"Wild Cosmia what have you seen?
Water were your limbs and the fire was your hair.
And then the moonlight caught your eye and you rose through the air…
Well if you've seen true light then this is my payer.
Will you call me when you get there?
And I miss your precious heart…"
-Cosmia by Joanna Newsom
Dead Red's Revenge
It happened at approximately three thirty in the morning on the 31 of October. The incident was seen by few but heard by many. The clamor of it awoke Jils' father as he slept in his bed, almost fifty yards away. He startled, jumping instantly to his feet, through his windows he could see a bright light shinning in the distance. He described it as an orb in the sky that appeared to vibrate with energy. Looking down he was able to catch a glimpse of his daughter clad in red slipping into the wooded fields, as if entranced.
He cried for her, but she seemed not to hear, according to him she barely flinched. Not bothering to wake the rest of the household he raced out of the house and into the woods, screaming his head off the whole time.
He came to an opening in the forest, where directly in front of him a scene played out one that would haunt him for the rest of his life. His daughter stood before a terrifying creature, one that loomed nearly seven feet tall, adorned with massive claws and electrifying crimson eyes. From it's back sprouted wings, twenty feet in width, from this his daughter didn't recoil but instead moved forward to be cocooned in their length.
The creature sank back through the trees seemingly floating on air as it did, until it and its prey had completely dematerialized into the branches. The light in the sky exploded out like a thousand fireworks, strobbing into nothingness, leaving no sign that it had once existed. Jils' father had to shake his head clear to regain composure as he absorbed what he just saw. Jil was gone and he had no idea how it had happened.
I read and reread the reports, shaking with unabashed excitement.
"This Tak," she had been reading the notes over my shoulder. "Sounds like a vampire."
She gave me a sideways frown, "that doesn't seem like it would account for the lights."
"But everything else, the dark menacing figure, the hypnotic eyes, the way his daughter seemed entranced, that's called glamour, ya know."
"Uh-oh Dib you've got that crazy look again."
I smiled a huge jovial kid smiled, "oh please Tak! Please, please let me investigate!" I cupped her two hands in mine.
"But you've already done ghost."
"I did get to meet Ghandi, yes?"
"And Bigfoot..."
"A great guy."
"And werewolves…"
"Really need to bathe more. I've done it all Tak, proved it all. Except vampires."
Tak considered, furrowing her brow, "but every time you go to Earth you fall back into bad habits. You smelled like fags for a month after the last time."
"I promised to stop smoking and I will." I got down on my knees and waited, popping my jaw in anticipation of her answer.
"Well, okay, but! I'm coming with you." like this was suppose to deter me.
I hopped up swooping her into my arms and spinning her, "this is going to be awesome. I should contact the Swollen Eyeballs. I'm sure one of them has already investigated the incident."
"Wait? You're still talking to your little make believe secret society?"
"Yes, well, hey! It's real okay? I guess I have. Our leader Ladi Yeti has been M.I.A for awhile. Why you jealous or something," I playfully went to kiss her, she twitched away from me.
"I'm still not use to that thing."
"Oh, this thing," I stuck my tongue out at her, showing off my piercing. "I had to do something to fill the hole Zim left. Besides baby you love this thing. It gets you where you need to be every time and harder then the last time."
She blushed, yeah that's what I thought.
Penetrating the Earths atmosphere was like breathing deeply after being submerged in cold water. I hadn't been here in what seemed like forever and despite how much I used to hate it here, I had actually began to miss it. I pressed my face against the glass the way a kid would when peering into a pets store window, and stared as it all unfurled beneath me. It was so heartbreakingly beautiful and soothing. We wouldn't be landing anywhere near my hometown and for that I was thankful. The last person I wanted to see, my sister, would more then likely still be living there. Yes, the power to come and go as you please completely under the radar of those you choose to keep distant is an awesome thing indeed.
We landed in Washington D.C. precisely on schedule and were greeted quietly. It wasn't difficult to get through the Earths security checks into the President's office. The government knew about us the Irken Armada and me the Tallest. In fact, and this shouldn't surprise you, we had lived in relative peace with one another for hundreds of years, swapping technology, bartering for weapons, and according to ancient text, helping them evolve. This peace was maintained by the fact that we all ignored each others existences save for in times like these. Now they wanted us here, the man who had single handedly solved many of Earths biggest mysteries, and his powerful alien lover. Who better to enlist to find The President Mans' daughter. Did I mention Jil was President Mans daughter? If we could find her, the unspoken peace treaty between Earth and Irk, and all who we were in alliance with, would finally be official. Their part of the bargain was to allow us to make our presence known, to give us credit were it was due and to never make those terrible Alien vs. Predator movies every again as they are a gross misinterpretation of alien life.
We swapped familiarities, as I shook President Mans hand, "so what are we looking at here?"
They led us to the sight of the abduction. Just as the reports had said, it was a grassy field behind the President mans summer home, thick with leaves and foliage. The trees crisscrossed densely above us, "Tak," I took her hand, "isn't this beautiful? I wish I could have shown you more of my home before we left."
"Yes, Dib it's quaint…"
Yards into the forest we finally found ourselves enveloped in light, "here right here! You see here where the grass is bent. That's were I saw the lights overhead."
I dropped to my knees, opening up a briefcase filled with my best paranormal instruments, "If you'll excuse me I'll need to take a few samples." I was scavenging around on the ground, crawling mostly, following the exact trail the perpetrator had.
"Oh, yes whatever you need to do Mr. uh Dib?"
"That's right," I found boot prints. Jil wasn't wearing any shoes when she was kidnapped, "Tak?"
She hustled to my side, "yes?"
"Look," I pointed, "vampire tracks."
Tak analyzed them, "put your foot in it."
I did, a bit confused as to what she was getting at. The prints were a perfect match save for the fact that the prints were a few inches larger then mine.
"What does it mean?"
"It means Dib darling that your vampire was wearing standard issue Irken Invader Elite boots."
I gasped, "Do you mean there are Irken Vampires?" My voice squeaked excitedly.
Tak slapped her forehead, "no Dib it means an Irken took President Mans' daughter."
I gave Tak an open mouthed terror-stricken look while she gave me a told-you-vampires-didn't-exist look, "make something up for the press and make it good. Convincing! Not one of your crack pot theories."
"Ouch. Tak please are any of my theories crack pot?"
Just then stout little President Man waddle over, "so what do you think it was? That thing that took my little girl?"
"A Vampire."
The newspaper reporters started chattering into their microphones submitting my every word to the printing press instantaneously. VAMPIRES EXIST! WHETHER THEY ARE FAGGOTY EDWARDS OR SMOLDERING BILLS HAS YET TO BE REVEALED!
"Where do you believe the vampire is hiding?" a transmitter was shoved in my face. Shit I hadn't thought this far ahead.
"Space. Yes we're talking about space vampires."
"Why would a vampire take the presidents daughter to space?"
"Isn't it obvious? There's no sun out there."
"Ah, yes."
"Genius."
"What do you believe the vampire plans to do?"
"Hold Jil hostage until President man…" they'll never buy it, "extinguishes the sun."
An all around uproar from a disbelieving paparazzi.
"That's stupid!" Voiced my ever supportive lover.
"But why would they want the sun extinguished now, if they've lived with it for so long?"
"Because, uh…because it's a giant incubator."
"Oh bugger." Tak again.
"…for Godzilla!"
Every reporter began speaking at a mad pace into their microphones, eager to be the first ones with this exciting scoop.
"That's right Godzilla is the vampires arch enemy! You heard it here first!"
"What about the wings?" President Man had me there, or did he.
I looked to Tak who warned me to discontinue with a long drawn out shake of her head.
"Moth vampires. Hybrids." I smiled for the blazing camera lights, posing a few times to make the audience crazy.
"Mother fucker!"
"Excuse me and my lovely co-ruler for a minute please." I took Tak roughly by the elbow, "what are you trying to do?"
"We really need to get the hell out of here. Before this story gets anymore out of hand."
"Where are we going?" the paparazzi cameras were ablaze behind us.
Tak was leading us on a b-line to the Massive, "to space, if it was an Irken who took her then the ship used would most certainly have left an identifiable trail. We'll be able to track them using the Massives' computer."
"Really?" The ships doors closed around us sealing us off from the crowds.
"Save us!" President man was screaming, "and save her!"
In the end Tak and I decided not to use the Massive, too conspicuous. Instead we opted for a smaller vessel one big enough for the both of us, but small enough to travel the galaxies unnoticed.
"So that's the signal huh? Strange but effective."
"It was originally enacted by the Tallest that came before us, to track wayward ships. Kind of as a guarantee that everyone fought. It left no room for traitors or abandoners."
"The original Tallest, you mean Red and Purple?"
She eyed balled me suspiciously. Her chest rising and falling in uneven heavy intervals, "how did you know Reds' name?"
"I-I don't know. Am I not suppose to?" The inquiry was cut short, by a loud beeping.
"Rogue Irken vehicle detected, location planet Delhporuia Seven."
"Ha, we found it!" I kissed Tak, "now what are we up against?"
"Well, no one we know. Our sensors would have detected someone leaving the ship. But I do have a theory if you care to hear it."
"I do."
"When I came back to the Massive after the incident," that was our euphemism for the terrible time we shared three years ago. "Well I only ever found one Tallest. He said his lover was dead and that he didn't want to live anymore so I snuffed him out, right? Never gave a second thought to R- the other one."
"Red," the name rolled off my lips in a familiarly seductive way. It drew me into a calm lull and for a whole minute I drifted off.
"Dib?" Tak placed a hand on my shoulder, "Dib?" this time she shook me.
"Huh? I'm sorry I completely zoned out. What were you saying?"
"Never mind," she turned towards the screens. "we'll be entering the atmosphere in less then thirty minutes."
I smirked at her, raising an eyebrow, "I think that gives us just enough time."
By the time we reached the planet I was sweating bullets. I hadn't expected the atmosphere to be so hostile and the weather so steaming hot to the point of smothering humidity. If I had anticipated that I would never have fooled around in that poorly ventilated craft. As we changed in preparation of the desert climate, I couldn't' help but think that this was the last place you would find an Irken in. They weren't much for this sort of discomfort. Actually before this moment I had been convinced that they would die of heat stroke if exposed to any Fahrenheit above 55. So in order to best protect ourselves we wore the best garb for the job, long black hooded coats, long pants, utility belts my messenger bag, elbow length gloves, knee high leather boots, scarves, and biohazard mouth masks, all form fitting. I had to admit I felt like a badass. Just in case the natives didn't appreciate the likes of Irkens, Tak also switched to her disguise.
The air was barely breathable through all the sand and dust. I felt my nasal cavity fill with quartz and nearly choked on my own inspiration. I activated the breathing apparatus in my mask and things got slightly better for my lungs.
"This blows," Tak always knew just what I was thinking.
"Oh, I know right?" I stared around at the city in front of us. "Though you have to admit this place does look promising."
The city brought to mind the cities of Arabia or India, the majesty and romanticism of their streets and people. What was obviously a bazaar was bustling in front of us. Every frantic foot, racing back and forth between various sold good, kicked up a surged of dust and dirt, furthering the pollution of the muggy air. The buildings though made of bland rock and clay rivaled the skyscrapers of Earth in their size. The people, who were packed closer then the lines of Foodcortia, smelled like dog breath, and were even uglier in appearance then aroma. Bug-eyed, big nosed, several headed, multi-legged, and purple skinned, I was quickly beginning to realize that I was the only human in a vast array of heinous aliens.
"Tak, I don't know how I feel about this," I accidently bumped against a native and received a rather nasty look in return.
"I've never seen a place quite like this. Only in Foodcortia have I seen so many co-existing races. What kind of marketplace is this?"
I took a look around at the goods. They all appeared to be illegal, "a black one?"
"You're right. It's fair from Earth," Tak stared at me disbelievingly. "Opiates, prescription pills, cannabis… This is the last thing I expected."
"It would explain why there are so many aliens. Excuse me sir," I got the attention of a local vender, one that looked some what human. "Have you seen this girl?" I flashed a copy of Jil's Freshman picture. In it she looked exactly as she did now with bright blue eyes and short red hair.
The man examined the picture with a curious eye, "no, l'ever seen l'er." His accent was thick and his words nearly incoherent. "You make l'elivery?"
"No, why would I?"
"You Earthain, yes? All Earthains bring l'roduct l'ere."
I looked down at his product and amongst the cocaine and meth, I noticed a very old and soiled, but full, pack of Marlboro cigarettes, "you mean a human's been smuggling all this to your planet? Are you sure it's not this one," I pointed at the picture once more.
"L'ever seen l'er face, just know j'es uman."
I peeked over my shoulder, Tak was down a few booths talking to its female proprietor. I slowly and quietly as I could bent down to ask a much more pressing question, "how much for the cigarettes?"
"You l'ave American?"
"Irken."
"IRKEN? Your kind not welcome!" He activated an alarm and within seconds I was surrounded by armed guards.
"No! NO! NO! You don't understand I've been sent here from Earth on official business."
"DEA! DEA!" A large crowd was gathering. What the fuck had I done?
Tak navigated her way through the masses drawing a weapon and pointing it at the guards who had wrestled me to the dirt, "let him alone." A click at Tak's ear made it clear that we were surrounded, sloppy move baby. Sloppy.
She raised her hands dropping the laser. Her knees hit the ground next to mine.
"Ce'lt bolierdat! To her!" The whole crowd started cheering.
"What the hell did you do?" Tak asked.
"I don't know," I honestly replied. "I said Irken and they all went crazy."
"Oh, why would you go and do a thing like that? We're disliked by almost everyone."
"I'm sorry."
"It's alright you didn't know."
They cuffed us, "get up Irken Imperialist scum," then led us through the city in shackles, "and take off your disguises."
They led us on foot for what seemed like miles until they passed us into the hands of darkly clothed horsemen, who took us deep into the desert. Eventually we reached mountains, there in the deep fissures and canyon valleys we arrived at a grand palace. The place was huge, orange, and carved from a mountain side. It reminded me greatly of the city of Petra. Its towering height was disorienting to look at and I felt an old familiar sense of vertigo grip me. The horses skidded to a stop, causing a thick plume of red dust to pollute the still canyon air. They raised their feet before settling, nearly bucking me from my seat. Tak wasn't so lucky and rolled off the saddle, crashing to the ground, cussing the whole time. The commotion brought an army of guards out from the castle gates. They went for Tak dragging her into the entrance.
"NO!" I jumped off the horse; there was no way we were going to be separated. "Tak!"
"Gebalt d'estar. Take this one with you," the horseman threw me face first into the dirt. Another large brute grabbed me by the hair and lugged me into the palace.
From my viewpoint I was able to get an excellent look at the floor. Intricate would have been an understatement. For being carved from stone nothing about its architecture or detail was crude. Everything was finely polished, for example the ground upon which I was sliding, shone so well I was able to see my reflection in its complex mosaic.
"Neat."
Before I knew it I was being positioned onto a couch.
"YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" I screamed at them, "I know my rights! I'm THE TALLEST!"
They only laughed. Then without speaking a word the guards simply left. Slamming the doors behind them.
"Okay, Tak. They're gone. Now's our chance to escape, but how?" I looked around. The room had no windows, but three doors. I ran back and forth to each door jiggling the handles a few times, "they're locked."
"No shit Sherlock."
"There has to be a way!" On either side of the couch Tak was calmly lounging on were two candelabras that were providing the only light in the room. They were wrought iron and strong enough to withstand lots of pressure. This gave me an idea. Sitting I slipped my hands under my ass so they were facing forward. Then I overturned one of the stands and wedged it into the slit of the doorframe, "help me!"
Tak exhaled, "trying to escape is only going to exacerbate things. Why don't we just wait and reason with these people?"
"They aren't REASONABLE," I screamed in between heaves. "I mean why do they hate us, just because we're Irkens? Just because at one point we had half the universe enslaved?"
Tak's face squished thoughtfully, "yes, seems reasonable to me."
"Well," the candelabra slipped through my fingers clanking loudly to the floor, "we've changed."
"Yeah, now we have nearly 75% of the universe enslaved."
"Well only the known universe. Okay I see your point."
Tak gave me a curt little nod of her head.
I retrieved the stand, "Okay so if they're detaining all Irkens that means our kidnapper must be here somewhere. Same with Jil."
"Now you're cooking with gas."
"We have to think rationally. If they were going to kill us they would have already done so. We need to wait this one out and eventually I'm sure they'll take us to where the others are."
Tak smiled in approval, "I love when you stop to think things through, no matter how infrequently it happens."
I stared at her.
A noise at the door made both of us jump. I raised my makeshift weapon.
"Drop it!" Tak hissed.
I couldn't. I lowered it but refused to surrender it altogether. The bones of my knuckles threatened to burst through my skin I was holding it so tightly, "I won't let them hurt you."
"And just what do you think you're going to do with that?"
At the sound of his voice Tak became instantly alert, springing from the couch, "no…"
"What's wrong… Tak?" I didn't take my eyes from his silhouette.
"It can't be…"
"Tak who? Who is it?"
The tension was palpable, heavy on my chest when something shattered it. The clomping of boots startled me. I could feel my eyes dilate, my flight or fight response activate, Tak and I made our split second decision, raising the rod even higher. But the sound didn't stop. Obviously undeterred, whatever it was continued its trek into the light, slowly, meticulously. Tak began to growl deep in the back of her throat to ease out the anxiety, but when she inhaled, I could tell, something flowed through her, through me.
Arousal of the highest degree, pure and malignant, spread like cyanide penetrating every membrane, and activating my parasympathetic nervous system, constricting my vessels. It took all the strength I possessed not to drop to my knees and pleasure myself. Tak seemed dumbstruck by it.
Then he unfolded into the circle of light and my jaw dropped.
"Red, but I killed you?"
"Ah, if I had a dollar for every time I heard that." Yes, this was definitely Red. His eyes were unmistakable, his booming voice even more so. The only differences in his appearance were that he was skinny. Yes, muscular even and tall, really tall. Also his attire was entirely different, and instead of the Tallest uniform which made him float eerily, he was dressed now like a high tech desperado.
"But how? It was point blank in the chest?"
"All armor kid. You really didn't think I'd let myself get fat, did ya?" He snatched my weapon and wound it through the chains of my handcuffs. He speared one end into the ground and in the blink of an eye I was locked in place.
"H-HEY!" I tugged a few times, but I was stuck really well.
Red almost, one could say, flounced over to Tak, "hello gorgeous." He took her hand in his and kissed it.
"MOTHER FUCKER!" The initial feeling had passed and now all I wanted to do was rip him in half. I was fighting so hard for freedom my shoulders felt like they would dislocate from their sockets.
"You look ravishing. Now I must say shame on you for killing my lover and I do except you to compensate for my many nights of loneliness in some way…" Red was quickly swooping my lover away like a hungry hawk, his clawed arm locked about her waist.
Tak wriggled away from him, "don't you dare touch me. Mark me Red, just because you are incapable of controlling your mating urges, doesn't mean I am."
"Hmmm… so I'm not a suitable mate for you? But he is?" He gestured to me in a dismissing manner that made me insane.
"He is the tallest."
"Technically," Red bent to Taks antennae, "so am I."
"LEAVE HER ALONE!" I deployed my spider legs using them to dislodge my iron anchor. I rolled to the ground and then without hesitation chased after the scoundrel prepared to bash his head in.
Red didn't even have the decency to look at me. He just halted my swing in mid air then snapped the iron rod like a twig. He batted his half at my knees. I anticipating this move, jumped over it. He intercepted the recoil and knocked me back to the ground, hard. The tile underneath me splintered. The blow knocked the wind out of me and as it shot from my body I could taste blood in it.
Tak moved to help me, but Red stop her, "you know Tak, when I first saw this kid; I thought what could have possibly attracted you to him. He's so sickly and that head…"
"It is a little big," Tak confessed.
"NO IT'S NOT!" I was twisting on the ground like a dying worm. GODDAMN HIM!
"But now I see it. He's really spunky. Like a little PCP addicted tree frog."
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!" I was on all fours, "leave her alone or I'll kill you… again!"
"Yes, cause that worked so well for you last time," his smirk was infuriating.
Tak pushed Red a few feet back to stare him down, "so it's you. You took Jil!"
"Bingo, yatzee. Why what do you care?"
"It happens to be a matter of diplomacy. Do you realize she's President Mans' daughter?"
"Yes, of course. Do you think I'm stupid like your friend here?"
"I hate you."
"So have you chosen her as a mate?"
Red chortled, "Please dove. Why would you want one of these following you around everywhere? How about you ditch this guy and have my babies what do you say?"
"I HATE YOU!" I charged.
Red, who had taken hold of Tak's shoulders, let them go, "well, that's too bad because I'm growing kind of found of you." Quick as lightening, so quick it made my head spin, he snagged my cuffs and without breaking a sweat broke them. In an instant I was free.
I was so taken aback that the only thing I could think to say was, "I'm a little confused by your tactics."
"I told you I like ya, kid. I mean you're so feisty," he addressed Tak. "So what do you say we all catch some breakfast? Jil will be home in a couple of days, you can all meet her."
"What! No! You have a ton of explaining to do and now!"
"Soon kid soon. Join me for breakfast and I'll tell you everything. Sound fair? Until next time beautiful," using an old trick of mine Red swooped Tak off her feet and right in front of me kissed her full on the mouth.
"You SON OF A BITCH!"
"What jealous, kid?" He dropped Tak replacing her body with mine.
"OH, MY NO-"
I had never kissed a guy and frankly had never planned on it either. He was so forceful with his tongue. I tried to wrestle out of his arms but they were firm around my waist. I tried to get him with a left hook but he stopped my fist, interlocking his fingers with mine. In the end, he's the one who finally removed himself, "a tongue ring huh?" A predatory look darkened his features, "You must give great dome."
"Dome what's that?" I looked to Tak for clarification.
Grabbing a phantom cock and pretending to suck it vigorously, she showed me exactly what it meant.
"Oh that's gross."
Finally something smacked him across the back of the head and he released me. I had meant to catch myself, but my knees gave out and I tumbled out of his arms. I sprung off my back but, I could barely stand, I was shaking, was this? No, there was no way I was turned on.
Tak was holding one end of the broken candelabra over her shoulder like a spear, man she's fast, "fuck off."
Red didn't budge.
"WE need to get the FUCK out of here," I whispered to her.
"I agree."
Red interrupted our discussion, "and exactly how do you plan on doing that? Teleporting through the walls?" He laughed at his own joke, how lame. "I suggest you do as I say if you want the Presidents daughter back." He chucked us a set of keys, "you're rooms are through that door the dinning hall is directly behind me. See ya in a few, you'll get the memo."
Back in the room I threw off my jacket, only after slamming the door in a fit of rage.
"Goddamn it," I kicked the wall a good few times making the portraits hanging there rattle violently, even the chandelier above my head started swinging. Nothing helped, my whole body ached, it must have been the after effects of that blow Red had given me earlier. I would definitely be feeling even worse in the morning.
I flopped onto the bed screaming into he pillows. I flipped over and the cushions all but swallowed me whole. There in their comfort and privacy I tried to absorb the events of the day. Everything had happened so fast, Red, Jil, and I hadn't expected any of it. The day had been in my eyes one big cheap shot, for me and Tak. "Especially the Red part."
And that kiss what had he been thinking, doing that to us? To me? "Worse yet," I confessed aloud, "why was I so turned on by it?"
I sat up for a second to throw of my shirt, my Pak made a soft plopping sound as it contacted with the comforter. "Could it have something to do with the mating year? And this Pak does it make me experience it to?"
During my monologue I had unconsciously undone my belt and pants button. I slipped my hand into the loosened fabric and thoughtfully played with myself.
It wasn't necessarily masturbation. It was just something I did when I was anxious, I had too many rituals, I was so sick of being tense, obsessed, stressed that finally getting sick of it all had developed weird ways of dealing. It had no connection whatsoever to Red, I swear.
It was cold in the room the air stagnant and rigid frozen. My breath started to shoot from me like I was a teapot at its capacity, and really that's exactly what I was. It was starting to get so hot in that room I could barely stand lying in the comforter.
As my body heat rose I properly began to fantasize. I thought about Tak, I always have and always will. The way she bites her lip as she smiles at me. Her eyes, pretty broken things, dandelions blown apart by children wishes.
My pace quickened, my recollections literally driving me to the brink. Her drug resurfaced a savage journey into flashback, hitting my bloodstream faster then I could hit a peak or a plateau. I fingered one of the metal sockets of my arm to keep my torture suspended. To keep myself grounded. She was so sexy, how had I gotten her to fall in love with me? The feeling's too much sometimes and if I linger on it my chest threatens to splinter like Solar Plexiglas.
But Red, why had he given me the same feeling?
I started groaning, pretty loudly too. Not giving a rat's ass as to who might hear me as my seed launched out of me like a rocket. I let it come this time spilling lazily into the dip of my stomach. I pulled my hand away when I was finished. It was covered in jizz and so where my pants. I really hadn't thought that one through. Still panting in a low soft way, I went to the sink to wash myself off and for some dumb reason couldn't get the thing to work.
"Need some help with that?"
It scared me so badly that I jolted right into the medicine cabinet above my head. The whole thing nearly bounced off the wall, "ow." I turned around and there he was. "AH!" I fell back into the tub, taking the curtain with me.
"You okay?" Red, I could tell was trying not to laugh.
I fought my way out of the curtain, "what are you doing in here?" I pointed at him accusingly.
"I just thought I'd come by and apologize for my behavior earlier. I think we got off on the wrong foot," a wolfish grin on his face made it hard for me to believe anything he said. "What is that?" His antennas shot up.
"What?" The hand I had pointed at him just so happened to be the one covered in semen. "Oh that's… uh…lotion…. yup," I started rubbing it in, "toilet children scented, *Gag* lotion," I shivered then forced a smile.
Red laughed, "You really are crazy. Here," he extended a hand helping me out of the tub. "This is how you turn the water on, you hit this button down here, wait a few minutes for it to start working and then," he twisted the handles and water began to flow, "viola. Easy, no?"
I was too stunned to say anything, but that didn't deter him from continuing on a one sided conversation.
"I really do hope you except my apology I really want us to get along."
I just watched him circle my bed and pull the covers back, "I mean all that stuff with Tak it was nothing. She's obviously yours. I mean holy mother the love between you to, it's something." He had planted himself on my sheets. "So what do you say kid, let's let bygones be just that. I mean I forgave you for shooting me, it's the least you can do to repay the favor." His smile was pleasant enough.
"If I call it even will you leave?" I had my arms crossed against my bare chest. It wasn't much protection but it was better than nothing.
"OH, I guess, I mean, I thought we could chill here. Eat some snacks and watch the entire first series of Mysterious Mysteries of strange Mystery. I mean I just had it shipped and…"
"Okay I forgive you." I dove into the bed.
Red summoned a TV from the floor and we sat in relative peaceful conversation eating and laughing. That is, until the third episode when I realized I'd been duped.
"OH MAN! This episode! I remember…. HEY!"
Red who had inexplicably gotten his arm around my shoulders in the last few hours said, "What? I thought you liked this episode?"
I jumped from the bed, "you tricked me," I grabbed a pillow offensively. "Get OUT!" I chucked the pillow at him. It hit him square in the face but he remained expressionless.
"Hmmm… you…" He crawled towards me, smiling like a cat watching a canary bleed. His antennas were slick to his skull the way Taks would get when she was aroused.
My knees started quaking and my heart forced its way into my skull.
"You always played so hard to get," in one fluid motion he had lunged from the bed onto me.
His aim was superb. His crotch was directly in mine and solid steel.
"What do you mean always?" I was hysterical and trying to crawl out from under him. "I JUST MET YOU!"
"Yeah you're right… strange… no matter. I already want you so bad it's killing me," the light almost breathy kisses he gave my neck made my eyes flutter shut, and my body relax. This was something he'd done before, something he knew I loved, how could he know?
His body was so warm in contrast to Taks' that I found myself sweating. And he smelled like rain soaked asphalt.
"I won't do anything you don't want me to; I'll make sure you're ready…" He kissed me.
I bit his lip. Hard.
In the instant I regained my rational thoughts I kicked him from me. He didn't pursue me, he didn't retaliate, he just let me roll away.
Red palmed his lip catching a few rivulets of the fresh black blood. He punched the floor next to him, the outburst seemed familiar. It stirred something inside me. All was quiet.
He stood up swaying a bit as he did, "I'm sorry…. I don't know what's wrong with me."
"GET OUT!"
"Yes, I think that's best," his boots brushed past me.
I couldn't help myself, "wait." and before I could consider the repercussions I spoke. And the words shot out like embers from the center of my flaming abdomen where a fire had just been rekindled. It spiraled in my stomach and then torched up my throat, the words so impassioned that they set the room on fire. Literally smoking in the cold night air, "I can't forgive you, for leaving me, when I loved you so much."
Red stopped stiffened, then very slowly turned around. Every hair on my body was standing straight out, catching a separate presence, opening myself to its control. Who was in me now, this wasn't my voice, or my words. Memories I'd never experienced rushed through me, moved me. I wanted to tear my skin off; it was so tight around the both of us, too small and constricting to fit so much emotion.
"Who are you?"
I stood up advancing on Red, "you don't remember me? You forgot already?" I reached my hand out well something else did. My arm had been hollowed and then a phantom had slipped it on like a glove. I could feel it against my veins cold and twisting, trying to make room against my muscles for its intrusion. Manipulating it, bringing it to Reds face, he traced his jaw line.
Red grabbed my hand, "what are you doing kid?"
"Doing what I should have a long time ago. Before I died," my voice had raised a few octaves and dropped all its raspy qualities. I was someone else now and Red saw that in my eyes.
"Purple."
"And the light turns on," He full mouthed kissed Red on the lips that illegitimate son of a female dog. Red struggled to push him away, but we wouldn't budge. Instead we shoved him onto a dresser were, using my legs to straddle him, Purple secured him in place.
"Stop it… s-stop it Purple, not the kid…"
"You don't think he can handle it?"
"Nope," with that Red, who had procured a copy of Breaking Dawn during the assault, slapped us upside the head with it effectively knocking the consciousness clean out of me.
"Man that book can kill anyone's boner, am I right?" Those were the last words I heard him say as I left the white and entered the black.
I mean am I right? Yay for more random humor! It shows I'm trying right? And to all twilight fans I might have offended, I'm not sorry.
I really REALLY liked writing Red; he's so sleazy and confident. Something about that in men is too attractive, almost lethal.
Here is where I will say I own nothing; actually I have a few nifty things. Okay I digress… I own nothing of invader Zim. Seriously do you think I'd be writing this smut if I did? Hell no! I'd be in a dive bar in Vegas taking fat rails of coke off a stripper's ass, duh.