Tears brim in the corners of my eyes as I nervously stand at the door of the all too familiar house. My insides are tingling and my stomach feels like it is about to explode.
As soon as we got to to Quinn's house, I put Dylan down in bed and then came straight here. Is it too late? Brittany will probably be asleep by now, right?
Deciding that I should just go for it, I bring up my shaky hand to knock on the brown door. Oh my God. Oh my God. Why did I do that? I think I'm going to faint or something. My breathing stops when I hear shuffling on the other side of the door and I sigh. There is no turning back now, Lopez.
Once the door opens, revealing the younger version of Brittany, I feel so small as she rakes her eyes over my body. "Tana?" Kelsey asks me in shock, a wide smile forming on her lips when I nod my head at her.
She jumps into my arms and hugs me tightly. "I missed you, mini-Britt who isn't so mini anymore" I whisper to the girl, who is now 11. "Is Brittany in her room? I want to explain some things to her" Kelsey smiles at me.
"Yeah she is upstairs and I am so glad you came back for her. She scares me like this" she tells me sadly causing my heart to melt for the younger girl in front of me. I kiss the top of her head before slowing making my way through the house that hasn't changed one bit over the years.
As I stand outside Brittany's bedroom door, butterflies rush through my body and I shut my eyes as I take a deep breath. Drying my sweating palms on my sweatpants, I bite my bottom lip.
Its now or never. Without another thought, I push open the door to be met with the sound of muffled heartbroken sobs and whimpers. My heart breaks all over again in my chest as I look at the back of Brittany's head.
"Go away mom" I start to shake and my breath hitches in my throat when I hear Brittany's voice. It is horse from all of the crying she has been doing and is filled with no emotion at all.
"Britt-Britt" I whisper, but loud enough for her to hear me. She freezes and I hear her choke back another sob as she scrambles around to face me in her bed. Once her eyes lock with mine, she jumps up and comes running over to me.
Her eyes look lifeless. Like she has given up on the world around her and is crying her life away.
Before I can say anything, a hand is connecting with my left cheek and I hiss in pain. "Your real" she breathes out and runs her thumb over the red mark she has just made.
We are both crying as I pull her still ridged body over to the bed. "I need to explain some things to you" I say to her softly as she wraps her arms tightly around my waist like I am about to run away.
"Britt, I need you to listen to me very carefully and not say anything until I am finished, okay?" when I feel her nod slightly against my chest, I sigh and start to run my fingers through her hair just like I do with Dylan.
"4 months before that day, something happened to me. I was walking home from college when a man grabbed me and forced me down an empty alleyway" tears pour from my eyes as I relive the painful memory of what happened.
"I tried so hard to get away from him, but I couldn't. He was so strong and kept on hitting me as I screamed out for help. I still remember the evil glint in his eyes as he ripped of my uniform" I shudder and Brittany's grip tightens around me as I let out a small sob.
No matter how much fear I still feel every time I talk about that day, I need to tell Brittany. "I remember sobbing for you, screaming out how I needed you to kiss me and not him" Brittany moves her head so her eyes lock with mine.
Her tears have increased, but are silent now as she gives me a sad, encouraging smile. "He didn't stop and it seemed like it lasted forever, like I couldn't control anything that was happening. When it was over, he laughed at my broken body and just walked away" my lips curl up in disgust as his laugh echos in my mind.
"He didn't even fucking care that he raped me. He laughed at what he had done and just left me there in tears, broken and screaming out your name" I pause to take a deep breath and wipe my wet cheeks.
"I couldn't tell you what happened Britt, I didn't want you to get hurt or think it was your fault and then when I found out something a month later, I knew I had to end things" Brittany looks at me with a confused frown and I silently reach my phone out of my pocket.
A smile instantly comes to my lips when I get a picture of Dylan up on the screen. I hand my phone over to Brittany, "she is my daughter" Brittany gasps and her eyes stay glued to the screen.
"She's beautiful" Brittany looks back at me and my heart melts at the warmness that has came back to her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me? I would of helped you through it" she tells me softly, brushing my hair away from my eyes.
"I didn't want you to be angry or upset and think that I cheated on you willingly" I admit to her and she sighs deeply against my chest.
"Santana, I am not angry at you. I am, however, upset that you lied to me about everything" my heart sinks when I see the pain return to her features. "I would of helped you through this, but instead you shattered my heart" Brittany looks into my eyes and I see all the love still pooling around in them.
The way she is looking at me with admiration makes me melt and I can help but lean in closer to her. Its only when our lips touch that I snap back into reality. Her lips feel cold and salty from all the tears, but they still fit perfectly with mine like they always have and the sparks fly through my body just like they used to.
"I am so sorry for everything. I love you and I will do anything to show you just how much you mean to me. I am never leaving you again" Brittany's runs her thumb across my cheek as our foreheads rest against each other.
"I love you too, please don't ever leave me again" she whimpers and I almost cry at how she clinging to me. Why did I have to leave? now she just thinks I am going to go away again.
"Never. I promise you" and with that, she crashes her lips against mine once more.
Oh, God, how I have missed these lips and how they feel against mine. The way her bottom lip fits between my plump lips and the way she lets her tongue flicker across my upper lip teasingly.
"I missed you so much, I can't live without you" Brittany shuffles on her bed, "can you stay the night?" she asks me shyly and I giggle before kissing her cheek.
"Sure, I kind of pinky promised Dylan that I will take you to meet her tomorrow anyway. But only if you want to" I add the last bit on quickly, still not entirely sure about Brittany's thoughts on Dylan.
"Santana, I would love to meet her" she tells me, draping her arm across my waist and pulling me closer. I smile and turn around so she is the big spoon, just like old times.
"Night Britt-Britt" I yawn, too tired to even ask Brittany for some of her pajamas.
My eyes flutter close and when I feel Brittany kiss the back of my neck, I fall asleep in the arms of my soul-mate for the first time in three years.