A/N This is the longest one yet! And it's only about half of their history from Regina's visit 7 years ago. In this chapter Regina is 17, Emma is 13 (soon 14 and entering into her last year of school).

I can feel my blood buzzing as I take another sip of whiskey. My skin tingles and is running hot as I rest my cheek against the cool wood of the bar. My brain pounds as it runs a circuit replaying this afternoon over and over. I erupted at her just like that night all those years ago. I feel guilt and oh how I wish it wouldn't swim around in my gut like so. She's the one who never sees me, who denies me, who urges me to do the same. To think about Regina and the lack of emotions she displayed today means I have to think about that summer. Could it really have meant so little to her?

7 years ago

The end of the school year found me in the woods late night with smuggled bottles of beer and my best friends; ready for one of our final free summers. Finally turning 13 this past fall meant being inducted into the young adults of Storybrooke. That meant beer, booze and boys or girls, depending on what your into.

Our fearless leader was Daniel Young whose family ran the local stables and employed those that worked at the private ones on Mifflin. He was 18 and led the nighttime debauchery of the youth of Storybrooke but was the perfect and responsible gentleman during the common day hours.

Daniel was the older brother to me Graham and Ruby, for some reason he took to us though he seemed to hate all others our age. Daniel had spent a lot of time teaching me to ride as I grew up, my first three lessons consisted of him just calming me down as I screamed my head off refusing to get on the 'big hairy monster.' He taught me to love riding and to care for another living thing. This led to me spending my formative years following him around learning how to work the stables and yearning to be just like him.

It was only appropriate that he was the person to give me my first sip of alcohol the day I turned 13 and we had been working on my tolerance every weekend throughout the school year since. But the beginning of summer meant the biggest party yet and the biggest hang over the next morning.

…

I drug myself into the house long after the sun had risen past the horizon. I was covered in dirt and had one hell of a headache. My one goal in mind was a nice slice of banana bread and a cold glass of milk.

As I stumbled into the kitchen I was met with a stare of horror from my mother. Her gossip group- I mean church group was gathered around the table. All the normal faces were present except one new head of dark hair had joined them and had yet to turn. My dirty presence earned a few eye rolls from the gossip brigade, why mother was continually shocked they never understood.

I started to turn to get out of there as quick as possible, I wanted no part of their newest volunteering mission.

"Emma wait just one minute, please" my mother sounded out.

At the sound of my name, the one unfamiliar figure jolted and turned quickly to face me. A familiar smile spread across the face and her nose began to wrinkle as her face filled with joy.

"Emma I believe you know Regina. I'd like you to show her around after you clean up." My mother stated clearly hinting at a much-needed soak.

Kathryn my mother's best friend and yes my father's previous betrothed piped up at this" Of course she knows Regina, she was all little Emma could talk about for months, years even" she said with a dramatic eye roll.

Kathryn is the only person that would berate and embarrass me so publicly. She's a bit like me; loud and uncensored, and because of that she thinks I need an extra kick in the butt that my parents refuse to provide.

" Kathryn you can't embarrass me in my own house, you've tried I'm now impra- imper-"

"Impervious" Regina provided with a sly smile, it made me want to reach for her but too many curious eyes. So I did the one thing that was uncommon to me: restrained myself.

"Yes, impervious to your sass." I smirked

"We'll run along Em you smell like a pile of pig slop and look it too." Kathryn retorts and with that I retreat.

…

I went to the bathroom to draw a bath but my mind can't stop racing. I spend 20 minutes soaking and scrubbing my hair, which is 15 minutes longer than normal.

I dry off and apply a scented lotion my mother always tries to bribe me to wear. The reach for the bottle was almost unconscious and my skin now smells of lavender. I walk to my room and settle in front of the mirror and comb my hair, still clad in only a towel.

I'm focused on pulling the knots out of the ends of my hair and when I look up there is Regina just staring at me in the mirror with a dazed look.

She is frozen but seeing her up close I am anything but, I jump up from my seat and have her wrapped in my arms in seconds.

"Reggie" I whisper into her hair. Her arms wrap around me and I can feel her heart beat against my chest; we've never been this close. My skin begins to prickle and get hot.

She's steps back and grabs my face in both her hands, our eyes perfectly level. Her eyes map my face. "Oh Emma how much you've changed, you look so grown."

She looks down and notices my state of undress, her eyes linger a moment too long at the slight gap at the top of the towel, purely unconscious I'm sure but it made my skin tingle.

"How rude of me I came barging in without welcome, I just- I couldn't wait to see you. I hardly recognized you downstairs."

"Regina you are always welcome," I say sincerely meeting her eyes; these are not words that come from manners but a desire to keep her around.

I step to my closet and pull out a fresh pair of leggings, blouse and my riding boots. "I see you didn't grow out of wearing breeches…" Regina notes.

"Nope and well see the guys wanted to go riding today, first day of summer and all and well I thought you could come along and meet them." I said nervous that maybe she didn't want to know anymore about my life.

"That would be lovely Emma, I can't wait to meet everyone I assume it's the same gang you told me about all those years ago, though I do hope Ruby isn't such a big crier anymore." Regina comments, I smile seeing she still remembers the conversation in our tree.

"So what are you doing here Regina?" I ask, holding my breath praying she is here to stay.

"Well mother and father decided to go out of the country for the summer and Mr. Gold offered his home to me, I'm sure it was all Belle's doing. She told me that your mother would have plenty of opportunities for me to volunteer and work with the children." She seemed deflated at first, once again left behind by her family but her eyes glimmered at the opportunity to teach the kids.

"I meant to write I did, but it was all so sudden and then I thought it might be fun to surprise you, but then you stumbled in quite literally so there goes that." She was hesitant and rambling, yearning for me to believe that she had truly thought of me.

I smiled at her the most glorious smile and she smiled back, we spent a few moments eye-to-eye reveling in the unadulterated mirth of being in each other's presence. "Reggie this is the greatest thing I could have ever asked for." She wrapped me in a hug a reward to fulfilling her hopes, that I was also glad to see her.

"So are you free for your first afternoon of adventures?" I asked giddily.

"Yes, I hope you don't mind if we stop so I can change into something more appropriate for riding."

"Yeah that'll be great and the boys'll love that your happy to wear a pair of breeches, you can stun them with your dolled-up beauty later on." I missed the blush that spread across her cheeks.

…

We made it to the stables with very little pestering from my mother. I told her that I was introducing Regina around town and with one mention of Daniel my mother was thrilled, gushing over how handsome he was- if only Mary Margaret knew the kind of trouble he started.

It wasn't until Regina was changed that I was able to fully admire the changes in her. Her faced had lost the rounded baby edges and was more defined, her hair was longer and she had gotten a bit taller. It was her figure though, no longer was she one straight line but curves replaced her child hips and chest. Her chest was where my eyes kept wandering and I couldn't figure out why. I reasoned it was because I barely had anything there and her shirt was just a bit too tight stretching the buttons ever so slightly. I prayed to the God above to give me some of those.

I shook it off as we approached the barn hoping she didn't notice my wandering eyes throughout our conversation. I had learned why I didn't hear from her much after her visit. Not long after she left she was sent to boarding school, a year in France which she hated and then instead to a prestigious academy in Massachusetts.

"Guys gather 'round, gather 'round" I directed to my friends who were lazily lounging on hay, traces of fatigue from last night still lingering.

"Everyone this is Regina Mills alternatively known as Reggie." I hear a few cough and sputters that come from the direction of Ruby and Graham.

Regina was like a mythical creature in their eyes they always heard me talk about her, raving on her existence and providing descriptions of beauty and intrigue but they had never met her so they began to doubt my claims. It was somewhat of a running joke that maybe Regina didn't actually exist.

Well color them shocked that a girl, pretty enough to be in the pictures stood before them.

"Regina this is everyone. That over there is August also goes by Woody. Then next to him is Neil occasionally known as Bae though really we just make fun of him because that's what his daddy calls him. Then Killian right there, don't be shocked he only has one hand so also known as stumpy. This right here is actually a girl, Tina but she goes by Tink. And then the two mangy mutts right here are Graham and Ruby but she goes by Red."

Regina had nodded and smiled at each one, taking in their ragamuffin features.

In normal Ruby Red style she envelopes small Regina in a hug "Gosh I can't believe your real!"

A voice from just off the side breaks into the animated greeting "What about me Em, gonna introduce me to your pretty friend?" The suave and the always-smooth Daniel swoops out. I should have known he would spot her from a mile away; he's been looking for his princess and has already ruled out half of Storybrooke. He was essentially the catch of the town maybe lacking true fortune but not much else.

"Daniel meet Regina."

His eyes trace her features a little too long and they begin to twinkle, a goofy smile spreads across his face. I step a half-inch closer to Regina hoping to compensate for his newfound intrigue. He shakes her hand gently swiping his thumb across the back of it.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Regina. I hope I will get to see more of you this summer." It feels too intimate their eyes, the comment, and Regina smiles in response. Her smile is so genuine it reaches up and wrinkles her nose.

My gut clenches at that, this wasn't her polite and formal smile but the one on reserve, the one I had a been the only lucky recipient of until now. I begin to sweat the kind that comes hot, quick and prickly, and itches under my arms. Something green-eyed begins to creep in.

"Yeah I'm sure we'll see you around Daniel" I speak up for her.

The group looks shocked though Daniel doesn't seem to think twice and goes back to work with a wave. Never had I brushed off my idol, my big brother but the only thought running through my head was that he could not take our summer.

We spent the rest of the day showing Regina our favorite pieces of Storybrooke. Lounging in the sun, forgetting school and work and our parents at home. We felt alive and wanted, our time together felt boundless.

...

The first day turned into weeks and countless nights. Many spent at the stables and each one bringing Daniel a step to closer to the one person I cared for the most. It had been nearly 5 days since I had last seen Regina and most of the ones before that were spent sharing her. Once people met her they couldn't get enough. She was proper and delicate but incredibly authentic and loved learning about others.

The bible school had been over run with a nasty summer cold and the kids had nowhere else to stay during the day. So they brought them in and quarantined them off but the sickness still spread quickly. Regina spent all day caring for each one, reading stories and when they went home in the evenings she would stop by their homes bringing soup and small sweet treats.

But today I had a plan and was determined to get her alone, to revel in the company and conversation of each other.

I packed a nap sack of apples and peanut butter, honey and bread and a big canteen of iced tea. I swung the straps over each shoulder and pulled on my tall riding boots and was out the door.

Warm hands covered chocolate eyes and her breath seizes in her chest. My body wraps around her back close enough to feel the inhale of air catch in her throat. She turns in my arms, her hair running over my face filling me with her scent. "Oh Emma" she remarks her eyes alive and I can tell she has missed me as much as I her. She wraps her arms around my shoulders and words spill out " I've never missed you more until this moment when I finally got to see you again," she whispers her breath hot against my cheek.

It was others around us, my mother in this particular moment who could see how much we depended on each other. The love that culminated our every second spent together. Kathryn whispers to my mother "You see it too don't you?" and my mother could only nod slowly and softly.

"Are you ready to bust out of this joint?" I chuckled pulling back to look at her, fingers moving slowly along her back.

"Oh Emma I wish I could, but the children…"

"Are covered" I cut in, I motioned over to my mother who wore a clouded almost sad look, she smiled gently in confirmation but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Well what are we waiting for?" Another illuminating smile spreads across her face and her fingers intertwined with mine as we moved to the door.

…

I was dragging Regina down to the barn, I knew for a fact that Daniel wasn't working today so I wouldn't have to watch the nauseating display of him desperately throwing himself at her or watch her flirtations in response.

"So you remember how the last time you where here and I made you climb the tree, and you had never done it before but you trusted me so you did it anyway?" I'm nervous so I look up to make sure she's listening

"Of course," She confirms giving my hand a slight squeeze.

"And it was awesome and fun even though it turned out really horrible…and you got hurt and were bleeding… but I mean that is my favorite scar so maybe it was worth…."

"Emma, you're rambling…" Regina stopped me.

"Right well I guess, I just I wanted to do something today new and exciting with you, ya know together but I'm going to need you to trust me." I responded hoping it all made sense now.

Regina looked up at our destination, it's structure large and familiar a second home to us all summer. "Em, what's new about riding we're both very adept at it," Regina said confused.

"Yeah but I was thinking today I could show you how to ride bareback, I know you're a proper lady and all that may seem wild but I thought we could do it… ya know together."

I knew Regina would feel nervous; she enjoyed mastery and control in every situation and this would be the opposite. I looked up when I heard her begin to speak.

"You'll, will you, ride with me?" She asked her brave face on but her voice quivered just a bit.

"Yeah it would take all day to teach ya and I wanted to take you somewhere and eat lunch, but if you want to ride alone I'm sure we can spend some time in the ring…" I responded

"No that's perfect, I just wanted to know that you would be there," she said with a timid smile.

"Regina, I will always be there for you." I looked at her seriously trying to convey without words how much I truly meant that, to show her that she was my everything.

"Now come on Reggie I know one horse that's itchin for some of those sugar cubes you always slip him." I winked at her lightening the mood and she scoffed that I'd figured out her secret.

…

I sat on top of Diggory with Regina in front of me her back tucked as tightly to my front as possible. This had to be the most intimate position that we had ever wound up in. I was thankful for her being so petite, that my 13-year-old frame was big enough to envelope her into a safe embrace.

"You ready?" I whispered in her ear. A shiver moved down her spine and I wrote it off on her nervousness, her fear of losing control.

Looking back my thoughts were ironic, a fear of losing control might have been present but I think it had more to do with me and perhaps that whisper that made her back tingle and her stomach warm.

Her head nodded slightly no words escaping from her, breath held tightly in. I moved Diggory into a walk and then began to soothe Regina. "Did I ever tell you that I used to despise horses? I thought they were these big hairy giants that would set out to crush me and that riding them was suicide, that they would just wait for the perfect moment to buck you. Then I began to ride and slowly I came to love everything, the movement, the power, and the wind in your hair. But just moments before trying to ride bareback for the first time I swear I was that small child again and all I wanted to do was sit in the dirt and cry. I got on the horse ya know, and I loved it so much more than I ever imagined and I dreaded the saddle after that."

I felt her body begin to loosen to relax back into my chest, felt the air move out and then fill up her lungs again. I pulled and Diggory moved into a trot, bouncing us slowly, her body still settling into the movement.

"Riding like this is nothing I had ever known, when you ride- you and the horse are one, you can feel every movement right there between your legs holding tight, and you have this awareness you can feel what your horse wants his every intention and need. You communicate silently, caringly, saying that you understand what he needs and help him break free and yourself too. All the while supporting each other, running open and wild and you just don't get that anywhere else, not even from other people. There's just something beautiful about it ya know that kind of all-knowing love and communication."

I felt dumb, my mouth had been spilling out words to make her feel better to explain something that I loved and that I yearned to share with her, for her to understand too.

She turned back and looked at me her face soft, looking at me as though she was seeing me for the first time. " Do it Emma."

"What?" I said breathless, every look she gave me made me feel that way.

"Run, I want to feel that too…" she said pushing back into me to secure herself, body to body nothing in between.

I pushed Diggory to a gallop and off he took, the familiar surge of endorphins rushing forward, every feeling is heightened, our bodies push against each other as we gain speed and I hear a laugh of joy from Regina who's pressed to my front, the feeling of her body against mine is making me dizzy. It's all so overwhelming but I am eager to share this feeling with her, the openness, the power, a shock to the system.

We ride for what seems like hours, pushing every boundary. I see our destination and keep at it hard only to slow down right as we reach the bank of the river. No words are said, only heavy breaths as we dismount. I hold Regina's hand as she swings down and grips my other hand to balance.

She looks into my eyes and every emotion and feeling from the ride is still running high, coursing through our bodies. Making it hard to restrain myself as I look into her soul, wide open and uninhibited, she's never looked more beautiful than this moment, wind-tossed, rosy cheeked and her face moves closer to mine. Our eyes don't break until I grab her hand and pull us into the water below.

She comes up sputtering, gasping for air and laughing. I swore in that split second decision that she would be furious but her joy rings through the air throaty and full-bodied, the most addicting sound. She looks at me and swims forward pretending to look cross.

"What?" I shrugged "I just thought we needed to cool off." My words are drowned out as my head is pushed below the water.

…

Our bellies are full as we lay in the sun, boots stripped off, down to our under shirts and leggings. I'm lounging perpendicular to Regina my head resting on her stomach; I'm starting to become addicted to the feeling of her breath moving in and out.

Her fingers are running through my wet and tangled locks, scratching my scalp gently, a mind-numbing movement that calms me immensely.

"Emma, today was wonderful. I don't know if I've ever felt so full."

"Full of what- honey and bread?" I ask though I know she is eluding at something more. Her final words from her last trip still ring in my head- she didn't think anyone had ever loved her before.

"No, I don't know anything- everything really, just emotions. Thank you for sharing this with me." She says sincerely

"This was all I wanted really, just some time you and me, I missed us."

"You know when I was gone Emma I really did think you everyday, my little ugly duckling that I knew one day would grow into a swan."

"I'm no swan." I replied

"No, not yet but I can't wait to be there to see it." Her words so earnest, reflecting her feeling of fullness, contentedness. Fingers moving to stroke my cheek softly, running across every line of my face and the smooth planes of my lips.

Her words spoke of a future that I ached so deeply to have, her presence was taking up a place in my soul and merging with my blood, becoming a part of my self and my purpose.

…

Our day was perfect because it seemed to be the promise of more; we were living desperately, completely, unbounded.

We rode back slowly, soaking in every moment. It was so very different from our exhilarating ride out but just as cherished in a matchless way. Regina's hands rested upon mine our fingers curling together into the mane. Back to chest, warmth-to-warmth I was overwhelmed with an inexpressible feeling as we rode into the stables.

We worked in tandem brushing out Diggory, giving him water and of course Regina slipping him an apple from my satchel. The overwhelming feeling described only as warmth that surrounded us continued to run high, an atmosphere I never wanted to let go.

The sun was sinking, a day well spent. "Thank you for being here, for being you, for trusting me." I said as I grabbed Regina's hand and her head tilted like it had right before I plunged us into the water, the air felt heavy.

"Come to dinner tonight…"

She took a step back as her eyes shot open wide. "Oh dinner, I completely forgot" and she started gathering her things like a mad woman. The heavy atmosphere had dissipated.

"Reggie wait slow down, what's going on road runner?"

"Dinner I forgot dinner!?" Regina said exasperated

"I'm confused, it's fine you can eat a my house, our I'm sure Belle made something…"

"No it's, um" she looked to the ground scuffed the dirt and began to look guilty

She began to mumble words I had dreaded for weeks, a twinge in my gut, nausea, anger, helplessness.

"Daniel, he- I'm well, I have a date with Daniel." She stated bashfully

My dreams shattered like the nothingness that they were, I felt absurd, groundless, and livid, so I ran. Despite the yelling of my over used thighs and the heaviness in my chest. Reality was yelling at me that she would never be mine and so I had to escape, to get away from her.

Unknown that there was a girl alone, in a stable, with tears in her eyes.