AN: Sorry guys for taking so long to update. I absolutly hate having no internet.
Once again I would like to thank all of you who reviews this story. It's so fun to know what you like in it and what you think about it.
And thank you all who have this story on alert.
I write this for all of you.

And thank you TheWeddingFairy for beta.

Now, on with the story

The laugh from John sent shivers down Jack's spine. He'd never heard anything like it before. Not even when he hung out with John at the Time Agency. But the words were what hung in the air and made Jack curious.

"What did you say?" Jack had to ask.

John stopped laughing and looked at him again.

"You're not crazy, Jackie-boy. Everyone else is. Yes, they are. They have to keep us here so that we don't tell people the truth. That's right."

Jack didn't like the nickname John had for him, but he had a feeling that it was one of the better ones that John could come up with.

"And what's the truth?"

"That is for me to know, and for you to find out."

"Quit kidding around!"

Jack got to his feet and stumbled over to John. He tried to look intimidating, but had the feeling that he failed miserably since the world began to spin around him making him nauseous again. He put a hand to the wall for support and John laughed at him again.

"Take it easy Jackie. Don't fall down."

"Why are you here?" Jack asked as he blinked in order to try and make the world stop spinning.

"I'm bat shit crazy," John laughed and threw his arms around himself.

"You went through the rift. I saw you. So why are you here?"

For a second John got serious and looked Jack in the eyes.

"You put me here."

"What?"

Jack couldn't understand. He'd seen John go through the rift. Seen him disappear just after telling him…

"Where's Grey?"

John looked at him with a question written all over him.

"Where's Grey?" Jack said again and leaned down towards John. "Tell me where he is."

Once more John began to laugh. And Jack got furious. He took hold of John's arm and dragged him to his feet.

"Where's Grey?" Jack yelled as he hit John in the stomach. "Where is he?"

He hit again and hit all the air out if John. John tried to laugh but was out of breath. If it wasn't for the fact that Jack held his arm, he would fall down.

"Why are you here? You left! I know you did!"

Jack hit again, and again. The blood was beginning to draw from John's lip that Jack had split.

Suddenly Jack felt someone take his arms and bend them backwards.

"Calm down Jack. Calm down." The words were spoken softly but Jack wouldn't listen.

He tried to break free. He wanted to hit John harder. Wanted to feel something crack beneath his fist. Wanted to draw blood from that pretty face. He wanted answers and he wanted to destroy.

When he didn't calm down he felt more arms around him, and suddenly there was a sharp sting in his neck as a syringe penetrated his skin, injecting him with some unknown fluid.

The grip around him loosened and he felt his body go numb. He still wanted to hit. But he didn't have the strength to keep himself standing. He felt his mind go blank and his body disappearing around him. And then he was completely surrounded by the comforting darkness.

Doctor Jane sat in her office and had just read through the report on Jacks violent attack. She sighed. This was not good. Never in his time at Safe Haven had Jack gone to attack against anyone. And Jane didn't like what that could mean.

After reading all of her observations during their session Jane knew what she had to do. She picked up her phone and dallied the same number as the night before. This time it only took one signal before someone picked up at the other end.

"Hello?"

"Mr Jones?"

"Yes."

"This is Doctor Jane Brody."

"I know. I've been expecting your call. How bad is it?"

"That's hard to tell at the moment. There's been some…changes." Jane sighed. How should she tell this man that the man he loves may no longer be there?

"What do you mean 'changes'?" she could hear the fear in his voice and she knew that he was already expecting the worst.

"After our session this afternoon he attacked another patient."

"What? Jack doesn't do that. He's not aggressive. Never has been."

"I know. And that's what's so troubling. He attacked the other patient claiming that he knew where Grey is."

It got quiet at the other end. Jane could hear Ianto breathe, but he couldn't speak.

"Mr Jones? Ianto?"

There were some noise that she couldn't really identify before there came a new voice.

"What's going on?" It was a voice that Jane didn't recognize.

"Who am I talking to?"

"Owen Harper. Ianto's friend. Can you tell me what's going on? What has happened?"

"I'm sorry, Mr Harper. But I'm not allowed to talk to you about it. The confidentiality prevents me from speaking to any other than Ianto about Jack."

"Listen doctor. I know about that crap. But this is serious. Ianto's sitting here just staring into space. Hell, I would say that he's crying but there's no tears. And if you don't tell me now, he would later. So either way I would know. But I can tell that something really bad is going on, cause Ianto never breaks down like this. So either you tell me now and I can understand why he's acting like this, or you speak to him and he'll never be the same again. Your choice."

Jane knew that he was right. She'd seen it earlier when she met Ianto, he's breaking down. And she knows that Owen's there for him always. And right now Ianto needed someone there.

So against her better knowledge she decides to tell Owen about what's happened.

"Jack is deteriorating. He attacked another patient today. And he was sure that that man knew where his brother was."

"Jack doesn't have a brother…"

"He had a brother. A brother who died. And now he's making his past trauma a part of the world he's been creating. And I fear that this act of violent is just the beginning. He's slipping."

Owen swallowed hard and Jane knew that he understood just why Ianto reacted like he did.

"And…what…er… what are you doing to help him?"

"Anything we can Mr Harper. Increased medication and daily sessions. And, I'm afraid, sedatives. We can't have him attacking his fellow patients."

"I see. And what can we do?"

"Keep living and don't give up hope. I promised Ianto I would make Jack better, and I do not intend to break that promise."

"Thank you doctor."

"Good bye Mr Harper. Take care."

She hung up and looked at the phone in her hand. She had given Ianto that promise ten months ago, and no matter how long it would take she would keep it. She would make Jack come back once more.

Sighing she opened his file again and began to read through it from start till finish. She had to plan the best approach to this to be able to make it as painless as possible for everyone.

Ianto sat on the couch looking at the wall in front of him. He'd heard every word Owen said. He knew it was bad. Jack never got violent. That was not the Jack he knew. But then again, he didn't know this Jack. He knew the Jack from eighteen months ago. And he knew that there wasn't much left that he could do. Not now, since Jack seemed to be getting worse. He wanted to cry. He wanted to cry so badly. But he couldn't find the tears for it. His world was breaking down around him as he tried to find some small, steady spot to stand on. But there were none. Everything he had fought so hard to keep was slipping away from him. And all he could do was watch. His heart was aching and he gasped for air. He thought that he let out a small, dry sob, but he wasn't sure.

He knew that he'd let that sob out the second he felt a comforting hand on his shoulder. But he didn't move, he didn't even react on it. And suddenly he was pulled into a hug and held tight by strong arms. He let himself be held. Never wanting the arms to let him go. He felt safe. The world wasn't falling apart quite so fast anymore. He leaned into the hug and let go of himself.

Owen pulled Ianto even closer as he felt the need for comfort. Doctor Jane had told him what was going on and he knew that Ianto was hurting. He saw it in every part of him. And Owen wanted to comfort him, be there and hold him and tell him that everything would be okay. But deep down he knew that everything wasn't going to be okay, and he didn't want to lie. So instead he just said random soothing words to make Ianto know that he cared.

"I can't do this anymore," Ianto whispered so quiet that Owen had to concentrate to really hear it.

"What?"

"I can't do this anymore," he said again, louder this time. "I can't go through this one more time."

"Hey, listen to me Ianto. You have to be strong. This is just temporary. You know it."

"No, I don't. Jack's never been violent before. Never. And Grey…he knows what happened. He's already dealt with it. Why is he bringing it back? Why did he have to get worse? Why did he…why did he have to get in to that car in the first place?"

Ianto pulled away. Owen wanted to hit him. They'd been through this before. And Ianto still blamed himself for that accident. He couldn't know that Lisa was planning on killing him that morning. He couldn't know that he would be sick and tell Jack to take his car as Jack's was broken. And he couldn't know that the accident would make Jack so sick. He couldn't know any of that, and still he blamed himself for letting it happen.

"Ianto…"

"No. Don't. I know what you want to say, but don't."

Ianto got up from the couch and began to pace. And Owen knew that he needed his space. So he sat still in the couch just looking at Ianto, wanting him to say something.

"I can't do this anymore Owen. I just can't."

"Don't you love him anymore?" The words were harder that Owen wanted them to be and they made Ianto stop dead in his track and just look at him.

There was a sad smile on his lips and hints of tears in his eyes.

"Love him? Of course I love him! That's the only thing I know for sure in this world. I love him so much that I don't know what to do, where to go. He's the only thing that matters in life. He's the only true thing there is."

Owen looked at him and knew that what he said was true. But he had the feeling that there were more to it.

"Then why…" he began before Ianto cut him of.

"I love him so much that I have to let him go."

"Why?"

"Because the Jack I love isn't in there anymore. I love him so much, and I know that he loved me too. But not anymore. He doesn't even know who I am."

"Of course he does. He always has."

"No. When he got sick I became someone else to him. I still love him, but he can't love me. And his latest actions just proves that he's lost."

Ianto's eyes were filling up with tears that he fought hard to keep at bay.

"I love him with every heartbeat, with every breath. I would die for him. And I miss him. I miss his touch. Miss the way he says my name. Miss how he always overslept for work. Miss how he smiled. Miss how he laughed. Miss how he held me close when we would go to sleep. I miss everything about him. He may only have been physically gone for ten months, but he has been mentally gone for eighteen. And do you know how hard it is to love someone that's not there? That's lost in their own world?"

"Yes," Owen whispered more to himself than to Ianto. "I do."

"And I can't take that anymore," Ianto continued without even knowing that Owen had made a response. "I can't live like this anymore. I have to move on. I…I…I have to let myself be happy again. I will never stop loving him, but if he doesn't come back I can not be with him."

"And what are you supposed to do? Just go over there next week and tell him that it's over? It would crush him!"

"I know," Ianto said and looked down in the floor in shame for what he was about to say. "I'll just stop going…"

"You can't! Ianto, that's not right and you know it."

"Then what would you have me do, huh? Just sit there every week and pretend that everything is okay when in fact I'm losing it? Is that what you're suggesting?"

"I…you...he…I don't know Ianto. I don't know what you should do. Just…don't to anything rash. Think about it first. Okay?"

"Fine."

They both calmed down and sat down on the couch again and turned on a movie. None of them said anything more about the subject, but they both knew that this was the point. The point where Ianto would either give up and move on or keep fighting for Jack to get better. And they both knew, deep down, that it wasn't that much of a choice. And both of them felt a certain amount of calm, but for very different reasons.

Slowly consciousness crept back to Jack. He tried to open his eyes, but they were so heavy. He tried to move, but something prevented that. His mind were all fuzzy and he couldn't really make out anything. He knew that something had happened, he just couldn't remember what.

Once more he tried to move, but without any success. His body felt numb and distant. And it was quiet around him. All quiet. Not even the steps like last time he woke up. Just silence.

He wanted to see what was going on. No, he needed to see. So with all the strength he could muster he opened his eyes.

Just like last time he was in the white room made of mattresses. And he still laid on the floor. But something was different. He couldn't move. As he looked down on himself he saw the reason. A straightjacket kept his arms around his body and held them at place so that he couldn't move. He tried to break free, but the lack of strength made it impossible. He tried his best not to panic, but even that was hard for him to do. Why did they put him in restraint? What had he done?

Slowly, vague pieces of the afternoon came back to him. After the session with doctor Jane he was once more alone with all the others in the common room. He had been sitting there, thinking. And then he's seen John. John Hart had been there, telling him that he wasn't mad. And he'd hit John. That's when something had stung him and he passed out. And now he was here, in restraint and still high on sedatives.

He remembered what John had told him. This wasn't real. This was just in his head. He was the one that was right. But then again, John were also stuck in a mental institution. And he was clearly crazy.

Jack felt tired. Tired of figuring out what was going on. He knew that he had to get hold of those files that doctor Jane had. Maybe they held all the answers. And he was still unsure about the man handing out pills. But he had a feeling that they would make him take even more pills after this little incident with John. He had to know what was going on. He just hoped that Ianto would come back and talk to him, maybe they could figure something out. Even though Ianto thought that he was crazy he might give some clues of to what was going on.

But till then Jack decided that he should play along.

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