A/N: Man, it's been a while, hasn't it? My computer is currently out of commission, but this needed to be done and inspiration hit so I've hijacked another computer for a couple minutes to get this one up and posted!
Disclaimer: I don't own Matty, Mizzy, Smithy or Nicki (or her bra)
Lo called four minutes later.
Go fucking figure.
"Have I ever told you how bad your timing is?" Nicki sighed, getting up to head into the living room. She had to get out of her bedroom. It felt like her conversation with Matt was hanging in the air around her and the space felt entirely too negative for her to sit in it and agonize over what had gone wrong.
"Uhh.. no? Maybe? I can't remember."
"FOUR MINUTES. What were you doing that you couldn't have called four minutes ago?" Nicki wandered into the kitchen and headed straight for the freezer. It was one of those nights that was calling for ice cream.
"Talking to my boyfriend about your wannabe boyfriend?"
Nicki grabbed a spoon. "I hate you."
"I hate you, too. Now, what happened four minutes ago that I'm now in the fake best friend dog house over?"
"Matt called."
"Oh." Lo sighed with understanding, then paused, "Wait, why is that bad? Did he say something? Did you ask him?"
"DO I LOOK LIKE A CRAZY PERSON?"
"Um, you SOUND like one."
Nicki plopped down on her sofa and pulled the top off of her pint of chocolate ice cream, "It was just stupid. He caught me off guard cause I thought it would be you and then he didn't say ANYTHING but 'OH' when I told him I wasn't having the best week. What kind of idiot says 'OH' to their best friend? Not a 'What's going on?' Not a 'How are you feeling?' or a 'Wanna talk about it?' Just a freaking 'WANT ME TO CALL LATER?'"
Lo was silent for a second or two, "You do realize he's a guy, right? Guys don't say shit like that. I mean, yeah..sometimes, but not normally."
Nicki pouted. "I bet DH Smith says shit like that."
"Yeah well, are plotting to go after Matty or Smithy here? Cause if we're trying to bag you Smithy, I want to be paid overtime."
Nicki stabbed her spoon into her ice cream, "It might be more fun to see Smithy beat up Matty right about now."
Lauren smirked, "I'd use my overtime to pay to see that."
"Ugh." Nicki switched the phone into her opposite hand as she repositioned herself on the couch, "Okay, so what did your awesome boyfriend find out?"
Lo's voice shot up an octave, getting excited as she began to recount the gossip to her friend, "Okay, so Mike says he started out by just casually mentioning the party and how he heard it was really insane."
"Right." So far Nicki wasn't impressed. She needed juicy details, stat. Something to make her night feel not so shittastic.
"And apparently Matt said, and I quote 'Yeah, there were some pretty interesting turn of events' and Mike said he tried to get Matt to elaborate and.."
Nicki's ears had perked up, "AND? AND? WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"Matt said that you were in rare form and he doesn't remember EVER seeing you so drunk before, but that it was kind of adorable because you're REALLY CUTE when you're TAKING OFF YOUR OWN BRA FOR HIM BECAUSE THE TAG IS TOO ITCHY AND YOU WANT HIM TO FIX IT."
... "WHAT?"
"YEAH."
"OH MY GOD."
"YEAH."
"AND HE SAID 'OH?' EARLIER?"
"What he meant was OOOHHHHH YEEEEAH."
"SHUT UP."
"Oh come on, you were completely shitfaced! These things happen."
"YEAH WELL IT WASN'T YOU, SO YOU CAN SAY THAT."
"Actually, remember Halloween last year? Somehow I managed to drink an entire liquor store and then threw up all over Mizzy. And yet, that boy still loves me and even walked around telling people it was part of his costume so I wouldn't feel embarrassed.."
Nicki made a disapproving face, "YEAH, YEAH OKAY I GET IT. That was pretty bad. And gross. And morbidly sweet, but at least you weren't STRIPPING FOR YOUR BEST GUY FRIEND BECAUSE OF AN ITCHY BRA TAG."
"He did say you were really cute and adorable? Which was probably code for 'MAN HER TWINS WERE..'"
"YOU'RE NOT HELPING."
"Sorry."
Nicki rolled her eyes, "This night just keeps getting better and better."
"Well, there is more."
"Do I want to know?"
"Yes, you do. Matt apparently said that if anything, he really enjoyed waking up next to you the next morning."
Nicki sat, her eyes zeroing in on the wording on the pint of ice cream though she wasn't reading any of what was scrawled along the side of it. WHAT. DID. THAT. MEAN? "Like, ..enjoyed HOW? You can't just throw that at me like that with nothing else!"
"I don't know. Mike Mizanin isn't the best at following up, this much I've learned. I'm going to have to teach him some things. If we're breaking this down in Matt language though, I like to think it means 'Hey, I could get used to sleeping with my best friend and waking up to her hoo-hoos every morning!' don't you think?"
"YOU ARE HORRIBLE AT THIS GAME."
"What? Do you prefer the term 'lady milkmakers?' I'm saying this is a GOOD thing. Obviously in some strange form of guy talk this means that he's into you in more than just a best friend kind of way, so much so that he'd be more than happy to spend the rest of his nights with you."
"Or that he just likes my LADY MILKMAKERS as you so eloquently put it! WHAT ABOUT MY SUPPOSED DECLARATION OF LOVE? WHAT ABOUT THE PART WHERE I TOTALLY SPILLED THE BEANS? WHAT ABOUT ALL OF THAT? I still have NO IDEA if he even HEARD any of that!"
"Please, if Matt's going to have an honest conversation about you and him, I'm pretty sure the LAST person he's going to have a heart to heart with is Mike. I mean, c'mon, I love the boy, but we both know it's the truth."
"So why did I even ask YOU to ask HIM to ask the OTHER him?"
"Yeah, I'm gonna ignore that." Lauren sighed, before attempting to regroup everything for her friend, "Look, so Matt saw your tits. It's not like he's never seen a pair before." Nicki huffed, but Lauren continued, "If he was that put out, he would have run out of your bed the next morning. Not kissed you on the forehead and slung your bra at you with some weird quirky smirk on his face."
"YEAH ABOUT THAT," Nicki was fuming inside when she realized just WHY he'd done that now. She was ripping that friggin tag out that bra the moment she got off the phone with Lo.
"And he definitely would be avoiding you in some kind of strange 'HOLY SHIT, I SAW MY BEST FRIEND NAKED' kind of way, not calling you at two o'clock in the morning. He also definitely wouldn't have even mentioned what he did to Mike because he's gotta be an idiot not to realize that whatever he tells Mike is going to get back to me which is then going to get back to you."
Lo was slowing starting to make some sense. As much sense as could be made at that point, "Keep going.."
"The phrase 'Interesting turn of events' is code for the fact that he didn't hate what happened. Also, whether or not he remembers you telling him you love him doesn't matter because still, 'interesting turn of events' doesn't translate into 'SHE SAID SHE LOVES ME AND I DON'T FEEL THE SAME WAY SO I NEVER WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN'. Are you following me here?"
"Yeah, yeah. You've mastered never allowing your best friend to beat herself up over showing the guy she loves her boobs just fine. Congratulations!"
"A little cranky at two in the morning, aren't we?"
"You're on a three hour time difference, and you didn't wake up in Evan Bourne's bed with nothing but your underwear on."
"Mmm, there's a thought!"
"You're hopeless."
"You love me!"
"High flyer whore."
"Itchy bra bitch!"
The funny part is that Nicki and I really do talk like this in real life!