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What Desperation Does
CHAPITRE 4
Oh, Rich People..
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Mai didn't know when she passed out, but when she groggily came to she wished that she had remained unconscious- her head was pounding like a parade of drums and her throat felt like a cactus had used it as a scratching post. She was thirsty and more exhausted then one should be after just having slept.
"She has quite a bit of injuries, Rin-san." Wait- Kosuke was here again? Wasn't she just found by Hikaru..? At least, that was the last thing she remembered..
The stupid heart monitor at her side jumped. She was beginning to associate any medical equipment with being back in that horrible room. They must have hooked her up again.
It became faster the more she silently listened to it and she resorted to forcing herself to calm down by seeing how many words she could make out from the word 'stupid'. She came up with 'stud'.
"Malnourished, high stress hormone levels, fractured ribs,"-Mai came up with 'dip'- "lacerations all over her stomach and upper portion of her back, excessive bruising on both arms, neck and face, tears in muscles and tissues, 1st degree burns on her hands-"-Mai came up with 'pit'. And 'sip'.
'Didn't this already happen..?' Back at the hospital? The brunette held her breath, begging with every ion of her being that her capture had actually been just a nightmare. But, second chances- those didn't happen in real life. 'But if it was just a dream.. Why are they saying the exact same thing?'
Had she had a pre-cognitive vision?
Only one way to make sure- concentrating intensely, she minutely moved to pinch her thigh under the cover- OW.
..So this was reality?!
Mai stayed perfectly silent, listening to the same words over again- about her injuries and signs of abuse. 'That snake had known everything all along.' She cursed the doctor. Could she seriously trust no one?
When it came to the point where she had woken up in the supposed vision-dream, she made sure to be perfectly silent this time- the doctor and Kosuke lapsed into silence as well. It felt odd.. Like she was changing fate.
"How do you know her?"
"I-I work at her school." Kosuke was obviously flustered and the doctor chuckled knowingly.
"And you're together? How sweet."
"Ah-I-iie! It's not like that!" Why was this doctor not leaving? The agency seemed so powerful- not at all the type to sit around and gossip like old women.
"Do you know if she will have friends visiting?" Mai only just suppressed the urge to face palm. Why was he even asking-
….Wait..
This reminded her of something their 'Big Boss' had threatened- there where so many threats but one had stuck out, since it was the largest motivation behind her first escape (and consequent blowing up of more than one building) by blindly using a power that shredded her humanity to nothing.
- Would he kill them-? Ayako, Naru and her family or friends if he ever found them?
The man smiled and she knew he had read her mind. His eyes were as empty as Hikaru's. She was so stupid to ever have been lead around by these people. This was all her fault. "No Mai love, we would torture them first." -
His words echoed until the dizzy girl really comprehended them.
Oh Kami-sama.
Oh God. 'Oh my God.' They were going to kill Kosuke, she realized.
"Tsk, the poor dear is shaking. Extreme exhaustion like hers does usually cause nightmares; I'll be back with some sedatives." She heard his footsteps finally fading and the door swung open. "Will you be able to stay for the next hour, Rin-san?"
"Well, I'm supposed to be back at work but.. I guess-"
"Good." The doctor cut him off abruptly, strangely icily and left.
The brunette bounded up as soon as she heard the click and scared the living daylights out of her senpai who had been muttering about bipolar doctors.
"Usagi-san!" Mai ignored his shock, ripping the wires off herself and glancing at the same crying vision of a woman in the corner and the red drenched walls. Her nightmare had been too accurate. "Ah.. Were the wires bothering you?" She could even smell the blood.
He watched her swing her legs over and wasted a minute she didn't have to pause as her stomach heaved. She clutched her fevered head with a hand and dizzily looked at him through her fingers. "Rin- did you tell him where you live?"
"I-iie. But he asked for your address. Why?" She shakily breathed out and grabbed a notepad and pen off the bed's side table.
She had read something on making a ward to block any psychics from sensing you- but with her heart stuttering the way it was she could barely remember how to write. Her hands were shaking too hard.
They were going to put her back in that room- Hikaru would get to put her back in that coffin where every deafening scream never seemed loud enough- No- No no no-
Kosuke placed his hands on her shoulders and looked at her in worry but she only kept her eyes on the blank notepad. His words of comfort were just background noise that she knew where false; there was no time.
The doctor said he would come back. She pushed herself in desperation to remember the Onmyouji scribbles. 'Come on brain, work!'
Once she jaggedly scrawled it out, she cut the taller man off by stuffing one in his pocket. "Keep that with you no matter what, ok?"
"…"
Great. She couldn't get anyone to listen to her if they thought she was crazy. She had to make him see- to feel the horrible, dreadful desperation that she was literally choking on.
"That doctor is a very, very bad man." She was shaking like a leaf in the wind but couldn't stop it. "He's going to come back and-and-"The woman in the corner began screaming as her head was bludgeoned. Mai couldn't think straight. "Just trust me. Please Rin. We have to leave before he's back."
There must have been something he'd seen on her face, because he wordlessly followed her as she glanced at him with terrified doe eyes and slinked off her bed, sneaking out the door to speed walk down the hall in the opposite direction she had gone in her dream.
"Should I call the police?" He murmured nervously, too close to her ear.
Speaking of police, the cop she had seen on TV- the one that she recognized worked with Hikaru- had just turned the corner and was walking in their direction.
Mai squeaked through a mini-heart attack and shoved them both into the nearest room, which turned out to be a closet. With the vision of a dismembered body crammed by their feet. She stepped into the ice associated with the day-vision and closed the door to leave them in the dark.
The brunette held a trembling finger to her lips and motioned desperately for the nervous senpai to not make a sound as she felt the cop coming closer. The ward was clutched tighter to her chest.
Ba-bump. Ba-bump.
A shadow cast over their door. She held her breath even though her lungs screamed.
Ba-bump Ba-bump.
Ba-bumpBa-bump.
'Please, please don't hear my heartbeat.'
Ba-bumpBa-bump.
When the shadow passed, she almost cried in relief and brought the ward up to her shaking lips. It had worked!
"U-Usagi, tell me what in the world is going on?!" Though he was older, it was hard to be threatened by a man stuffed in a closet. "Why are you so scared…?"
She stiffened as the parts of the dead body fell over from the neat pile and rolled through her foot. "That paper protects you from.. some dangerous people who are after me. Keep it on you, ok? Promise me Rin-senpai." She whispered back, fearing that he would end up like the envisioned corpse at her feet if they were caught.
"Why would someone be-"
Mai cut off his obvious question by grabbing his wrist and fazed them both through the wall and out of the hospital.
Xxxxxxxx
'Yosh!'
Good things: Mai had travelled far enough from the hospital to calm her anxiety attacks and she couldn't feel any auras fallowing.
Bad things; which unfortunately outweighed the good: She was freezing, exhausted and starving, it was getting dark and she was once again homeless with nothing but a phone, light jacket, her skimpy uniform, a backpack full of homework and one overdue Onmyouji book. And..
Kosuke was still gapping at her. There were also a lot of creative murders that had happened in this forest. A lot.
"Erm.. Don't go back to that hospital.. Just for a while. And again, please keep that paper with you."
He slowly nodded. Still gapping.
Silence. She nervously played with her hair, wondering if this was what Oliver felt like when she first started working with him.
"And.. If anyone asks you about me I was just some loner at school. Alright?"
A nod. More gapping.
Mai bit her lip to force down a laugh- was she going crazy or was this actually really funny?
Taking enough for bus fare out of her last money reserves, she directed the shocked man to an empty bus stop with an exasperated smile.
Not knowing what else to do, she guided him down on a bench, zipped up his jacket and awkwardly patted his back as she whispered a quick 'stay safe' and rushed back to the forest without a backwards glance. Kosuke had really been kind. She hoped he would never have to see her again.
Later, as she huddled behind a tree in the dark, fidgeting uncomfortably with her bag strap and trying to tug her uniform skirt lower, with paranoia making her try to look in every direction at the same time; she realized that Oliver had told her to call them after her classes.
She set down the bunch of raspberries she had been nibbling on to a homework page she obviously wouldn't need anymore and, unsure, slipped out her phone. The white '4 AM' blinked back at her and illuminated her face.
Should she? Mai didn't exactly enjoy lying as much as she was lately..
She wanted to see him more than badly. '…Sorry Naru.' The phone went dead in her hands. The brunette sighed but resumed nibbling, trying to plan out what to do when the sun rose with a dizzy head.
When she somehow fell into a paranoid, fitful sleep, Mai dreamt that she had returned to her apartment and rummaged past faceless corpses that she was too used to seeing, yet her heart hurt for a reason she couldn't fathom and Mai couldn't help the sobs that shook her as hard as the first times she had started seeing the corpses. She cried without knowing why she was.
In a haze, she looked for her emergency bag that she had started leaving by the door, and when she found it, she clasped her only possessions to her chest and drew her body into a corner as small as she was able to huddle, where she watched a fire start and spread over each motionless body for the rest of the night.
She wished for a bed to huddle under and hide from this.
Or at least the coffin-black voids she used to dream of.
Xxxxxxxxx
The sun was out, the birds seemed to be screaming instead of singing and Mai was deliriously cold. However, she hated being dirty and forced herself back under the freezing stream to rinse her hair.
As she broke the surface once more, Mai collapsed her upper body on the warming ground and tiredly shifted her chocolate orbs to the new addition that she had apparently astral walked out of her apartment. Her emergency bag.
Mai really scared herself these days. How was she supposed to be able to tell reality apart from dream?
She didn't really know anymore.. Maybe it was something they injected her with; but it seemed as if her powers were still growing? When would it stop?
..Was she dreaming now? What was reality?
'But how can they be growing so fast?' She lay there for a moment, discomfort rolling in her stomach. 'Then that also means those bodies…'
She clenched her jaw, reasoning that they must have been day-visions from her shady apartment that bled into the astral walking, and shyly pushed her blushing, bare body quickly out of the water to walk over to her cleaned clothes that had dried on a rock while she bathed.
The ward was hanging from her neck, bunched into a locket-like necklace, which she would keep until she could read Oliver's email about the other sensory blocking move she had asked him about.
As she was hastily slipping her clothes on, and in between her paranoid watch in which she basically tripped over herself to scrutinize every leaf that moved; her phone rang. Her growling stomach was sadly almost loud enough to block the ringing though.
'I'm just a normal student camping.' She pretended to herself, to feel slightly calmer. 'I'm just camping.'
The number was an unknown one, and after hesitating, she sent it to voice mail. Paranoia was really annoying. She had to get a new phone. New place to sleep, new clothes- she sighed in desolation at the cute curtains she had left in her last apartment.
What could she do now? What was she even able to do? Nothing. She starred at an autumn flower by her two bags as it became blurry from powerless and panic induced tears. She needed help but she had no one.
'This isn't like me!' She tried to wake herself up by raising both hands and slapping both cheeks at the same time- 'I-itai!' –A little too hard.
She sent her ringing phone to voice message- it was the unknown number calling again- and picked up a stick to draw up a plan in the dirt.
Hours passed and she scratched out too many plans to count. Huffing in frustration, she ran a hand trembling with exhaustion through her hair and whipped out her latest idiotic idea from the dirt to start with another clean slate.
Every plan she had come up with told her one thing: she needed help.
She wanted to leave but didn't have enough money to move again. She could sleep in a tent until she could save enough, but it was close to the snowing periods of Japan. Plus; she was still severely injured and couldn't defend herself. She obviously couldn't go back, or forward, left or right-
She was stuck; yet her heart would revolt and demand she put no one else in danger, and her secretive, orphan nature wouldn't let her ask for help either. Then, the planning cycle would begin again.
Mai quietly moaned- her head was pounding, it felt like twenty voices were trying to all speak at the same time.
One thing was sure. She needed a teacher- and she needed food before she resorted to cannibalism.
She sunk into a miserable mess as that actually somehow made her stomach growl in hunger, and cradled her exhausted face in shaking hands, listening to the annoying ringing of her loud phone.
She chanced a peak at it, seeing the unknown number once again, and; feeling reckless and uncaring, finally answered it.
"Moshi moshi." Mai yawned. Were there supposed to be so many black spots? Or was it just a new addition to her 'gift'.
"Mai." A feminine voice seethed and snapped her awake. "You are so unbelievable-! Do you know how long I've been TRYING TO CONTACT YOU."
"M-Masako?" She blinked. Masako sounded like a demon when she was angry.
"Where have you even- hmph. I don't care."
Maybe she didn't, but Mai had never heard a more beautiful voice in all her life, she clutched at the phone like a life line. "It's so good to hear from someone in SPR." Masako had no idea, but obviously didn't return the sentiment.
"I got your number from Madoka. There's a case in England, I was asked to see if you are able to come, but you never pick up." She didn't tell Masako she thought she was a certain psychotic, astral walking, ex-teacher and had been specifically avoided her calls.
The whole sentence caught up with her sleep deprived mind, and she fell speechless, feeling like someone had grabbed her like one would a can and shook her for an hour. The crash of emotions was too strong, heightening until her fevered mind collapsed and they just cancelled each other to leave her only with numbness and a tight chest.
"I.." –Do! I DO! She would be the best tea slave and work the hardest she ever had, learn English to graduate there and would never slack off for the rest of her life-
"Well?" Masako prompted.
"Ano. I-I.." Couldn't afford the ticket. Or a place to live there since the euro was worth more than yen. She would be such an annoyance if she agreed; to both Oliver and his family who would be forced to take her in.
Not to mention…
"Mai." Masako impatiently pushed, but she had already made up her mind.
…Mai would never risk placing them in danger; not even with a million wards and a shield that blocked all of England with titanium.
"Can't." She whispered finally, shading her eyes with a fringe of hair and hardly believing what was coming out of her own mouth. "I can't."
Her heart sunk to the core of the earth but she somehow felt even lower than that. Mai knew that what you wanted and what you needed to do where sometimes two very different things.
"Really. Hm. Well, if you actually answered your phone earlier I would have given you the option but I have travelled too far out to care at this point."
Silence. She was making her fevered mind work too hard today.
"Chotto. N-nani? I'm not even in Tokyo right now."
"Yes, I know. What are you doing all the way out in Hokkaido?"
"..Camping.. How did you-?" She pressed her phone closer to hear the muffled background conversation and caught 'I've traced her coordinates through the phone call Masako-sama.'
"Camping? What a lower class thing to do." Masako continued casually.
Mai felt like she could empathize with beheaded chickens for a moment. "What do you mean traced my call?!"
Masako mumbled something she couldn't hear since a plane was loudly passing by, Mai had to ask for her to repeat it while blocking her other ear with a palm.
Masako obliged. "I said; look behind you."
Slowly, she turned and looked at the landing jet plane as if she had just found Urado in lingerie.
"KYAAA-!" Mai had obviously officially gone insane. 'That's it. I've lost it.'
Masako appeared impeccably at the doorway and rolled her eyes, snippily motioning a body guard to drag the brunette in without even touching a foot down on the dirt outside of the jet.
Perhaps Mai had fainted in shock, because she didn't remember how she found herself strapped into a seat opposite of two kimono'd women. One being Masako, and the other who was introduced as Aoi Mizu, a medium and partner of Masako's who hadn't replied back to her greeting and looked at her offered handshake as if Mai had offered a box of feces.
It was like seeing double although knew Aoi was undoubtedly French by her accent and cute (useless) parasol umbrella- both had sleeves pulled up to their mouths as they watched her fidget for a couple hours into the spontaneous ride.
Before Masako's phone call Mai had been wondering how she would be able to tell if she was in a vision or in reality, and Mai was still having that issue. This was so unreal.
"Why do you keep pinching yourself? Is this a lower class tradition?" Aoi finally said after a long period of silence in genuine curiosity.
Mai simply twitched, shyly asking for some paper and a pen to make more wards.
..Because it seemed like she was going to England..
Xxxxx
After creating more wards than she could count for 'just in case' to stuff into her shoes, locket, and pockets, and endless hours of doing anything that came to mind so she wouldn't fidget and fret over exactly what was meeting her at the end of the trip, her exhaustion finally weighed over everything and succumbed to sleep. Only to awaken wrapped in a familiar pair of strong arms- familiar because they were cutting off her air supply.
"Bou-san?" She mumbled half asleep.
"Jou-chan! You still fall asleep everywhere!" He laughed, "Wake up, kitten!"
Mai thought she was strong- but a hug was breaking her down. She had been truly growing colder since the day-visions first starting showing her the scarier things humans were capable of.
"M-Mai!" For once it was Bou-san being smushed in her skinny arms. Ayako laughed beside them, tears clinging to her eyelashes.
She nuzzled her face in Takigawa's neck to hide her own wet eyes, happy that what little sleep she had regained her strength enough that the day-visions were blocked once again and not grating her sanity for the moment.
"Ayako, Bou-san- it's- it's so good to-" She pressed her mouth shut, unable to speak.
Ayako smiled gently, taking her into her own arms. "We know sweetheart, it's good to see you too."
She didn't cry, she wouldn't cry, Mai won't cry, she was not going to cry.
Masako and Aoi had already gone, she imagined to fawn over Oliver, and the trio walked out into the raining street of London to join them.
England was more beautiful then Mai imagined; cathedral style buildings and lush trees decorated the scenery even though it was almost winter. But Mai only saw one thing- just the blue eyes that were steadily peering back at her.
Ayako and Takigawa fell quiet to giggle at the scene like schoolgirls, but Mai didn't know what
they were expecting since she was only able to whisper "Hi Oliver." It was the first time she
had used his real name.
She had spent an hour in the jet feeling extremely embarrassed over the fact that she would be stepping out feeling like a hunched over caveman compared to the two beautiful, successful women she had arrived with. But here now, finally in front of him it didn't matter.
She began to walk to him, and when she couldn't take the distance between them anymore, rushed quickly to finally reach him and wordlessly throw her shaking arms around his shoulders and dig her fingers into his hair. Anything to get closer to him. She could feel regret later.
"Mai." He quietly intoned next to her ear. And patted her head.
"I didn't miss you at all." She cheekily said back to hide the sob that was tearing her mind apart
to come out. She stepped back to see the amused glint in his eyes and ducked her chin happily.
She loved him. What could she do.
Masako scoffed somewhere near her, and she finally felt the shyness to accompany her actions.
"My fathers associate will be accompanying us on this case, along with most SPR members and Masako's partner as well." Oliver addressed everyone, emotion already blanked from his face though Mai's heart was still fluttering through a tornado."As you can tell from the amount of needed people this case is extremely important."
"Are Lin and John already at the base then?" Mai asked, too softly as her aura distracted her and she felt a familiar aura driving up to them-
What the-
"Yes, along with-" A car door clicked shut behind him.
Of all the chances-
"Hikaru Kajimaru." The new voice made everyone turn except Mai who wanted to laugh hysterically or cry the hardest she ever had in her life. "It's a pleasure to meet everyone. I work with Martin Davis and occasionally his son, but for now I'm just here to drive everyone to the case."
'..You have got to be kidding me.'
"Thank you, Kajimaru-san." Oliver nodded a hello. Kajimaru-san; That word from his lips was.. Wrong. Vile.
"It's about time!" Ayako grumbled, distraught over her rain-soaked hair and Aoi grinned smugly beside her, twirling the cute French parasol that kept her dry while fluttering her eyes at Oliver.
It wasn't that Mai wouldn't look at him; she couldn't- her internal battle had her painfully paralyzed and she could only lift a hand slowly to fist her hair and dig her nails into her scalp as if it would hold back the unnatural extensions of her chaotic mind threatening to rip apart her body to come out, to tear her mind to shreds if she didn't use the dark talons.
Before she knew it, she was collapsing and it was Masako of all people who cut off a conversation with Aoi to steady her again.
"Gomen." She breathed at their exclamations and worried looks. "I don't.." She trembled harder even, trying to control the tendrils of miasma that no one else could see but were thrashing everywhere and causing the trees to bow to her. "I'm just a little tired."
Hikaru was looking at her.
"Kitten." Takigawa fondly squished her cheek. The girls squealed beside her at the harshening winds ruining their hair and she wanted to snarl at their stupidity.
Hikaru was looking at her and she only knew her skin was crawling and she wanted to gnaw her fingers until blood was dripping off her chin and pull her hair screaming, screaming until her eyes closed, heart stopped and she finally got far enough away from him by dying.
Oliver gave her a calculated look that somehow calmed her down and continued directing everyone. His voice was like melting velvet and her eyes distanced as she listened to it, not hearing any of the words. His voice had gotten deeper.
"I'm.. Cold." Mai whispered as she caught Ayako's lingering questioning look of why she was shaking so hard, and blamed the hyperventilation on it as well. 'I'm scared.'
However, those violet-blue ice shards didn't turn to her again, not as everyone complied to Oliver's orders or during the 5 hour long ride.
She; however, still felt the after affects and it was an overload on her senses to focus on the excited chatter, or Masako and Aoi fighting over Oliver's attention, even a phone ringing was enough to send her brain into an explosion with her heart pounding as loud as the landing bombs. Her skin didn't feel like it was hers.
To avoid it all, she curled into herself and pretended to sleep against Takigawa, but her fingers gave her away to grip his jacket.
'Stay perfectly still.' She instructed, feeling BPR's van lurch to a stop. Should she run for it? No, that was stupid and not a possibility; he must have known she was going to come here eventually and came as a trap.
She couldn't just leave her family here with that-that- 'I have to tell someone-' No, that wasn't right either. He was too strong. The agency and what their commander wanted her to do- what she had seen in his mind the split second she touched him- this was real evil, a horrible satanic cult.
Mai unconsciously traced the rope mark under her turtleneck and felt her mouth sow shut.
When they arrived, it was Hikaru's hand that 'woke' her by violently twisting the lacerated skin of her back and helped her out of the vehicle- saying casually to Oliver that the victims in their case were beaten to death for doing idiotic things while digging his nails into the burns he gave her hiding under gloves.
All that maneuvering; all those escapes, the running, hiding and pushing people away. Did any of it count if you were caught right before the finish line?
oOoOo
Finals are coming up so updates will be way slower. But not to worry to all you darlings who have read/actually enjoy this story! I have sort of planned out the next chap. In my head.
Altogether now everyone! Ohhh, rich people LOL ^^ If anyone has read the Ouran Highschool Host Club then they will understand the inspiration for Masako flying in out of nowhere with a jet.