Trigger Warning

A.N: From now on this story has a trigger warning for self harm. Also, I've received a couple of reviews saying how people can relate to Beca and I just wanted to say that if any of you need to talk to someone I am here and I will never ever judge you or turn you away. x

After a while, Chloe had regained composure and offered to get a hot drink from the kitchen so they could talk. Several minutes later she returned with a coffee for herself and a tea for Beca. Now that Chloe knew, Beca figured it was probably best to answer any questions she had instead of making her suffer by worrying and assuming the answers. The first question that escaped Chloe's lips was the most obvious one she could think of. "Why?" Beca took her time before answering, because although it was the most obvious question it was the hardest one to answer. She still couldn't remember the exact time she started – it was so long ago. Eventually she decided to answer with why she did it now, and so rolled up her sleeve.

Chloe gasped at the sight of her scarred arm, and hurriedly Beca pulled her sleeve back down. "No wait, I'm sorry Beca. It just takes a bit of getting used to. Show me again," the redhead anxiously said, hoping she hadn't lost Beca's trust already. Hesitantly Beca revealed her arm again, realising how hard it was for someone else to see it. She had been used to the sight for years, so it didn't particular affect her any more. She gave Chloe a few moments to take it all in, and then began to answer her question. She pointed at an older scar and said, "That's because I disappointed my parents and didn't get a good enough GPA at the end of high school." Her finger ran along to a shorter but wider scar that was still healing, "That was because I dropped all my money on the taxi floor when I tried to pay the driver who dropped me off."

Beca swallowed, and then looked into Chloe's eyes wondering if she should continue. A small nod from the older girl encouraged her to go on. She tapped a small, pink, circular scar and said, "That's because I made too many mistakes on my philosophy homework." Then, she moved onto two of the more recent cuts and said, "This one is because I couldn't get the steps right in rehearsal. And this one is because I stuttered in front of everyone." They sat in silence for a few moments as Chloe tried to take it all in. Beca was punishing herself for the tiniest of things, but in her eyes they were big enough to call for violent consequences.

Unsure what to say or do, Chloe slowly lifted her hand and moved it towards Beca's arm. "It's okay," the brunette said, "You can touch me, I won't break." Chloe wasn't too sure she agreed with her, but gently placed her fingers on the most prominent scar. She ran her fingers along it and felt a lump form in the back of her throat. She bit her tongue, determined to stay strong as she lightly ran her fingertip along the other scars she could see. "Why are some of them circular?" Chloe asked, pausing on a round scar. Beca shifted awkwardly in her seat, trying to think of a tactful way to answer. "I err… it's from a… a cigarette."

"You smoke?" Chloe said shocked, and then kicked herself for asking something that was clearly a low priority right now. Thankfully Beca let out a small laugh and said, "Only very, very occasionally. And the patches of red on my arm that are just heat marks and not scars; they're not from cigarettes. Sometimes if I make a hot drink, once I've finished with the spoon that I just used to stir the boiling water I hold it against my arm." Chloe sat there in shock, realising that self-harm wasn't necessarily just about cutting but about using anything and everything possible to hurt yourself. Unsure whether she wanted to hear the answer to this, she asked quietly, "How did you get the bruises on your wrists?"

"I hit them," Beca replied, but Chloe still looked confused. She was trying to figure out what exactly Beca meant by saying she 'hit them', and could only think of someone awkwardly punching their own wrist. Seeing the confusion evident on the older girl's face, Beca struggled to think how else to phrase it and still make sense. Then, she moved to the edge of her seat and leant over to the table. "I hit it on something, like this," she said, and then raised her arm before slamming her wrist bone towards the corner of the table. Millimetres away from the corner of it she stopped in mid-air, not wanting to actually do it in front of Chloe. Nevertheless, Chloe cried out and leapt towards Beca.

"It's okay, I didn't do it!" Beca said comfortingly, wishing she had explained it more tactfully. So far she had managed to stay strong, but now all Chloe could do was cover her mouth with her hand struggling to take everything in. Overcome with guilt Beca moved so her legs were touching Chloe's and held her hands, pulling them into her lap. "I'm sorry, that was a really dick move," she said and searched Chloe's face for comfort. She bit down hard on her lip, waiting for the redhead to say something. Eventually she squeaked out, "You're not going to stop, are you?"

"It's not as simple as that. A while back I spent over a year trying to stop, but eventually I just kept on giving in. Every time I'm alone for too long my head starts screaming every single thing wrong with me, and it's deafening. The only thing that makes my head quiet is pain. Now I've just accepted that I don't think I can ever stop. I don't feel right if I'm not doing it."

"What if I help you to at least do it less? I know you won't believe me but you don't need to punish yourself all the time, especially not for things like messing up in rehearsal."

"You can't just put yourself forward to help me like that. You don't know how hard it will be, not just on me but on you as well."

"But I don't care! I don't care how hard it gets – I am here for you no matter what."

"Do you realise what you're saying? I c-can't… can't even make a hot drink without hurting myself."

Chloe placed her hand softly against Beca's cheek and said, "I know what I'm saying, and I am sticking by it. You can move into our apartment so if you ever need anything I am right there, and you'd be able to get away from your antisocial roommate. I'll sleep on the sofa and you can have my bed. Aubrey wants to help you just as much as I do so she won't mind. Just please, say yes?" Beca sat for a few moments considering the offer. She adored the idea of getting away from Kimmy Jin, and if ever she had a real chance of recovery this was probably it. After much deliberation she locked eyes with Chloe and said, "Okay. You win."

A wide grin spread across Chloe's face and Beca couldn't help but smile in return. On a more serious note Beca continued, "You do know that you'll probably see me… you know… at some point." Chloe's stomach tensed at the thought of seeing the smaller girl put out a cigarette on her arm or whacking her wrist on the table, but took a deep breath and said, "I know. But I'm going to help change that." Beca smiled gratefully before pressing her lips firmly against Chloe's. "You're amazing, you know that?"

"I know," Chloe replied, "Shall we go to your dorm and get your stuff? And then we can grab some lunch on the way back if you want."

"Sounds perfect," Beca said before placing another quick kiss on the older girl's lips. As they walked over to her dorm Beca thought aloud, "Won't it be weird? I mean, we've been dating for a week and we're already moving in together…"

"Well, you're moving in mostly so I can help you get better. So I suppose as long as we make sure to keep an equal balance between roommate behaviour and girlfriend behaviour then we should be fine. Also, it's not like we'll be spending every second together – I'll have my classes and you'll have yours, and you'll be working at the radio station."

Beca agreed with all of those points, but one particular phrase stuck in her head. "Girlfriend behaviour?" she asked making Chloe blush. They had been on their first date a week ago and had barely been apart since then, but neither of them had officially declared their relationship. "Well I think of you as my girlfriend, so I guess that's kind of what I meant by 'girlfriend behaviour'," Chloe said, fumbling over words to avoid the question. Eventually she realised that she was only digging herself into a deeper hole and so stopped in the middle of the pavement and said, "Beca Mitchell, will you allow me to call you my girlfriend?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Beca said with a grin on her face, "But only if I can call you mine." Teasingly Chloe pretended to think about it, but eventually nodded and took Beca by the hand as they continued walking. Once they had enough of Beca's clothes for a few days, they decided to pick up the rest of her things another time. On the way home they stopped by a café to grab some lunch, and then wandered back to the apartment. Chloe opened the door and made a mental note to get a key made for Beca, and then carried the clothes into her room. She made some space in her jam packed wardrobe and popped the clothing inside before heading back out to the living room.

Aubrey was back and sitting on the sofa watching TV, and Beca headed into the bathroom to give the two girls some space. Chloe sat down next to her best friend and said, "Don't be mad, but I asked Beca to move in with us." The blonde whipped her head round, shocked at the sudden development in the relationship. "She needs help Bree, and being alone in that dorm really isn't good for her. It's so much worse than you can imagine: she makes a coffee and she burns herself with the spoon. She'll have a cigarette just so she can put it out on her arm. I've known people with low self-esteem before but she really hates herself and there's no way she can get better on her own. Please, I know that you've had your doubts about her but she needs us."

All Aubrey could say was, "Oh my gosh…" Before either of them could say any more, Beca re-emerged from the bathroom and looked hesitantly at them. Realising that she was searching for reassurance that she could stay, Aubrey smiled encouragingly at her and said, "I'm pleased you're coming to stay with us. If you need anything at all, just let me know." Those words sounded strange coming from her mouth, but she meant every one of them. She found herself feeling concerned for Beca and wanted to help her in every way possible, but just for good measure she returned to her usual self and continued, "But if you leave toothpaste in the sink, or can't be bothered to do your own washing up then you'll be back in a room with Kimmy Jin before you can say aca-scuse me."

Beca laughed and said, "I'll be sure to remember that." She walked over to the sofa to join her two new roommates as a baking programme chattered loudly on the TV. Beca found herself getting wrapped up in the show – something she definitely wouldn't ever admit out loud. As they announced the winner of the chocolate themed round, Chloe stretched her arm across her girlfriend's shoulders and smiled as she felt Beca sink into her side. Beca couldn't remember a time when she had felt so content: she was in an apartment with people who actually liked and spoke to her, she was in the arms of the most beautiful girl around, and she finally felt like she belonged somewhere.