Chapter 4

Robert clenched his teeth in frustration as he pushed his phone back into his pocket after another unanswered call from Aaron. He wanted to talk to him, but Aaron wasn't answering his phone. Aaron was either consciously ignoring him or still asleep, which didn't seem unlikely after the amount of alcohol he must have been drinking last night.

The conversation he'd had with Aaron had left a strange feeling in Robert's stomach, which had led to him making a decision based on his emotions, something he rarely did. Robert usually only made decision he'd thought through, decisions that were rational. But somehow Aaron's words had gotten underneath his skin and it seemed to him that staying for Aaron was more important right now than going away with Chrissie. But his decision to stay, meant that he had to have a conversation with Chrissie he rather would have avoided.

Robert entered their bedroom quietly, a part of him hoping that Chrissie wouldn't be there. He didn't want to have to say this to her, he didn't want to ruin her good mood, but he knew he needed to have this conversation at some point today and right now was as good a time as any.

He found her bowed over a suitcase, repacking it for what must be the third time.

"Still not satisfied?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

She glanced up, looking caught. "I know, I know. I doesn't really matter, but I just want it to be perfect."

"Yeah about that." Robert ran a hand through his already tousled hair. He'd made his decision already, but that didn't make telling Chrissie any easier.

Chrissie narrowed her eyes at him before they widened in understanding. "No, no. Don't," Chrissie said, looking at him pleadingly, already knowing what Robert was about to say before he'd the chance to speak. "Don't tell me you can't come."

Robert sighed and sat down on the bed next to the half packed suitcase. "I'm sorry."

Chrissie sank down on the other side of the suitcase. She was clearly downhearted and she avoided Robert's gaze when he tried to catch it. "Why can't you come?" she asked quietly.

Robert put his thoughts in order, thinking about the answer he wanted to give before he said: "I just got a call from a client. It's urgent and I can't cancel. Lawrence probably didn't know about it since I didn't write it down and because you told me he had taken care of everything, I simply forgot. But the client called this morning and I need to take care of things this week." He grabbed Chrissie's hand and gave it a soft squeeze. "I'm sorry. I was really looking forward to spending the week with you."

Robert let go of her hand and resisted the urge to lie down on his back and close his eyes. After Aaron had called him around four am, he hadn't been able to catch any more sleep. After he'd climbed back into bed with Chrissie, he'd found himself tossing and turning the whole night, his thoughts a big mess that kept returning to the words Aaron had said to him. Aaron had told him he wanted Robert to stay. Aaron had asked, and Robert found himself unable to deny Aaron's request. He'd heard the simple desire and want in Aaron's voice and ever since he'd been unable to think about anything else. He knew the only reason Aaron had said anything at all was because he'd been intoxicated, but it didn't stop the words from being true, and as far as Robert was concerned that was all that mattered.

"I could stay with you," Chrissie suggested, but Robert could hear the reluctance in her voice. She'd really been looking forward to this week and he knew that she could use a break from everything. The last few weeks had been hard on her as well.

"No, you deserve this. I know things haven't been great between you and Lucky, and Lawrence too for that matter, but maybe it will help you make amends. It will do you good, the three of you."

"Thank you Robert. I don't know what I would do without you," she smiled at him, clearly still disappointed, but trying to be positive. Robert couldn't stop himself from comparing her to Aaron. Aaron, who usually, simply saw the negative side of everything; something that had given him a dark sense of humor that had unsettled Robert more than once. Something that never happened with Chrissie, the times she made jokes were rare. "Will you be alright on your own?" she asked.

Robert nodded and said: "I'll miss you, but don't worry about me. I'll manage. Just make sure you enjoy yourself, yeah?!"

Chrissie gave him a tight nod, before turning her attention back to the half packed suitcase. "I guess I have to finish packing."

"Yeah, you should." Robert stood up before the need to fall asleep became too much to resist. For a moment he watched as Chrissie filled the suitcase slowly. She worked in a calm manner while she arranged everything in the suitcase. "I'll leave you to it," he muttered, leaving the room without waiting for answer, though he doubted that Chrissie had heard him anyway. When she was engrossed in her work, she barely paid any attention to her surroundings or the people in it.

While he moved down the stairs he fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed Aaron's number. After a few rings it went to voicemail. "Aaron, it's me. Again. I don't know whether you're ignoring me or if you're still asleep, but there's something I'd like to talk to you about. Meet me at the shed at four."

He hang up and made his way into the kitchen. It was two-thirty, which meant he'd an hour and half to do some actual work before he would hopefully meet Aaron at the shed.

xXx

God. His head was pounding. He couldn't open his eyes, cause it felt like they were glued together. He felt like crap and he knew that every little movement would be a mistake. He'd drunk too much yesterday. He knew, but God knew the exact amount cause he couldn't really recall much of last night. He knew he'd been in the pub, drinking with Adam, when Robert had walked in. He knew he'd spoken to Robert and that Robert had said something that pissed him off, though he could barely remember what it had been about, it didn't really seem of much importance anymore. But it had led him to drinking way too much. He knew that at first they had been drinking beer and later on a lot of shots too. And he knew Adam had been with him there the whole time. He couldn't remember anything after that, but apparently he'd made it into his room, cause that's where he was right now. Or at least he thought he was there, which he could confirm if he managed to open his eyes, but that seemed like too much work right now. He better not be in anybody else's bed right now, but he was sure he would remember it if he'd had a one night's stand.

Time to check. Aaron peeled open one eye and closed it again almost immediately. Bad idea. God. He could feel a headache coming up. He never should have drunk as much as he did. Never again, he promised himself, knowing full well that that was an empty promise. As much as he usually regretted it the day after, it always seemed like a great idea the moment he was actually drinking.

But he'd seen enough to confirm what he'd already thought. He was in his own bed. Luckily.

He felt uncomfortable. Somewhere during the night, he'd pulled his blankets over his full clothed body and now he was way too warm. The warmth had made him sweat which only fortified the scent of alcohol and old sweat. It was disgusting, he felt disgusting. If getting to the shower didn't mean he'd to move, he would already been under it right now. But it seemed like too much of an exercise. He'd rather stay in bed the rest of the day. It seemed to be the perfect idea for now.

But he knew that he needed to get a move on if he wanted to get any work done today. He doubted that Adam was in a better state than him, cause as much as Adam hated to admit it, Aaron held his liquor way better than Adam did. Which meant that Adam was probably in a worse condition than him right now.

Aaron slowly kicked down his blankets while he blinked his eyes to let them get used to the morning, or more likely, afternoon sun. When his eyes got adjusted to the light, he looked around his room. It didn't look any differently than it usually did, so instead he looked around for his mobile phone. He moved his hand to the bedside table where he usually put it, but his hand came up empty. After searching around with his hands, not bothering to sit up, he found it on the ground on the right side of the bed and picked it off of the ground, wondering how it got there. While he looked at the phone in his hand, the uncomfortable feeling arose that he had forgotten something important. Something to do with his phone.

Aaron went through his memories of last night, but it was one big, black blur. He couldn't remember doing anything worth remembering so that probably meant that nothing important had happened.

Aaron pulled himself upright and immediately wanted to lie back down. The world turned on its axis and his head started pounding again. He dragged his hands down his face and sighed. He hated days like these. He knew it was his own fault, but damn it, it sucked to be hang over. No matter how much it had happened over the years, it was never something he got used to.

He dragged himself out of bed and made his way over to the bathroom to take a shower. He put it on and shuffled out of his dirty clothes. After he'd thrown them in the laundry basket, he stepped underneath the hot spray. The warm water washed over him, waking him up properly and he slowly felt his tense muscles relax. He threw his head back and let the water, which was verging on too hot, flow over his face. He knew he'd to shave soon, but ever since Robert had told him that he found his beard sexy, he hadn't been able to make himself shave it off completely. The thought of Robert recalled a hazy memory within the deepest part of his brain.

"Yeah well, maybe I made a mistake. Maybe I just want you to stay here, for me."

Aaron made an unexpected, jerky movement at the words that shot through his head and he'd to grip the shower rod to prevent himself from making an unfortunate fall. God damn it. No. No. No, no, no. Please don't tell me I've called Robert last night. No. Aaron wanted to smack himself in the face while the conversation he'd had with Robert last night, came back to him slowly. Why? Why did he always have to behave like an idiot without any self-respect? He'd actually told Robert he wanted him to stay. Why would he do that to himself? He didn't want to let Robert think he was a needy, little attention seeker, but it was what he made himself look like. Unbelievable. At least he'd hung up before he'd had the chance to embarrass himself any further. Or to hear Robert's answer. Cause he really didn't need to get rejected once again. He'd had enough experience in that area.

Aaron wanted to slam his fist into the wall, but thought better of it. He didn't want to damage his hand or the wall for that matter. He put off the shower and dried himself before putting a towel around his waist and making his way to his bedroom.

He slowly dressed, while glancing accusingly at the phone lying on his bedside table. Stupid thing. The one time he wished it had been out of battery, it hadn't been. He was almost scared to look at it. What if Robert had called back or left a text? But what if he hadn't? If he had it probably meant that Robert wanted to talk to him about the phone call and obviously Aaron's exercising. But if Robert hadn't called or texted him, he probably, really thought Aaron was a complete fool and was presumably laughing at him at the very moment. Neither options were good and Aaron just didn't want to know.

After staring at his phone for what felt like more than five minutes, he picked it up and put it in his pocket without looking. First he needed to get some water and an aspirin. And if his stomach could muster it some coffee too. He felt too miserable to give in to the slight panic that was tearing at the edges of his mind. Sometimes it was better not to know, to live in ignorance. He walked into the kitchen and opened some cupboards, looking for the painkillers.

The need to run quickly became too much of a need to resist and after he found an aspirin and swallowed it with some water, he climbed back upstairs to put on his sportswear. He threw his cell phone on his bed without looking and changed outfits quickly. As he walked down the stairs and slipped out of the house, he made a futile attempt to suppress all thoughts of Robert and the phone call. If only he hadn't drunk as much. Aaron was the one who had put an end to their affair, but because of what he said yesterday, it just seemed like he wanted Robert back. And it almost scared him how much truth lay in that thought. He missed Robert in an almost physical, painful way and the more indulgent part of his mind was almost pleased by what he said yesterday because that created a new opportunity for him and Robert to be together. But, no, no! He'd made the choice to end it with Robert after everything that had happened with Katie. And he knew that it would be better for him if he did not go back there. It was better if he kept his distance from Robert. But that thought was not as strong as it once had been and he could feel his determination falter.

Maybe that was the true reason why he did not dare to look at his phone. Not because he was afraid that Robert might be ignoring him, but because Robert might want to give their affair another go. Maybe Aaron was afraid because he knew that Robert would be able to persuade him. Because Aaron no longer had the will to resist Robert, he no longer wanted to resist him. Aaron finally dared to admit to himself that he wanted Robert back, but that thought gave him no joy. It left him with a bitter feeling, knowing that what Robert was willing to give, would never be enough, but Aaron would be content with it, because having a small part of Robert was better than having nothing at all.

He passed Paddy, who looked like he wanted to speak to him, but before Paddy even had a chance to open his mouth, Aaron had already passed him. He set a punishing pace and quickly left the edges of Emmerdale behind him.

Nothing big happened in this chapter, but it all leads to some major moments in the next chapter. Stay tuned and thanks for reading!