The distance shrunk the image of catastrophe until there's no sign it ever happened. I stopped any attempts at breaking free once it's clear how pointless was. I'm not that strong anyways. Instead, I've decided to reserve my energy. Eventually Sesshomaru has to let me go and when he does I will try to reach the village on foot.

It was unquestionably clear that I wasn't going reach the village in time. Not before the fire ate away the landscape. It could take me days to get there and even if I did there might not even be anyone to protect. There was also the possibility that on my way there Sesshomaru could come and take me away just like he did at the village. But I refused to give up. It'd be easier, all my troubles could be over if I just let go. If it wasn't for Inuyasha's desperate face carved in my memory I would have. It was an image that kept repeating itself over and over in my head as we made our away over to the western lands. An image that me squirm in Sesshomaru's arms.

I tried to think of nothing the rest of the way there, that way I could avoid having a panic attack. I refused to let Sesshomaru have an advantage over me.

Although by doing so I'd lost track of time and I couldn't tell how many hours have passed since the ambush- how many hours have passed since my friend's dead bodies have started to rot. I did noticed we've stopped, though, feeling solid ground under my feet instead of floating nothingness.

Sesshomaru lessened his grip a small sort and when he had decided I wasn't going to break free he'd let me go completely. Even I knew that was a wrong move.

I still haven't assessed what I'm going to do next. I feared I've entered a state of shock even though I tried to avoid it as much as I could. While Sesshomaru was facing the direction in front of him –his palace- talking about all the things I need to know to make myself feel at home I looked at the distance where I felt I saw smoke raising.

"Rin?" He must have noticed I wasn't paying attention.

I slowly turned to him and I realized a few tears have escaped, to my disdain. Worse was the look he was giving me. Unreadable, distant, the usual mask.

Suddenly it felt like I've been struck by lightning, I felt the jolt of anger directing my movements. I breathed, taking a much air as I could and

I slapped him

a cross the face

and whispered loud enough so he could hear, my eyes intend on his

"Fuck. You."

I took off running, my breath catching with my hysteria. As I ran I felt the wind cut around my face. Soon I began entering a line of forest, leaving Sesshomaru shocked-stricken in the clearing behind me. I put no mind if he came after me or not. I just ran. My only indication that I'd created distance was the white dot peeking over the tree line. The forsaken palace I was supposed to live in.

I didn't think of danger and it only occurred to me that this forest could be infested with demons two seconds before one jumped at me, digging it teeth at my right arm.

The suddenness of the moments made me stumble to the ground, my sword and belongings sliding just a few feet away from me. It only took me seconds to calculate a strategy before I crawled towards Mishiranu. I gripped the handle and took in easy breaths, trying not to imagine a life without an arm. I reminded myself that if I panicked I'll probably won't be able to salvage anything in the long run.

So, I inhaled and assessed the situation. I shook my head for good measure and in a matter of blinks I've decapitated the worm-looking demon.

I tried to keep my hysteria at bay as I removed the fangs almost nailed in my arm and then keep the bile from my throat as I disposed the decapitated head completely to the other side.

My arm began spurting blood out immediately. I held the cry that wanted to break away from my throat and quickly thought of a way to bandage my arm before I started losing too much blood.

An idea sparked and I threw myself at the ground, rampaging through my bag until I came up with one of my kimonos. I ripped the hem and used it to wrap it around my arm until it felt secure enough. I breathed in and out, in and out.

It almost felt like I had made it.

Then in the calmness of the moment I remembered something vital. Demons don't travel alone.

As I scrambled for Mishiranu five demons broke through the line of trees. I only had time to deflect three when another five emerged behind me.

"Oh, to hell with it all."

My sword fighting arm was my right one and though I could defend myself with my left it wasn't enough to kill all these demons. I had to think of another plan. Quick.

I could try running them off, but with the blood I lost I doubted I'd get anywhere. Other solutions included dying or fighting. I chose the latter because Inuyasha was probably waiting for me and though dying sounded like a breeze I couldn't help him if I was dead. So I slashed and moved blindly a head.

As silly as it might look it was working pretty well. Only four demons where left and I had high hopes that I could make it out alive.

One extra worm-demon attacked me from behind, its fang biting deep into my head. I felt the blood pooling out as it chewed on my head, my body perfectly still on the ground. I had little strength by this point but I managed a screeching "Help!"

My eyes began to close when Sesshomaru broke from the trees and started chopping demon heads. In a matter of seconds I felt the release of the demon biting on my head replaced by hands -one gently pressing down on my wound to stop the blood and another under my knees hoisting me up.

Suddenly my eye lids were too heavy to keep open and my vision focused in and out. I made Sesshomaru out before I plunged into complete darkness. I heard the words "damn it" before my mind followed suit.

My body was still tense and unprepared to face what awaited me but my mind was fully alert. Stupid, it called me, you should have waited and planned something better. Now you're trapped here. Stupid. Stupid.

I was almost dreading the moment I had to open my eyes and face my new reality.

I knew that if I did I would have to stare calamity right in the eye. I knew I couldn't avoid it, it was practically expecting me on the other side.

They were probably dead. All of them. Maybe they were ashes floating in the air by now. Maybe I was breathing them now. Breathing what they were and what they will never be.

The thought choked me until I opened my eyes, gasping-searching for air. It was like I never I had enough, like I could never properly fill my lungs.

After the realization of what I just did sank in I laid there paralyzed, incapable of looking anywhere but the white marbled ceiling. No no no no no no.

"Good. You finally woke." I snapped my head towards Jaken's voice, where he sat next to me.

The second it dawned on me that I was inside a room my eyes started darting everywhere. The room was enormous, though lacked objects to fill in the vacant clean spaces. It was completely white and if the pain in my body and the lost in my heart hadn't been so real I'd imagined I died and this was some kind of heaven. It was almost hard to focus on one thing when everything overlapped with each other.

I had no choice but to close my eyes. Then my mind fathomed something I thought I never lived to see.

Jaken. I felt him staring at me and it distinctively reminded me of old times, of our journeys and adventures, of our days and night together. Suddenly a strong sensation of nostalgia overcame me, almost bring me to tears.

As quickly as they came, though, I brushed those feelings aside. I was in shock, my brain was just trying to grab at some familiarity. My body was using a defensive mechanism, trying to avoid a breakdown. I would- no, I could handle this.

These people I thought I loved and who I foolishly believed loved me had forced me into joining their war. I didn't care if it wasn't on purpose and my past actions were solely the main cause of this. It would have been easier letting me die. The fact that they chose to torture me with the past sparked the anger that kept feeding and growing inside me. Far greater than any nostalgia and happy memories. These were not my long lost friends but my old enemies.

It didn't matter if they treated me nicely, kindly or as Sesshomaru put it earlier 'at home', the fact that they knew exactly what they were doing was enough to erase even the happiest memories I once shared with them.

"The healer of the palace told us that you were going to recuperate in time, although he warned that you should take things easily. So don't strain or push yourself, take things slow and rest in bed." Jaken went on as if the pain in my expression had to do with my body. Albeit, some of it was due because of it but most was just pure hatred.

My mouth was too dry and memories seemed to clog my throat. It was difficult but I looked at Jaken, seemingly trying to brush my face out of any emotions.

"And you will need your rest. When the healer tells us you are well enough you will begin your lessons."

Through the haste inside my mind his words reached out. "Lessons….?"

Jaken only blinked as if he expected me to already know this. Clearly I didn't. "Believe it or not, Rin, you are a very important facet in this war. Sesshomaru even prearranged some classes with one of the palace scholars. Although he did not see reason for arranging training lessons he did note that you were too hasty and bulky on your own so he asked his fiancé, Lady Chima, to instruct you in techniques of proper behavior. When the healer sees fit, you will have lessons with Lady Chima and Scholar Shishiro."

I wondered briefly if my lessons with this Chima had anything to do with me slapping him in the face. I tried to savor my small victory as much as I could but there were other pressing matter's to think about. Like why I even needed a scholar or a lady teaching me things that are completely fathomless. I even asked so.

I received yet another look from Jaken that suggested I should know this too. I wondered if I was supposed to. Had Sesshomaru said anything on the way to the western lands? I don't remember.

"When you killed the leader of the northwest land you automatically signed in for the war, even if you weren't aware of his position. And being a link of Sesshomaru's past-" I couldn't help replay those words in my head- they were reassuring, they chiseled me: a link of Sesshomaru's past. "-makes it a whole more significant. You are a representative now in the war. You are an image of apprehension he wants to use to intimidate the court of the northwest. A clear message that he had the upper hand so many years ago and now."

Jaken's words annoyed me, there was no denying it. But something bitter settled into my stomach as I grasped at what he was telling me. "But he's lying. He would have never known I killed the leader of the northwest because he hasn't taken the time to find out what happened to me after he abandoned me in that village. Actually, he hadn't known anything about me until a few hours ago and he would have still not known anything about me if they hadn't linked the death of their leader to me. He is just a big hypocrite."

Jaken gasped. Apparently he had thought I was still the kind happy Rin he had known before he too abandoned me in the village. Well, I just proven him wrong. "Don't say such things, Child." I watched him as he inhaled deeply. "Whether you like it or not Sesshomaru has chosen you-for lack of better judgment I may add- as one of his many representatives. And when you are done healing up you will received your daily lesson with Scholar Shishiro who will teach you of the sort. Then he will pass you to Lady Chima who will teach you how to carry yourself, seeing how you are going to represent the western lands."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Yes, I accepted the charge of killing this leader from the northeast lands and I accepted that my decision had somehow involved me in this hot headed war but it didn't mean I had to stay or that I had to be involved- watching from the front lines as a representative. I get that Sesshomaru was using me as a way to intimidate the northwest but that didn't mean I wanted to be part of this or that he had to rule a decision about me relating the matter- or any matter. I only joined because the village could be in danger if I didn't- I only did it because I cared for my friends.

But that resulted into to ashes. Now that they were gone- or dying a slow death- what motive did I have to stay here. I could leave at any time, maybe mourn their death some place quiet.

But where would I go…?

The thought almost silenced me completely. Where would I go from here?

There was so much silence Jaken's voice was like thunder on a clear day. "You aren't the little girl I remembered."

I slowly turned to him and gave him a long disapproving glare. "And you are the same old toad I remember."

After that I didn't see Jaken. It was only a week later when he reappeared with an old looking dog demon. The healer. Apparently I was well enough- my arm was healing properly and the biting marks in my head had closed up completely, no longer needing the assistance of lady-servant-demons. I had been a blank page all of that time, truth be told, a void without purpose. I never felt so vulnerable or alone. But against all emptiness something register. I was going to begin my lessons.

Deep in my subconscious something sparked in me, rekindling the hatred I felt with determination. I might not thought about it at first but Sesshomaru just opened a door for me. Giving me a position as representative as blindly as that was a wrong move, perhaps his own downfall. I had found my resolve-I was going to plan, to strategize every little detail. I was going use my position to take down the western and northwest lands. I was going end this war. I was going to have my vengeance on behave of my friends.

So I planned and waited, planned and waited. Until finally three days later there was a knock at my door.

I stood, went to the door and opened it.

There stood a dog demon. Or at least I thought. The marks on his face and arm indicated me so but his black hair and slightly brownish yellow eyes told me otherwise. I didn't have time to notice the books and scrolls he carried or his garments to put two and two together before he said. "Good morning Lady Rin. I am Shishiro. I hope you weren't expecting me for so long, you see debating decisions about the war with the court usually takes days."

I smiled kindly, though it strained my face. I opened the door a little wilder, indicating that he should come in.

Finally, I was going to make

all of them

burn

like they did to me.