SMST: Red Moon! – By DS Wynne
Disclaimer: R1/2, SM, ST, RD and other genres belong to their respective owners.
Note: This is a multi-genre story.
Special Note: This chapter takes place during the fourth year of Usagi's stay aboard the mining ship, SS "Red Dwarf".
Part 4
In an alternate timeline, in the past…
"This is Commander Arnold Rimmer," said the dashing test pilot, as he makes his final approach to the Starfleet Test Base on Mimas, Saturn. "I am coming in for approach."
"Did you hear that?" said Chief Engineer David Lister. "Ace is back!"
"What a guy!" Flight Instructor Ranma Saotome said proudly. "I should know, since I taught him everything that he knows…"
Soon, Ace is seen walking down the hallway, to sound of hands clapping.
"Oh-ho, there," Ranma said with a smile, as he hugged his former student and friend.
"Hey, sensei," Ace said. "Did I do well…or what?"
"You did better than expected, my padawan," Ranma said jokingly. "But tell me, how did you manage to avoid that gravity well like that?"
"Well, as you have always taught me, if you treat a woman who can't cook curry insensitively, expect to receive the proverbial mallet."
"Exactly. Anyway, rumor has it that Starfleet wants a volunteer for a special test flight of a dimensional hopper."
"Ah, the best kind, besides the bed kind."
"Well, just check in with station chief for your debriefing. He might divulge more information about it during then."
"Will do, sensei."
"Oh, you still want to go for drinks later on? I just got accepted into Starfleet Academy, so I want to properly."
"Ah, congratulations, old chum," Ace said. "You've finally returned to your roots. I tell you what, the first round of drinks is on me."
"Thanks, Ace."
"But until then, smoke me a kipper…I'll be back for breakfast in the morning."
And, with that, Ace continues his walk down the corridor of the base.
"What a guy!" Ranma said, as he goes about his business. "If I wasn't so hetero, I used my girl form to get him in the sack-!"
Meanwhile, back in the regular timeline, and in the distant future…
"Sir, ma'am," said Khryton, as he fidgets with worry. "We will not make our trajectory if we do not leave immediately."
"Settle down, Khryton," Usagi said, as she continued to tinker with a holo-emitter she had been working on for a while now. "I just need a little bit of time…"
"Come on, now," Dave said, as he glanced around to see if Rimmer was still asleep in his bunk.
"Just a second," Usagi said, as she sits a light module quietly on the table. "All I need to do…is THIS."
BLIP!
A holographic image of a sleeping Dave Lister appears.
"I didn't know you were working on this," Dave said. "Now Rimmer can have a real girlfriend…"
Dave motions to a blow-up doll that sat motionlessly in a corner.
"Well, I felt bad for beating you guys up, every time you try to get into my pants…with me still in them," Usagi said. "So, I was working on creating a means to expand the ability to generate more holograms for company."
"And this?"
"This was from your file. Had Rimmer, and not you, been stuck in a stasis chamber for 3 million years, you and Rimmer's places would have been exchanged."
"Doubtful," Lister replied. "Most likely, his holographic companion would've been the cleaning lady whom he fancied towards the end…"
BLIP!
"Okay, it should be stable enough to keep Rimmer occupied for a while we have some fun on that ocean world back there."
"Good," Lister replied, as he picks up his fishing gear quietly. "The less Rimmer knows, the better…"
As Lister and Usagi crept out of Lister's shared quarters, Lister accidentally bumps into bumps into a nearby table.
WOMP!
Everyone stay very still for a moment…
"I think we should leave now, sir, ma'am," Khryton said.
However…
"Lights," Rimmer said, as he rolls out of bed.
"Drat," Usagi replied.
"Why are you sneaking out like that?"
"We, um, want to recreate scenes from 'Jaws'?" Lister offered.
Rimmer merely stares Dave disapprovingly.
"…"
"Um, help me, skipper?" Lister pleaded towards Usagi.
"Actually we are conducting a scientific experiment to measure the ocean depths," Usagi said with a sweat drop.
"Oh, really?" Rimmer said. "I suppose that these things you and Lister have are NOT actually fishing equipment, and are, in fact, some disguised sensor equipment?"
"We're just trying to trick the life forms into believing that we are harmless, sir," said Khryton.
"Feh, you wouldn't be able to trick a gerbil if you offered your butt as the scenic route to some ungodly act of loving making!" Rimmer yelled. "And I KNOW you guys are going fishing."
"We're NOT going fishing, Rimmer-" Lister protested, just as Cat enters the room.
"Come on, so that we won't wake up 'goal post head'," Cat said. As always, he made fishing look stylish.
"The jig is up, I'm afraid, sir," said Khryton. "Mr. Rimmer knows."
"Oh. So, what are we waiting for? Let's hurry and leave him behind!"
"Okay, okay," Lister. "We just didn't want to hear you go on and on about anything concerning your childhood."
"Well, blame 'meatball head', here for being open…as a part of my therapy, you know!"
"Don't put this all on me, Rimmer!" Usagi replied. "I said open yourself up, not open yourself up by talking about boring things that is the equivalent of elephant tranquilizers."
"Humph. Can I still come along?"
"Let's see…NO," Cat said.
"No, let's allow Mr. Rimmer to come with us."
"YOU, I don't need permission to be allowed to do anything, you flat head twit!"
"Fine, you can come, but NO stories, okay?" Lister said. He then turns towards Usagi.
"Is that okay with you, skipper?"
"I suppose so," Usagi said.
"THANK you-" Rimmer said.
"Besides, we can always use a distraction, in case we run into an alien monster or something."
"Right- WHAT?"
"Never mind that," Lister said. "So, you're coming or not?"
"I vote for 'not'," Cat whispered into Khryton's ear.
"Alright, I'm coming," Rimmer said happily. He then turns to the viewing screen.
"Holly? I'm ready to be transferred for mobility."
Fem-Holly appears…with a fishing hat.
"You're coming?" Fem-Holly said with a perturbed look. "Oh, crap."
Rimmer turns towards Usagi.
"You and Lister invited Holly over ME?" Rimmer asked in shock and amazement.
"Well…" Usagi said with a look of embarrassment.
Soon, Starbug-1 is underway. Unfortunately, during the time, Rimmer, being Rimmer, either bored the crew incessantly by prattling on about his hobbies, which including photos of 20th century telephone poles, or bugged Khryton about every little detail about his piloting skills, which ended with Rimmer calling the mechanoid a "git".
"I can't take that guy," Cat said, as he and Lister sit around drinking beer. "I rather go 'nobbler' hunting."
A 'nobbler' was a large, black, female "toy" that Lister used to find a lot while fishing in the streams around his old stomping ground back on Earth in the UK…
"Maybe you can go through the skipper's quarters?" Lister said.
"Hey, I told you…that is a 'massager'," Usagi said. "And I told you guys about going through my things."
"Hey, you're the one who keep the keys to the locker where the smokes are," Lister said. "And another thing, based upon the sounds I've been hearing lately in your room, that's some 'massage'."
"Humph!"
Rimmer then enters the lounge area.
"Well, it looks like we're arriving soon," Rimmer said. "In the meantime, as the person in charge of morale, I suggest that we sing camp songs to pass the time-"
WEEE-OOO! WEEE-OOO! WEEE-OOO-!
"Saved by the bell!" Cat said.
"Holly, what the heck is THAT?" Rimmer said.
"And what alert color are we at?" Usagi asked. "I've never seen THAT color before."
""Purple Alert' means that we're picking up a spatial distortion," Fem-Holly replied. "More serious than a 'Blue Alert', but not as serious as a 'Red Alert'."
"Huh."
"Sirs, according our sensors, we're going to crash into something big," Khryton said.
"Impact position, everyone!" Usagi said, as she moves to the cockpit.
"What are we suppose to do?" Rimmer said nervously.
"Yeah, I don't want to lose my fashion sense," Cat said.
"Just…get a magazine to read and relax," Lister said, as he pulls out a leaflet.
"Huh?" Rimmer said.
"It's said that when bracing for a crash, it's good to relax. Reading helps."
"Then get me a copy of 'GQ', then," Cat said, as he reached for a magazine.
"I only have 'Cosmopolitan'."
"Good enough."
"What about me?" Rimmer asked.
"I don't have a copy of 'Woodshop Monthly'," Lister said.
"Very funny. But what about Usagi?"
"Just leave it to me, gents," Usagi said, as she strapped into her seat in the cockpit. "I've been certified to be a rather accomplish pilot, though it has been a while since I had to deal with this sort of crisis."
"When was THAT?" Rimmer asked.
"Oh…2.5 millions ago or so, but who's counting?"
"…"
"Everyone, buckle up, because we're in for a bumpy ride-!"
Ten minutes later…
After impacting the incoming object, Starbug-1 lands on the water planet that they were intended to go to in the first place. Unfortunately, although the impact was minimal, the starboard engine felt the brunt of the impact. Now, there was no way to achieve escape velocity…
"Well, we made it," Lister said, as he checked his crewmates in the lounge area.
"Yeah, and now we're maroon, than to Meatball Head," Rimmer said.
"Oh no!" Cat cried out, as if wincing in pain.
"Cat, what is it?" Lister said.
"Did you know that I tore my sequence pants?" Cat said, as he points to a hole in his pants. "We're going to need a specialist to get these things right."
"…"
"Hey," Usagi said, as she goes out into the back. "Is everyone okay?"
"Yes, not thanks to YOU," Rimmer said.
"ANYWAY, I want a complete inspection of this craft, so that we won't have any unforeseen problems-"
BANG-BANG!
"What was that?" Rimmer said.
"Maybe it's a monster?" Lister said mocking.
"Oh no! I don't want to die!"
"If he doesn't shush up, I'll oblige him," Cat said, as he begins to sew up his pants. "This is a delicate situation, you know!"
"Holly, scan for…what's making that noise," Usagi said.
"Scanning," Fem-Holly said. "Oh, dear…"
"What is it, Hol?" Lister said
"It's…Arnold Rimmer, but there is a weird aura around him."
"Wait, how can there be two of me?" Rimmer panic.
"Hopefully, it's a better on," Lister said.
BANG-BANG!
"Holly, run a diagnostic check on your system, an rescan," Usagi said.
"Working," Fem-Holly said. "Sensors recalibrated. Scanning. No change."
"Well, let's see who that is," Usagi said, as she proceeds to open the airlock.
"But that could be a monster!" Rimmer said.
"You'll be fine," Lister said, as he gets his blaster.
"And why is THAT?"
"You are a hologram, sir," Khryton said.
"Oh, yeah…"
"Ready, people?" Usagi said, as she prepares to undo the hatch.
"Ready," Lister replied.
"One, two, three…"
BLIP!
CHUNK!
A few minutes later, a handsomer version of Arnold Rimmer, dressed in a tin-foil flight suit, comes in.
"Hello," said the doppelganger, as he greets the stunned crew of Red Dwarf. "The name's 'Commander Rimmer', Arnold Rimmer…but my friends call me 'Ace'."
"Wow," everyone said in unison.
"Anyway, sorry for that mishap," Ace said. "I was blinder than a priest in a confessional booth, when I jumped from my dimension to yours…and into your craft. Anyway, I'm here to help."
"Already an improvement over OUR Rimmer," Cat said with a toothy smile, as he received a dirty look from Rimmer…
"Well, Ace," said Usagi with a smile. For some reason, she was finding herself attracted to this Rimmer. "I am Captain Usagi Tsukino, and welcome to the Starbug-1, a shuttle of the SS 'Red Dwarf'. But you can call me-"
"Wait," Ace said with hesitation. "If you are anything like MY Usagi, you're nickname is 'Bunny'."
"You know her?" Lister asked.
"I know her…and you, too, David Lister."
"How do you know this slob?" Rimmer asked.
Ace turns to see his holographic doppelganger.
"Ah, a handsomer version of yours truly," Ace said.
"Huh?"
"We can cut short the introduction," Ace said. "I noticed that you starboard engine is down."
"Um, yes," Usagi said. "We're about to do a system check before we begin the repairs."
"As much as going by the book is fine, we don't have to time for that. 'Action' is what we need."
"But-"
"If you are anything like the Usagi I know, you'll know what to do on instinct," Ace said.
"…"
"Skipper?" Lister asked, as he sees Usagi blush furiously.
"Um, so be it," Usagi said. She then turns towards Lister.
"Lister, use Ace's help to get that starboard engine up. In the meantime, Khryton, Holly and I will work on igniting the fuel matrix."
"What about me?" Rimmer asked.
"Just…entertain Cat or something," Usagi said.
"…"
After a successful return to Red Dwarf, it was learned that Ace Rimmer was a part of a special program, albeit "one way", to see if dimension jumping was possible. Furthermore, the jump was predicated on the fact that Ace would be drawn to another Arnold Rimmer was closest to him. That Rimmer turned out to be the Hologram Rimmer, who hated the fact that a single decision—whether or not to be kept back in primary school—enabled a Rimmer to become Ace Rimmer, a very successful test pilot. The irony is that it was Ace who was held back in school, rather than Hologram Rimmer. Being held back forced Ace to reassess his outlook, which enabled a chance meeting with his future mentor Ranma Saotome, which is how he met the other Usagi.
Still, H. Rimmer's jealousy was too much to take, so, after Usagi built a dimension homing device for Ace to use for a return trip home, though Ace wanted to do some more exploring for a while before he did return home…
A day later, after Ace Rimmer left the Red Dwarf, Rimmer was still upset at having met his "evil" doppelganger…
"I can't believe you all are still going on about that git," Rimmer said. "What does HE have that I don't?"
"Class," Usagi said with a sigh.
"A stellar record," said Fem-Holly with a sigh.
"And fashion sense," Cat said with a sigh.
"Sigh," all three sighed, again, in unison. "What a guy…"
"Heh, you got tough competition, Rimmer," Lister chuckled, while he was fixing a motor engine for his bike.
"Grrrr!"
Just then, Khryton enters the room.
"Sirs, lunch is ready-" Khryton said, before Rimmer exploded.
"Oh, choke on it, you smeg-head!" Rimmer said, as he storms out of the operations room.
"What…what did I say?" Khryton said with a bewildered look.
Tbc.