Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom hearts 1 or 2, they're the property of square enix and Disney. No money has or will exchange hands as this story was purely written for entertainment value. Original characters, worlds and storylines do belong to me.
Author note: Thanks to MDRLOz (formerly known as L Zero Zeta) for betaing this and all my other chapters for me. This one went through several rewrites so I hope I finally managed to get it right…. Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed, read, added to alerts or favs your support means a lot to me.
Chapter 4, Acrossing two
The rest of the week had passed quietly, the three almost inseparable – staying at one of their houses each night until the weekend arrived. Telling their parents they were going to the island again they had little protest, it was a normal activity for the three after all.
Sora had brightened up as the week went on, explaining his dreams had settled down again for the most part. There had been two occasions in which he had awoken screaming but Kairi and Riku had been there to settle him quickly enough.
They were now in the Gummi ship which had been sent via auto pilot and extended to include a sleeping area, Sora sat at the helm despite it being in auto to Radiant Garden and Riku sat at his side.
"Have you tried talking to him?" the silver haired boy asked when Kairi had fallen out of earshot.
"Roxas?" Sora already knew the answer when he spoke. "I don't really get time to try and I don't know if I really want to… I kinda want to leave the two of them together – even if it is only a dream. He's happier in his memories… nothing like the boy that attacked me in the world that never was."
"You know why he did what he did don't you?" Rikus voice was gentle and even, not wanting to push his friend but at the same time knowing that letting Roxas live in his façade wasn't doing anyone any good.
"Yeah… he'd just woken up after Axel faded." And Sora found he couldn't look at his friend as he spoke, his eyes searching the control panel for something to take his mind from the conversation.
"Look, just try and talk to him next time if you can. Let him know we're trying to help ok?" again Rikus voice stayed calm and Sora finally looked at him, nodding.
"I will." Then he stood, leaving Riku in charge. "I'm going to see how Kairi's getting on with the supplies." He told the silver haired boy, darting off in the direction of the storage room, next to the sleeping quarters.
"Do you remember any of this?" Sora asked his very excited girlfriend as she took in the shopping district of Radiant Gardens.
Shaking her head Kairi answered, "None of it, but it feels familiar." Reaching into her black side bag that hung from her belt she headed over to the accessory shop talking with the man who ran the store before handing over munny and putting the small object away in her bag.
Running to catch up with the two boys she caught onto both their hands as they headed towards Merlins house. Riku regarded her with a smile in his eyes, she never left him out of anything – neither of them ever did and he silently thanked them for it.
Leon was waiting just outside the house for them, nodding in greeting to each one.
"Nice to see you again Sora, Kairi. Good to finally meet you Riku."
Letting go of Kairis hand the oldest of the three stepped forwards and extended his hand in greeting. "Good to meet you too. Sora told us how you helped him, Donald and Goofy. Nice to put a face to the name."
Leon gave a rare smile shaking the boys offered hand before gesturing inside.
"Cid's linked Ansems computer to the terminal here to make it easier for you to access and Tron left a message saying all data had been extracted. I hope you can find what you're looking for."
"Thanks Leon." Sora smiled at the older man as they walked inside. Only Yuffie and Merlin were there and the ninja was happy enough to introduce herself to Kairi and Riku – offering to show them around properly. The brunette nodded for them to go on ahead and sat down at the terminal.
"You got any clues of where to start?" Leon asked, taking a seat besides Sora.
"Not really, I just need to see if I can find anything useful on one of the members of Organization XIII. From what Riku told me this place was updated until shortly after Roxas joined the organisation."
"Roxas?" the older man looked puzzeled.
"Number XIII in the organisation… long story." He realised then that the subject of his nobody hadn't come up while he'd been in Radiant Garden, in fact this was the first time he'd returned after Xemnas had been defeated.
"Well good luck, I'll leave you to it." Leon told him, standing and leaving the room.
Looking around Sora noticed that Merlin had fallen asleep, book open in his hands. Laughing quietly at the sleeping wizard and stifling a yawn himself as the result of a week of troubled sleep was beginning to take its toll, he began to search through the database in the hope of finding something.
Proof of existence, somewhere Roxas found himself walking through several times in the past few days – ever since the lights started to turn red on their panels. At first, when Vexens' changed he hadn't understood what it meant, Demyx had explained in the end. Blue meant they were still alive… red meant that they had faded.
Since that day four more had turned to red leaving only eight blue including his own. It meant that for some reason or another everyone except Axel, who were sent to castle oblivion were now gone. He could only hope with all his non existent heart that his wouldn't turn as well.
He thought about using the portal attached to Axels wing of the castle but couldn't quite imagine being there without him. Not wanting to return to their rooms either he ended up rested against the wall, constantly watching just in case something changed.
He barely registered the sound of a dark portal opening at his side and he jumped when a hand came to rest on his shoulder. Looking startled he turned to the intruder, a small smile meeting his lips as he look upon the familiar red hair and facial tattoos.
"I thought I'd find you here." Axel commented, sliding his arm around the blonde's shoulders. Roxas visibly relaxed into his hold even sliding an arm around his back.
"You back for good this time?"
"Yeah." There was a somewhat sorrowful – or as close as Axel could come to that – expression in his eyes as he spoke. "It's finished."
Roxas regarded him carefully waiting for further explanation, although not really expecting one.
"You can't tell me can you?" and Axel simply shook his head and rested his chin on the others unruly blonde hair, breathing in his scent deeply. Everything he had done in that castle was for the soul purpose of keeping Roxas safe, the fact that it happened to tie in with any plans Xemnas had was a fortunate coincidence for both sides.
"…Rox?"
"Yeah?" he had shifted in the hold Axel had placed him in and tilted his eyes to meet the green ones staring questioningly at him.
"You know that I care about you as much as a nobody can right?" the question was unexpectedly blunt. Axel never seemed to use words to expresses his 'emotions', the reason for it had to be linked to whatever had happened on his mission.
"Yeah…" he leaned up and let his fingers run over the diamond shaped markings on Axels face.
"
It took a moment for Sora to realise where he was and even longer for him to realise he was dreaming Must have been more tired than I thought. He stepped through the door that had been left ajar in front of him, entering the dark room lit only by the faint pink light of the moon.
He regarded the blonde boy sat on the window seat carefully and scanned the room to see that Axel; or at least a memory of him was asleep under the sheets of the large bed to his left.
"Roxas?" he asked gently, not sure what his reply was going to be and wondering vaguely if he could even summon his keyblade.
"You can come closer you know, I'm not going to hurt you and he won't wake up. We both know he's not even really here." Roxas didn't turn to face him, just waited – sat in his boxers and T-shirt waiting for Sora.
The brunette obliged and came to sit next to him, it was only then that the other boy turned to him.
"I know you're trying to help me… but Sora I don't see how looking through the database will do any good."
"I don't know either to be honest I was hoping something would just kinda pop out at me, I wish there was an easier way." He said, scratching the back of his head.
"And I wish I could go back." Roxas whispered, blue eyed boring into Soras. "No matter what happened in the end it was my home for a year, that castle was all I knew… Axel, Demyx, Luxord and the others were all I had."
Silence fell between the two of them and the blonde eyes once again fell on Axels form, Sora simply sat there as a thought that had entered his mind before took hold. Realising this might be his only chance to ask his question he spoke.
"Why did you leave?"
"The Organisation? Because I – " but Sora cut him off shaking his head.
"No, why did you leave him? You loved him as much as a nobody is able and I know how he felt about you… I don't understand."
Roxas was silent and Sora considered he might not get his answer at all.
"Does it matter? Riku would have come for me anyway and at least this way Axel was spared a little longer." He replied after a while.
"It matters Roxas because without knowing why none of this makes sense to me. I've seen enough of your memories to know how close you two were, I don't know why you would want to leave that." Sora was trying his best to explain his reasoning, needing to know before he woke up.
"Why didn't you return to Destiny Islands with Kairi when you had the chance?" Roxas countered.
"Because I knew she'd be safe where she was and Riku was my best friend - I couldn't just leave him behind." Sora sighed. "This doesn't answer my question; I don't see how it's the same."
"No, you wouldn't. But even what I had with Axel wasn't enough to stop me wondering - to stop the nagging feeling in my chest every time I used the keyblades. No one would tell me why I had them and I knew they knew – not all of them but Axel knew." Voice raised and hands balled into fists at his side. "He knew about you but he couldn't tell me, Xemnas would have destroyed him if he had."
"Roxas…"
"You couldn't go home without taking Riku with you and I couldn't stay not knowing who I was. Keyblade bearers are supposed to be those with strong hearts, for good or evil. Nobodies don't have hearts… yet I had the keyblades." Taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly he felt himself begin to calm. "I always intended to return once I had my answers… but Axel was safer there than with me."
Silence fell between them, Roxas with nothing more to say and Sora finally begging to understand his nobody, hoping that perhaps it would help to close the distance between them.
"Did you find your answers?" Sora asked him softly, reaching out to place his hand on his others shoulder.
"No. Riku got in the way and by the time I did find out I also understood what had to happen to me… it was my place to complete you. I couldn't run from that, no matter how much I wanted to."
"I'm sorry." Sora knew it wasn't good enough and he wondered if there was anyway to solve the problems he had inadvertently caused.
"I know but you can't change what happened, just find a way to fix this." Roxas fixed the other boy with his matching blue eyes and Sora nodded silently, hoping that he could do just that.
"Roxas what the hell?" when Demyx had told him the keyblade bearer was in something of a mood he hadn't quite expected to see a half naked Roxas tearing through the former rose garden that lay in the western side of the castle. Something had pissed him off and Axel damn well hoped it wasn't him.
Throwing a chakram in his direction, the fire wielder waited for the younger nobody to turn to face him, he couldn't justify the risk of getting that close to Oathkeeper and Oblivion. When Roxas finally did turn, he fixed his azure eyes on Axels face with a murderous stare.
"Roxas?" he asked carefully, trying to find a reason for his actions.
"I want out." Came the cold reply, he was walking towards Axel and the older of the two was suddenly afraid of what exactly he meant.
"Of?"
"The castle." Axel sighed in relief, aware that there was more to it but at least he wasn't asking for the other type of end… because that was one he knew he wouldn't survive and if that was to happen he would wish he really did have no heart…
Without Roxas nothing mattered… nothing and as weak as it sounded he couldn't deny it's truth. Before his arrival Axel had simply existed, following orders not caring who he stepped over in the process. But things in the world that never was had change and he along with them, he found he had things to look forwards to and something to care about… Axel had no wish to go back to how it was before.
"I'm guessing you don't just mean for ice cream."
"No." Roxas sighed, sending his keyblades away and with them managing to release the tension and anger that had flowed through him moments before. "No Axel." He closed the distance between them, reaching up and kissing him roughly.
Knowing what was inevitably coming when the younger backed away again he placed his fingers over his mouth when Roxas went to speak.
"Don't say it – "
"It won't be forever, just long enough for me to find what I'm looking for." The fingers tracing his lips were shaking and the look he saw in the green eyes focused on him almost moved him enough to forget his reasons for leaving.
"Please." The words were forced and desperate and Roxas had to close his eyes from the emerald orbs above him. "If you don't tell me I can't betray you." It was a lie, they both knew that but it was easier to say than the truth. Axel had known for a while that Roxas would leave to find his answers but ignoring the fact made his existence easier to bear.
"It won't be anytime soon Axel, not while everyone is watching my every move" The redhead nodded in acceptance of the fact and tried once again to dispel the others anger.
"Demyx was just worried about you and a little upset you ruined his favourite part of this castle."
"Oh." He surveyed the damage, petals strewn across the pavement, vases smashed into tiny pieces of white or grey marble… the only thing left intact was the fountain. At least that was something. "I couldn't help myself…"
"I know." and Axel pulled Roxas to him once again holding on as tight as the blonde would allow. For a moment Roxas didn't reciprocate as if analysing the situation before shifting his head against the tallers chest.
With the help of Tron Sora had managed to access the current map of worlds when he had finally woken up, finding distinct traces of the world that never was. It had been a long shot but it seemed it hadn't completely disappeared.
"Find anything?" Kairi asked, handing him a sea salt ice cream when she approached.
He smiled. "Thanks." When Riku came to stand with the two of them he continued. "Roxas mentioned wanting to go back home… World that never was and it turns out that part of it is still there"
"Okay…" Riku commented, clearly wanting more of an explanation.
"I think that we should go, I can't think of anything else we can do. Unless you guys have come up with anything?"
They both shook their heads, Kairi leaning on the edge of the terminal for support, she seemed a little out of breath now that he noticed.
"You okay?" he asked, sliding his arm around her waist.
"I'm fine, Yuffie took us down to the old castle gates for some practice." Taking another bite of her ice cream she smiled. "Then she decided it would be fun to race us both back here." He didn't need to ask who won, the ninja still hadn't returned and it looked as though his friends had time to buy ice cream along the way.
"You coming with us Riku?" Kairi questioned as she plotted their course to The World that never was into the Gummi ship controls.
"Ah…I won't be leaving the air ship if that's what you mean." He averted his best friends gaze as she spoke, choosing instead to study the view of Radiant Garden below him.
"Why?" Kairi prodded gently.
Riku hesitated, quickly meeting the redheads gaze before looking away again.
"Because of what I caused, I just think it would be best to stay out of Roxas' way." He answered quietly and Kairi shook her head in mild exasperation. Her silver haired friend still retained the habit of turning his mind towards the negative.
"Riku you only did what you thought was right. No one could have expected anymore than that. Without you Sora wouldn't have been able to continue his journey and the Organisation would have won."
"Doesn't matter, still doesn't change what I did to them."
"Riku…" she reached out to him, placing her hand on his arm tentatively. He didn't shy away this time and instead chose to face her, silently thankful that Kairi was the one asking and not Sora. He wanted to avoid enraging Roxas any further, already aware from his growing affect on his best friend that his moods were somewhat temperamental.
"I knew what their relationship was and I knew what I was doing. But I wouldn't allow myself to accept Roxas as anything more than a lesser version of Sora, a poor copy that didn't deserve his own existence. I didn't know what would happen when the two joined together and I didn't care."
Kairi was silent for a few moments, trying to choose her words carefully. "Was there ever another option?"
"….No. We were running out of time and Naminé couldn't finish her work without Roxas." Kairi felt the familiar sense of agreement flow from inside of her; she knew the other girl was listening.
"Then there's your answer." She sighed. "Roxas' decisions are already tormenting him and Sora - I don't want you hurting over this as well." Her voice became quiet he could see the tears welling in her violet eyes.
"Alright. But I'm still going to stay with the ship, out of respect for Roxas and the memory of Axel if nothing else."
Kairi nodded slowly, accepting his decision as she wiped her eyes with her free hand, leaning back into the passenger seat and breathing deeply. Riku sat silently at her side, waiting for Sora to return so they could finally find Roxas' answers.
My exams are over now so I should have the next chapter up within the week. reviews, comments, constructive critism all welcome and very, very much appreciated.