Delia smiled, and imagined for a moment that Patsy was sitting there with her. Would they sip whiskey and try to get to know each other all over again? Maybe it would be tiresome or repetitive for Patsy but Delia thought is sounded wonderful.
Delia had looked through all the cards Patsy had sent from her friends. She couldn't believe that she was once close to that many people, especially considering how isolated she felt now. There was just one small envelope left to open, it contained the picture Patsy sent. Delia intentionally saved it for last. She was a little scared to see herself in this photo from the past. Would she recognize herself at all? The outside of the envelope said "Us at the square dance." Delia smiled to herself "I guess I like dancing." She took the photo out of the envelope and it took her a minute to process what she was seeing. It was a picture of Patsy and Delia, at what must have been a square dance, posing for the camera and laughing together. Patsy was wearing a flattering red and white dress and her gorgeous red hair was styled perfectly. "She looks lovely," Delia thought. Her own outfit looked fun and playful - unlike what she was wearing these days; she wished her mother had thought to pack up some of her things before they left for Wales. She recognized her own face in the photo, but it looked different, "happier," she thought. Her arm was wrapped around Patsy and she had a big grin on her face. Delia looked in the mirror at her desk and smiled, trying to imitate her look in the photo. For some reason, she couldn't get the smile to reach her eyes; couldn't make it appear genuine. Instead, she frowned at herself, disappointed. She took another look at the photo, this time, trying to find details from Patsy's face. She was shocked at how different Patsy looked from her memory of her at the hospital. Until now, she had only been able to conjure up images of Patsy crying, or looking sad. She took a closer look at the photo, and her heart fluttered. Patsy looked absolutely radiant, with such a warm smile on her face; but she wasn't smiling at the camera, she was looking at Delia. Delia tried to make sense of the feelings she was having but couldn't seem to wrap her mind around it. All she did know was that the picture made her feel joyful, it gave her an idea of who she once was and who she could be again.
"Delia," Mrs Busby shouted up the stairs, "it's nearly time for lunch, dear." For reasons she didn't fully understand, Delia quickly grabbed her letter from Patsy and the photo of them together and hid them in her desk drawer. She didn't know why, but she felt this was something she couldn't share with anyone. "Well, anyone but Patsy." As Delia sat down with her mother for lunch, she felt distracted, excited. She couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to go outside and just run until she couldn't anymore. She wanted to feel free, alive. "So, what did Patsy have to say, dear?" asked Mrs. Busby. "Oh, she was telling me how we met at The London Hospital as new nurses. She sent along some lovely cards from my friends as well. It was nice hearing from her." Mrs. Busby looked happy for Delia "Oh, dear, that's nice! Did anything stir up memories?" she asked hopefully. Delia tried to hide the tension in her voice that built up every time she had to respond to that question,"No, not this time. Sorry." She finished her meal in record time and excused herself back to her bedroom "for a quick nap, just feeling a bit tired."
Really, she wanted a chance to look over Patsy's letters again without interruption. Patsy mentioned how Delia had to sneak out of her room that one night so they weren't dismissed for anything "inappropriate." "What does she mean?" It was one of those situations where Delia felt like she was so close to understanding, to grasping something's meaning, but it felt just out of reach. Still, she wouldn't dare ask anyone but Patsy about it. Whatever else, she felt strongly that Pats was the only one she could truly confide in. Patsy did mention wanting to take Delia around to visit friends in London. Maybe, she could convince her mother to let her visit Patsy. Although, the more Delia thought about visiting London, the less it seemed like a good idea. "I want to see Patsy but if I go to her, I'll have to visit all the people I knew and I'll have to repeat over and over again how I can't remember them or anything else from my past." It just seemed like too much all at once. Especially since she really only wanted to see Patsy, if she was being totally honest. "Maybe she'd come visit me!" The idea made Delia feel excited and nervous. For some reason, she was worried Patsy wouldn't prefer the "new" Delia. She also hated the idea that Patsy would have to visit her at her childhood home with her parents and their constant hovering presence. She wished she had a place of her own, where she could be herself, and Patsy could visit her there. Uncomfortable feelings aside, she made up her mind to invite Patsy. She'd convince her parents, one way or another. She just hoped Patsy would come.